I would first like to start by thanking all of you for following this story. Your kind words and support have really helped me along the way. I love reading all of your theories, thoughts and suggestions. Please, keep them coming! I hope you enjoy this next chapter, as well as the ones that lie ahead! :)
"What's the hold up, Glenn?"
I look over the side of the truck from under the hood. Abraham's been on edge for the last half hour or so, pacin' back an' forth. The first two cars we tried wouldn't start. We wasted enough time just on them. Glenn stops what he's doin' an' looks up at Abraham. He's just as irritated.
"Look, I'm doing the best I can. Who knows how long these have been sitting out here? There could be messed up wires, dead transmissions, bad oil. We got lucky with the two from the convenience store."
"Wasn't real lucky when they shit out on us after only a few miles." I step out from the front. I've heard enough. Ain't like it's Glenn's fault. 'Sides, them arguin' 'bout it only slows us down more.
"Where'd we be if we didn't have them at all, man?" Abraham looks like he wants to argue with me, but I see him hold back. I ain't tryin' to throw down some pissin' match with anybody. That ain't who I am anymore, the last year's really changed me. Right now, all's I care 'bout is gettin' this fuckin' truck runnin'. I lean back under the hood. This shit's a fuckin' mess. Whoever had this truck never took good care of it. I let out a heavy sigh an' slam it shut. It's no use to us.
"Let's try that suburban. If that don't work, we'll keep walkin' some more."
We head for the SUV. I glance over to the side of the road where the others are waitin'. They already grabbed what they could outta the two cars. Abraham motions for them to search the truck. The driver side door of the suburban's already open. We look inside to see what might've gotten left behind while Glenn starts workin'.
Abraham searches the front, unlockin' the back door for me. I open it up an' take a look 'round. There's a carseat an' kids toys thrown 'round the floor. I pick up the little things an' place 'em in the carseat. Figure Asskicker could use this shit. The third row has some blankets an' pillows an' I shove them in the pile, too. I climb back to the cargo an' find some campin' shit: tent, stakes, a cast iron skillet. These people were packed up for a fuckin' family trip, not the end of the world.
I walk over to the the rest of the group. My crossbow hangs behind me, the carseat fulla shit in one hand an' the campin' shit in the other. I set it all in front of them. Beth starts pullin' the things outta the carseat an' sets the baby in there. She hands her one of the toys I brought back an' the kid's face lights up. Everybody starts packin' the rest away when I head back to the SUV. Beth follows me.
"You think this one might start?"
"Too soon to tell. Glenn's still workin' at it."
We just get to the door when we hear the ignition. Thank fuck for that. He shouts out to the others to get over an' pile in. Everybody grabs their shit an' crosses the road. Carol opens the door an' looks in.
"Think it'll manage with the fourteen of us?" I shrug at her.
"Gotta make it work 'til we can find another."
After we squeeze in, Glenn takes off. I'm in the cargo with Beth, Michonne, Carl an' Asskicker. It's obvious the vehicle's just barely holdin' all our weight. Glenn can't get it to go too fast. Beth's tucked in my lap, my fingers run over my pathetic attempt at a braid. She coulda taken it out an' fixed it. Can't imagine why she didn't. I glance up to see Michonne smirkin' at us. I look away from her 'fore she can start shit.
Nobody says much of anything. Guess we're all just tired. Holin' up in that barn was barely somethin' you could call restful. Not when we only spent a night there. I start to wonder if we'll ever stop runnin'. I think 'bout Washington an' if it'll be any different than Atlanta. They all said to go to the big cities for sanctuary, but Atlanta was completely overrun. D.C's the nation's capital, wouldn't that be the biggest sanctuary of all? I don't know which to expect: sanctuary or death trap.
We get a few miles up the road when Glenn slams on the breaks, jerkin' us forward. Rosita's head smacks against the window.
"What the fuck, Glenn?" He rolls down his window an' sticks his head out to look back.
"Didn't any of you see that van?" Rick turns 'round to look back, too.
"A van? Turn around. Maybe we can get that started, too." Rosita rubs the side of her head, her voice's venom.
"You nearly cracked my skull for a fuckin' van? You can't be serious!" Glenn pulls his head back in the window an' looks 'round all of us.
"Someone was drivin' it down the other way."
We all climb out onto the road an' look back. Sure as shit, there's a van headin' the opposite way. I look over to Rick.
"What you reckon that's 'bout?" He shakes his head.
"No idea." We start to climb back in when Abraham shouts.
"Oh, shit! Walkers!"
I draw my bow in front of me, pushin' Beth back in the SUV. I run 'round to Abraham's side an' look ahead at just what we've driven into. Fuck. The herd comin' our way's the biggest I ever seen. We can't take on numbers like that. I pull Abraham by the elbow.
"Get back in! Glenn, we gotta go!"
It's complete chaos as we all struggle to fit back in that fuckin' vehicle. People are shovin' an' pushin', grabbin' to pull each other in. I almost feel relief once we're all locked up. Glenn gets it to turn over, but it falters. He tries again an' it still won't start.
"C'mon, baby. Not now. Please! You worked just fine a minute ago!"
Abraham shouts at him, "Why the fuck'd you turn it off, Glenn?" Nobody else says anything. Probably all too scared. I feel Beth shakin' in my lap. She's murmurin' under her breath. I almost think she's prayin'. I look past the people in front of me to the herd ahead. They weren't too far from us now. If they hadn't noticed us yet, they will soon.
The car just won't start. The only thing we can do is get out an' make a run for it. It's that or sit here 'til they're on us. So we grab our shit an' abandon the suburban, takin' off in the opposite direction. I notice Carl havin' a hard time keepin' a grip on the carseat handle so I take it from him, handin' him my backpack instead. Nobody looks behind us, we continue on a flat out run. I almost suggest we head for the trees when I hear tires squeal. Glenn's outta breath, his words barely come out. "That. It's, it's the van."
I look up to see the flash of white flyin' towards us. A few feet from us the breaks lock up an' it spins so the side's facin' us. The door slides open an' a man's voice shouts out.
"Hurry! Get in!"
As we sprint to the open door, a thought flashes through my mind. We don't know who the fuck this is. I glance over my shoulder to see the herd's maybe a hundred yards away. I realize that I don't really have a choice in the matter. Rick takes the passenger seat, the rest of us pile in the back. All the seats were gutted from this van so we all sit on the floor. Tyrese slams the door shut an' the man takes off away from the walkers. Everybody's catchin' their breath. Beth's pantin' next to me, Maggie's on my other side. She's on her knees an' bent over, hands on her thighs. She sounds like she might get sick. I place my hand between her shoulder blades an' rub over her jacket.
"S'alright. Deep breaths. For the love of God, Maggie, don't throw up in here." Maybe it's the adrenaline, maybe it's exhaustion, but she laughs at me. She's still lookin' at the ground when she speaks to me.
"Thanks for comfortin' me, Daryl." I'm only just catchin' my own breath as I laugh at her. I look 'round everybody else. We're fuckin' beat. This shit's gotta stop. I snap back to reality an' remember where we are. I look up to the driver. He's a black man, wearin' an all black suit. A fuckin' suit. What nutjob just scooped us off the fuckin' highway? Rick speaks 'fore I get the chance.
"Thank you. Who knows how far we could've gotten if you didn't swing back for us." The guy keeps his eyes on the road. When he speaks, I notice his voice is deep an' very calm given what the fuck just happened.
"My son, I've been searchin' this road everyday for the last two months for fellow survivors. I'm just as grateful to have you as you are to be here." Definitely a nutjob. I can't hold my tongue.
"Where exactly you takin' us?" All eyes turn directly to him. I see his face in the rear view mirror as he smiles back at me. The skin 'round his eyes wrinkles with the gesture.
"I've got a church up the road a little ways. I was the pastor there for many years. You fine people can call me Gabriel." A church? He can't be serious.
"Gotta big group up at that church of yours? Sure you got enough room for all us?" His eyes meet mine in the mirror again. He smiles, but it's different now. I can't place the expression.
"Son, I've been alone in that church for so long now. It was always a house of refuge and worship. It'll be nice to have fellow souls surroundin' me." Rick clears his throat.
"Pastor-"
"Please, call me Gabriel."
"Right. Well, Gabriel, I'm Rick. We certainly appreciate your hospitality."
Gabriel just nods at him an' keeps his eyes on the road. It doesn't take us long to get to the church. Two more vans are parked out front. The buildin's old as dirt an' has a lotta wear. There's a steeple with a bell, an' at the top's a big ass cross. We all climb out onto the gravel drive an' the others start to follow Gabriel in. I hold back an' look up at the structure in front of me. Beth's hand grabs mine.
"What's the matter, Daryl?"
"Just wonderin' if I'm gonna go up in flames as I walk through that door." I meant it as a joke, but she didn't laugh. There's a pain to those beautiful blue eyes.
"Well, good people don't have to worry about that. So you'll be fine. C'mon." An' she pulls me behind her. My heart beats painfully against my chest at the idea that she'll never give up on me or the notion that I'm good.
We step inside an' it's exactly how I imagined it would be. Rows of benches, candles, paintin's an' stained glass windows. At the very front's a podium with a large cross standin' behind it. He's kept the place clean. The walls are white, red carpet. All them benches an' that cross are shined. I notice a door near the back.
"Where's that go?" Gabriel follows my eyes an' smiles. He speaks to all of us.
"That'll lead you into the kitchen. We gathered a food pantry for the homeless for many years. You'll find various nonperishable items in there. Please, have your fill. I can show you around after you've eaten." He don't needa tell us twice. We all head back in there, Rick an' Carol start handin' everybody food an' water bottles. Gabriel reaches into a cupboard an' passes 'round a box of plastic forks an' spoons. I take a fork an' dig into my canned ham.
"Holy shit. That hits the fuckin' spot." I glance up to see Gabriel smilin' at me, an' I realize I just swore in his sacred house. I wouldn't feel bad if he hadn't given us the food. I quickly glance over to him. "Sorry." He laughs at me.
"The sentiment seems fittin' in this situation. Even the good Lord can let that slide at a time like this." I just nod, ain't 'bout to get in no religious debate with the man. I ain't one to bite the hand that feeds me.
I offer Beth some of my ham. She takes a piece an' offers me some fruit. I shake my head. She needs it more than me. I open my water bottle an' tilt it back, I didn't realize how thirsty I was. I see Sasha rollin' her bottle on the counter. She sighs.
"Shame there isn't enough water to wash up." Maggie casts a longin' look at her own bottle. Gabriel laughs.
"There's two wells on the property. I have generators to run the water here. The hot water won't last long, but I'm sure you can manage."
Beth squeezes my hand an' I look down at her. This place ain't so bad after all. I pick up my water as we follow Gabriel out the back door of the kitchen. There's two buildin's side by side, trees surroundin'. You'd never see this from the road. Before anybody can ask , he speaks up.
"After Hurricane Katrina, the members of this church worked together to build a place of refuge for the people affected. It wasn't much, but we did what we could. In the buildin' to the right, you'll find cots, pillows and blankets. The buildin' to the left is a wash house. There's six showers in there. Outhouses are further down that way, as well."
It's almost too much to take in. All this time we been hopin' for a place of refuge an' we probably just found it. We decide to take showers in shifts. I already know I'm takin' mine last, when nobody can walk in on me. Hot water or not, last thing I need is all them seein' my scarred up back an' askin' questions. I head to the shelter with Beth an' some of the others.
It's a lot bigger than it looks from the outside. There's more than enough spots for us to sleep. I drop down to the cot closest to the door, Beth takes the one next to me. As everybody scatters to find their own spots, I lay back an' look up at the ceilin'. I can't help the good feelin' that flows through me as I lie there. I prop my head on my arm an' pull one leg up, the other hangs off the side.
"What're you thinkin' about?" I look over at her, large blue eyes curiously watchin' me. When I don't answer, she continues, "I can always tell when you're thinkin' somethin'. You bring your hand to your mouth an' chew at your nails." I hadn't even realized I'd done it. I pull it away an' place it 'cross my chest. It's crazy the way she can pick up on stuff like that.
"Just thinkin' this place ain't so bad. Kinda nice." She smiles an' comes to lay on the cot with me. It definitely weren't meant for more than one person. I sit up an' pull the other right next to it, she lays there beside me. Her hand folds into mine an' we just lay there for a while, not sayin' anything. It's nice to finally be able to just lay down an' breathe.
I've found myself back in the church, sittin' on one of the benches up front. My elbows are propped on my knees, my chin on my clasped hands. I just look up at the big wooden cross above me. Beth puts a lotta stock in hope an' faith. I can't understand what she sees in all of it. I imagine if she were next to me, she'd explain things. But she's with the last group to shower now, I'll go in once they're gone. Everybody else is already settin' up for sleep. I originally came in here just to have time to myself to think things over. I close my eyes an' try to figure out just what the fuck we're gettin' ourselves into with this damn trip. I can't shake the feelin' that we're headed for trouble.
"Never took you for the prayin' type." My head snaps up to see Rick approachin' me from the kitchen, his hair still wet from his shower. He's got two water bottles in his hand, one that he passes to me. I twist the top off an' take a large gulp.
"I ain't the prayin' type. Never done no good for me." Rick sits next to me, starin' up at the cross.
"You know, I almost have a restored faith. After everything we've been through, all we've lost and suffered, we're still here."
"If you say so. I see it as us bein' damn good at survivin'. 'Sides, even if all this shit were from some greater power, I don't see any pearly gates openin' up for me at the end of my road." Rick almost looks saddened by what I've said. But it's the truth. I know there ain't no power merciful enough to look past my sins.
"You're a good man, Daryl. Half those people out there? Myself? We'd never made it this far without you. You can call it survivin' or instincts, I call it your natural urge to protect. Bad people don't protect others, Daryl."
Bad people. Rick has no idea what I'd done. He always saw me as some redneck with a short fuse 'fore I started actin' right 'round him. From then on, he saw me as his equal. I don't deserve it. I'll never deserve it. Maybe it's this damn place, or the guilt that eats away at me every time he tries to convince me I'm worthy of anybody's appreciation. I don't know what makes me do it, but I blurt it out under my breath.
"When Merle an' me came 'cross that camp back in Atlanta, there weren't no good intentions. Merle wanted to rob the place blind of their supplies. I went along with the idea only 'cause I did whatever he told me to. But I still went along with it. He didn't care that there was women an' children there. The only thing that stopped us was Shane pullin' a gun on us when we first pulled up. Introduced hisself as a cop an' then we saw how many people there were. Merle told me we'd wait for a better opportunity. Then y'all left him up on that rooftop."
I won't look at him. I can't. Instead I train my eyes on that cross an' wonder what damage I just inflicted on myself. I hear Rick take a deep breath.
"We've all done things we ain't proud of. I sometimes think I'm losin' myself to the world 'round me. It's hard to imagine the way I once was an' the way I see myself now." I decide to look at him. He's focused on the cross now, his face is pained. He turns to me. "You only did what you thought you had to in order to survive. I ain't sayin' it was right, I'm sayin' I understand. You aren't the same person you were at that quarry, Daryl. Not even the same as you were back on the farm. You may not believe it, but you are a good person. You're one of the best of us. One day you're gonna see that, too."
I drop my sight to the floor. I want to believe what he's sayin'. I know i've changed, I feel it everyday. It's just hard to accept what that change really means. His hand falls on my shoulder an' I look up to him again.
"I'll always trust your instincts and value your opinions. We've come a long way from the men we were in Atlanta. You're my brother, Daryl."
His words ricochet in my mind. I always knew I had developed a strong bond with Rick over time. He always done right by me. No matter which one of us would lose their temper or try to drift away, the other was always there. Even now, after what I just told him, Rick still holds me up high. I know I can't ever let him down. The emotion's strange to me, it ain't like the love I have for Beth, but I know it's love. I recognize the feelin' by what I kinda had with Merle. An' I know Rick's right. We're family now. I nod to him. "You're mine, too."
I check on Beth to see her sittin' up on the cot, an oil lamp lit at her side, bright eyed an' washed up. Her hair drips down her back. I notice we're the only two up. I kiss her forehead an' tell her I'm gonna jump in the shower. I make my way out to the buildin' an' flick on the lights. Damn, electricity's nice. I step into a stall an' strip outta my clothes, hangin' everything over the side. I don't really care if the shit gets wet or not. I'm surprised the water's still hot. I find the bar of soap an' run it through my dirty hair, over my face, down my body. I drop it when I hear the door open.
"Shit! Someone's in this stall, grab another." The handle turns an' in walks Beth with a devilish grin spread 'cross her face. "Jesus, girl. You tryin' to give me a heart attack?"
"I came to shower with you." I realize I'm starin' at her. I point to her wet hair.
"Ain't you already took your shower?" She bites down on her lip an' starts to pull up her shirt.
"Yeah, but I wanna shower with you." She tosses her shirt over the door an' undoes her bra. I can't take my eyes off her, barely registerin' that I'm wastin' what hot water I might have left. I reach down to pick up the soap, an' from that angle I see her cotton shorts she found earlier drop to her bare feet. I look up to see the only thing she's wearin' is that wicked smile. Jesus Christ.
I clear my throat as I stand back up an' just stare at her. She holds up her hand an' I see the condom wrapper in her fingers.
"I thought we might put one of these to good use."
She steps outta those shorts an' walks over to me, pulls the soap outta my hand an' runs it over my chest, down my stomach. She forms a lather an' places the soap back on the wall, lookin' up at me as she takes me in her soft hand. The groan I let out vibrates through the stall as she strokes me. I throw my head back under the water, tryin' to regain my focus. I hear her tear open the wrapper. She clears her throat.
"Um, you're gonna have to help me with this part." I look into her eyes as I take it from her, pinchin' the tip an' rollin' it over me. I reach back an' shut off the water, my last remainin' senses tellin' me we could break our fuckin' necks. She pulls me down onto the tile, I follow her lead as she kisses me, pullin' me over her. I trail my lips down her throat, back an' forth over her collar bone. When my mouth falls to her chest, she lets out a shaky breath. I take her into my hand, grip an' pull at her. My teeth graze over her other nipple an' I feel her shudder. I pull it into my mouth an' tease it with my tongue. She sighs an' whimpers my name. I trail my free hand down to her thighs, my fingers skim over the soft skin. I start to slip one finger into her an' she gasps. I pull my face back up to look at her an' smile at her surprised look. I let out a small laugh.
"Never?"
She shakes her head at me. The thought that so much of what we've done has only been done with me turns me on even more. That possessiveness, again. I place my mouth to hers an' swallow her moan as my finger slips into her. I start off gentle, but push a second finger in once she starts to buck against my hand. I pull away to look down at her again. It drives me wild to see her like this. As much as I love my innocent, sweet Beth, I really love this side of her. I press my thumb to her clit an' smile at the sound she gives me.
It ain't long 'fore she falls apart at my hands. When she comes down from her high I prop myself up to be face to face, my lips crash against hers. I groan against her mouth as I push myself into her. She moans an' whimpers with each thrust, her nails dig into the skin on my shoulder an' I let out a growl, realizin' how much I actually like that. Her legs hook over my hips an' I place my lips to her neck an' taste her smooth skin. It's all fresh water, soap an' honey. She whimpers again.
"Daryl?" I slow down an' look at her. Almost afraid I've hurt her. She bites down on her lip.
"What's the matter?"
"I know you don't like it but, just this once, will you call me baby?"
I completely stop. I don't understand what she's sayin'. She looks embarrassed an' it makes me feel bad. "What, you mean you want me to talk to you? Now?" She shakes her head an' tells me to forget it. I start to pick up my rhythm again, but feel bad for makin' her think it was a dumb idea. It was a dumb idea, but it wouldn't hurt none to do that for her. I don't know the first thing 'bout this kinda shit. I remember our first time together an' I called her baby, then. I guess if I only use it when we're havin' sex, it ain't so weird. I put my lips to her ear, suck on the soft lobe an' she sighs. I smirk against her skin, "You like that, baby?" I feel her thighs tighten 'round my waist, she lets out a small whimper.
I know there's things I still have to learn 'bout romance. I already knew dirty talk, but I didn't think that'd be right for the two of us. She wants love an' affection from me. I'll figure it out along the way, but I'll do my best with it for now.
I find that when I angle my hips a certain way, my pelvic bone rubs her just right. So I focus on that to keep gettin' those throaty moans. I look down at her, feel her tightenin' 'round me. I know she won't last much longer. My eyes run over her pale skin, the wet blonde hair spread out 'round her face, those big blue eyes. A moan escapes me at the sight of her. I lean down an' kiss her.
"You're so beautiful, baby."
"Oh, Daryl..."
Hearin' my name on her lips only fuels me further. It's become my favorite sound. I keep pushin' into her, one hand's grippin' her thigh, the other's holdin' her face. I smile against her lips at how good all of it feels, how good she feels. Everything inside me starts to tighten. My voice is ragged. "Come on, baby."
After one deep thrust she moans out my name an' I feel her shudderin' under me. In this moment, I'm eternally grateful she found those fuckin' condoms. I don't think I could stop to pull out if I tried. I push in her a few more times an' find my own release.
"Oh, fuck, Beth."
Everything inside me fragments as I collapse on top of her, tryin' not to put all my weight on her body. I feel her run her fingers through my hair. I slowly pull outta her as I kiss her lips. I help her up an' pull off the rubber, knottin' it at the end. She stretches up an' kisses me, wraps her arms 'round my neck. I help her get dressed, redoin' her bra an' pullin' the shirt over her head. I reach back for my own clothes.
"I'll see you back in the other buildin'. Last thing we need's a scene over us walkin' in together." I know she's right. I kiss her again an' watch as she walks away. Once I'm fully dressed I step outta the stall, toss the condom in the trash. I walk into the night, only to see it's pitch black now. The moon's covered in clouds, can't even see the stars. I see a light flickerin' to my side an' know it's comin' from the shelter. I walk in to see Beth sittin' up on the cot with the oil lamp in front of her. She smiles up at me as I take my spot next to her. I watch as she bends down to blow out the light, settin' it down on the floor next to her side. I pull down the blankets an' she curls tight against me. When I've covered us back up I kiss the top of her head. She turns to face me, those blue eyes dancin' in what little light there is.
"I love you so much, Daryl Dixon."
Those words set my body on fire, even after I'd come down from what we just did. Christ, the effect she has on me. I pull her face to mine, our mouths mold against one another as my tongue strokes hers. Her hand reaches up into my hair an' tugs at me. I grip her chin in my fingers an' tilt her head back to open her up to me more. Our limbs tangle 'round each other as we further deepen our embrace. In that moment, I don't care if one of the others woke up an' saw us makin' out like a couple of fuckin' idiots. Everything with Beth feels good to me, like it's the one thing in this world I keep gettin' right. I could die a happy man with the taste of that girl's kiss lingerin' in my mouth.