Notes: Episode 171, "For Love! An Endless Fight in Hell" (Or, "The one where the Senshi are all split up.")

Episode 171

They didn't even look peaceful in sleep, and that worried Makoto a little. They never had. Endless sleepovers had taught her that much. It shouldn't bother her.

It completely bothered her.

Minako shifted again and flopped on her back. Rei grunted as Minako's hand thudded into her side, and like it was an act of vengeance, Rei kicked savagely at the covers that were already bunched at her feet. Ami, near perpendicular to Rei's head, frowned as though she could sense the implied violence. For a moment, Mako thought she might actually turn over, but no. Ami remained firmly on her back, and her frown was equally stubborn.

It felt like they were still fighting. They probably were. It gnawed at Mako that she couldn't be there. It was stupid. They were dreams.

Mako wanted to be there anyway.

Usagi was the worst though. Mako had been watching them all for at least an hour, since breaking free of her own dreams. She watched them twist and fidget and kick, and all the while Usagi remained perfectly still and dead to the world.

Mako felt like she was there all over again. A beautiful field covered with flowers stretching to the horizon. Her princess, oblivious, on her knees in the center. Mako had to resist the urge to pry open Usagi's eyelid to make sure she was still in there. Before a few days ago, if Mako had been asked her favourite colour, she might have said blue and thought of Usagi's eyes. Now it sometimes seemed there was so much blue it would swallow the world.

Helpless to stop herself, she looked. That's what Mako realized that Usagi was watching her watching them.

Mako swore to herself and felt her face flush. "Hey," she whispered through a nervous laugh.

"Hey," Usagi whispered back. Her voice was still coated with sleep and Mako felt a pang of guilt. "You okay?"

She nodded her head in a quick, tight burst. "Just fine. Go back to sleep."

Usagi was already crawling over to sit against the wall next to Mako. "Don't think I can," she said. She was lying, and they both knew it, but that only made Makoto want to hug her all over again.

"How about we get some air?" Mako suggested.

Together they picked their way through pillows and blankets and legs and hair until they'd slid Rei's bedroom door open and stepped out into the cool spring air. Mako slid the door closed behind them and then sat on the walkway next to Usagi a few feet away. It was crisp outside, but felt good. Usagi kicked her legs back and forth while Mako dipped her toes down to skim the surface of the cobblestones.

"It's funny how I can still hear you." Usagi said it casually, like she was talking about an upcoming test she had no intention of studying for. "I know it's you, but it's like trying to remember the name of a song stuck in your head."

"Usagi-chan …" Mako wasn't sure what else to say, but she had a hunch this was going to lead to Usagi being upset. As far as Mako was concerned, Usagi'd been upset enough to last through another two lifetimes.

Sure enough, the moonlight reflected the tears welling in her eyes. "Did it hurt?" Her voice was so small.

Mako wanted to say no. She really, really, really did. She thought she would for a second, had convinced herself to go that extra little bit for Usagi's sake. But for all that, when she opened her mouth, "Yes" came out.

An armful of crying Usagi was exactly what Mako wanted to avoid. "It's okay!" she said desperately, trying to break through Usagi's sobbed apologies. "It doesn't matter!"

Usagi pulled back, her wet eyes wide and jaw slack. "It does matter! It matters so much!"

The smile wasn't exactly well-timed, but Mako couldn't help herself. "It doesn't," she repeated, and as Usagi took a deep breath to argue back, Mako tightened her grip on Usagi's upper arms. "It doesn't because you're okay." She gestured with her chin toward Rei's bedroom. "And they're okay too. I'll do anything to keep you all safe."

Blonde pigtails went flying as Usagi shook her head in defiance. "You shouldn't, Mako-chan!"

It was such a ludicrous idea and Mako barked a laugh. "Well I did, and I always will."

There was no arguing it, and Usagi must've realized, because her answer was to fling herself at Mako again. If this was supposed to be punishment of some kind, it fell pretty short in Mako's view. They hugged each other in the dark under the moon and the cherry blossoms and Mako laughed to herself again at the thought that all of this wasn't worth whatever pain she'd have to endure.

After a time – not as long as Mako thought it would be, and she was so proud – Usagi's crying stopped. She didn't break their hug, however, and Mako sure wasn't going to make the first move toward that.

"People shouldn't hurt," Usagi decided, her pout partly muffled by Mako's shoulder.

"If anyone can figure out how to stop it," Mako told her, "it's you."

Usagi sniffed and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "I love your earrings," she said. Her voice sounded heavy again, and within seconds, she was nestled against Mako's shoulder and breathing deeply.

She didn't stir as Mako carried her inside. Her eyes didn't flutter as Mako returned Usagi to her bedroll, surrounded by the others. They seemed to curl toward her, trying to protect her, even in their sleep. Everyone had quieted now, and they slept soundly until morning under Makoto's watchful eye.

There were so many things I wanted to write about for this episode. So very many. We are not yet done with each other, Episode 171. No we are not.