The one problem with having people come into town for meetings is that it became impossible to cancel them. Shane wished he could have done just that as he pulled off the expressway at the airport exit.
But it was far too late to cancel his meeting with Dr. Bowers. She would be landing soon and, once he knew what they were dealing with, he would make his pitch to Carly. Shane needed her on this job. His options were Carly or Marcus, and Marcus was too close to Steve to be trusted. Not to mention that Carly was already on the research team, so that provided cover for Shane to meet with her.
That's good. Keep focused on work.
As he turned into the airport parking lot, he repeated that mantra. If he could just think about work, everything would be fine.
Oh, who the bloody hell am I kidding?
Focusing on work was about the last thing Shane could do. He had spent another sleepless night in his bedroom replaying the litany of disasters of the day before - Steve's interrogation, the confrontation with Tarrington, the fight at the house, and, most of all, his talk with Kim.
"We can work through this." Kim's voice echoed in his head.
For a brief moment, he had wanted to agree with her. It had taken all his strength to say no. And even then, he had almost given in. When he saw her weeping, he could not stop himself from wanting to comfort her. When he touched her, he wanted to take her in his arms. If Kim had not forced the issue . . . if she had left the next step for him to make. . . .
Shane pulled the car into an empty parking space, stopped it, and turned off the motor. He made no effort to get out.
Just yesterday, at the hospital, he had vowed to keep his distance from Kim. Yet, only a few hours later, he had let her back inside his walls. And who was he kidding? He would given in. He would have taken her in his arms, carried her to the sofa, and made love to her. Even now, he regretted walking away.
That same regret had kept him awake all night. As he tried to force himself to sleep, he had battled the desire and temptation to go to her. How many times had he approached his door? How many times had he started to open it, only to stop himself from turning the knob?
He ran his hands over his face. Kim was like an addiction. As much as he wanted her, Shane knew keeping distant was the right thing to do. They would only hurt each other again, and he could not take that pain. It had nearly destroyed him before; he doubted he could survive if she left him again.
In the back of his head, he heard a voice call him a coward. Maybe it was right. Maybe Kim was right. Maybe they could work things out this time. But then he remembered what he had said to her. As much as they tried to tell themselves that their love could overcome everything, they had never really believed it. Kim had never fully trusted him, and he . . . he could not keep his heart open to her when he was angry or hurt. The walls invariably came back.
That was why he needed to maintain his distance. It also was why he needed to end this threat from Lawrence. He needed to end this torture. Being in such close proximity to Kim invited disaster.
A plane roared overhead, jarring him out of those thoughts. Shane reminded himself why he was here. He was supposed to be working. Focus on work. The thought caused his mind to flash back to the air force base in Cyprus when he pledged to use work to distract his mind from Kayla. Now he would do the same with Kim. Work would get him through.
With that thought, Shane refocused. Forget the night before. Just focus on the job at hand. He picked up the car phone, dialed University Hospital, and asked for Carly. He waited while she was paged. Eventually, she answered.
"Shane?" She sounded curious about why he was calling.
He quickly explained to her that he had a matter he wanted to discuss with her about the lab, and was wondering if she could meet him at the ISA office. Shane also told her that he did not want to discuss it at the hospital, and he hoped she would not mention it to anyone until he could explain. She seemed hesitant, but finally agreed to meet with him in a few hours.
Good. That took care of that part of the plan. Now, he had to learn a bit more about the toxin. He glanced at his watch and realized that Dr. Bowers' plane had probably just landed. He got out of the car and headed for the terminal so he could meet her at the gate.
"Blast it," he said, as he stepped inside and spotted the "arrivals" monitor. The flight from Washington was delayed for another 15 minutes. He paced around a bit, hating to be wasting even a minute of time, then stopped short as he glanced around. Coming through the doors was Kayla.
Of course, Shane thought. If her hearing was yesterday, she's probably just getting back.
He studied her for a moment. She looked preoccupied as she looked around the terminal. Looking for Steve, no doubt. Shane felt a momentary twinge of jealousy, but just shook his head. It was silly for him to feel jealous, but he also knew that his jealousy was not over Kayla being with Steve. It was jealousy at what they had.
Shane was jealous that Steve and Kayla seemed to be able to do what he and Kim could never do - they trusted that their love would get them through everything. When Kayla found out about what had happened with Steve the day before, she would probably be angry, but they would work through it. Their love and trust in each other would overcome anything. Isn't that what true love's all about?
After watching her for a moment longer, Shane turned away and remembered that he was supposed to be focusing on work. On Bowers. On Carly. On the lab.
That made him think about his meeting with Julie and Neil the day before and their discussion of Kayla. Shane wondered if he should talk to her about their decision. She seemed to still be looking around and Shane had little else to do until Bowers arrived. He quickly scanned the terminal, just to make sure there was no sigh of Steve, but the coast seemed clear.
Shane started to cross the terminal toward Kayla, called her name, and reminded himself that this was strictly business.