Chapter 8
Spencer didn't know how long she felt this fear. She figured it was the first time they kissed and she became keenly aware of how close exactly she had been staying to Emily and how quickly she was falling for the other girl. It might've been at the hospital. Or it might've been buried in her all along. It might've been when she found her outside that night before thanksgiving. When she first started having feelings for her. Could've even been back in High School when she started to think of the other girl as more than just Emily's girlfriend but also her own hero.
Whenever it began is inconsequential. What matters most is how it was realized, in a hospital room, in front of several of their closest friends and relatives and several members of the hospital staff team.
When Paige's fever pitched a new high, her brain was being fried and in her feverish delirious state she kept calling her Emily, crying and begging her to forgive her.
Emily wasn't even in the room when Paige started. It was just Spencer, her mother and a nurse. Paige looked her right in the eyes, holding her hand within her own shaky, cold hands, and called her 'Em'. She looked her right in those eyes she'd told her she loved, and called her her best friend's name, and started crying and asking her to forgive her. Her blood pressure rose, she squeezed Spencer's hands and she looked at her like she was hanging onto every word she said, as if the right words would lead her to salvation. She waited, with baited breath and when Spencer was too shocked to respond she repeated her words, and begged her once more.
Spencer's eyes filled with tears and she pulled her hand away from Paige's reaching ones, turned around and walked into the bathroom as her mom tried to reach out to her across the door. Then before long she heard Hanna and Caleb and Emily and Paige's parents squeeze in and overheard Paige calling out Emily's name in her feverish trance. Spencer pushed her way out of the room, avoiding eye contact and questions, shoved her way out of the hospital, and broke down behind the steering wheel of her car in the parking garage.