I'm all alone in these woods, 'cept for that damn brown thrasher singin' up in the tree I'm sittin' against. Ain't nobody searchin' for me. Merle ain't 'round no more, not since he took off with that new drugged up bitch. I spit out my chaw. Course he left. Woulda been a matter of time 'fore he just took off, anyway. Skank or no skank. Merle desertin' me ain't nothin' new. Now the old man's turned to his favorite whippin' boy. My back's tore up, scarred. But the pain's dull today. I know he sure as shit ain't lookin' for me. Old bastard would no sooner quit the hooch than try an' find me.
Out here, I'm finally able to breathe. I know I gotta go back, eventually. But sittin' to myself's an opportunity I ain't ever gonna get again, time to soak it up. I got a toothpick in my mouth now, chewin' over my thoughts. The sun's warm on my skin, shinin' down through the mess of leaves up there. A light breeze brushes against me. It's so fuckin' peaceful out here, I almost forget why I'd ever go back to that shit shack. Then my stomach rumbles. Damn. I'm fuckin' starvin'. Reality sets in on just why I gotta go back.
"Daryl?"
I look 'round but it's only me, the woods an' that damn bird goin' off above my head. I feel a sudden pressure at my left arm, but ain't nothin' there. Heat must be gettin' to me. I shift my focus back in fronta me, but the settin's different. I try to pinpoint what's off, sharpen my senses to pick up the change. It hits me that the sun's set behind some clouds, castin' darkness 'round me. What once was peaceful now seems hauntin'. It's also gotten quiet, completely silent. Where's the thrasher? For a moment, there's a slight panic that goes through me. The feelin' that you ain't as alone as you thought, like there's eyes on you. When you realize you ain't the biggest predator in the surroundin' no more an' you're bein' hunted like wild rabbit. I take a deep breath an' try to figure out just what's out here with me.
Then somethin' does tug on me. I glance down to see a decayed hand, grippin' at my bicep. "What the fuck?" I hear a moan, almost a low growl. In the back of my mind the answer flashes briefly. I know what the fuck this is. "Shit!" I shout, barely gettin' off the ground- still at a low crouch. That's when I look up. Fuck me. Even mangled an' rottin', I know that face.
"Beth?" It's barely a whisper as I take in the blood-soiled blonde hair, clumps fallin' away. Her skin's somehow whiter than before; parts are tattered an' bloody an' chunks of flesh's hangin' off. The pale blue eyes are glossed over, milkier than the skin. I fall flat on my ass an' try to push myself 'cross the grass to distance us. "What the fuck?" seems to be all's I can say. I don't remember her death. I thought I was doin' fine, thought I kept her safe. But there she is, the right side of her face's ripped open, exposing her teeth an' torn gums. The mouth that's longin' to be on me.
As she drags a twisted right leg behind her, she has her arms stretched out towards me. Gone's the frail, child-like Beth I remember. That little girl was replaced with the most horrifyin' walker I ever laid eyes on. Still small, her body battered an' broken. But I see the strength she has now. She no longer looks at me as her protector. I'm fresh meat, flesh to tear away from bone. A feral, hungry growl rips from her throat. I'm brushed back against a tree trunk. She's advancin' on me, the urge to feed overpowerin' all other senses.
"Beth," it's a whimper; I'm comin' apart at the seams. "I'm so sorry Beth. I fucked up. I always fuck up. You were my last chance to make things right. I let you down. I'm so fuckin' sorry." The tears are blurrin' my vision; I clench my eyes closed. I can still hear her growlin', hear the leg draggin' over leaves an' grass. My eyes stay shut. I can't look at her like this. It's too much. Then she's on me. Her beaten hands shake me, clawin' at my shoulders. I can't man up the balls to take her down. She's got the upper hand. A cat toyin' with a cornered mouse.
"Daryl!"
My memory's tauntin' me, I almost believe I hear her voice. I know better. Walkers can't speak. She shakes me again. Instincts kick in. I ain't goin' down without a fight, so I start thrashin', tryin' to buck her offa me.
"Daryl! Please, wake up!"
For a moment, I'm confused.
"I'm sorry, Daryl!"
A stingin' pain shoots over my face. The fuck was that? She bite me? I gotta look, so I open my eyes.
Son of a bitch. I musta fallen asleep in the tent. I rub the stubble on my chin, my cheek's sore. Daylight's just breakin' in through the openin', an' all I see's a spark of gold. After rubbin' my eyes, I see the glow's comin' from Beth. She's leanin' over me an' the sun's shinin' through her hair. If I wasn't such a hardass, I'd almost say it was the most beautiful sight I seen since I can't even remember when. Probably just still shook up from that fuckin' nightmare.
"Daryl! I was so worried! I'm sorry I slapped you, but I just didn't know what else to do! You started twistin' about, I thought it was a fit or somethin'." Her slappin' me explains the ache in my cheek. I look up into her eyes, powder blue. I scan her over. Skin's in tact. Hair's still dirty an' matted, but no blood. She's alive. I collect myself enough before I almost lunge at her an' pull her to me. Instead, I run my hands through my own dirty hair. Shit, that dream really fucked me up. But I'm relieved. She's still alive. I haven't failed. Yet.
"I didn't know you fell asleep in here. I woulda kept watch." Beth's all worked up, wringin' her hands. Won't even look me in the eyes. I deserve that. Ain't like I welcomed the kid with open arms. A small pain of guilt shoots through me. But it's gone 'fore it can really form. I'm losin' my grip. The fuck's wrong with me? I just nod an' scratch the back of my neck. Sortin' through my thoughts, figurin' out our next move.
"Gonna take a piss." Her cheeks burn up at my bluntness. There's that innocence again.
I slip outta the tent an' throw my bow over my back. I make my way over to the edge of our makeshift camp an' unzip my jeans. Fuck. I had no idea how long I was holdin' it in, but it almost hurt to go. My stomach growls. Guess I didn't dream up the starvin' feelin'. I wonder if I should get us some game 'fore we head out. More importantly, we needa refill our water bottles. I zip back up an' check for any sign of moss or mud...anything that signals some body of water nearby. Ain't shit out here. Dry as my own damn throat. Figures.
I get back over to where the camp is, or was. Beth's already folded everything up an' packed it away. Almost makes me smile. "So, where're we headed now, Daryl? To look for the others? Maybe they're around here, too."
The others. I ain't so naive to think anybody else from the prison made it. Why should I? Every time I think I got somethin' good goin' on, somethin' worth holdin' on to...it's all just ripped away. I'd wager that, backtrackin' through all of Georgia, you'd find pieces of me scattered throughout. Feelin's an' people don't last long anymore. It don't matter how bad it hurts: When you feel parts of yourself tearin' away you just push on an' leave 'em behind. It's gotten me this far, so I imagine it ain't such a bad thing to leave it back where it detached. They're only memories, after all.
"You think we're the only ones, don't you?" Beth whispers. By the hurt in her eyes, I can only imagine that my face gave away my thinkin'. How do you explain to a girl that we're all that's left? That her group's been torn apart? Her father was killed in cold blood. Who knows where Maggie is? Rick, Glenn, Michonne. They're all gone. Wastin' our time formin' a two man search party ain't gonna help 'em. You can't help what's already dead an' gone.
"Well, we're not. We can't be. We can find them, Daryl! You're a damn good tracker an' you can find anything. I know you can." The hope in her voice hits me in the chest. An' she trusts me, despite my coldness, despite my silence an' my pushin' her. I'll never understand this girl. After every blow she's still standin'. Maybe that's why she's here. Maybe I ain't pushin' her forward. No matter what's happenin', Beth fights back. She's movin' herself onward, hopin' an' prayin' it's the right decision but stickin' to it nonetheless. She's got a big heart that's pure an' strong an' she wears the damn thing right on her sleeve. So much feelin' an' hopin' used to make me think a person was powerless an' pathetic. I look in her eyes an' see somethin' there, but it ain't weakness. It's a piercin' blue flame. Seein' that causes me to falter, makes me think I ain't the only one fightin' all the anger an' the guilt. She's right there with me. But I know better. I can't open up to her. That same fire there can melt away the ice that's guarded my own weak heart my whole life. I let her in an' she'll burn away at me. I'll be reduced to ashes.
Her cheeks turn pink an' I realize I've been starin' at her like an idiot. I put my gaze down an' gesture for her to follow me as we make our way north. Both of us are silent. There ain't nothin' to say, anyways. I glance over my shoulder to make sure she's keepin' up an' I'm surprised to see she's right at my side, like my equal. An', in many ways, we are the same. We've shared victories an' losses. We're in this together. It's the hardest battle tryin' to hold tight to somethin' you just keep pushin' away. An' in that moment, I don't know what scares me most: Lettin' her in or lettin' her go.