At four in the morning, Jane found herself nestled uncomfortably against Casey's firm chest with his arm draped possessively over her side.
"Hey, Casey?" Jane asked the groggy soldier.
"Yesbabe?" Casey muttered, his low voice vibrating in her ear. Jane fought down the light tendrils of annoyance that were curling across her skin and making her cringe. After a long day of hunting down bad guys, a woman needs some space.
"Colonel Casey Jones sounds really nice… do you really not mind just being Sergeant Casey Jones?"
"For you? Not at all." He punctuated his sentence with a perfunctory kiss on the forehead.
"Well, then, Casey…I'd like to take you up on that whole marriage thing."
Casey squeezed her tighter. Jane could almost feel him smiling behind her. "You've made me the happiest person, Jane Rizzoli. Hold on a second…" she could feel the man shift behind her. He reached into a drawer of his bedside table (he had only slept there a handful of times and already had claimed his side of the bed), pulled something out and turned on the lamp.
"Jane Rizzoli—soon to be Jones—" Casey said to her with a dazzling smile, "will you marry me?"
Jane Jones. The name sounded like it was straight of the Stepford Wives. She imagined herself wearing a knee-length dress with an apron while cooking dinner with three little kids running around the kitchen.
Fat chance.
She suddenly imagined Casey in the same position: wearing an apron, cooking dinner for her and taking care of her kids while she went out and fought the bad guys. More plausible, but no more desirable. Honestly, the whole perfect home thing freaked her out.
If she were to say no, however, Casey would be gone from her life forever. The thought made her heart ache a bit, really. She held in a frustrated sigh. If only things could stay as they were.
Casey would Skype her every day from Iraq. She would miss him but enjoy talking to him. She could spend long days at work, free to come home to an empty refrigerator as she pleased. She would spend her weekends and free nights with Maura, doing yoga, eating take-out, having sleepovers.
Why did things have to change?
"Yes, Casey. I'll marry you."
Casey picked up her left hand and slid a ring on it. Stormy brown eyes met ice blue ones before she smiled and held it up to the lamplight. The band was on the thicker side, yellow gold with a heart shaped diamond in the setting and a smattering of diamonds on the band. It was…nice, she guessed, but simply not very Jane.
But who was she to judge? He had probably spent a small fortune on it and was sort of pledging his life to her with that piece of jewelry. Yes, it was nice.
"Thank you, Casey," Jane said with a genuine smile. Casey really was a sweet guy. There was absolutely no reason she should feel so many misgivings about him. She was simply doing what she was always wont to do: run away when things were getting too good. She was lucky to have him, and she would not mess this up.
She fell asleep easily, only to be woken up by her cursed alarm clock three and a half hours later. "UGHHH," she growled, smashing the top of the alarm clock down with her hand.
"Good morning babe," Casey said with a smile, his blue grey eyes twinkling with amusement. Jane smiled a small smile in response. He was sweet. She swung her long legs out of bed and stretched, feeling inadequately rested.
It was a two cups of coffee morning.
J: On my way.
M: How much coffee should I make?
J: How much have you got?
M: Right.
Jane nervously twisted the ring on her finger as she sat in her police cruiser outside her best friend's house. Why was this so hard to tell Maura? The medical examiner was her best friend; she should be rushing in there to gush about the ring and wedding plans. Yet here she was, sitting outside her house and dreading going in.
No.
Jane slammed her fist down on the steering wheel in defiance of her own misgivings. Casey was a good man. She should be proud to be his fiancée. And she would be damned proud telling her best friend.
She marched up to the door, opened it with her key and almost collided into said best friend who had been just about to leave.
"Jane!" Maura exclaimed, falling over a little bit so that the lanky brunette had to steady her. The taller woman's hands lingered on the blonde's shoulders, the offending ring glinting under the hall light. Jane pulled her friend into an unexpected hug. Somehow, having the blonde in her arms always chased the dark clouds away.
"Maur, look," Jane said quietly, holding the blonde at arm's length and baring the hand with the ring to her. She shifted nervously, scanning the blonde's face for any sort of disapproval.
She was greeted with a blank stare. Maura's usually expressive hazel eyes fell flat and looked right through Jane, chilling the brunette enough to send a shiver down her spine. The seconds ticked by as the two stood, frozen. Jane's heart beat faster with every passing second and Maura's slowed almost to the point of nonentity. Jane idly wondered if the blonde was still breathing as she struggled to control her own. She wanted to hug the woman in front of her, to pet her and tell her everything was going to be all right, to kiss her...
Yet, she couldn't move. She wanted-needed-the slight blonde before her to break her of the spell. Slowly, the horizontal line of her friend's mouth turned up a fraction. "I wish you so much happiness, Jane." The words sounded genuine, but the face did not move a muscle from its stoic almost-smile. It made Jane's heart.
"Don't worry, Maur. Things won't change with us. I promise. We'll still have girls' nights and the Dirty Robber and yoga classes and morning runs," she said. She drew the blonde closer to her again, whispering, "We'll still be us."
Jane held her, more for her own comfort than for the blonde's. Maura was reassuring. Maura was safe. She was the one bit of sanity Jane found in the chaos that was BPD. She was the first one to offer Jane support; she was the last one to impose judgment. She was the first one to make her laugh; the last one to make her sad. And God, did it feel good to hold her right then, when it seemed like the tectonic plates on which her life was rooted were scraping violently against each other. Things were shaking, changing, moving and Maura was the doorframe she leaned up against.
Maura gently extracted herself, unable to control herself while that close to Jane. Her face reddened with shame, and she was out of the house and standing by the passenger door of the police cruiser before Jane could fully register what had happened. Her arms felt as empty as her heart as she trudged her way over to the driver's side.
One awkward car ride later, the two went their separate ways at BPD. Jane sat down at her desk with a loud thump, cursing herself for forgetting to grab coffee at Maura's. This was going to be a long day.
"Hey, Jane?"
"Unh." She let her head fall loudly onto the desk, smooshing her face into a stack of papers she knew she'd have to deal with at some point. It was days like these that Jane wished she could fast-forward her life a few days. Or at least have a beer or two on the job to grease the wheels a bit.
"Think you can get Frankie to run our second vic's name in the database?"
"That hasn't been done already?" Jane huffed, scanning BPD for signs of her little brother. She caught Korsak staring at her curiously. "What? Do I have something on my face?"
"You've just been very far away the past couple of days. Anything up?"
Jane softened a little bit. She pulled her left hand out from under the desk and showed it to her former partner. The gold ring glinted in the fluorescent BPD light and the older detective's eyes widened a bit before crinkling in a slow smile. He stood up and walked over to Jane, grabbing her hand and holding it warmly. "I'm so happy for you, Jane. It is from…Casey, isn't it?"
"Who else?" Jane asked, missing the knowing look from Korsak. She fiddled with the ring and stared at some point on her desk, deep in thought with glazed, unfocused eyes.
She walks down the aisle in her wedding dress. A figure waits on the altar in front of her wearing a perfectly-tailored tuxedo. Halfway down the aisle, she stops, unsure whether she wants to go through with this. The music continues to play but her feet stay rooted to the current spot on the worn red carpet. The figure at the altar turns to smile at her, her dimpled smile and honey blonde hair radiant in the soft light filtering through stained glass windows.
"Guys!" Frankie shouted, bursting into the room and making Jane jump out of her reverie. He slams his hands down on Jane's desk. "Frost is gone."
Jane looked at Frankie like he was an idiot. Had he not been around the past two days? Frankie rolled his eyes and elbowed Jane aside, "I mean, he's been wiped from the system. Look." He typed BAROLD FROST into the database and motioned demonstratively toward the screen as the words "No results found" popped up.
"Shit. This has WITSEC all over it," Jane ran a frustrated hand through her hair and quickly rose from her chair, pacing angrily back and forth. She racked her brain, wondering what her partner could have seen to compromise his safety. She commanded Frankie to look up Frost's mother and her partner.
When the search for Frost's mother was loaded, they all stared at the screen in shock. The word "deceased" that appeared on her profile looked so little compared to the gravity of it. Shouldn't it be in bold? In capital letters? Why did it have to look so insignificant? She was dead, along with her partner. They had died in a car bomb outside of New York City Hall.
Presumably to get married.
Hey, guys. I know this is a little dark, but bear with me? I know I've got a lot going on here, but I'm slowly going to start tying up all the ends. Happy New Year, by the way!