Again, I find myself turnin' back into the man sleepin' with one eye open. The group I'm travelin' with is no good, I know that. Every one of these bastards is wound too tight, I knew it was only a matter of time before one of them fuckin' snapped.
We've been travelin' for two days now. Nobody paid me no mind, 'cept for Joe. In a lot of ways, he reminded me of Merle. Bossy, high on hisself. Joe gave off the impression that he was ten feet tall an' bulletproof. I only spoke to him when he addressed me. He would share smokes with me an' get all fuckin' preachy 'bout life on the road with his ravagin' pack of mongrels. These men came from all fuckin' walks of life. The one jackass used to be a fuckin' postal worker. Now he wields 'round that fuckin' assault rifle like it's a fuckin' flag. Stupid son of a bitch.
We sleep in a circle, alternatin' shifts for watch. I don't ever plan to sleep 'round them. I'll fuckin' sleep when I'm dead. I get most watch shifts but someone has to fuckin' babysit me to make sure I don't cut all their throats; drain 'em dry an' rob 'em blind. I already know I ain't the one to be worried 'bout.
Last night, Joe insisted on takin' my shift. Apparently he thinks I ain't ever run days with no sleep. But I don't argue with him. I could only imagine how that'd turn out. I set myself down in the dirt usin' my pack as a pillow. My eyes drifted up to the sky.
The moon wasn't as full tonight. I close my eyes an' imagine bein' back at that shit hole cabin. I'm sittin' on the porch an' there's a beautiful girl 'cross from me. I take a sharp breath but push further into the memory, ignorin' the pain eatin' away at my chest. I remember the way she shined in that light, how she looked like a fuckin' angel. If I reach further back, I can even hear her sweet laughter. The memory claws at the fresh wound of my heart, but I only chase it further down. She looks over to me an' gives me her heartbreakin' smile, an' that's the end of my mental endurance. In that moment, I opened myself up to how much I missed her. I'd literally give anything to go back to where we were. The last thought I have before sleep takes over is the way she looked into my eyes when she realized how I felt 'bout her.
I rise 'fore the others an', for a split second, I chew over the idea of takin' off on my own. I think better of it an' decide to walk the woods instead. I leave my pack, grab my bow an' head out. I'll give off the impression that I was out for food, but I know I'm usin' this time to plan how to find Beth. I know I can't tell those bastards back there 'bout her. My temperature rises just thinkin' how they'd react if they saw her. This is somethin' I'm best handlin' myself.
I find a trail on a rabbit an' track the little sucker down. I figured I may need proof that I really was out lookin' for food. It took all mornin', but I finally stumbled 'cross it. Apparently, I wasn't alone.
That bastard Len had been on my ass since they first recruited me on that godforsaken train track. I didn't know what the fuck his problem was, but he always wanted to start shit with me. It should come as no surprise that, when you band together a group of feral dogs, the urge to prove dominance is bound to happen. Shit, I thought I was gonna kill that prick myself. When he 'claimed' my rabbit, the one I had been out huntin' for hours, the one he shot at the exact same time I did, I got pissed off. He tried to stop me from takin' it. But I brushed past him. That's when he said it.
"You know what? I bet there's a bitch. Got you all messed up. Am I right?" The words ring through my skull like a shotgun blast, but I keep walkin' away. I knew he'd love nothin' more than to have me lunge at him.
He keeps goin', "Gotchu walkin' 'round here like a dead man. You just lost yourself a piece of tail. Musta been a goodun." I stop walkin'. My sight is blurred by a haze of red. Beth wasn't some 'piece of tail'. I was in love with her, an' part of me thought she was ready to admit she felt the same. My hand grazes the knife at my hip.
"Tell me somethin', was it one of the little'uns? Cause they don't last too long out here." I turn on him fast, knife drawn. But Joe was there an' he stopped me. He settled the shit by hackin' the damn rabbit in half an' dividin' it between us. That's when I first learned 'bout claims. When they explained the rules of claimin', I knew I could never lead them to Beth.
Just's my luck would have it, it was only a matter of time 'fore Len was tryin' to start shit again. We hiked all the way to some abandoned garage to camp out. Those other jackasses were claimin' cars to sleep in. There weren't none left, so I took to the floor in the center. The bastard woke me up an' accused me of takin' the other half of the rabbit from him. Joe asked me if I stole it. I ain't steal no fuckin' halfa rabbit. Len tells him to empty my sack an' out falls that piece of shit cottontail. I told Joe I didn't steal it. He suggests one of us is lyin', even asks Len if he planted it on me. Len swears he didn't. So it was my word against his. Either I was lyin' 'bout not takin' it, or Len was lyin' 'bout not plantin' it on me.
Joe tells the guys to teach the rule breaker a lesson, an' to my surprise, he took a swing at Len. When I questioned it, Joe told me he had seen Len plant the meat on me. Said he only let it carry on to see if Len would tell the truth or drag out his lie. I'll never understand these idiots. They beat the shit outta him. When I woke up the next mornin', there were blood smears all over the floor of that garage.
We headed out an' I distantly wondered how bad off Len was. That's when I see his body, beaten to shit with one of his own fuckin' arrows in his head. I didn't like the bastard, but they were just gonna leave him there. A sweet voice speaks up in the back of my mind.
"They remembered these things used to be people..."
I realize that the walkers weren't the only change out here. People changed, too. Maybe Len was a son of a bitch before the turn, maybe the new world made him that way. He wasn't a human anymore, he was no less an animal than the filthy beasts that crave our flesh. I start to pick up a loose sheet to throw over his body. After all, he used to be a person. But I stop myself. The men I'm with now would see that as a weakness. I toss the sheet aside. I wanna be better for Beth, but I needa get to her first. I can't risk pissin' those psychos off an' them killin' me 'fore I can find her.