Hello all. Another new chapter. I haven't been mentioning POV on all my chapters, due to all of them being in the same POV, but soon I'll be shifting a bit, so I'm gonna get back in the practice. Enjoy.

Zanthia POV

I returned to my ship, switching off my droid before he could get out a single word. I was in no mood to deal with android logic tonight.

I went to the galley, made myself a cup of tea and sat down. My brain was in overdrive and my usual Jedi calming techniques were doing nothing to slow it down. I was shocked that I made it back to my ship.

I sat for a long time, not really thinking anything. My tea sat on the table in front of me, cold and untouched. It had to have taken at least three hours for the shock to wear off enough for me to be able to actually begin to analyze my situation. My Jedi training didn't cover this kind of thing.

This wasn't the first time I had been approached by a man in an intimate way.

At the beginning of my last month on Balmorra, Lieutenant Harking's team was assigned to the same base I was stationed. It was now Major Harking, but he had not changed much from when I last saw him on Hoth.

It took a few days, but he eventually picked up flirting we me, exactly where he left off before I was captured. It was subtle and kept to times when neither of us were working. This time, however, I began to flirt back.

After becoming a Knight, I started observing the interactions of of the non-Jedi around me. I was no longer the shy little padawan. I didn't actually know if I wanted a more intimate relationship with Sarin, or any man for that matter, but I found that I enjoyed the flirtation. It became almost like a game to us, until the day I was to depart Balmorra.

I had completed the mission I had set out to complete, so I had little reason to stay, considering if I stayed until Balmorra was free, I'd never leave. Jedi were far too valuable to have permanent assignments. Before I set out for home, Sarin visited me in my ship. He expressed his disappointment in my departure, but commented that this would not be the last time we met.

Then he kissed me. It wasn't a short, soft kiss either. It was long and hard and passionate. If he had been a less honorable man, he probably could have taken advantage of the passion, but after several minutes, he ended the kiss and left the ship with a wave. It had taken me almost an hour afterwards to recover enough to fly the ship.

This situation was different in one key aspect, though. Saganu wasn't just flirting with me, he had asked me to be his mate. He was talking about engaging in something far more permanent. More importantly, he was asking me to choose between the Republic and the Empire. He was probably not doing it intentionally, but the end result was the same. If I agreed to be his mate, I'd be leaving the Jedi and Republic, to join an ally of the Empire.

The scary thing was, I was considering the offer.

The next day, after a very sleepless night, I headed over to Saganu's room first thing in the morning. He had asked me to join him for dinner, but I had no hope of getting anything done with my day until I spoke with him again.

When I got to his door, I knocked. I still had a key, but it seemed intrusive to simply walk in, particularly, since I was not expected until the afternoon.

Saganu opened the door, looking surprised, but not upset by my sudden appearance.

"Zanthia. I hadn't expected you until this evening, but I'm happy to see you, none the less."

He moved aside to let me in the room. Though it was fairly early in the morning, he was already dressed and ready for the day. I noticed, however, that he seemed to be in the middle of breakfast.

"Would you care to join me for breakfast?" He asked.

"No, I'm fine. I just wished to talk more about your proposal. I'm a bit less shocked and I have some serious questions to ask."

He gestured to the sofa. "Then, by all means, sit and ask your questions."

I took a seat at the far end of the sofa and he sat at the other side, allowing me space.

"What you've requested of me as left me very conflicted."

Saganu nodded. "I had figured it would. I apologize, but there was no way to ask without conflict."

I nodded as well. "You said you learned some about the ways of the Jedi, so you know we're not allowed to have romantic attachments. We're not allowed to get married or have children. I'm guessing asking me to be your mate is the equivalent of human marriage."

"It is a similar act. We don't have a word for our pairing off, but we do mate for life."

"Though the question would be easier to answer if I weren't a Jedi, My teachings as a Jedi are not what I'm truly concerned about. Many Jedi have relationships which would be considered inappropriate and I know for a fact that many have children. There are loopholes around the rules. What I'm more concerned about is my place as a Jedi in the Republic conflicting with your place as an Ally to the Empire. You and I are currently standing on opposite sides of a war. I can not and will not fight against the Republic or the Jedi. I'm not Sith, nor do I wish to become one."

Saganu got a worried look on his face, scooting closer to me and taking my hand.

"I would never dream of asking you to become Sith. I've never much cared for their kind and am actually relieved to hear you do not wish to become one. As for this war between our sides, I will never ask you to fight against the Republic. I can't promise the Ascendancy will never ally with the Empire against them, on occasion, but I will not ask you to participate. Just as I would hope you would never ask me to fight against the Empire."

He gave my hand a reassuring squeeze, since he undoubtedly could feel me trembling.

"It'd be a complicated relationship, I don't doubt that, but if we both can live as members of the Ascendancy first and foremost, I think we can make it work. I'm merely asking you for the opportunity to try."

I sighed. "Why do you have to be so charming?" I asked, more to myself than to Saganu. This made him chuckle.

"May I ask you a question, since we're trying to talk this out?" He asked, still holding my hand. "Did you choose to be a Jedi or did you become one by default?"

The question surprised me. It took me a few moments to answer. "I guess you could say I was born into the Jedi. It's the only life I know."

He nodded. "Would you have chosen the lifestyle, if you had been given the choice, now that you know what it is to be a Jedi?"

I didn't have a quick answer to the question. I should have been able to say yes, but something stopped the words from leaving my lips. It was true, I didn't choose to be a Jedi. Though I knew I didn't have to stay, no one was forcing me to be Jedi, I had never really thought of doing anything else. Was this because I truly wanted to be a Jedi or was it simply because I knew no other way? I didn't realized I was crying until Saganu wiped a tear off my cheek.

"I've done something to upset you. I didn't wish to make you cry."

I lowered my gaze to my lap, where his right hand was still holding mine. "No. You just asked a question I can't answer. One I don't know how to answer."

"I think, once you answer the currently unanswerable question, all others will fall into place."

He pulled me into a hug and I didn't protest. At the moment, it felt good to be held.

I left a few minutes later, choosing to go back to my ship, rather than return to the refugee camp. I had promised to return for dinner, which had left me several hours to kill.

Saganu was correct. Only one question was standing in the way of me making a decision. The fact was, I was a Jedi. I was good at being a Jedi. The question I needed to answer was, did I want to be a Jedi?

To Be Continued...