"I'll be right back. Don't go wanderin' 'round, either. Sit on that couch an' prop up your foot."
We had just stumbled 'cross a gold mine an' he was already settin' back out. I guess Daryl still needs time to unwind his tension. Who am I to stop him? I look 'round the room an' feel suffocated already. A coffin at the far side doesn't exactly lighten my mood. I really thought we were past this. The overbearin' protector routine is startin' to weigh me down.
"Whatever you say, Mr. Dixon." I roll my eyes to the ceilin'. When I look back at him, I recoil under his glare. Deep down, I know he means well an' he's only lookin' out for me. I just hoped we'd finally find a place to stay, where inner walls are no longer required. I should know better with him. It's only been a little over a day since we connected at that cabin. I don't know why I expected a complete turnaround.
He's standin' directly over me now, a hauntin' memory of that last argument blazin' behind those eyes. I can see him gnawin' away at the inside of his cheek. I honestly think he's strugglin' to hold back whatever it is he wants to say to me. I gaze up at him, unaware of what he's seein' in my eyes. But whatever it is, it's caused him to visibly relax. He puts his hand to the back of his neck an' rubs hard, eyes trained to the floor.
"Hey," he starts, his voice thick with what I can only assume is an attempt at hidin' his anger. "Don't look at me like that. I'm sorry. I ain't mad at you, I swear. I just need to scope the outside to make sure we're secure. 'Til I know we're in the clear I can't afford to have you lookin' 'round. We don't know how safe this is, Beth." He leans down so his face is level with mine. "Just- please- humor me. Stay put. I'll be back before you know it." He looks at me then an' there's no mistake what he's tryin' to convey. He does care about me. He has a strange way of showin' it, but he does care. I think back to when he spoke my name in his sleep. My heart thumps violently.
"I'm sorry, too. I didn't mean to get crappy with you. Go on. I'll be waitin' right here for you." I flash him my most sincere smile an' his whole demeanor changes. He's more than relaxed, he looks accomplished. His blue eyes are wild an' bright. A ghost of a smile plays at his lips. He raises hisself back up an' puts his hand on my shoulder. In the time it takes me to register the touch, he's headin' out the door. An' I miss him already.
"Hate to disappoint you, Daryl, but I ain't sittin' my butt on this couch all day." I slowly rise, tryin' so hard not to apply pressure to my foot. Standin' straight up I smile at the thought that I had so much to explore here. I limp out of the little parlor an' decide to try my hand at the stairs. The first step 'bout near killed me, but I managed to get to the second floor in only a few minutes. I open the door to my right an' find the bathroom. There's nothin' interestin' in there, so I move along. A few feet away is another door; one of the bedrooms. I turn the handle an' peek inside.
It should come as no surprise that the room is perfectly well kept. The white walls don't surprise me either. I step inside to have a better look 'round. The bed is made with white linens an' not one wrinkle could be found. I run my hand over the covers, an' laugh at how foreign a blanket feels to me now. It really has been so long since I've been able to use one. I pull it off the mattress an' fold it up, placin' it over the crook of my arm. An exceptionally soft pillow catches my eye, so I grab that, too. There really is nothin' else in here, 'sides the bed, so I make my way back out to the hall. The pillow an' blanket in my arms. I look over to the other side of the small upper level an' see just one other door. It probably ain't nothin' more than another white room with a pristine bed, but my curiosity gets the better of me. I limp over to the other room an' set the pillow an' blanket next to the door. I don't even hesitate turnin' this handle. Once I glance inside, I wished I had.
It's not a white room at all. It's walls are a soft lavender. There's a toy chest in one corner an' a toddler's bed in the other. A lump forms in my throat as my eyes rake 'cross the nursery. The blanket on this bed is a soft pink an' the little pillows match. I can't help myself. I step inside an' approach the tiny bed. I glance 'round the walls. Opposite of the bed is a white bookshelf. Just a small one, an' it's filled with children's books. Even from here I can make out certain titles an' a pain shoots through my chest when I realize some of these were stories my parents used to read to me. At the end of the bed is a tiny white dresser with flower stickers plastered over the front. A porcelain doll with fair skin, rosy cheeks, big blue eyes an' curly blonde hair stares back at me from the top of it. I cross over to her, hold her in front of me. My finger traces the fragile skin of her face. She looks just like me. She has a pretty blue bonnet an' a matchin' blue dress. It's frilly an' soft. I squeeze her to my chest.
Sittin' on the bed, doll still tight to me, I finish my assessment of the room. I can feel myself shakin'. I don't even realize I've been cryin' until a small sob escapes me an' the hand that brushes my cheek comes back moist. I wish I never came up here. I wish I could forget everything I've seen in this godforsaken room. I feel so fragile, a shadow of the girl I used to be creeps up on me. I hold the doll in front of me again an' admit to myself that I'm just as fragile as she is. This world hasn't toughened me up, no matter how hard I try. I'm still that same broken little girl. I have no recollection as to just how long I sat in here, but I finally hear the door downstairs.
"Beth?" I don't even know if I care that he'll be mad at me. But I don't call back. Somethin' inside of me has me in a chokehold. I hear him walk into the parlor. I should call out to him. There's a pause where the footsteps fall short. It's a brief silence.
"BETH!" He starts searchin' the bottom floor now. Every now an' again he calls my name, but I can't answer. I feel like a marionette who's been tangled in her strings an' she hasn't been cued to speak yet by the great puppet master. Heavy footfalls take the steps. I hear him open the bathroom door, slam it shut an' run to open the first bedroom. He's stompin' 'round in there. I can't imagine what's goin' through his mind. I glance down at the little porcelain doll in my hands an' I hate her for how weak she is. I stand in front of the bed an' throw her as hard as I can. She shatters the instant she makes contact. Half of her face is one way, the other half looks back at me with that one blue eye.
"Beth!" He shouts again before he kicks in the door to the nursery. I hadn't even realized I closed it. No wonder I felt so caged. I'm still starin' at the pieces of that stupid little doll. I can feel the tears streamin' now, my eyes must be puffy an' red. "Beth..." It's almost a whisper, he's so out of breath. I turn my eyes to him. Whatever momentary peace he felt at findin' me has immediately been replaced with an icy storm. His rage is palpable, the glare he's givin' me could make a grown man crumble. I can see his muscles tightenin' an' his hands are clenched in fists. I never thought I could imagine him more pissed than he was at that cabin. I had been wrong. This Daryl is absolutely terrifyin'.
"What the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you even up here?" He takes two steps towards me, but I don't fall back. I deserve this. "Why the fuck didn't you answer me? Do you have any idea what the fuck you just put me through? Jesus Christ, Beth! I thought somethin' happened to you!" I continue to stare at him, my body shakin' with silent sobs. "Ain't you gonna say somethin'? For fuck's sake, Beth! Say somethin'!"
But I haven't found my voice. What I found instead was the instructions my mind was sendin' through my body. Ignorin' the sharp pain in my ankle, I run to him an' slam into his chest. My arms wrap 'round his back an' I sob silently into his collarbone. I could feel his breathin' quicken an' his heart fluttered in my ear. His arms are held up an' it's obvious that he's out of his element here. I just don't care. This nightmare of a room just reminded me how fragile I am. I know I don't have much longer on this earth, I can feel it in my gut. I'm a weak little child. An' I'm gonna die an' never see anybody again. It's too much to handle.
Before I have a chance to object, Daryl has already lifted me in his arms an' we're goin' down the stairs. He stops, 'bout to set me down. My arms snake 'round his neck an' I just cling tighter. The message is clearly received when he tightens his own grip on my legs an' back, holdin' me close to his heart. We stay like that for just a little while before he sets me down on the couch. I look up into his eyes an' see they're red. Slight wet streaks shine on his cheek. He kneels down in front of me an' places his hands on the sides of my face. "Are you alright?" His words sound broken. I nod. His thumb brushes against my cheekbone just before he gets up.
"I'm so sorry I scared you." My voice comes out in a whisper. His eyes are cautious as he looks at me. I stand up in front of him. "I'm ok now. Really. That room just did somethin' to me. Why didn't you tell me it was there?" Now it's his turn to remain silent. But I've pulled myself together. I felt so shut in an' broken in that nursery. Away from it, I'm composed an' level headed. I'm not even cryin' anymore. I look into his blue eyes, tryin' to convince him that I was alright. It's a while before he speaks, an' he's especially quiet when he does.
"You were gone. You said you'd be right there waitin' for me. But I come back an' you're gone. When you didn't answer me, I thought the worst. I was so afraid of what I'd find when I heard the crash come from the little kid's room." He looks so helpless, I want to reach out to him, but I decide to hold back. He takes a deep breath before he continues, "Beth, I didn't tell you 'bout that room 'cause I was worried it would remind you of Judith, or any of the other kids from the prison. When I walked in there earlier it ripped me apart. I should've known you couldn't follow through with an instruction as simple as stayin' put." His eyes are locked on mine, darin' me to challenge him. I remain silent an' he goes on, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you it was there."
The idea of Judith never crossed my mind. A sharp pain jabs at me when I think of her an' those other little children. But that wasn't it. I stood in that room an' it radiated vulnerability. I felt so small standin' in there. Now that I'm out, now that he's here with me, I feel better. I smile at him. "I'm better, really."
It takes quite a bit of convincin', but I finally manage to get him to go out an' set up our makeshift security system of hubcaps an' cans. My eyes fall on the piano an' I can't help myself. I need somethin' familiar. Daryl is busy out front, he won't even hear me. I make my way to the piano bench an' my fingers brush the keys. The lithe movements of my hands are proof of muscle memory. I can't even think of the last time I played. Without even bein' aware, I've started into a song. I'm caught in the moment an' relieved in the feelin' of the music takin' over me.
"Mmhmm." Daryl's cleared his throat. I turn an' see him in the doorway of the parlor. He's caught me red-handed.