Sorry for the delay, but I got a review the other day and that always helps motivate me to update a story. Glad it's being enjoyed. Thanks for reading.
Zanthia POV
Over the next two weeks, most of my time was spent working with the refugees. In the evenings, I would dine with Saganu, then return to my ship to contemplate my question. Truth be told, I was enjoying Saganu's company more and more everyday. I found myself wishing we could stroll around the promenade together, act as a real couple. This wish scared me.
If I were truly a Jedi, I wouldn't be having these feelings. Or maybe, if I were truly meant to be a Jedi, I wouldn't be wrestling with them at all. I'd find excuses to remain a Jedi and abandon the Jedi, all through the day. By the time I went to bed, I'd be just as confused, if not more so, than I was the night before.
I just didn't know.
After a full month had passed, I knew my time was up. I needed to decide if I was going to return to Tython or go with Saganu.
I stood outside his room, data card in hand. I no longer felt the need to knock, but I was reluctant to enter. I had an answer, but I still wasn't sure if I was making the right decision. I had managed to not change my mind for almost 24 hours. I took it as a hopeful sign.
I took a deep breath and let myself in.
The lights in the room had been dimmed and there was soft music playing in the background. There was a dozen purple and blue flowers acting as a centerpiece to the table, which was already set for our meal. The room held a distinctly romantic ambiance.
Saganu smiled as he greeted me at the door, taking my hand and kissing it gently. "I hope you don't mind the ambiance. Regardless of your decision, I thought our last meal together on this world should be special."
"It's beautiful. Will dinner get cold if we talk first?" I asked. My voice came out surprisingly strong and confident.
"No, it's being kept warm. I figured you would wish to talk before we dined." He motioned to the sofa. "Should we sit?"
"I'd rather stand, for the moment." For some reason standing gave me courage.
"As you like." He replied, waiting patiently for me to continue.
"I've honestly never spent so much time thinking, as I have the last few weeks. The more I think, the more confused I seem to become, but I've made a decision." I looked down for a moment, then looked up into Saganu's eyes. "I don't know if I would have chosen to be a Jedi, if given an option. Also, I can't agree to be your mate..."
Saganu tried to speak, but I placed my hand gently on his lips to silence him.
"Let me finish, please. I can't agree to be your mate...yet. I've only known you for a short time. I'm not in love with you, but as you stated about yourself, I couldn't live with myself if I didn't try. If you agree, I'll leave here with you. Maybe some time in your world will help me get some perspective. I'm sorry it's not exactly what you wanted, but..."
"It's perfect." He said, pulling me into a hug. "Take all the time you need. Just having you in my life, in any capacity, will be enough. It's unreasonable to ask someone to be their mate with so little time spent together."
I smiled at him like an idiot, though thankfully he couldn't see it. I pulled out of the hug, but kept my arms around his waist.
"I'm happy you agree with my decision. I only ask one thing. I need a few days to prepare before we leave the planet. I'm finished helping the refugees I came here to assist, but I have a few things to do before departing. I plan to leave my ship here, in lockdown. The Jedi council will look for me here, when I don't' return or communicate soon. I'm going to leave a holo for my master. She's been family to me almost my whole life and I can't leave without some explanations. I can't tell her the whole story, but I can give her part of it. I don't wish for anyone to go looking for me."
"I understand. We'll leave when you're ready. There's no rush."
Without thinking, I hugged Saganu again. He accepted it with a sigh. I could feel how happy he was and it was hard not to match his emotions. I was terrified, but happy as well. I pulled away, smiling up at him.
"When we do depart, where are we going? Hoth?"
"Eventually. I thought we might spend a few weeks on Ool, at my estate. It'll give us a chance to get to know each other, without the stresses of my profession. The weather will be far more favorable, as well. That is, if you agree?"
"Sounds great." I backed up from Saganu and took a seat at the table. I was shaking and my knees felt weak. I had done it. I just hoped I won't live to regret it.
To Be Continued