So, for the chapter you all have been waiting for! I bring to you this Christmas gift of mine! Readers, Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays~

Chapter 49: Should be or Should Not be

The thing about waking up is… Why can't she have a normal one? Not that she can remember what a normal one is, though, because she can't really remember the last time she did. Because of that large gap in her mental core, she doubts her rise from unconsciousness. Adding to that fear was the sense or the events that comes upon her when she opens her eyes.

Tragedy would come bidding her first, and she can sight out those instances where it is. First was the time when she had been seen by Will as a crying mess. Then, there was that blurry memory of someone before her as pain soon thawed in her. Added to that was the heavy list she had where areas those times were when she finds herself in Ratchet's medbay… The latest was being taken and subjected to an accident on the road.

The latest tragedy that stuck her, though, was being taken and subjected to an accident on the road.

HOW? How can she still be alive after too many times playing with the line of God, if ever she was playing…? Shouldn't she be dead? Maybe if she died, things would come easier to her…

But then again… the memory of Wheeljack came stopping that train of thought in her.

It was after Mearing had come and managed to bring out trauma within her. After the conversation about how insignificant and incompetent she was, the sound of pained and frightened screams plague her night and day. She couldn't do anything to stop it as they continued on a never ending cycle, repeating in her head like a broken disk.

The nightmares plague her… A ruined building, people shouting, the smell of blood… Oh, don't get her started with the smell. She was both nauseous and forsaking when it comes to food after that. Every swallow and every chew she did would bid her that fine smell that made way to ruin her appetite. Becoming queasy was her second nature in the face of things edible, and since she was lacking the will to hold it in, she succumbed to the fact that she just had to lay wasted on what she had managed to digest.

She knew that her health had gone below the red line, scan after scan. Ratchet had already threatened her that if her condition continues to plummet, she'll have to get attached to a nutrient line and IV to sustain whatever she has left of her mass. The situation was getting out of hand so Oen buried truth behind what she was feeling. The pain kept growing as she experienced more difficult times in breathing, but with all of these symptoms, she never did tell. The medic stated firmly that she should report or tell him if ever she feels anything different but her conscience couldn't take the thought of putting more burdens on the medic.

Tight and suffocating her chest might be, feeling as if it was ready to burst and just render her still, she didn't say anything. Silence accompanied her as it became her best friend. Time ticked on since then and she can't help say that it had gone quite painfully slow even as Sam visits. would drop by with his guardian, trying this weird thing with his hands but it looks like he fails every single time. Ratchet would be rendered scanner-less those times too but everything seemed to be working fine when the liaison vanishes from the room.

The young man was doing something weird with as he always stretched her hand towards her. Then, he would soon try to concentrate. Nothing really happens after that so she can assume that what he had planned was always a failure. But there was still a mystery lingering in the Med Bay as they found out that Ratchet would be rendered scanner-less at those times, too. But everything seemed to be working fine when the liaison vanishes from the room...

At a later date of back then, the mechs were present in the small space of the medbay while using their language. She has no clue what they were talking about but judging from the thick and grim clouds surrounding them, she could guess that it was serious as pit. It was as if they were planning for a war although, their slight changes in topics puts her into the conversation. She just kept on feeling that it was her that they were talking about.

Wheeljack was the only one there beside her that time as he kept comforting her for as long as he could since Ratchet was still busy. The white, green and red mech hadn't been that welcomed ever since his last explosion stunt in the med bay but Oen could see that he was really just trying to make her give a smile. It was an expression that she hadn't shown ever since... she thinks.

Upon their state, she observed the mech before calling out. "Jack…?", she squeezed out in a breathy tone of hers. Her ears were ringing from the warbles and chirps but she concentrated on the conversation in she was making with the other mech.

The scientist was actually fretting at first, because of the way she had talked to him; but soon, he had calmed down, resigning to whatever had Ratchet told over the coms as he responded to her. "What is it, little one?" The mech's head lights were dim as they glowed. Oen got a whiff that the other was down and sad, and the fact that she knew that it was because of her did not settle well in her conscience.

"Should I just never wake up?" She asked, rolling to her side while her eyes had taken a liking to staring sadly at her hands. Depression was nipping her, and the words couldn't help just spill out even though she told herself that it was foolish to think like this.

Wheeljack was rendered to freeze that moment as he tried to process her words but when he did move, his finger patted her head in a gentle manner… as gentle as he could manage without breaking the contact he had established. "What made you say that, little one?" He asked in a hushed and concerned tone.

The light in his eyes dimmed with an emotion she knew to be fondness and helplessness but she didn't address that.

"I… It is because… Every time I wake up, bad things kept happening…" She admitted with a whimper, blaming herself for the screams, the pain, the horror… They kept coming back so there was no reason not to believe that it wasn't because of her that they were there. She did something… contributed to it… and that is why they were there… to haunt her for what she had done.

"What bad things?" The other asks but Oen knew that he was also informing another about what is going in between them. The mech's fins were flicking while she could see that Ratchet's own was the one receiving. They were in contact once again and she doesn't mind.

"The screams. The pain… the agony…" She continuedly whispered, not liking it very much when the silence she had within came tumbling and breaking. The volume was rising once again in her mind as she hissed to take control of it.

"You should ignore them, little one… Do not fear them… But overcome them… That is not a very good reason to think that your existence is the same as what that old human told you. She never saw what you are truly are capable of; too blind to see how important you are." He reasoned with her as she come to manifest a side where she can process Wheeljack's words and not fall into shock in balancing it with controlling the other mental cloud she has.

"Those screams that were in your head…? Those voices in pain and those in agony…? They will continue to come back if you do not overcome them. To fear them means that you have let them chain you down… just embrace them… because they had already happened… take them with you as you grow. There is a saying that goes like this, 'the past can't be changed'. Be strong, little one, because we all have fears. A wartorn mech like me may just be a scientist but I had seen my fair share of the brutal reality of what war entails…" Wheeljack added as a longing look crossed his face.

She never meant for the mech to paint that on his faceplates. The pain and regret shined in his optics making her cringed. She just made the mech remember something bad, and she didn't want that.

"Okay…" She stopped their conversation as she whispered in the silence forming between them. The mech was soon out of his reverie when he smiled at her using those headlights. Still, the flash was dull but at least they had become brighter than before.

That came to the end of the conversation she had with Wheeljack on valuing one's life.

After that, Oen knew not to belittle her existence because Wheeljack is right… God would not make life without a purpose… He will not make life without an effect. That assurance made her guilt diminish slowly as she kept on living. Hope was still in her eyes, seeing that she should not give up just yet for the people that cared for her.

This train of thought, although it was only 'Jack that she had approached with… Felt as if she had already had a fair share of conversation with someone else. All she could strain her brain to come up with to supply her suspicion was the feeling of warm metal on her fingers and an embalming incomprehensible frequency in her head.

"Shey?" The girl's mental train of thought was cut off as she was shoved back to reality, perking up from the sound she heard just near her. Cybertronian… She knew what it was… But the question is, how come she could comprehend it? She knew that humans can become multilingual with great effort of learning, but here she was, not even with a single glyph read or being fed with, still, she can decipher those frequencies as if it was one of her own already.

Looking up from her huddled state, she saw the mechling was there, looking quite happy as he went past the menacing looking mech that held his gaze at her carefully. Her mind ticked for a second before a lightbulb brightened… but with that discovery, fear crept in her till it showed on her face.

"Shey! Hey, it is not what it looks like!" The mechling said as he fretted quite a bit when he approached her. Frenzy knew of her most recent condition on the part of losing her memories. With that, they can all conclude that she would be not able to recognize them as her friends even if they told her. But at the least, she told him that she trusted him.

Trust was really hard to come by now, especially with how their faction had become... unruly. When the last retrieval mission involved the original ones, now, only him and Barricade were the only ones to go in pursuit. Certain factors of being stealthy were needed so there was no large scale or grand plan behind their retrieval.

"She has no recollection of us…" The cop car mech said as he glowered at the mechling. Frenzy can see the pain swirling in those optics for a klik but it immediately went away when the large mech released sigh before turning to let another mech come before the girl.

A growl escaped Barricade when a glint of familiarity sparkled in her eye when she saw the mech. Her head tilted to the side as her face mustered only a surprised expression.

"Hook…" Oen blurted out the medic's designation which was rewarded with a happy medic, a brooding guardian, and an equally surprised mechling. When she coughed, the medic immediately gave her a pink looking liquid that she accepted without question, just to quench her dry throat.

"Where had you known my designation?" Hook asked, as if he was not convinced upon her remembering him.

"Uh…" The girl turned back to English seeing that she still can't make use of her throat with their language. "I… I remember you… It was a time you were working… then I ask a question… I mentioned others like 'Cade, the Lord, 'Star, 'Wave and 'Shock... That time… I told you they had not wanted to answer my question… so I went up to the Constucticons… they led me to you… I don't remember all of their faces but yours was the clearest one of them all…" She explained, feeling comfortable as she told the other of what she can gather from her reminisces.

"Hmm… And when had you remembered?" The medic asked once again after chuckling. Barricade, who was still a stranger to the girl in her current state, remained silent with a curious glint in his optics. Hook knew that the mech was giving him a questioning gaze but he did not resort to answering that now.

"It… It was just earlier… after I woke up and saw…" Oen stopped at that as she tried to remember what was the other's designation… Seeing that she was struggling, Frenzy just caught her attention and told her of it.

"My designation is Frenzy… And I hope that sticks also in your squishy brain, Shey…" The mechling said in a joking tune but the mirth was lost in him. There was no true happiness in that as Oen tried to look for it. All the girl can do was to bow her head and apologize for not being able to remember.

"It is alright… You don't really need to once we fix you up." Frenzy told her.

"Fix?" Oen asked before her eyes widened at the sight of another mech in the room. This one was a lot larger… and a lot more threatening in looks. She wasn't able to hide her discomfort and fear as her breathing soon turned ragged and her hold on the mechling tightened. Her heart thumped faster in her chest and with that came the pain as she turned to clutch her clothes over that area. Her expression turned to one in pain while Frenzy called out for her.

"What is her condition?" The new mech asked in a hushed but deep tone. He just stood there behind the scene with Barricade as Hook connected the girl to an oxygen machine with the help of Frenzy. Once the girl's heart monitor flashed on one of the machines and had stabilized, the medic turned to them with a report.

"Currently, I induced her into recharge." He started as the two waited for more. Hooks gaze did a once over on the two mechs and could actually see through their tough façade that they were really tense upon seeing that.

"From the records that Frenzy had brought me, her condition had become far worse than what we had left her off with. Her transformation process had sped up but with it, a spark had been brought a new. According to the reports, it seems that boy had some remaining Allspark energy within his frame and had managed to influence her immensely. The down point of having a spark though is that now, that newly formed energy needs a more stable container. The degrading mass underneath all of her bandages just tells us that her body won't be able to occupy of sustain it any longer or else, both her body and that energy would both perish." Hook said as he grimly implied that if no action was taken, their operation would only be for naught.

"Have you found a way to at least hinder it until we can do one spark extraction…?" Barricade asked as he recalled back in the days that a mech, when in the face of a malfunctioning frame, can be saved until the spark is given a new frame.

"A spark extraction needs a new frame that compliments the spark. This is not easy… not at the least… because maybe we can make the frame, but at what specification in order to create it? Do you think Shockwave had not thought this over? That is why we had all agreed that transforming her slowly was the only safe process we can have. Any further experimentation could lead to extinguished!" Hook lost his temper at that but soon came down as he tiredly sigh. Doing all of this and not being able to give his full potential with such tasks needing his other attention… It was frustrating.

Hook wondered what would happen if they had been given more time. What would happen if the plan had been done on the cycle that it was supposed to be on? Would they have been able to complete the process of transformation and would they be able to save the girl from this situation? There were just too many factors that had hindered it… that, to this point, all of these seemed to be useless.

"So the only choice we have now is to leave her to die, then…" That steel deep tone of other mech made the others flinch. The lord was not that happy about what is happening but hadn't they been ready when they had wanted Shockwave to change her? Turning at organic to one of them was a dangerous action with no certainty of success, that was no joke when they had made agreements to it. They all should have seen the inevitable cannot be truly evaded.

"No…" Hook suddenly said with ringing defiance. All helms turned to his direction as the medic went over his newly placed monitor with fast heavy strides. The screen frizzled for a while before it depicted a picture that he wanted to show. It took time for him to boot up once again to portray his assessment which was one of the downsides of operating under the radar and going off the map to help the girl. They cannot take her to the base so he had to settle on an abandoned warehouse and place some of the equipment he needs based on the reports he received. Any other things that he would need, his brothers can deliver.

"I only said that her spark is unstable… meaning that the energy of her forming spark is scattered. That is why her organic body cannot handle it. The imbalances create unwanted reactions on her organic matter, diffusing and sometimes deteriorating with the over charge it gives…" The medic continued as he pointed at the bright glowing energy over the figure. There was yellow, blue, white and red…The spark was the blue part, and from the image, they can say that it was greatly scattered while still moving.

"So? What do you suggest we do?" Barricade said, a little miffed about their situation. He was already itching to go and just get on with the plan to give attention to this new one. One problem after the other… This was total insanity!

"The only way for a new spark to stable…" Hook said while giving both of them looks. Barricade raised his optic ridge at him not knowing what he was talking about but the Lord did know…

"…Is for her to gain a Creator…" Megatron finished with a growl upon the look that was being placed on him. He had a lot of things to do other than be rendered to the title of Creator! And he was no creator type of mech. Once, he admits, when he had been that protector long, long millennia of light years ago before the war… But this time, he refuses.

"It is your choice on who we are going to let her bind with… Pick wisely my Lord…" That was what Hook said knowing the conflict running around the other's optics. He just decided to give it slowly before he turned to the screen to read once again the data pad he had beforehand.

Oh my Pit... I hadn't had a wink of sleep since I was busy rereading all the fanfictions I harbored in my phone! And Oh yeah, I would want to ask who would like to read a very long installment of Mrs. Megatron? I know that I hadn't even started yet on editing the chapters but it is worth a shot to learn who wants to read it.

Eunice: Does this take you back, then? *snickers* You'll have a swell time learning of the truth then! It is going to be a major twist for you! *laughs evilly*

Merry Christmas!