Daddy bought our horse, Nellie, just a few years back. She was unbroken an' scared of everything. She fought us from the trailer to the stall. I remember my mother tellin' him how he wasted his money on a maniac, before droppin' her hands to her hips, shakin' her head an' stompin' off inside. The biscuits were burned that night.
I remember askin' Daddy why he didn't just take Nellie back an' bring home a better horse. He gazed at me with that knowin' look in his eyes, his wisdom shinin' through. He said, "Bethy, that there's a beautiful, strong horse. But underneath that, she's a frightened animal." I giggled. It didn't make any sense. How can somethin' so strong be frightened? He continues, "She's just as afraid of us as we are of her. Think about it, dear. She's been on her own in that old pasture all her life. There were no other horses, an' the people there paid her no real mind. They just kept the trough full of water an' left the rest to nature. She's spent all these years takin' care of herself, never thinkin' she'd ever need anybody else. But we're gonna help her. We're gonna mend her heart an' by the time we're through, Nellie's gonna trust us an' accept us as family."
Nellie always had her guard up. She'd approach the fence an' watch us mess with the other horses, always in the background but never comin' to get any affection. I'd go out to her stall at night an' sneak her an apple or a sugar cube. Within a month she'd approach me. But I knew she was still guarded. Within a few more weeks, she'd let me brush her, an' a few weeks after that I could pick her hooves. I knew it was gonna be a long, slow haul. But I believed what my daddy said. Nellie was a very special horse, you just needed to take the time to earn her trust. I put so much work into her; gettin' her to tie up, stand for the farrier, bathe. She would look over to me an' take in strength knowin' she wasn't alone.
The first time I was ready to break her under the saddle had me full of jitters. I gave her a fresh red apple an' patted her side. She didn't even flinch when I put on the blanket. I haltered her up an' walked her 'round the front yard. She was so calm an' gentle. In a few more months, I had her saddled up an' I was ready to ride. She had been trained with the saddle an' had no problem walkin' 'round with it on. I was almost certain that she trusted me. So I climbed up on her back.
Nellie nearly threw me off that day, an' I was devastated. All I could think of was all the work I put into our bond, how I thought she trusted me. It broke my heart. I cried to Daddy that night. He held me close an' whispered in my ear, "She's still afraid, Bethy. This trust is new to her. Keep pushin' an' don't ever give up. You might be surprised." So I stayed sweet with her. I pushed her trainin' an' stayed adamant. But most importantly, I never let her push me away. By the end of that summer, I was ridin' Nellie through the fields. She knew she could trust me an' I trusted her. She still spooked here an' there, but I stayed by her side an' reminded her that I was her family.
That year I learned such an important lesson. Sometimes you will have troubled souls come into your life. All they need is love an' patience. Give them a few kind words to remind them that you care an' you know they're worth the effort. Don't ever let them push you away, always push back. They just might surprise you.
I feel as though that's been my entire journey with Daryl Dixon. Never in my life did I think any man could be so broken under such a powerful shell. But he was. He was hurtin' an' afraid deep down. His life was a tragic tale, but he never wanted pity. He only ever wanted someone to fight to break his curse. To open his eyes to hope, friendship an' love. He wanted a real family, people to care about that cared about him. That's what the prison was to him: Family. An' when it seemed that all hope was lost an' his family was taken from him, Daryl put his shield back up. He kept his distance an' seldom spoke. It was what he knew an' what he believed was the answer to heal his pain. Never did he think anybody would take the effort to get in an' release him from that spell. But I was there.
I kept adamant an' never left his side. When he pushed me I just pushed him right back. I wasn't gonna give up on him no matter how hard he fought me. When he tried to tear me down, I stood strong. Every vicious syllable only caused me to fight back. He spat some of the nastiest, cruelest words right in my face an', for a moment, I thought he broke me. I thought Daryl had finally succeeded in distancin' hisself from me once an' for all. I could feel my insides fragmenting, my heart was withering away. Then he caught me by surprise. He shattered right in front of me.
All of his strength, his stubbornness an' that temper slipped away. For the first time since I met him back on my Daddy's farm I saw his fortress completely fall, exposing the pained, haunted soul underneath. His shoulders shook an' he turned away from me. I watched as he was crumblin' in front of me, his body tremblin' with his own guilt an' fears. It was too much to handle so I did the only thing I could think of: I ran up behind him an' wrapped him in my arms. Daryl flinched at my touch, the slightest of resistance. But he wasn't fightin' me anymore. I clutched him as tight as my arms would permit. I allowed him to shift all of his pain to me. I only wanted to hold him together, to keep all the pieces in place. Daryl may have only just realized it but I knew it all along: We're family. We're in this together an' we need each other to keep movin' forward.
After standin' there for some time, just holdin' on tight, he started to calm down. His breathin' became smoother an' he stopped shakin'. The sun was startin' to set back behind the tree line when I finally let him go. He turned to face me after wipin' at his eyes. He caught my gaze an' held on strong. No words were needed to express our epiphany, none would even be fittin' enough to come across exactly what happened. But, in that moment, we established the closin' of our gap. I knew he would still be testy, moody an' challengin'. But he would never shut me out or cast me aside again. We're family. We always have been but now he believes it, too.
"C'mon." Daryl said, gently tappin' my shoulder. "Let's go get you drunk. I'll chaperone." I smiled up at him an' said, "Ok, Mr. Dixon." The corner of his mouth pulled up slightly.
"That's still Daryl, to you."
We were gonna be ok. As we make our way back to the door, my daddy's voice comes back to me, "Keep pushin' an' don't ever give up. You might be surprised." An' for the first time since the world turned, my heart swells with the promise of a brighter tomorrow. Nothing can come between us now.