Chapter 6

Emily kissed the girls goodnight and shut the light off as usual. She finished washing her face and getting ready for bed. She had changed into her pajamas and slid underneath the covers without making a sound. Alison barely looked up from the book she was reading. It wasn't until Emily mumbled a 'goodnight' that Alison acknowledged her presence and the needling began.

"Spencer's car broke down today. I was heading into town anyway so I offered her a ride and since she didn't want to be late -you know how Spencer is about being late- she accepted my offer. So I took her down to the brew and you'll never guess who she was meeting up there!" She needled. Emily wasn't really interested but she pursed her lips in an inquisitive manner to indicate that she cared in order to move the conversation along smoothly and finally get some sleep.

"Well, I'm not gonna keep you guessing, it was Paige! You remember her, right?" Alison asked, baiting Emily but Emily didn't bite. She was far too intrigued by Alison's gossip now and shocked to even care about her dig.

"It turns out that Spencer was heading to town to meet up with her. I know I had a lot of shopping to do but I was just so gosh-darn curious I stuck around for their little 'date'. It was adorable, you should've seen the way they kept looking at each other. I really felt like i was imposing so I left them to it at some point. I honestly can't believe those two would ever get together like that. Paige must have a thing for her rivals. But don't worry, Emily, you have no competition in that department. Well, anyway, that's all for me, how was your day?" She asked, continuing the conversation like she hadn't just dropped a bombshell on her and torn open her heart. Her best friend with Paige? Emily felt sick. She put on a brave face and carried on their conversation however and when it was over she turned off her light and drifted off into a restless sleep.

Emily woke up first the next morning -or perhaps she never slept- and was about to start up her morning routine when she noticed all the wet patches on her pillow hadn't dried out from where she was crying last night so she took her pillow-case off and threw it in the laundry hamper. She walked into the bathroom and closed the door. Then she sat down on the toilet as the shower was warming up and removed a loose tile from the bathroom wall, pulling out a little box from inside it. Alison woke up and banged on the door, asking for Emily to let her in and take a leak. In her hurry to hide the box, Emily forgot to replace the tile back on the wall properly.

Emily knew she wouldn't be bothered here. The Hastings never used their office during parties. It was out of limits for most guests but she was not a regular guest, she was one of the maids of honor. She needed a moment to herself because everything had gone by so fast and she couldn't believe what was happening. It was only a few months ago that she was in bed when she heard the news that Spencer was dating Paige and now...

She couldn't believe her ears when Alison told her. She thought it was another one of her sick jokes. Like the ones she used to play in High School. Something about Paige always brought the High School bitchy queen bee out of Alison and the last few months were just like soccer class. Spencer tried to incorporate her girlfriend into the group on their group events, even going as far as to bring her along on Lily and Grace's birthday party. Heck, they even offered to throw it at their house.

Ugh, when did this become 'their' house?

Emily remembers the summers they spent together as a group and how most of them were spent somewhere in this house, looking through magazines and trying on clothes and getting ready to go to the beach. This was the place she and her friends practically grew up, and now... now it was Spencer's special place with Paige. She shuddered as she thought of just how much she lost to Spencer. Emily was the first to bring Paige into this house and now Spencer would be the last. She felt a sharp pang of pain in her chest. This wasn't how things were supposed to go.

As Emily tried to fight back the tears Lilly snuck into the room behind her. She frightened her so much with her appearance that Emily almost hit her when she jumped back as soon as she was made aware of her presence. She did not expect any company. Especially from anyone as small as her daughter.

Lilly looked up in fear and cowered under the desk. Emily had to grovel for her forgiveness and promise her candy to get her to come out. When Lilly finally left her improvised shelter, she noticed her mom had been crying so she reached up and clumsily swiped at her face to make the tears go away. Emily smiled and leaned in for a hug when she heard the door open and Grace come in.

"What you doing momma?" Asked the blonde.

"Oh, nothing, just thinking about how big you guys have gotten and missing my little babies"

"We still here!" Lilly assured her and Emily smiled even bigger than before

"Yes, you are. But one day you're gonna grow big and strong and leave your poor old momma behind!"

"The way aunty Paige left you behind?" Asked Lilly, innocently. It was a striking blow to Emily but a simple question to the child. Emily hadn't even told them about her relationship with their 'aunty' Paige and determined to go off at Alison for broaching that subject behind her back.

"No, that was different. You guys are going to leave because you have to. Because you grow up and need to experience the world and have to get out there and try new things."

"Why did Aunty Paigey leave?" There goes that name again.

"Well, that was a different thing alltogether that I'd love to tell you about one day, when you are much older." She explained hoping the children would drop the subject because she really wasn't prepared to have this conversation as she hadn't thought of how to explain the chain of events that caused her to lose her without making it sound like the girls were at fault and she didn't want them to live with that guilt.

Their conversation was interrupted however when Hanna -who had been looking for the missing girls after having been assigned the role of baby-sitter for the event by Aria who had been growing sick of being left to watch babies by her husband who kept shirking his duties and abandoning her with their kids so he could write his new 'bestseller'. Aria used the word loosely in relation to Ezra. The truth was that his books weren't selling and they made the bulk of their income from Aria's job in publishing. Ezra was constantly a flop away from retirement and yet every time he flopped he made excuses about how there's a conspiracy against him and insist he be given another chance to chase his dream.

This has been going on for years now and the wage he made as a teacher paid him more in one week than he ever made as a writer. Unfortunately he quit that job to focus on his writing career and depended on Aria financially and when the kids came he promised that since he was home he'd take care of them but instead Aria was forced to pay for daycare when his negligence resulted in their oldest shutting their youngest in the fridge for half an hour out of jealousy while Ezra was taking a bath upstairs and getting some 'me' time. Aria swore living with him was like living with a rebellious teenager and once even joked that she felt like she was the one in their relationship who preyed on a young student.

It was the darkest joke Aria had ever made and it was after child services contacted them for the first time. Things had gotten better after she put the kids in daycare, though despite being home all day, Ezra had still refused to help and she'd return to a messy house and unruly children every day, and be forced to take on several roles while Ezra relaxed after his stressful day of doing absolutely nothing at home.

Hanna came and told the girls there was a pair of cakes with a bunch of candles that needed to be blown out before she could have a piece of them and the girls playfully followed her out. Emily fell back and watched from the door to the study. They were growing up so fast that sometimes it seemed like she'd just blink and they'd be gone. Some dark, secret part of her, deep down kind of wished that could be true.

Alison crept up beside her and -when she saw Paige looking- put her arm around her waist. She let her left arm linger near her pelvis, twisting it just so in order to make the ring on her finger glisten in the intimate light. Paige looked away, wishing she could be anywhere but there.

Emily linked her hand with Alison's in solidarity, mistakenly thinking that Alison was offering her support, when she felt the wedding band around her finger had some company. She looked down and spotted the ring she bought Paige, restricting the blood flow in Alison's finger. The ex swimmer had daintier, longer fingers than the former queen bee and forcing the ring on her finger only accentuated her weight gain.

Emily recoiled as if she'd been struck. "Where did you get this?" she accused, knowing full well there's no way anyone knew about it.

"I found it in the bathroom. I know Christmas is not for a while but Emily, it was so beautiful I couldn't wait to wear it! Thank you!" Alison lied. She had seen the engraving and was sure this gift had been intended for Paige a whole lifetime ago.

"Alison that was not meant for you!" Emily whisper shouted, garnering the attention of a few of the party goers.

"Whatever do you mean?" Alison asked, starting to play the innocent victim and trying to goad Emily into giving her something she can use against her later.

"N-never mind" Emily diffused when she noticed people were looking her way. She made brief eye contact with Paige and could've sworn she saw pain mixed with concern in her eyes and the guilt made her want to explode. She looked down, unable to bear the weight of her gaze any longer and prompted Alison to lead her into the party room. Alison huffed and lead the way, resentful over the missed opportunity.

The crowd gathered around the table and the cakes as everybody sang happy birthday. The girls blew out the candles and Emily put on a smile on her face and told everyone that these tears she was crying were brought on by overwhelming joy. She avoided Paige's eyes for the rest of the night, went home, and cried into her pillow as Alison brandished the ring on her finger, bragging about finding her Christmas gift early.

Only Emily knew that the ring on her finger wasn't too tight because she didn't know the size of Alison's fingers but because it was intended for Paige. Because it was the ring she bought the first time she saw her after College, when she decided that she was gonna ask her to be her wife. This was the ring she was going to propose to Paige with. But with everything that went down she never had the chance to give it to her and she never had the heart to return it or throw it away. It was the only thing she had left of her, apart from the memories and the dreams and sleepless nights that were filled with tears.