Chapter 3
"Are you afraid of being lonely?"
"I'm afraid of being alone"
"I wont let that happen"
Spencer was tossing and turning all night long. She knew she had a lot of stuff to do tomorrow but she was just not getting any sleep. She was so frustrated she felt like screaming but she was too exhausted to even whisper-shout. Thanksgiving was yesterday and it'd been two days since she saw Paige. She kept an eye out all day hoping to see the blue tint of her car flash by but alas everything was cold and grey and drab. Emily had come over with some cherry pie. Alison made some crack about cherries and chapstick that made Emily look down and feel ashamed. She honestly wanted to choke the life out of her for making her friend feel that way.
She seriously considered texting Paige when that happened. Every time Alison did something that hurt Emily she was torn between grabbing the phone and texting Paige and grabbing the phone and flinging it at Alison's head. She couldn't do either however so she just faked a smile and moved the conversation along. The twins were aging nicely. Those blonde, blue-eyed genes were really strong. To this day they resembled Alison more than Emily. She supposed that's part of the reason she'd been tossing and turning that night.
She couldn't forget the look on Paige's face the other night. She was absolutely devastated and heartbroken and just a mess and she just wanted to reach out and touch that woman, who for the first time in a while resembled the broken-hearted earnest girl she saw on Emily's porch the night they drove to New York to pick Alison up. She wished they had never gone there.
She flipped her pillow over once more and snuggled into the side of her blanket. She tried humming and rocking herself and avoiding the thing that's been gnawing on the back of her head for what seems like centuries. She tried counting sheep and recalling every word she knew in Latin and counting in Spanish even but the nagging thought at the back of her head wouldn't go away until she acknowledged it and once she did, it would change everything so she flipped her pillow over again and screwed her eyes shut and tried to think of other things until she could no longer see the blue of Lilly and Grace's eyes in the back of her head.
Ultimately she drifted off to sleep, filling her head not with thoughts of deception and blonde haired spawn but rather soothing herself with thoughts of how gently Emily used to hold Paige and how quietly she'd catch them whispering to one another. She put herself to sleep imagining it her her that Paige was holding and whispering her sweet nothings to and showering with her love. Same dream she'd been having since Senior year.
Paige would ask her if she's afraid of being lonely. She'd reply that she's afraid of being alone. Paige would assure her that she wouldn't let that happen, before she collided their lips together the way a wave crashes against a rock.