Chapter 5: What Do You Want to Do With Your Life?

It's like I'm in a nightmare and I can't wake up. I still don't want to believe that I'm paralyzed but every time I look at my legs they don't move and I have no feeling. Waking up and seeing the sadness and misery etched on everyone's faces hurt me. I didn't exactly help by yelling and making them leave. I was angry when they put me under again but when I woke up I cried. I'm not too proud to admit I cried when the doctors explained what happen and I kept crying just thinking about my life from now on.

It was a sunny morning; Elliot's hospital room had a nice window view of the city. He had been awake for a while and just stared outside wishing he could be there. He sighed and couldn't take it anymore; he pulled off his covers and looked at his legs. He touched them but felt nothing; it was as if they weren't even a part of his body. Before he did anything else he heard a knock on his door and in walked a nurse.

"Good morning Mr. Stabler," the young nurse had a food tray.

"It's Detective Stabler," Elliot responded strictly.

"Sorry," she apologized. "Detective Stabler I brought your breakfast." She sat it down on the table next to him.

"Thank you," he said, but he didn't feel like eating.

"If there's anything else you need just hit the help button." She then left.

The nurse had left Elliot to his own devices and went to the nurse's station. Just then Fin had gotten off the elevator and went to talk to her.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm Detective Tutuola; I'm here to see Elliot Stabler." Fin said.

"He's awake, I just gave him his breakfast but he could use the company." She told him.

"Thanks," he said and made his way down the hall.

When he got to the door Fin just stood there, he was still hesitant about visiting him but knocked on the door anyway. He waited a few seconds before Elliot responded and he opened the door slowly. He walked in and saw him watching TV. "Hey Elliot," his voice was somber.

"Hi," he turned off his TV and focused his attention to the other detective. "You got all dressed up to see me?" He was referring to the black business suit Fin was wearing.

"I had to see IAB before I came here."

"Oh..." Elliot was trying to find something to talk about. "How did you get that black eye?"

Fin rubbed the back of his head. "I hit an old door last night, it's nothing."

"Okay," Elliot knew he wasn't clumsy but didn't want to stress the issue. "Want to sit?" He asked since Fin was still standing in the doorway.

"Thanks," he sat down besides Elliot's bed. "Cap gave me the rest of the week off so I can stay as long as you want me to."

There was silence for a while before Elliot spoke up. "Fin, I don't blame you for what happened."

"What?"

"Don't beat yourself up over this." Elliot looked him in the eyes. "You did what you had to do."

"People keep telling me that, I still think there could have been another way." He looked at the ground. "People have a tendency to get hurt around me."

"Fin," Elliot got his attention again. "Liv is safe and I'm not dead."

"But you can't…" he didn't want to finish the sentence.

"Walk?" Elliot finished. It hurt him just to say the word, but it was true. "I know…" he looked away and out the window instead. "I'll never get use to this and I have a long road to recovery, mentally and physically." He paused. "I'm not going to lie, when they first told me that I was paralyzed I had misplaced anger on you. I thought why wasn't he faster? And then I realized you weren't the one who shot me and you did the thing that would have driven me to insanity. I would quit, put in my papers and put SVU behind me. I'm not saying you're heartless but I could see you keep pushing on pass this." He slightly looked over his shoulder. "You said you had a meeting with IAB this morning; did you put in your papers?"

"No, I didn't," Fin answered. "But I was thinking about it. I thought I couldn't do this anymore but now I know I can go for a few more years so this doesn't happen again. I'm still sorry for all this."

"I've been hearing that ever since I woke up." Elliot noted. "Early this morning the Mayor and the Police Commissioner came and shook my hand and thanked me for my service. I told them I wasn't done yet, I'm staying with SVU."

"How are you going to do that?"

"It's not going to be easy and it's going to take a while before I come back to work, but it's what I want. On Monday they're moving me to a rehab center closer to my house, I didn't know there was so much stuff I have to relearn." He looked away again. "I can't go to the bathroom by myself; I need to see a neurologist, a psychologists, therapists and social workers. I'm worried about how Kathy and the kids are taking this…I'll never be able to dance at my girls' weddings, run with my sons…" he stopped. Small tears swelled up in his eyes.

"Do you need some time Elliot?" Fin asked. He couldn't see his face but he knew he was hurting.

"I'm going to need a minute, but you could stay."

Fin put his arm on his shoulder. "Elliot I'm here for you, we all are."

It was a while before Elliot got himself together and wiped the tears from his face. "I don't want this day to be all depressing, can you pass me those cards." He asked about the items friends and family left for him while he was in surgery. "I never got a chance to read them."

Fin passed them to him.

"Thanks," there were a lot of cards. "Those flowers are pretty nice by the way."

"I brought the red roses a couple of days ago." Fin noted. "Liv brought the blue ones, thought they help make you feel better."

"They do,"

Fin stayed by Elliot's side for most of the day and they talked.

Author's Note: I thought this heart to heart between Elliot and Fin would be a good chapter, Elliot's still hurting but I don't think he would blame Fin in all honesty. They have respect for each other and would watch each other's back as teammates. Hope everyone liked the chapter and please review!