The Emperor's New Clothes
It was another day in the Digital World and the young Emperor was bored. He had his kicks torturing the Digides-turds, but it was getting old now. He didn't even remember why he was trolling them in the first place. He slurped up the last of his chocolate milkshake and tossed the styrofoam cup to the ground.
"Wormmon," the Digimon Emperor curtly said.
"Yes, Ken?" Wormmon shyly wobbled over from behind the spinning chair.
"Hey, we're not on first-name basis when we're in the Digital World, remember?" the Digimon Emperor snapped his whip to the floor.
"Pardon me, master," Wormmon gulped.
"Much better," the Digimon Emperor smirked. "I have an image to project when I'm here. Speaking of which, I'm bored. I could change up my Digital World outfit. I feel like a gay Power Ranger with a cape. And I'm only one of those things."
"Did someone say they're looking for something new?" a group of Toucanmon walked over to them.
"Pause! How did you get past my security?" the Digimon Emperor put his hands on his hips.
"We bribed your guards with sake-"
"Ahem! We gave your guards special sodas as thank-you gifts for protecting you! Honestly, we love your work! Good job, good job!" one Toucanmon interrupted the other Toucanmon.
"Thank you. You're too kind," the Digimon Emperor grinned.
"And since we're such big fans, we can't stand to see you in such outdated gear!" a Toucanmon said.
"Huh?" the Digimon Emperor asked.
"Yeah! We've seen what those Chosen Children have, and it looks like you're just on par with them! Don't you want to have the latest, most advanced technology?" a Toucanmon said.
"What are you saying?" the Digimon Emperor asked.
"Behold, the D-Tector!" a Toucanmon held up a bulky, lavender digivice.
"Hmm...," the Digimon Emperor frowned.
"It has the ability to pick up Fractal Codes and scan for Human and Beast spirits. This one already has a couple of them," the Toucanmon said.
"Master, I don't think Fractal Codes are even a thing...," Wormmon paused.
"Shut up, the grown-ups are talking," the Digimon Emperor hissed.
"Hey, just hold it! The ergonomic shape makes it an easier grip for your hands! Doesn't it feel nice?" the Toucanmon said.
"I do like the way it fits in my hand," the Digimon Emperor nodded. "How much for this?"
"Oh, for you...we can do an even exchange! We wouldn't want you go without the latest technology," the Toucanmon said.
"Master...," Wormmon said.
"You have a deal," the Digimon Emperor swapped digivices with the Toucanmon.
"It was a pleasure doing business with you," the Toucanmon bowed to him. "Adieu!"
"Likewise," the Digimon Emperor smirked.
"Master, I have a bad feeling about those digimon," Wormmon stuttered.
"You worry too much. Now go pick up that cup from the floor that I clearly threw down and was too inconsiderate to toss in the trash bin five feet away," the Digimon Emperor sat back in his comfy chair and played with his new digivice.
"I don't understand what it is about this place that makes him a jerk. He's so kind back in the real world, but he's a big old jerk here. Jerkface Ken...or Jen for short. Yeah...," Wormmon whimpered to himself as he struggled to move the cup.
Back in the Real World...
"What the hell gives? My digivice turned into a cheap cell phone!" Ken gasped.
"I told you something was off...," Wormmon said.
"Hmm, must have belonged to some chick. Check out these pics. Kinda hot, right?" Ken scrolled through various pictures of a blonde girl in different outfits. "Hello...bikini shot," he whistled.
"I don't know, boss...this makes me very uncomfortable," Wormmon curled up in Ken's bed.
"Please, when we're in the real world, call me Ken!" Ken calmly smiled.
"Oh. Right," Wormmon said. "But Ken, don't you think there might be something suspicious about those Toucanmon?"
"You're overreacting! Sure, my digivice turns into a Boost Mobile phone, but it makes for some good...time killer. By the way, I have to take a shower. Don't mind me, I'm just going to take my phone with me," Ken said.
"You're a teenage boy, I know what you're planning on doing," Wormmon sighed.
"Still, you're like a pet baby to me. I'd feel weird-"
"Ken, I've seen you whip digimon for looking in your direction. You don't have to explain yourself, you're only going to make it all the worst," Wormmon said.
"Okay," Ken said. He grabbed his phone and sat on the toilet. "Hee hee hee...time to play Candy Crush!"
In the Digital World...
"Huh, I don't understand how my digivice didn't work when I held it up to the computer. I don't know if I can take that creepy train every time I want to go to the Digital World...it always passes through the ghetto and poor people make me feel something," the Digimon Emperor frowned.
"They make you feel something?" Wormmon looked alarmed.
"Yes. It's like I get this feeling, that I should be scared, but angry, but sad at the same time. I don't like it," the Digimon Emperor curtly said.
"I wish I understood," Wormmon sighed.
"Ugh, of course you wouldn't. You look like a caterpillar!" the Digimon Emperor huffed.
"What does that have to do with any...," Wormmon trailed off.
"Knock knock! Guess who's back!" the Toucanmon flocked over.
"You! I have a couple of feathers to pick with you!" the Digimon Emperor walked up to one of the Toucanmon and picked up his wing. "My digivice doesn't work correctly!"
"Sorry, final sale. No returns, no exchanges!" another Toucanmon squealed.
"What?!" the Digimon Emperor yelled.
"Listen, the digivice is still just trying to get adapted to you. It's only normal. That's how high-tech it is! Besides, with a design like this, you know it takes personalization seriously," the Toucanmon nodded.
"I guess I see your point," the Digimon Emperor nodded.
"That brings us to our next point. We were just looking at all of the stuff the Autumn Leaf Fair had to offer, and we saw this exquisite fabric that reminded us of you," a Toucanmon slyly said.
"You don't say," the Digimon Emperor raised an eyebrow.
"What are you doing boss?" another Toucanmon whispered.
"Just watch," the first Toucanmon hissed back. "Now Almighty Emperor, this fabric is very unique, because only those of true intelligence and importance can see it. It is very lightweight, but so many other royalties have described it as more comfortable than air," the Toucanmon mimed carrying a roll of fabric to the Digimon Emperor. "Take a feel for yourself!"
"Hah...yes," the Digimon Emperor turned red. "It is very lightweight!"
"Isn't it a beautiful color?" another Toucanmon piped up.
"Very much so...," the Digimon Emperor awkwardly said.
"Great! We'd be delighted to make you some new suits with this fabric! How many would you like?" the first Toucanmon asked.
"I'll take one for every day of the week!" the Digimon Emperor triumphantly said.
"Excellent! That'll be $70,000!" the Toucanmon punched away at a calculator.
"What?! I don't have $70,000!" the Digimon Emperor yelled.
"Would you look at that? I guess the so-called Digimon Emperor isn't as balling as we thought. Well, it was a pleasure doing business with you. We're going to find more worthy people," the Toucanmon said.
"Wait! I'll give you all the money I do have! It's real world money, so it's even more valuable!" the Digimon Emperor pulled out money from his wallet.
"And I see you have a gift card to Chick-fil-A. We want that too," a Toucanmon pointed inside Ken's wallet.
"But I used half of it already," the Digimon Emperor said.
"We. Want. It," the main Toucanmon firmly said.
"Fine, it's yours! Now get to making my clothes!" the Digimon Emperor said.
"Yes sir!" the Toucanmon brought sewing machines and started to get to work.
"Wow, very enthusiastic! I love it," the Digimon Emperor grinned.
"I think this is a bad idea...," Wormmon mumbled to himself.
"I present to you, your first outfit! Try it on!" a Toucanmon held up his wings as if he was carrying something fragile. "Careful, the fabric is very delicate."
"Got it," the Digimon Emperor gingerly held his arms up and trudged to a hidden corner. He was a little worried, he couldn't see the outfit and it was so lightweight, he wasn't convinced if it was even real. But the Toucanmon didn't seem to have a problem seeing it. They were stitching along, as if it were any ordinary piece of fabric. But why couldn't Ken see the fabric he was supposedly holding in his hands?
"Master, is everything okay?" Wormmon lingered a couple of feet away.
"Yes, everything's just fine! Can you let me breathe?!" the Digimon Emperor hissed.
"I'm sorry. I was just a little concerned," Wormmon whimpered and waddled away.
"You worry way too much," the Digimon Emperor huffed as he attempted to put on his new "clothes". Should he say something? He wasn't even sure if he was even putting clothes on because he didn't feel anything...but the Toucanmon seemed a bit condescending when he said his digivice didn't work. If he complained that he couldn't see his clothes, they definitely were not going to take him seriously now! Maybe he just had to fake it until he made it, and then the clothes will materialize once he hit his potential or something. Whatever, in the meantime, he just needed to act cool, calm, and collected as to not blow his cover. "Alright, gentlemen. What do you think?"
"Wow! I am speechless!" a Toucanmon looked at the Digimon Emperor in shock.
"I never thought you'd actually pull that off," another Toucanmon remarked.
"Oh, but your shirt is on backwards," another Toucanmon said.
"It is?" the Digimon Emperor turned red. "I have to fix it!" he mimed pulling his arms inside his sleeves and moving his shirt around.
"Much better!" the Toucanmon nodded.
"I'm so embarrassed!" the Digimon Emperor sighed.
"It's okay. Sometimes with this fabric, you don't know which way it's supposed to go. It happens," a Toucanmon said.
*beep beep*
"What the hell is going on here and why does it look like a Chinese sweatshop?" Arukenimon jumped out of her Jeep.
"These lovely Toucanmon are making me new outfits. What do you think?" the Digimon Emperor stood up straight.
"Hey, he's not wearing clothes!" Mummymon sat in the passenger side of the Jeep.
"Is this a joke?" Arukenimon scoffed.
"What's the joke, Madame? You can't see his clothes?" a Toucanmon looked at her.
"Pardon?" Arukenimon asked.
"Only those with high status and intelligence are able to see this exquisite fabric. Right, Wormmon?" the Digimon Emperor asked.
"Why...yes!" Wormmon gulped.
"Oh, of course! Of course, I see it! I just think it's hideous and you need to focus on obliterating those Digi-turds! I can't do all the work here! Now get to work!" Arukenimon snapped. "Let's get out of here, Mummymon!"
"Yes, honey!" Mummymon goofily said and the two drove away.
"Ken... Mummymon didn't see your outfit. Shouldn't that tell you something?" Wormmon said.
"First of all, when we're here, I am Master! Second of all, only smart and cool people can see my outfit, and Mummymon obviously isn't either. Can you see my outfit?" the Digimon Emperor asked.
"I mean, I can but...," Wormmon fibbed.
"Then there are no buts! This is a great product!" Ken proudly marched in his boxers.
"Heh heh, 'your shirt's on backwards'. That was a good touch," a Toucanmon laughed.
"Thanks! I have to say so myself," another Toucanmon winked.
"Hahahah!" all of the Toucanmon laughed to themselves.
"I knew they were up to no good," Wormmon quietly said.
The Toucanmon had finished stitching up all of the outfits and they were even kind enough to hang them on labeled hangers for each day of the week, yet it didn't make Ken as happy as he thought. What was the point in wearing clothes that everyone else except him could see? He might as well have been naked, but he paid too much money for these clothes. They were supposed to be luxury items, and he couldn't let them go to waste, but he felt like that's what it was. He changed into his new outfit and walked over to his multi-screen monitors.
"What the hell is this?!" the Digimon Emperor shrieked.
"What is it, Master?" Wormmon made his way over.
"Th-th-that!" Ken pointed at a screen. It was the Digides-turds and it looked like they were making their way towards his chamber.
"Arukenimon is going to be so mad if she finds out they made it here. Maybe she was right. We probably should have placed more priority on those troublemakers first," Wormmon whimpered.
"It's okay. We'll take care of them. I have a more advanced digivice now!" the Digimon Emperor smirked.
"We could barely get into the Digital World with that piece of junk, what makes you think I'll have the ability to digivolve?" Wormmon asked.
"Do you doubt me?" the Digimon Emperor reached for his whip.
"Hey, hey, hey, what do we have here?" Yolei whistled.
"Hahahaha!" TK and Davis burst out laughing. Kari and Cody simply turned their backs and the rest of the digimon partners looked at the Digimon Emperor in confusion.
"What's so funny?!" the Digimon Emperor yelled.
"Have you seen yourself?" TK smirked.
"What? I'm fleek, bitches!" the Digimon Emperor shouted.
"Hey guys, is this fool wearing any clothes?" TK asked.
"Nah, brah! You're more naked than a mannequin at Forever 21, beyotch!" Davis said.
"He's not wrong," Yolei twirled her hair. "And we know you like to buy your boxers at American Eagle. Nice," she nodded at approval.
"Ahh!" the Digimon Emperor shrieked and covered his crotch up with his hands. "What do you know? These clothes can only be seen by people of high class and importance! Like Kanye West!" the Digimon Emperor yelled.
"Even if clothes could do that, why would you want them to? Wouldn't that mean that all the commoners would see you naked?" Gatomon pointed out.
"Gatomon, this isn't the place...," Kari whispered.
"She's right. I don't know where you bought these supposed clothes from, but if you walked out in the street like that, you'd probably be arrested for overexposing yourself," Cody said.
"So...you don't see my clothes either?" the Digimon Emperor gasped.
"Nope," Cody shook his head.
"Admit it, Ken. You got ripped off big time. You couldn't see these clothes because there were no clothes! You just didn't want to look stupid, now didn't you? Lemme ask you something, Ichijoji. Aren't you getting tired of this charade? It's getting old. You say you're the most badass person in the Digital World, and yet look at you! You're a pretender. You're like the story The Emperor's New Clothes! Literally," TK haughtily laughed.
"At least I don't look like you! Bicycle shorts and green Ugg boots? What the hell is up with that? You pretending to be Australian, mate?!" the Digimon Emperor yelled.
"Hey! Don't get defensive when I bring up the truth! I'm just telling it like it is!" TK exclaimed.
"Wahhh... I'm a joke! I'm a evil, evil joke!" Ken, formerly known as the Digimon Emperor, tossed his tinted glasses to the side and curled up into a ball.
"Guys... I kinda feel awkward watching the dude cry and look pathetic," Davis frowned.
"Yeah. Same. At first, I thought he was kinda hot, standing all aggressive in his boxers and shit, but now he looks like that guy on the billboard on the highway, you know which one?" Yolei asked.
"Oh yeah! The Alcoholics Anonymous billboard! My dads goes to the meetings. They're at Crapplebee's and they coincidentally take place at the same time as karaoke night. Hmm...," Kari pouted.
"I'm a loser. A naked loser," Ken sobbed.
"Shhh...it's okay. Yes you are, but we're gonna make it better. Uhhh, here. You can borrow my jacket for now. It's pretty badass so I kinda want it back, okay?" Davis took his jacket off and covered Ken with it.
"Why are you being so kind to me after I was such a douchebag?" Ken asked.
"Bro, did you see how pathetic you looked? Those ASPCA commercials with Sarah McLachlan got nothing on you," TK shook his head.
"How did you even get tricked into wearing 'magic' clothes?" Cody asked.
"Some Toucanmon came by with a bunch of strange things. Unfortunately, everything was final sale," Wormmon sighed.
"Hey, I just got a great idea!" Davis said.
"What is it, Davish?" Veemon excitedly said.
"Let's kick some Toucanmon ass!" Davis jumped in the air.
"Shouldn't we be focusing on what's behind those black spores?" Hawkmon asked.
"Nah...," everyone said unanimously. And then Ken and Wormmon decided to switch teams and become good guys and all together they went to kick some Toucanmon ass instead of saving the Digital World. Gennai is gonna be so disappointed when he finds out...and this is probably why everyone liked the original kids better than the 02 group.
The End!