After quite a bit of problem solving and some serious labor (lol) I have finally figured out how to fix my chapters and still continue my story. I'm not gonna lie, it made my head numb haha! But it's fixed and I'm so sorry for any problems/confusion. Hope you all like this chapter! I just started the next one :)

"Fuck! Shit!"

His arm's covered in blood. He throws his head back against his seat an' punches the dashboard. I can't get the key in the ignition, my eyes are clouded tryin' to hold back the tears. This can't be happenin'.

"Motherfucker! I can't believe that son of a bitch got me!"

I finally get the truck started. I won't look at him, I can't look. If I don't see it, it ain't real. I step on the gas an' speed down the road. He swears the whole ride, his fist bloodied from hittin' the dash a second an' third time. I see a sign for the development an' swing the truck in. I don't stop right away, instead I head further back to the end of the neighborhood where we been stayin'.

"Just fuckin' stop already!"

I swerve into the driveway an' follow him outta the truck an' up the porch. I'm havin' trouble breathin' as he works at the door to open it. I see the pool of blood formin' on the welcome mat an' I turn to vomit over the railin'. He turns back to me.

"The fuck you pukin' for? I'm the one that got bit! Jesus Christ!"

I finally meet his eyes. They're a stormy blue, slightly bloodshot. But he ain't cryin'. He's too strong to cry. I must look so pathetic throwin' up an' sobbin' like a child. But I can't help it. I can't lose him. We stumble inside an' open the first door into the kitchen. I help him set at the table an' start searchin' the cupboards for anything to help stop the bleedin'.

"Just sit your ass down. Ain't no sense tryin' to help me now."

His voice's quiet, but still strong. He's always been so strong. He's kept me safe, kept me fed an' alive. If I lose him, I ain't gonna make it. I drop my hands to the marble counter. Run over the smooth surface. I wanna focus on anything else in the room to distract me from what's happenin'.

"Sit down. You're makin' me nervous."

I let out my breath, slowly breathin' in again as I turn to face him. His head is hung back, eyes closed. His dark, shaggy hair's soaked in sweat. I can see he ain't got any color in his face. He runs his hand over the stubble on his cheek, up into his hair an' down the back of his neck. The injured arm hangs limp at his side, blood drippin' down to the white tile. I make my way to the table an' sit across from him.

"You can't die. I need you."

I hate how my voice cracks on the end, hate that I can't be strong for him when he needs me most. I feel sick to my stomach. My hands grip tightly to the edge of the table. The pressure causes my knuckles to ache, but I don't let go. Gives me somethin' to focus on. He lets out a laugh.

"I taught you plenty to survive. You know how to get food an' you know how to kill the dead. You know to break in places an' search for what you need. S'good enough."

His voice's much weaker now. I don't wanna look at him. My leg's bouncin' up an' down. I can't control my nerves or the sick feelin' I got. I wanna tell him it'll be alright. I wanna tell him I'll figure out a way to save him. Before anything can come to me, he cries out. I nearly jump outta my skin. I knock my chair over in my effort to get to him faster. He grips at his bicep an' cries out again.

"Fuck!"

He's still sweatin', an' when I place my palm to his forehead I feel the heat comin' off like a wood stove in July. The fever came quicker than I thought. I'd seen people take a whole day before it hit. I figured he could at least get two more days with how strong he is. I pull my hand back an' stand over him. This is really it. He's gonna die right in front of me. He takes a deep breath, reaches to his side an' pulls his gun off his hip. He drops it on the table.

"Ain't gonna be much longer. You gotta put me down."

I close my eyes an' try to turn away from him. I won't do this. There's gotta be another way. I feel his hand on my wrist, burnin' at me like a flame. I can feel the heat his skin's puttin' off. My eyes open an' meet his. The blue in his eyes looks lighter, weaker. He still looks determined. Weak, but determined. His hand drops my wrist as he reaches for the gun, shovin' it into my palm. With shakin' fingers, I close around the barrel.

"You gotta toughen up. This world ain't what it was. You don't figure that out, it'll be you sittin' in this chair next."

His breath comes out rattlin'. This is it. He's really dyin'. I choke up, shake my head. I can't kill him.

"I can't do it."

He lets out a small laugh, his face twists in pain with the effort. He looks up to me an' I see he still ain't cryin'. If anybody would meet death head on, it's him.

"Figured. You best take that gun an' get your ass," he winces. "Outta here."

Realization sets in that this is the last time I'll ever see him alive. That I'm really on my own now. I fight back the bile risin' in my throat. I ain't gonna throw up again. Slowly, I lower myself into the chair next to him. I ain't gonna let him die alone. Not like this. He smiles at me, his hand reaches to my forearm an' grips loosely, his strength ebbin' away.

"I said it 'fore. You're too good a person. You ain't ever gonna make it out here alone with all that fuckin' hopin' an' prayin'."

He's so quiet, I can hardly hear him. It ain't the first time he's told me this. I cringe at the thought it could be the last thing he ever says to me. I know he don't like emotions or openin' up to no one. But I don't care. He ain't gonna die without hearin' it. My voice's broken, silent.

"I love you."

He tries to laugh again, but the pain's too much. I watch as he hangs his head back. His breaths come out slower, shorter. After a moment, it looks like he ain't breathin' at all. Tears burn at my eyes an' I stop tryin' to fight them. Pushin' the chair back, I stand next to him. The gun shakes in my hand as I raise my aim to his head. I can do this. I have to do this.

A shaky breath escapes him an' I almost fall back. He's turned. He's gone an' now I gotta put him down. But I can't bring my finger to the trigger. I can't shoot him. I see his lips try to move an' then I hear it.

"Love you, Jesse."

It's mumbled, too soft to seem to come from such a strong man. But I know what he said. I cry into my free hand as I see his head fall back again. His last words were that he loved me. I wipe at my eyes. He don't move. Don't speak no more. I know he's dead now an' I know he's gonna turn. But I can't do it. I stumble over the fallen chair as I make my way back to the door. My fingers slip on the handle, still wet from wipin' away my tears. I look back one last time at his body.

"I'm so sorry, Trent."

With a final sigh, I open the door an' close it behind me. It got dark outside. I can barely make out the house across the street. The day's already over. When I woke up this mornin', I'd never guessed that this would happen. He wanted me to be able to take care of myself, but I couldn't do it alone. An' now, I am alone. I crumble to the ground an' cry myself to sleep.

The moanin' an' scratchin' at the door's what woke me. The sun shines in through the window an' I remember where I am. An' I remember what happened yesterday. I stand, gun in hand an' press my ear to the door. I can hear him growlin' in there. Only thing separatin' us is this piece of wood. I push myself away an' head for the front door, leavin' what once was my older brother behind me.

I step out on the porch an' look down at the gun in my hand. It pisses me off that I let him turn, that I couldn't bring myself to kill him. We'd gone the last two days without food, an' he gets bit when we go out lookin'. I pull my hand back an' throw that gun into the bushes by the house. I ain't ever gonna be strong or brave like Trent. I'm gonna die out here. Just a matter of time. Part of me wants to give up, go back inside, lay down an' die quietly. I'm a coward. I don't wanna go the way he had.

But he fought so hard to keep me alive. I give up an' he would've died for nothin'. My stomach growls. I feel weak from emotion an' hunger. I walk off the porch an' head into the neighborhood. I'll find another house. Find some food. I get a little ways down the road, past the houses we already searched when I see three white vans parked up ahead. My heart beats painfully in my chest. They weren't there yesterday. I slowly make my way over, my muscles cramp from malnourishment, but I push on. I can only hope they're good people.

I stop in my tracks when I see a girl standin' on the porch. For a second, I think I imagine it. But I move closer an' she sees me. My throat's so damn dry from bein' thirsty. I try my best to call out to her. She runs down the steps in front of me. Her face splits into a big, warm smile that could melt a heart of ice, an' it nearly broke mine. The early mornin' sun shines off her pale hair an' skin. Her big, blue eyes are warmer than the smile. She looks like an angel. I smile back at her.

"You gotta camp here?"

I open my eyes an' clear my head. I hadn't slept all night. I'd heard the others wake up, climbin' outta the van. I'd pretended to be asleep then. Spent the entire time thinkin' about everything that happened yesterday. How I'd ended up here in the first place.

I sit up an' stretch my back. These people were good. Rick an' Glenn had been cautious with me, but they let me join them. Even gave me food. The women here were all polite with me, askin' me if I'd needed clothes or shoes an' givin' me what they could. Beth was sweeter than molasses to me. I grin at the thought.

At first, I was helplessly drawn to that girl. She was gorgeous an' she was kind. I couldn't pinpoint it at first, but there was somethin' more to her. Then she sung in the van an' it felt like my heart kickstarted again. I knew what it was, then an' there. She was just like me: a good person who still saw good in the world around her.

Then there was Daryl. The man was so much like Trent it nearly killed me. He had a temper, but he was an obvious protector. He was their guardian. Everything about him reminded me of Trent: eyes, hair, posture. It was a lot to take in at first. I'd thought him an' Beth were half-siblin's. Other than blue eyes, they didn't look much alike. But he watched over her the way Trent did for me. It surprised the hell outta me when I saw the way he kissed her. I was a little upset at first, but then I saw how he was with her.

The man rarely takes his eyes off Beth, keepin' her close to him. It's obvious he's in love with her. An' the way she looks up at him, I don't know how I'd ever mistaken them for bein' related. I gotta admit, seein' two people like that keeps my hope alive. This world can't be as bad as it seems if you can still find the person you're meant for. An' there ain't no denyin' the two of them were meant for each other.

I think of how upset Daryl was with me yesterday for lyin' to them. It just happened. I was afraid they'd turn me away if I wasn't strong enough. Even lied an' told them I killed my brother. Now that Daryl knows the truth, I imagine it won't be much longer until they all know. I reckon he already told Beth last night. He has every right to. He looks out for the best interest of the group.

I climb outta the van an' see the others takin' stock of the food. I don't see Daryl or Rick. They must be out on a run lookin' for new cars. The vans ain't gonna last much longer. I hear her voice before I see her. I turn an' watch her as she sways with that little girl on her hip. She's singin' softly to her, tryin' to get her to stop cryin'.

Beth's off limits as far's I'm concerned. Her an' Daryl are good together. I hope he don't mind me wantin' to be her friend. She gives me hope that good people like us really can survive out here. I don't even know if she wants to be friends with me now that she knows I lied, but I decide to walk over to her anyways.

"What's her name?"

I turn to see Jesse walkin' up to me. I'm bouncin' Judith on my hip, tryin' to soothe her. She's been teethin' an' especially cranky today. Poor Rick looked like he didn't get a moments sleep last night. I gotta remember to start searchin' for things she can chew on to help her.

"Mornin', Jesse. This is Judith."

He smiles at her, holds out his hand an' laughs as she squeezes it. I look him over. He's changed outta the ratty clothes he'd been in. Carol or Maggie musta given him some of what we've been scavengin'. His whole face lights up when Judith laughs. I see Carl comin' this way. He looks apprehensively at Jesse, then smiles at me an' his sister.

"Thanks, Beth. I can take her. Michonne found some toy keys in one of the stranded cars last night. Says it's somethin' used for babies when they're teethin'."

I kiss the little girl on her head an' hand her to her brother. He walks back to where Michonne an' the others are packin' food away. Won't be much longer before the vans give out on us. I look over to see Jesse starin' out into the woods. I can only imagine what he's thinkin' of. I feel bad that not everybody tries to open up to him more.

"Why didn't you wanna go on the run with Daryl an' Rick?"

He shrugs. "I overslept. Besides, I wouldn't be much help to them out there."

I don't understand what he means. He's just as capable as anyone here. I gesture for him to follow me back to the group to get some food. Carol hands us both some fruit an' I follow him over to the guardrail. I sit next to him an' start eatin'. I glance 'round the others an' wonder if Daryl an' Rick will have any luck today. I wonder if they really could've used the extra help.

"Why don't you think you'd be much help?"

He looks surprised at my question. Like he expected me to know whatever the answer is. I smile at him, waitin' patiently for a response.

"Well, after yesterday I figured Daryl wouldn't wanna have me out there. I mean, I couldn't even kill the one we ran into. How-"

"Wait, what? Y'all found a walker yesterday? At the store?"

His face falls an' the look he gives me is obvious. Whatever had happened yesterday was somethin' he'd expected Daryl to tell me. I look at the fruit in my hand an' try not to get upset. I bite hard on my bottom lip. If Jesse thought it was somethin' I should know, why wouldn't Daryl tell me? Then it hits me. He thought it would worry me. Thought I couldn't handle knowin' somethin' could've happened to them. I bristle at the idea that he can't trust me to handle the truth.

"Beth, don't be mad at him. He was only lyin' to cover for me."

Any anger I might've felt slips away. He didn't lie because he thought I was weak. I look at Jesse again, his green eyes hold my gaze. He looks like he's choosin' his words carefully. Then he finally speaks.

"I lied to Rick an' Glenn. I've never killed anything. Not the dead, an' not my brother."

He goes on to tell me what really happened yesterday; to his brother an' at the store. I follow his words, read his emotions. There was no malice in his actions. Jesse only lied because he thought we'd turn him away. My heart breaks for him an' for his pain. I can't be mad at him.

Daryl lied to protect him. Not to shelter me from the world. I knew he had a softer side, an' not just the lovin' side he has with me. This confirms that. Daryl wouldn't just lie to me to cover for someone if he didn't think they were good. Obviously, he sees the good in Jesse, too. An' I can't be mad at him. In fact, my heart swells at the thought of how much he's changed for the better. I'd never make him change his ways, aside from not lettin' me in. He's changin' hisself an' part of me wants to believe he's doin' it for me as much as for him.

Jesse an' I finish our food. We talk some more an' he tells me about his brother, Trent. He says Daryl reminds him of his brother. I tell him about Daddy an' how much I miss him. I continue to tell him about my big brother an' my mama. He doesn't bring up his parents, an' I know better than to ask. We just get on the subject of Maggie an' Glenn when I see Daryl an' Rick rejoin the group. Daryl takes some food from Carol. She says somethin' to him, an' whatever he says back makes her laugh.

I touch Jesse's shoulder an' motion for him to follow me back over to the others. I meet Daryl's gaze an' smile at him. His finger curls towards hisself, gesturin' for me to sit next to him. Jesse follows me an' sits on my other side. I watch as Daryl tips his can of fruit to his lips. I laugh to myself at how hopelessly in love I am. He smirks at me, then kisses my cheek.

"Gotta go huntin' here soon. Ain't gonna live offa canned fruit. 'Sides, give you a chance to break in that coat."

"How'd Jesse do on the run yesterday?"

I don't know what to tell him. I could cover for the kid again, but it's different with Rick. An' I still hate myself for lyin' to Beth yesterday. I don't lie to any of 'em. Ever. Ain't no point in doin' it. I've never been one to not tell it like it is. But at the same time, I don't wanna be the reason we abandon the kid on the side of the road.

"Try startin' it up again."

Rick can spot a diversion from a mile away. But he turns the ignition, anyways, an' nothin' happens. The keys had been settin' on the dash. Thought we'd gotten lucky after earlier. The vans ain't gonna last another two miles. We been checkin' what few vehicles there were all mornin'. He climbs outta the car an' sighs.

"Well, somewhere along this road we're bound to find runnin' cars. We should head back to get some food."

I look up to the sky. Sun's high, even through the clouds I can just make it out. It's 'bout noon. I pick my crossbow up offa the ground an' follow him. It's colder today than it's been the last few days. I'll have to dig through the clothes we scavenged an' find somethin' warmer to wear. More importantly, we could use more vehicles. There's gotta be some place 'round here we can start some up. I look for any signs, only seein' the speed limit.

"Think any lots 'round here?"

"We'll ask Jesse an' Gabriel when we get back. They'd probably know of somethin'. Speakin' of Jesse, you plan on tellin' me what really happened last night?"

I hoist my bow up again an' stop walkin'. Rick turns to me an' looks me in the eye. He's patient, won't push me further than he has to. I scratch my chin an' sigh.

"Kid ain't ever killed nothin'. Not his brother. No walkers. Shit. Nearly pissed hisself when we saw one yesterday."

I can see Rick's jaw tense up. I think of how he reacted to Gabriel's confession. But we'd both been grateful when Gabriel led walkers offa us back at that church. What Jesse did ain't as bad as Gabriel. Ain't even close. I don't want Rick to be mad at him.

"I ain't sayin' lyin' to y'all was right, but he probably only did it so we'd take him."

"What's to say that's all he lied about? How do we know we can trust him?"

I shrug my shoulders. Rick's right. He could be lyin' 'bout all of it. For all we know, he coulda killed a whole messa people. But it don't seem right. No alarms go off when I'm near him, 'side from me thinkin' he was after Beth. I don't even know if I think that anymore. I wanna think he's a good kid.

"Guess we'll find out." He rubs his eyes. I can see how tired he is. If anything, I reckon this trip takes more outta him than the rest of us. "For what it's worth, I don't get that kinda feelin' 'bout the boy. Think he's alright. But it's your call."

He nods an' turns to head back, I walk next to him. He lets out a sigh. "Alright. Guess we'll find out."

It don't take long to get back. We hadn't strayed too far. Carol an' Maggie are handin' out food. Rick walks over to his kids. I take some fruit from Carol an' look at the stack of cans in the pile.

"Damn. Ain't got no meat left?"

She smiles at me, raises her eyebrows. "You ate most of it. Looks like you're a vegetarian until we can find more."

"Hell with that. I'll go out huntin' for some squirrels."

She laughs at me an' we sit together on the road. "Guess you couldn't find anything out there."

"We'll keep lookin'. Gotta be more out there than this. Me an' Jesse can take them bikes back to that store today an' check there."

I look 'round an' see Beth over with Jesse by the guardrail. I lift my hand an' gesture for her to come over to me. She smiles an' the two of 'em come sit on my other side. I tell Beth me an' her are gonna go huntin' later. Glenn takes the spot 'cross us by Maggie an' continues whatever talk he was havin' with Eugene.

"I'm just saying, isn't it important to know the days of the week? At least to know what month it is."

Eugene looks like he's takin' it seriously. For the longest time, I thought he was just some jackass with a mullet. But he ain't as dumb as he looks. Since I found out he's been in touch with people in D.C., I know he ain't stupid. Abraham said he's a scientist an' that's how he knows what caused this. I see the walkie stickin' outta his coat pocket an' wonder if he's already listened to the broadcast today.

"I have to say, there ain't no way for us to figure out what day it is. Not unless we found a calendar from before. We could use that an' count the days from the turn. But we'd have to remember when it started. It'd be a messy process of guesstimatin'."

Beth's listenin' to 'em. Fascinated by whatever the hell they're goin' on 'bout. She turns to me. "Wouldn't it be great to know what month it is?"

I smirk at her. This girl will do whatever it takes to hold onto what she can from the old world. But I ain't dumb. What difference would months an' days make?

"Months don't matter. Only seasons do."

She rolls her eyes at me. Maggie smiles over at us an' decides to put her two fuckin' cents in. "I agree with Glenn. I think it's a good idea to know the days."

Eugene tells us he figures it's early November. Carol laughs next to me. I turn to see what's so funny. She smiles. "November means Thanksgiving. Haven't had a good one of those in years."

I think of her bastard husband an' could just imagine her slavin' over some hot stove all day while he watched tv or slept. Stupid fucker. I'm glad I never saw him touch her. Me an' her weren't friends then, but I wouldn't sit back while some asshole throws his woman 'round.

"Daryl? Did you hear me?"

I turn to Beth. I'd been lost in the thought of puttin' a few bolts through Ed's body when she was tryin' to get my attention. She laughs at me.

"I was just sayin' it'd be great to get to D.C. before Thanksgivin'. Maybe they keep track of time there. Our group could have our first holiday together. Wouldn't that be great?"

I stare at her, aware she's waitin' for my answer. Never paid no mind to holidays. My house never had reason to celebrate. I imagine what it'd be like to just sit 'round an' eat food with all of 'em. That damn holiday ain't ever made sense to me. Ain't we all sittin' together eatin' on this damn road? What's the difference?

"I think Daryl an' Glenn woulda liked holidays with us on the farm. All of y'all woulda liked it."

I look up to Maggie. Her eyes look wet an' I almost wanna look away, but she holds my focus. She ain't talkin' 'bout some squirrel an' canned peaches sittin' in her daddy's front yard. She means a real dinner an' all us sittin' at their table. She's talkin' 'bout when the world was still normal. She thinks I woulda actually fit in with her family. Beth's hand takes mine an' she sighs.

"You woulda loved my mama's homemade peach cobbler, Daryl. It won prizes at the county fair an' everything."

Glenn goes on 'bout how he'd like to have done that. All I can think 'bout is these girls sayin' they'd actually want me over for holidays. Make it seem like they woulda welcomed me with open arms 'fore the world went to shit. Part of me wonders what good I woulda been to their family back then. I'm only good for anybody with the world bein' how it is, now. But Beth smiles up at me, the familiar fire dancin' in her eyes. I realize she woulda loved me no matter what the world looked like. She woulda given me a chance.

I think of what it woulda been like to know her if things were the way they used to be. I imagine her on a hot summer day out in her yard. She'd have on one of those pretty dresses girls always used to wear. Her hair woulda been down an' clean. I can't see her pale skin ever holdin' a tan, but I reckon it woulda glowed. I picture her visitin' me down at the bike shop I'd work at occasionally with one of Merle's friends. She'd smile brightly at me an' I'd go sit with her in my truck for a bit. She probably woulda wanted to go on dates. We coulda gone out by the creek or laid out in the field at night.

Maybe she's right. Maybe D.C. could be a new start. They might have fences an' walls to keep us safe. No more sleepin' with one eye open. Me an' Beth could actually have a good life together. I'd have all the time to figure out the things normal people did together. An' we'd have the others with us. They're our family.

Everybody starts to separate, packin' clothes an' food. I take Beth's hand an' lift her up with me.

"C'mon, girl. Let's go get some meat."