He gradually dozed off. At six o'clock in the morning Merlin stirred and woke Arthur, he looked confused.

"Hi love, how you feeling?" Arthur asked him.

"I feel funny, when did we come to bed?"

"You had a panic attack last night, we had to give you a sedative. You took a fall do you hurt anywhere?"

Merlin stretched "Don't think so, I don't hurt anywhere, got a headache."

"You lie there I'll go and get you a paracetamol and a drink." Arthur went to the kitchen for the water and collected the tablets from the bedside table. Helping Merlin to sit up he gave him the water and tablets.

They cuddled down for a while before getting up and having a shower together. Arthur checked Merlin for any damage and except for a few small bruises Merlin seemed to have escaped to much damage. Getting dressed they went to the kitchen get something to eat. Merlin held onto Arthurs arm he still felt a bit woozy. Mithian arrived about an hour later to see how Merlin was; she was pleased to see Merlin up and about.

"Sorry if I spoiled your evening." Merlin muttered embarrassed at the panic attack.

"That's no problem, as long as you're ok" Mithian reassured him. Gwaine turned up a bit later and they all chatted for a while. Merlin told Gwaine he still felt wobbly and wanted to leave his hydrotherapy till later and went to his mothers to tell her he was ok. Arthur kept an eye on him from a distance.

The two men decided to spend the rest of the holiday relaxing and trying to keep any stress to a minimum. They didn't even stay up to see the New Year in. Arthur was paranoid about what they watched, until Merlin threatened to hit him. But even so Arthur watched Merlin, more that the TV, for signs of stress.

The winter months were hardest on Merlin he was trapped indoors most of the time and found time dragged. He drove Gwaine nuts on occasion, as he was the one who spent most daytime hours with him. But then they started to play board games and that filled in time. Hunith also bought Merlin a very large jigsaw that took a couple of weeks to do. They took over Arthur's desk in his office to do it which left Arthur little space to work when he was home. The jigsaw was a sea scene, so most of the pieces were very similar. Percy seemed to be best at finding the pieces so more was completed on his shifts.

In February Morgana gave birth to her daughter, who they called Miranda the nearest they could get to a female form of Merlin. Merlin loved her and when they visited he spent ages cuddling her. Morgana visited quite frequently while she was on maternity leave.

On one visit she asked Arthur if Uther could come with her the next time. Arthur was surprised. Except for a couple of phone calls to his office he hadn't seen or heard from his father since Merlin was in Oxford.

"Why does he want to come here? Merlin has been home for two years and he hasn't come before." Arthur was suspicious.

"He's getting old Arthur, me having the baby has made him want to be closer to us once more."

"Don't be daft Morgana, we've never been close. Don't forget he disowned me." Arthur couldn't help but wonder what was going on. "Anyone would think there was an election coming up and he needs to be seen as a family man."

"Look Arthur I agree he's a hard man but he sounded genuine, he's thinking of standing down at the next election and I think it's made him realise what he has lost. Give him a chance." Morgana understood he brother's reluctance but wanted him to meet his father again.

"OK but tell him he treats Merlin with respect and any sign of his bigotry and he gets thrown out." Arthur hoped he wasn't making a mistake. "And he only gets to see Merlin if Merlin agrees."

Morgana didn't mind that she knew Merlin would say yes. Arthur asked Merlin what he thought and as Morgana had thought he agreed it was a good idea. He didn't like Arthur's father but at the same time he wanted his husband to have his family closer to him, after all Merlin's mother practically lived with them. So Arthur told his sister to arrange it.

The visit happened a week later. It was short but went reasonably well. Uther was polite to Merlin and even called him by his name which was a first. Arthur remained very much on his guard and watched his father for any sign of insult to Merlin. Merlin was nervous before the visit but did his best to make Uther feel welcome. Uther left after an hour asking if he could visit again. Arthur agreed and shock his father's hand as he left. Hardly an over friendly gesture, but a start.

In March Merlin came down with the flu and he had to use his oxygen all the time. He was very miserable and felt wretched. Arthur took the time off work and was worried sick. At one stage they thought Merlin would need to go to hospital, but Merlin refused and luckily they managed to keep him at home.

It took him several weeks to get over it and Merlin lost weight once more. Gwen made all his favourite dishes to try to tempt him. He hated the oxygen mask and often took it off until someone noticed and made him put it back on. He also hated the fact that he wasn't well enough to get in the pool. He became very moody and irritable. It took a lot of patience on Arthur's part not to shout at Merlin. Hunith tried to act as a buffer between the two and was mostly successful.

Merlin was getting better when Gwen went into labour. After a short labour she had a girl and called her Penny. The two new babies were going to be christened on the same day to save Merlin going to church twice. Both babies would share two of their godparents, Arthur and Merlin. The Christening was held the first Sunday in June and they were both very well behaved.

The weather was warming up and Hunith and Merlin had already started to grow their vegetables once more. Arthur had ordered a wheelchair friendly greenhouse to be built for the pair. Merlin managed to get a mild case of sunburn which infuriated Arthur. It was too early in the year!

Then in late June Merlin told Arthur that he wanted to visit Will's grave. Arthur had been dreading this day. It meant he would have to tell Merlin the date of Will's death, after all it was written on the grave stone. Merlin knew something was wrong.

"What's the matter Arthur don't you want me to go? I need to, I need closure. I haven't said goodbye." he looked at Arthur silently pleading with him

"No of course you can go, it's just… well I haven't told you everything" he looked at Merlin and decided just to come out with it. "He died on your birthday."

"Oh" Merlin's eyes started to water. "That explains why he was so drunk, thank you for telling me."

"It's on the stone Merlin" Arthur was pleased Merlin seemed to have taken it so well. But he would keep an eye on him in case he had a nightmare that night.

"I suppose it is, well can I go?"

"Yes of course, we can go this weekend if you like. It will take about three and a half hours each way. Do you want to stay the night there or come back the same day?"

"Come back, I don't want to stay away, is that ok?" Merlin knew it meant a lot of driving for Arthur.

"I'll arrange for one of the other boys to come as well, I think Gilli is on duty but I'm not sure who else. We can go in my car it's more comfortable for long journeys. We have the fold up wheelchair in the boot"

"Ok, thank you" Merlin had been expecting Arthur to try to stop him going and was pleased it had been so easy.

In the end Gilli and Pellinor went with them, Arthur would have liked Gwaine to go but he was away visiting Mithian's parents. Freya packed them a lunch as Merlin said he didn't want to stop in Ealdor. He didn't want to meet anyone he knew. He dreaded anyone asking him questions or looking at him with pity. Gwen was still on maternity leave so Freya was covering for Mithian that weekend while she was away at her parents. Freya promised to have something nice and hot ready for when they got back.

To Merlin's surprise the body guards took in turns driving, and Arthur sat with Merlin in the back. When they got to the grave Merlin put some flowers by the headstone. He sat quietly tears running down his face. Arthur stood by his side remembering the day of the funeral. The body guards kept a respectful distance.

Merlin turned to Arthur:

"Can you leave me alone for a while please?" Arthur walked back and stood with the others. Merlin sat looking at the grave Arthur could hear the young man talking quietly and assumed he was talking to his childhood friend. They stayed by the grave for just over an hour, before Merlin asked if they could go home. Before leaving they sat and ate the food Freya had packed for them.

On the way back the grieving Merlin snuggled up to Arthur and fell asleep. Arriving back at the bungalow Arthur woke Merlin, he helped the young man into his wheelchair and they went inside. Merlin went straight to bed refusing his evening meal. Arthur and the others ate their food in silence.

After sobbing himself to sleep Merlin managed to get a good night's sleep well. Merlin never discussed the day with anyone.