Chapter 4: His Fault

I should have been faster, I should have been faster! I kept repeated that to myself over and over but nothing is going to change. These last three days have been hell, the doctors told us Elliot was paralyzed and he'll never walk again, clean up at the squad room was miserable and IAB has been up my ass. I didn't help anybody in this situation and I will always have blood on my hands.

Fin sat at the bar with a bottle of Jack Daniels in front of him. He had this down trotted look on his face still thinking about everything that happen. When Elliot woke up he could hear his screams of anger, of course he wasn't going to take the news well and Fin didn't want to cause more pain so he left. While taking a swig of his drink Fin's cell phone vibrated, he didn't even pick it up because he knew who it was and didn't feel like talking. As the phone stopped vibrating the door to the bar opened and in walked John Munch.

"A bar, really?" Munch started as he walked over to his partner. "How cliché."

Fin didn't look at Munch and took a sip of his drink.

"You came here to drown your sorrows, I get that but you could've at least told me."

Fin still didn't look at him.

"Could you at least have some courtesy and acknowledge me?" Munch was getting at little frustrated.

"Fuck off Munch,"

"You know I didn't have to come here and look for you,"

"Well you did," Fin shot back. "You want a prize or something?"

"No, I wanted to check on you." Munch sat at the barstool next to Fin. He motioned for the bartender to pass him a glass.

"I'm here and alive, what more do you want?"

"How are you emotionally?"

"What are you my therapist now?"

"Last time I checked I'm still your partner," Munch grabbed the whiskey bottle and poured himself a drink. "And we're just having a conversation over drinks."

"Who said you could have some of my whiskey?"

Munch ignored his question and took a sip of his drink. "You know it's not your fault right? None of us knew she was going to come back with a gun and start shooting. She was the one to pull the trigger on Elliot not you.

Fin finally had enough; he put his drink down and looked at John. "I pulled the trigger too but mines wasn't fast enough. I have to live with this guilt for the rest of my life! Even if you say Elliot being paralyzed wasn't my fault I still shot a kid! She wasn't an undeserving piece of crap; she was a girl who saw her mom murdered right before her eyes."

Fin stared back at his drink and for a while they were both silent.

"I think I'm going to put in my papers." He sighed.

"Fin…" John started. "I know you don't want to hear it, but it was a good shooting. You gave Jenna the chance to put the gun down, you had to stop her."

"Sure…"

Fin pulled out his wallet and paid for his drinks, he then got up to leave. Munch did the same and followed his partner.

"Stop following me!" Fin complained.

"I'm making sure you're not going to do anything stupid."

"I'm going home; I have to talk to IAB in the morning."

"So you're giving up?"

Fin turned around and got in Munch's face. "Look I'm just sick of it okay!? I'm burnt out I can't deal with it anymore! Start looking for a new partner 'cause I'm done!"

Fin didn't expect what was coming next; when he tried to turn around Munch grabbed his shoulder, pulled him in and punched him in eye. It look like it did damage to both of them, more so to Fin. He was hunched over and holding his left eye.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!?"

"Me!?" Munch shot back as he was holding his fist in pain regretting what he just did. "I'm not the one wallowing in his own self-pity and is about to leave the job!"

Fin was in a lot of pain and thought about tackling Munch to the ground and beating the crap outta him, but what good would that do?

"Think about all the people you do save, think about us your friends, and think about Elliot." Munch's knuckles were sore and red. "Unless you have a time machine I don't know about you can't change the past. Unfortunately this happened but you have to move forward. Don't leave us out to dry, we can't lose two detectives."

Fin was huffing mad and just looked at the older man.

"At least talk to Elliot before you make your decision." That was the last thing Munch said before he turned and walked away.

Fin stood there for a minute before walking the opposite way still holding his eye.