Merlin gradually calmed down as the sedative took effect. Once he was asleep they all took deep breaths, the whole episode has shocked them all. Geriant went and made Mithian and Arthur a cup of tea before leaving them and going back to his post in the station Arthur had set up between the lift and the penthouse door.
Arthur sat up for the rest of the night holding the younger man's hand. When Merlin woke he was very withdrawn. Arthur rang the office and left a message for Lance to say he wouldn't be going in and then rang Doctor Kilgarrah. The Doctor offered to come to see Merlin later, telling Arthur to keep Merlin, calm as he could, and to give him 2mg of his Lorazipam with his other usual tablets.
They left Merlin in his night clothes when he woke up, and settled him on the sofa with Arthur to listen to some music. Leon had obviously told Morgana that Arthur wasn't at work and she turned up on the doorstep. Mithian spoke to her at the door before Morgana came in quietly and sat with them for awhile before leaving promising to ring later.
Doctor Kilgarrah arrived at ten thirty and spoke to Mithian before coming to speak to Merlin. After talking to them both for a while he asked Arthur to leave them alone for a bit. Arthur went into the bedroom and sat down, the tears started to fall.
He couldn't believe it. He had spent all his life, since about six years old, being told never to cry as it was a sign of weakness- only to breakdown on what seemed to him to be a regular basis… but he couldn't stop himself. He could cope with anything but having Merlin in pieces.
Mithian came in and put her arm round his shoulder and they sat and talked. Dr Kilgarrah found then an hour later and asked Mithian to go and sit with Merlin.
He sat down and explained to Arthur that he had done everything he could but Merlin would have these panic attacks. Sometimes it just needed a trigger and it was hard to know what would set it off.
Arthur asked if it was the previous days talk about Will but Dr Kilgarrah thought it was unlikely. Merlin had told him that his nightmare was about the threats Morgause had made toward Arthur and Hunith whilst he was a captive. She had used threats as a form of mental torment, describing what she would arrange to happen to them. She had told Merlin the "boys" rape his mother and that Arthur would be beaten to a pulp if Merlin didn't do everything they wanted.
It turned out Merlin had gone on to say in his dream he had seen his mother being run over as Morgause described and he thought it was all his fault for not being good. That was when he had woken up in a panic.
"Unfortunately, Morgause appears to have been very adept in knowing how to cause Merlin the most torment. It is a wonder he managed to remain sane from the many things she has told the poor boy" Kilgarrah described.
"Merlin told me he used to imagine the view from here or that he was in the countryside and it helped him" Arthur whispered.
"It probably did, he was able to remove himself from reality and relieve his mind" Dr Kilgarrah paused "Not many would have been able to do that so well, he's a remarkable young man"
"Do you think it would help him if we moved to the country with garden so he could get outside without using the lift?"
"Yes I do, it would need to be carefully managed as he doesn't cope with change well but it could help. You need to think carefully and get the right place first time but talk to him about it. The planning process might well give him something positive to look forward to. I will bring it up at the next case meeting I have with his other consultants to see what you need to consider by way of long term facilities."
Arthur nodded, it would also give him something positive to aim for.
"I will leave you now. Merlin has an appointment with me at the hospital next week, but if you have any other concerns just ring"
Arthur went and told Merlin and Mithian he was going to have a shower and afterwards he got dressed and went to make them all a drink before joining the other two, relaxing for awhile before Arthur cooked them some lunch.