"You shouldn't be out here." I turned to squint at him walking towards me, that once clean, shaven face looking warned and tired almost sun burnt from the lack of hat he had. The gloves were sticking out of his back pocket instead of that sheriff's badge; he was no longer a policeman.

I turned my face back towards the farthest away fence. "Neither should you."

His body made the fence groan with the slight touch. "I guess we were both never good at listening."

"What's growing out there?" the safety of my gun clicked on and off between my thumb and finger, something out of boredom.

"It is all starting to look the same to me, ask Hershel." I turned back to Rick smiling.

"You're a terrible farmer."

He chuckled kicking his feet at the cement ground scattering small pebbles of gravel into the air a serious expression dropped upon his face. "You know…Judith kind of could see you as her mother as it is…If you want you could ju-!"

"Rick." I reached out and grabbed his shoulder so he could look at me. "I could never do that to Lori. Judith is her baby girl, her miracle; I need to respect her memory. Thank you though, for trying to make me feel better. I know it is hard for you to do anything to help so this is much appreciated, for now though, let me handle my emotions on my own. That is all I want; all I need."

"No one wants to be alone." With that he turned away from me and stalked off leaving me standing alone at the fence. Of course I did not want to be alone, but being around people made me uncomfortably sad. Especially around Daryl. It had been a while since my feint in the bathroom, and every time I meet him he wants to fight about helping me. I do not need help. I need him to understand I do this to not hurt him while I am riding out this grieving process. I knew I might be being over dramatic from the words of Alice, but maybe I needed to be for my own sake. Exclude myself as Rick would do to not endanger anyone else who stepped into my raging path. I do not know how long it has been since that day my old self detached itself from me along with my long hair; days, weeks, months…I knew Beth kept count on a board starting over once there was an accident. Thirty days since the last one, this was mine in the bathroom. Since then everyone seemed cozy even though our once known enemies were living beside us. Woodbury residents littered up our prison invaded our home. They knew I disliked them, but they thought since they had Keegan, who they referred to as Kristopher, and also Tyreese, the one who asked to live here a while back ago despite his friends wife death inside, these people though they were okay. As if they did not shoot up our house with a vengeance. Beth told me these people were different, that The Governor killed all those soldiers, but I did not want to believe her. They still never helped me escape. They still pinned Daryl against his brother. They still did not stop him from killing my baby.

"Want some?" A cup tapped my shoulder. "You've been out here for an hour."

It did not feel like an hour. It felt like seconds. People were scattered around the courtyard talking, eating, thinking, rocking. I turned my head to see Rick now out in the field farming away at crops, speaking with Carl, and examining a pig. Where had time gone? "Thanks." I took the water from Alice.

She tilted her head to the side. "How are you feeling?" I shrugged. "I have some nice breathing technics and methods to release some wanted dopamine if you would life. It might make you feel better."

"No thank you Alice. It's really quite hard to move around," I frowned.

"Oh…" she trailed off her eyes lingering down to my stomach. It was still as big as it was last month, maybe possibly a little bit bigger. I tried to calculate how far along I had been since conception but it was nearly damned impossible. "I can check down there if you want make sure everything is…okay." I knew what she thought. I thought it every day. That the baby was fully formed and miscarried caused it to turn inside me. I think I would have been dead by now if that was possible. Everything it once was, was now lost. It's half-grain of rice fingernails, its plum sized feet, its liquid eye-sockets, which when opened would revel to have Daryl's beautiful dark blue eyes, it would have been prefect…and now it's gone forever.

"Please." I squeezed my eyes shut. "Just stop talking."

"Come on," she smiled trailing her hand down the small of my back pushing me away from the fence back into humanity. "Daryl's leaving."

I stopped. "What?"

"Yeah. Him and some others are going on a run later today. I thought you would want to know." She gave me another push to keep walking.

"Why didn't he come tell me?"

"Rose." She giggled as if it was a laughing matter. "I don't know if you still use this sort of lingo…but you kind of broke up with him."

I glared at her. "No I didn't. I just-I only…I just told him I need some alone time."

"Rose. You told him you don't love him anymore." This time she frowned at me. Why was it so hard to remember these things? Why was it hard to figure out how long I had last spoken to him? "You do know he leave every night to find us food?"

"I can't keep track of time anymore…" I looked around for him spotting him speaking to man I had no idea what his name was.

She smiled again. "I have noticed. Maybe you should get a watch."

I did not respond. Instead I walked away from her heading to where Daryl stood all ready to leave with a white bowl in his hands. Those hands that used to hold mine, used to rub soothing circles on my back to stop me from crying, those hand that once ran through my hair at night, but now my bed was always empty. Pain hit my heart burning at the pumping source of energy inside me making me want to stop and go in the other direction, but I trudged on. "Why did you not tell me?"

He turned around to look at me a numb expression on his face. "Tell you what?"

"That you leave every night, that you are leaving right now…Where are you going? Why?" Question pooled out of my mouth.

"You never cared before."

I bit the inside of my lip. "I did not know before. This is the first I am hearing of it." I took a step closer but he took one back. "I-I lose time so easily. I don't know where I am sometimes. I try to understand things but it is so hard. I forget what I am doing and why. I never know when it's seconds or years…"

He furrowed his eyebrows. "Are you expecting my pity?"

"No," I shook my head feeling the throbbing in my throat from his cold tone. "I forgot to talk to you."

"That does not make any sense you know that?" he shook his head.

I blinked at him. "You say I never cared to ask before where you always went, but it is not true I always care. I just forget to ask you why. I know I go looking for you, but something else makes me distracted and I sit there for hours. Thinking, moving, rocking, trying to remember what I forgot."

He reached out towards me making me flinch when his hand made contact with my shoulder. "Are you still upset?"

"I don't know."

Then he did something I forgot he could do. Daryl pulled me into his arms melting me into his embrace. "I am just going to find some more supplies I will be back later. We can talk." He walked away from me. Was that the end of my needed alone time? Was I ready to come back into sanity? Did he know something about my mental mindset that I did not understand? What had I said to make him hug me again? He has not touched me for the longest time, almost as if my skin burned like acid at the contact. He left me standing there, but it was not like most times. I was more than willing for him to go because I knew he would be back. I knew happiness was hard to come across right now, but my miserableness felt faded.

"Look what I found," he waved a book in front of me once I returned to where everyone sat eating, or talking, or just sitting. "Come on look at it." I flickered to my eyes to the page. "Don't you just enjoy watching love flourish." He flipped through the pages. "Romeo, Romeo where for art thou Romeo."

"Keegan," I snapped him shut. "Stop reciting that stupid poem."

He frowned. "You used to love that book."

"Back when school was a normal thing to attend…" I grumbled feeling angry at his presence near me. We were on better terms I suppose than when he once returned. Just as I was with Daryl, I sometimes forgot to really acknowledge my brother's animation, but he made himself known to me by throwing in some nostalgia that I did not care for. He was still as annoying, still as nosey, and still keen to protect my; I deffed myself to him most of the time. I knew Beth, and now Alice pleaded with me to just face my grudging demons and forgive him, forgive Daryl, and most of all forgive myself but it was like trying to break a nasty habit. It was always mostly impossible to forgive and forget. I tried when I could remember what I was trying for in the first place.

"Lighten up sissy,' he nudged my shoulder. "You can't still be mad at me?"

I rolled my eyes. "Deny thy father and refuse thy name."

He hit my shoulder rougher. "That's the spirit!"

"We are in the apocalypse and you beg for me to quote Romeo and Juliet." I think he could sense the playfulness in my voice.

For his smiled became sincere. "You seem better Rose. You seem relaxed. You seem yourself."

I sighed looking out into the field in the far off distance not seeing that speck of Rick in the yard. He must have gone away. These words, spoken to me by both Keegan and Daryl in the same day; it was strange. I had no noticed the slight changes in my actions or thoughts. The things I did just began to start to happen without my consent. Maybe letting my body and mind take their own course was best for me. Maybe it helped me figure everything out without even knowing I was doing it to doubt. I had no second guess or judgment in recover…perhaps it just happened? I stuck my thumb under my teeth and bit down. "I bite my thumb at you sir." Emotional talks were mostly still avoidable though. His arm wrapped around me like he did one too many times before; tucked me away in his arms in much more brotherly hug than Daryl. I couldn't bring myself to enjoy. That sick nagging sensation in my stomach yanked at me from not being frustrated with him. He had done too much to me for me to ever forget.

He tugged me up the stairs with him not daring to talk. I know he needed me to be with him while he spoke to her. I did not want mind. I wanted to be there if she cried. "Hey," he gruffed at her with me standing slightly behind him.

"Hey," her eyes peeled away from her 'journal' to look up at us. "What is it?"

Daryl look back at me and then to Beth. He sighed. "Zach."

She looked down shuffling around in her bed. "Is he dead?" Daryl did not respond. "Okay." She closed her journal and stood up. Her hand lightly peeled the 3 off of the 30 making it zero days without an accident.

"Beth." I stepped forward waiting for her to cry, scream, anything.

"What?" Such lost eyes. "I don't cry anymore. I am just glad I got to know him."

"Me too," Daryl said behind me. I had never met him once.

She raised her eyebrows. "Are you okay?"

"Just tired of losing people." There was a slight sigh in his voice. Her arms wrapped around me, and then she quickly removed them and hugged Daryl.

"I'm glad I did not say goodbye," she pulled away. "I hate goodbyes."

"Me too." My eyes met Daryl's as Beth had turned away. We both knew what was to come with us. He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of her cell into what once was ours. It was emptier now that his things were relocated somewhere I had never bothered to discover. It was colder, darker, lonelier, and much sadder without the warmth of two. He did not speak but instead stared at me through the darkness. Stared through eyes in the dark searching for my lost identity, pulling apart every confusing part of my soul and cracking each of its codes, pin pointing every triggering thought, discovering what was making me tick, founding the reason behind every movement I made, thought I possessed, and action I took, and he took every broken piece of my body, mind, and soul and slowly began to mend them with that look in his eye. Those eyes I had caught such a long time ago I forget when it even was. Those eyes I had met while crying out for help, crying out to be cared for, and explained why I was alone. Those eyes that saved my entire world. He was saving my world once again with those eyes right here and now. We were talking, but not speaking and that was all I needed. For him to sit there and fix me while I let him. I needed to let him fix me. I could not live like this any longer. This anger, this pain, this forgetfulness, this insanity. It was all too much.

As if we had been standing there for mer seconds my world began to hammer away to fix those cracks in time I had plastered with grief, worry, and guilt. Then he strode forward and kissed me. Kissed me until I fell back onto the bed. "I love you,' he whispered tearing my shirt over my head. "I still love you." His fingers were unbuttoning his own shirt throwing it across the emptied room next to mine. "I could never stop loving you." I ran my hands down the length of his stomach as he hovered over me. His hands were slithering down my back to find my bra clasp which snapped off with ease. "I knew you were still in there somewhere. I knew you just needed me to back off. You always did need that. I knew you were ready to let me in again." He caressed my face. "It was in your eyes." His lips leaned down to touch my softly, slowly, passionately. My body lit up like a candle burning with a fever. A sound between a groan and his name left my lips as his fingers wrapped up in my belt loop to tug my pants down my legs and off of the bed. My breaths became heavier, anxious at the thought of what was to come now. His skin is as hot as mine and his chest rises and falls rapidly. He pulls his mouth away from mine and I whimper at the loss of contact from him, before I really complain his mouth meets my neck. I feel every lick, every sucking movement of his sweet lips making a puddle of heat pool down my body and shoot through my thighs. His teeth graze my collarbones and I grasp onto his hair telling him these games were no fun. His mouth plants a trail of kisses against my jawline up to my near giving it a slight nip making me moan quietly into his. The soft noise escaping my mouth made him grow hard against my leg. His finger pads trail down from my face, down the middle of my chest reaching the top of my underwear which I forgot I was even wearing. His fingers dip inside the under garment and my teeth grind together when his hand makes contact. His breath was shallow in my ear as he flexed a finger at my bundle of nerves hidden in the soft folds. Daryl was clumsy, scared, and I was getting awfully frustrated with the teasing; he sensed it. He inserted a finger into my waiting heat. He moves timidly, sporadically, hot breaths hitting my ear make me want him ever so badly. Need was building inside me, longing for him to come closer. Then he stopped. Before I spoke about the withdrawal, he reentered.

I bite my lip as my stomach clenches and my toes curl. Sweat built up in my hairline and along my neck. He inserts another finger making my teeth bite harder into my lip as a groan escaped my mouth. I felt myself reaching my high as I scratched at his arm begging for the release. He stops once more taking my panties off while he pulls away and when I regain focus and look down he's removing his pants. "You son of a bitch." I smirk at him as he drops them to a floor before returning his attention my naked body. He takes my hand and wraps it around his length. I move my hand up and down as he positions himself on top of me, spreading my legs apart with his knees. Suddenly his lips meet mine, his tongue teasing mine, molding our mouths together like they should be. My hands shoot to his back to pull him closer as I feel his manhood brush against my leg before pressing into me. My eyes screw at the sensation. It had been so long I forgot how good he was. He kisses me everywhere, lips, cheeks, nose, neck…anywhere to example love.

I stare up at him. His jaw clenched in concentration, his hard muscles contract and pull against his skin. He buries his head into my neck with hot breath wild on my skin. He rolls his hips into mine cause a groan from both our mouths. Time slows, then speeds, then stops as he thrust in and out of me. I feel his sweat on my lips from his tattered body pushing inside me until both of us were on edge. I open my mouth to say his name for the sake of both of us but the word catches in my throat. A sharp pain jerked me forward shooting up my from my stomach to my chest burning at my heart making it hard to breath. "Daryl," I gasp out and he takes my cries of help as sighs of pleasure. I was choking on my own breaths as he finished inside me waiting for me to come down from this 'high' but this was no happy end. It was banging, scratching, tearing at me.

And then it stopped.

"Are you okay?" he asked a slight pant in his voice. He catches the look on my face, a look a pure terror. "What happened" Did I hurt you?"

I breathe, I breathe, I breathe until it became easier. I reached over and grabbed his moist hand placing it on my midriff.

"Something just kicked me."

As you can see I am not very good at writing smut so ya...
Anyways Rose is kinda really bipolar and stuck between a personality disorder if you did not notice.
Comment what you think please xoxo.