Sorry for the delay in posting my broadband and phone have been down. Hopefully I will have no trouble. Thank you for the messages of concern, nice to know I was missed.

….

Things gradually settled back to normal between the two men, it was a bit strained at first Merlin was feeling guilty at not trusting Arthur and Arthur in turn was hurt by Merlin's accusations. But they worked through it. After all they had been through worse. It was helped when Colin decided it would be best for him to leave and so he was replaced by John.

Merlin still had the new puppy and after a lot of debate called her Princess. So he was now kept busy house training once more and stopping Princess chewing everything in sight. She was far more adventurous than the other had been and Merlin had trouble keeping track of her. It made Merlin determined that this would be his last puppy.

Arthur heard from the Courts that Morgause had been released from prison on parole, on medical grounds. She had breast cancer and she was not expected to live long. Arthur debated on whether to tell Merlin and decided to be honest with him. Merlin was worried but seemed to cope. Arthur informed the protection officers so they were aware. It was decided not to increase numbers at the moment.

One evening as Merlin and Arthur were led looking up at the stars in their room Merlin sighed.

"What was that about love?" Arthur asked.

"I was remembering the first time we made love, you were so gentle and I was so scared. I was frightened of disappointing you."

"You didn't it was magical. I wish it had been my first time as well." Arthur looked at Merlin. "That is a special gift, the first time, but you don't realise it until it's too late."

"That weekend was wonderful, a whole weekend in bed!" Merlin chuckled.

"No it wasn't we got up to eat and shower!"

"And make love, everywhere I seem to remember…I swore to myself you would be my one and only….but I broke that promise…they made me." Merlin's voice broke.

"Oh Merlin you didn't break any promise. I have been the only one you have made love to….what they did wasn't love don't think it was, just because they took you...it changes nothing that wasn't love."

"That hurts the most you know, not the broken bones or beatings not even the things they made me do…I broke my promise…I didn't even fight in the end, if I didn't they finished sooner…..I should have fought." Merlin's mind was back in that room. "I was weak…..I did all sorts of bad things…..I drank their piss and even ate shit when they told me to, but why did I let them take me…..why. I'm so ashamed…not because it made me feel dirty or even because it hurt but I broke my own promise to myself…..I can't get that back." His voice faded off with his memories.

Arthur sat up and leaned over Merlin trying to get his husband to look into his eyes. "Merlin stop, please stop. You did nothing wrong. They did not you, you couldn't fight them off they had you for two years….you had no choice. You did what you did to survive and I'm glad you did"

Merlin looked at Arthur who continued:

"You didn't break any promises that wasn't making love…understand…we make love, we do things together because we love each other, that's different. You make me feel like a king and I can do things to you they never could." Arthur bent down and kissed Merlin's mouth then moved down to his throat, "I can make love to you, they never could. I know all the spots that turn you to jelly and you know all mine. That's making love." Arthur looked into Merlin's eyes and saw he past slowly fade away.

"Please Merlin just think of us….leave them behind….forget them we have each other, we have what they never could have….Let me love you let me take away the memories…" Arthur started to touch Merlin in places he knew the other man loved, secret places, places that turned him on. Slowly Merlin returned the touches and left behind his bad memories.

Arthur whispered to him "Let's make new memories, together my darling…I love you"

A small voice replied "I love you always" as they both forgot the past.

Arthur was always surprised when Merlin told him even more about what had happened to him. There was always something new and disturbing. It wasn't often he opened up and over the years it had been less and less frequent. He couldn't believe how depraved people could be to each other. But after that last episode life seemed to me getting better once more for the two men. Merlin was relieved when Colin handed in his notice, deciding it was unfair to stay on. He was replaced by John. Before he left Colin gave Merlin the puppy little bitch that Merlin called Princess. Once more he was back to house training and stopping things getting chewed.

It was soon summer once more and Miranda and Mordred announced they were finally engaged and going to marry the following summer. Miranda wanted a big white wedding and they were getting married in one of the big London churches. The guest list was already two hundred and growing. It would be a different affair than William and Penny's. This couple had no problems with finances Miranda was a very wealthy woman, thanks to Uther, and Mordred was from a wealthy background. So the couple weren't holding back. It would take ages to plan.

The wedding went well and the couple went off on honeymoon to Jamaica. Merlin and Arthur had gone to the wedding but came home afterward the family lunch afterwards. They didn't stay for the evening do. It was too large and busy for Merlin to cope with. The newlyweds were happy with that; they had both been very pleased that they had stayed as long as they did.

The following Autumn Mithian had a health scare when she was found to have breast cancer. It was a tense time for all. Luckily it was found early and she only needed a partial mastectomy. But the scare had been a wakeup call to Gwaine and Mithian and they both retired to spend more time together. Although both came in to see the men several times a week. And Gwaine still helped Merlin in the pool when he wanted.

Freya took over Mithian's duties as she fancied a change and reduction in hours. So now Gwen and Freya worked together share duties as fitted their lives and husbands.

The following year yet another tragedy struck. It was one late summers day when Arthur. Merlin and Hunith were sitting out in the garden making the most of the weather when Merlin's life took a crash. They had been laughing and joking and were now just soaking up the rays when Arthur heard Hunith drop he drink. He turned round and realised all was not well. Hunith's face was all lopsided and when she tried to speak her voice was slurred.

Brad was on duty and came across and immediately rang for an ambulance. Hunith had had a stroke. Merlin went to her side and held her hand and kept talking to her. Arthur took the oxygen mask from behind the wheelchair and put it over Hunith's face as they waited. As soon as the ambulance had left Arthur and Merlin followed. Unfortunately despite everything the doctors did Hunith died that evening. She was eight six years old.

Merlin was beside himself with grief, part of him was glad she hadn't suffered but at the same time he was shocked by the suddenness of it all. Nothing could console him. Arthur wasn't much better, Hunith had been like a mother to him for so long, and her death hurt more than his own father had. Morgana and Leon came to stay to help support the two men. The funeral was well attended; Hunith had been very popular in the village. Hunith was buried in the churchyard and as instructed in her will her husband's ashes, which she had kept, had been buried with her. Her head stone carried both their names. It seemed that had been Merlin's father's wishes and Hunith had honoured them all that time. Even Merlin was unaware of the ashes, but then as he said he didn't suppose his father had expected to die so young. Merlin later said he could now visit both his parents, even though he hardly remembered his father who had died when Merlin was four.