Everything is fine on LOFAM. I mean, why wouldn't it be? Most of the monsters are killed easily, including the ogres. The other inhabitants, I.E. Leprechauns, fairies, trolls, and cherubs have started their own sort of society that I'm welcome in, and I'm alright with that too, mostly because it contains a market and a pub. Party Hard.
On the friends count, I can add another notch. Tumblr and I have sort of become weird cyber friends. I mean, she's kind of abrasive and is always calling me a sexist, but that's just how she is with everyone, I suppose.
[Pottermore (PM) messaged Tumblr (TMB)!]
PM: So wait, why is there such a big deal about Fred dying?
PM: Can't he just come back as a ghost?
TMB: you dont UNDERSTAND dude
TMB: IVE GOT FEEEEEELLLLLSSS
PM: But...he can come back!
TMB: dont be #stupid it would totally ruin jkrs work there
TMB: it was supposed to be sad
TMB: thats kind of like saying why dont harrys parents come back
TMB: #majoruncool
PM: So am I elevated from Corporal Uncool now?
TMB: NO
PM: YES. ABSOLUTELY.
TMB: youre so dumb why do i bother
There's a pause on the message between us. On the other side of the planet, there's a mountain that's full of diamond and possibly caulk grist, so that's where I'm headed. I blow hard on my fanflute and wait for Fig to show up.
TMB: look i know weve got a strict #nodrama rule between us
TMB: but i have a feeling i need to share this
PM: Bloody hell here we go.
TMB: so like hsg and i dont exactly get along
TMB: its kind of fucked up tbh
TMB: and hsgs title is the prince of rage
TMB: and he gets so psychotically!angry
TMB: which is kind of #funny
TMB: hes got this jetpack that runs on his own insatiable!rage right
TMB: and i told him that like the homestuck comic updated
TMB: so he chilled right out while flying
TMB: and he fell
TMB: hes fine and all but goddamn it was GREAT
My stomach turns. Something about this seems really, really bad to me. It's like going into a problem without a plan.
Fig swoops out of the sky and lands next to me, letting me clamber up between the spikes on the back of her head. Primatesprite's clinging to a large spinal ridge, chittering excitedly.
PM: Maybe the two of you should stop antagonizing each other.
TMB: pssh what no were fine
TMB: dude whats he gonna do #killme get real
PM: Whatever. Just be careful.
TMB: ok ok ok fine whatever #nonagging
TMB: ill cut it out between us no more hateflirting capiche
PM: Definitely capiche.
PM: Message you back later, gotta go fly.
TMB: #PCHOOO!
Fig jumps, wings pushing her up. A few good flaps, and she's up, flying through the low-hanging fog. I need to get a cloak. I've switched to a nice maroon sweater with my initials knitted into it, the one I got for christmas from my mum.
God. What've I been doing? Mum's still not back. I have to get to Derse, and find her, get her home. I've been running around a planet with dragons and things for ages and mucking about with magic and killing things. I'm right useless, I am.
It's only about fifteen minutes before Fig lands on a rocky outcropping. Alright, maybe it's more a cliff than a mountain with no solid way down, but I've got Figment and she'll look after me.
"You are such a good girl, yes you are," I tell her, scratching her on the velvety skin behind her ears. She gurgles. "Don't go too far, good girl, okay? Need you soon," I tell her softly. Her tongue snakes out and slurps at my face. Her breath is foul.
Equipping my Coatrackstaff from my WWRWE? watch, I feel the magic crackling along my shoulders. What Would Ron Weasley Equip?
I need to get down. Through this earth.
Staff goes up.
Get me through.
Staff comes down with a mighty crack, and then I'm surrounded, cradled by white-bright-hot magic as it pushes me down through the dirt.
Might as well message Tumblr back.
PM: Any worthwhile gossip?
TMB: on my end hell kid told you everything
TMB: but on your side
TMB: the bq stepped up her game
TMB: and blew up derses moon
PM: You're kidding. No way.
PM: God, are Ficwaddle and FFN okay?
TMB: ffn got saved by the little girl
TMB: but her dream self got killed
TMB: #cantescapethemiles
The magic gutters around me, dirt suddenly feeling too heavy for my own support. It feels like choking. My fault, my own fault.
PM: Why do you have to be so flippant all the time?
PM: People are dying!
TMB: #ohplease
TMB: everybodys dying all the time
TMB: nothing i can do about it okay might as well laugh
PM: This isn't some kid in a foreign country!
PM: THIS IS MY FRIEND! DON'T TALK AS IF SHE DOESN'T BLOODY MATTER!
TMB: hate #thegame not #theplayer
TMB: message that kid okay make sure she's ok
I heed her advice. Goodness, I hope Ficwad's alright!
Heading deeper, there is absolutely no sunlight other than the magic around me, and it's starting to flicker a tad.
[Pottermore (PM) messaged Ficwad (FW)!]
PM: Ficwaddle! Pigeon! I've heard the news!
PM: Are you alright?
FW: ...
FW: ...
FW: no. i'm not.
The weirdest thing happens. My magic goes out, and the ceiling and floor push together, ready to crush, and then it goes back on, like a faulty light.
FW: furthest fucking thing from alright. let alone oky.
FW: okay*
FW: been having real bad dreams and i tried not sleeping
FW: then started dreaming while awake.
FW: it sucked.
PM: Is there anything I can do?
FW: kill the black queen before she kills you?
PM: This isn't what I wanted.
PM: I'm so sorry.
FW: ?
PM: That review you found online about the game?
PM: I wrote it. So you would want to play.
PM: Look, my school life was sort of fucking terrible.
PM: And I wanted to leave.
PM: What kid doesn't want to go on an adventure, be a hero, all that?
PM: So I'm sorry. For all of this. I thought this game would just bring us all together. Closer, like.
PM: But it's not just me here.
PM: This is a stupid, goddamn conksucky game with absolutely shite rules that you have to break but they'll end up killing you later, mind. But mostly, I am a bloody stupid arrogant prick for thinking this would be a good idea in the first place.
The white magic around me looks more grey than white. Where on earth are all those diamonds?
FW: jesus pomo cheer up.
FW: cheer up pomo.
FW: cheer up ginger magic nerd boy!
FW: we've heard your super special,
FW: and nobody's actually mad at you,
FW: so cheer up! Cheer up! Pomo!
PM: ...You sang that out loud, didn't you?
FW: :D
FW: besides, your whole come-together plan is working out. were all engaging over drama and coffee.
FW: we're*
PM: So you're not mad at me?
FW: PSSH why would i be? YOU'RE GREAT!
It's instantaneous. The magic bursts, glowing to a white-hot patronus. And I hit an air pocket, bringing in a shower of dirt. Dirt in my hair, in my mouth, on my skin, in my mouth my mouth tastes like sodding worms. Gagging, I raise the staff over my head, and yes, there is diamonds and lich in this mountain.
There's a quick message from Tumblr left on my watch.
TMB: yo pottermore
TMB: your title is mage of hope
TMB: which means you either manipulate hope or are manipulated by it
TMB: be careful what you believe in okay?
I start collecting bits of lie-about grist and putting them into the grist account. Be careful what you believe in? This game is more dangerous than I thought! Tumblr could die. My mum could die. Youtube could die. And it would be nobody's fault but mine.
Fuck. That's not gonna happen, you bet your life!
[Pottermore (PM) started a Group Chat!]
[Pottermore (PM) added Ficwad (FW)!]
[Pottermore (PM) added Youtube (YTB)!]
[Pottermore (PM) reluctantly added (FFN)!]
PM: Alright listen up, everyone!
YTB: FUCK SHIT FUCK JESUS SHUT UP PKAY.
PM: Uh. Okay. Urgent message!
PM: Apparently the BQ is out hunting heroes, so keep your heads up.
YTB: bitch aint tryd notginf on prospit yet...
YTB: SHUT UP!
YTB: sorry yall
FW: the moon of derse where my cousin and i were is dust now
FW: and i highly recommend not letting your dream self bite it.
PM: Where the hell is FFN?
FW: dunno.
YTB: gurl u still RPing?
FW: nah dropped it for now pick it up later.
YTB: maybe he's aslepp?
PM: He needs to keep lookout, that's what he needs to do. We don't know where the BQ is, and he's gonna get himself killed.
FW: hes a good fighter
FW: he'll b ok
YTB: whatevs, right? let his dream self die.
YTB: he needs to grow up a bit.
FW: oh IKR hes so me me me all the fucking time like srsly dude get it together
PM: What's wrong with you two!?
PM: HE'S YOUR FRIEND! FRIENDS DON'T TALK ABOUT FRIENDS LIKE THAT!
PM: God, LISTEN to yourselves! We're a team! Fuck!
YTB: yknow pm he probably dont stick up for u lyke dat
PM: Somebody on this team needs to be a good guy.
PM: Even if it's not gonna be him, yeah?
FW: BE THE HERO THAT THE SESSION DESERVES!
FW: NOT THE ONE IT NEEEEEEDS!
PM: Don't forget, you lot, we're all kids. We need to cut loose and try not to kill things for a bit.
PM: God, where's FFN?
FW: when we need to get rid of him we should just call a group meeting LOL!
YTB: brb i have to stupid and ridiculuous