Just a quick note. As a reader pointed out, I originally posted the same chapter a second time (as chapter 191, which is now deleted). I then uploaded the correct chapter as chapter 192, so if you missed it, it is now available.
Also, it would be great to get some feedback on the story. It has been rather quiet and it would be great to know if people are still reading the story, and what you are enjoying or not enjoying.
Thanks for reading.
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"Kim."
Turning at the sound of Marlena's voice, Kim saw her sister-in-law walking past the nurses' station. In Kim's arms, Jeannie twisted as well.
"Marlena," Kim said. "How are you?"
Marlena reached them and smiled down at Jeannie. "I'm fine. And how's this young lady?" She looked up at Kim. "Jeannie's getting so big."
Kim chuckled. "That's funny, actually. She just had her check-up and the doctor said she's actually a little undersized for her age. Not that I'd ever think that while carrying her-" She stopped as she saw Neil Curtis approaching. "Neil."
"And how are three of my favorite ladies this afternoon?" Neil asked with a smile. When Kim and Marlena each replied that they were fine, Neil said, "I'm actually glad I ran into you. I could use a little help with something."
"Oh?" Marlena spoke before Kim could.
Neil nodded. "I'm sure you know by now, but Kayla's been reinstated."
That actually came as news to Kim. Kayla had not called to tell her.
"Anyway, I want to do something for her return - to show Kayla that the people who really matter here are glad she's back," Neil explained. "Either a little get-together as a welcome back or we could hang a 'welcome back' sign and put some flowers in her office at the lab."
"She's going back to the lab?" Kim was still shocked that Kayla had not told her about the reinstatement, but the mention of the lab took her even more by surprise.
"Yes . . . Full reinstatement." Neil sounded very excited.
Kim did not feel the same. Kayla's going back to the lab? It was impossible to stop the twinge that hit her as she pictured Kayla and Shane working together once more. Kim knew it was silly to be jealous, but she could not help herself.
"Kim?" Neil was looking at her expectantly. "So? What to do you think?"
Marlena answered first. "It all sounds good, Neil. Whatever you choose, we'll help however you want." She grabbed Kim's arm. "But right now, Kim and I have something we need to discuss urgently."
Before either Kim or a bewildered Neil could respond, Marlena was dragging Kim toward her office. A moment later, they were inside, the door was closed, Kim was in a seat and Marlena was perched on the edge of her desk.
"Okay, Kim . . . out with it."
Kim tried to figure out what Marlena meant. "I don't understand."
"You looked like you saw a ghost when Neil mentioned Kayla's reinstatement," Marlena said. "So what's going on?"
Kim juggled Jeannie as she took a seat. "I was just surprised," Kim said. "Okay . . . It was a bit of a shock that Kayla would go back to the lab."
"Because of Shane?"
"Yes, because of Shane." Kim paused. "Considering what happened with Steve last week, I would've thought Kayla would keep her distance from Shane."
Marlena smiled slightly. "I suspect that's what you'd like, too."
Kim sighed. "I know it's stupid, but how would you feel if Roman started working with Isabella on a regular basis?"
"I wouldn't be happy about it," Marlena said. "But I trust Roman. Besides, it's not like Shane's at the lab everyday is he? I'm sure most of his time is spent on ISA matters?"
"Yeah . . . I guess so." Kim had to admit that things probably would be different at the lab now that the virus was cured. There no longer was an ISA reason for him to be so involved with the lab. Maybe she was just making a mountain out of a molehill.
Kim felt Marlena watching her. "There's more to it, Kim, isn't there?"
"More?" Kim said, perhaps a little more sharply than she intended. "Yes, there's more to it. There's someone out there trying to hurt my son and we don't know if it's Lawrence or if it's one of Shane's old adversaries who we thought was dead. Meanwhile, every day at the house is like walking on eggshells. One day, Shane is nice and protective. The next, he's completely distant. Or he just disappears into the communications room for days on end. I haven't even seen him in the past few days. The only way I even know he's alive is that Simmons tells me in the morning or I hear Shane pacing around all night because he can't sleep - and that just makes me think there's a lot he's not telling me. And, meanwhile, I'm supposed to be excited for my kid sister because everything in her life is returning to normal. She's got her family back and now her job, and I'm supposed to throw a party for her. I-"
Kim stopped suddenly as she realized what she had just said. Her face flushed red with embarrassment. Neither she nor Marlena said a word, until Kim managed to speak again.
"God . . . I can't believe I just said that," she said quietly. "I . . . I don't know what came over me."
"Frustration," Marlena said. "A little jealousy that Kayla's life seems to be getting settled and yours and Shane's are in upheaval. Shall I go on?"
Kim shook her head. "No . . . I don't mean to sound so selfish. It's not like Kayla being happy means I can't be. And I can't really even hold her responsible for what happened with Shane. I did a lot to push her."
"You did?" Marlena sounded surprised.
"Stupid, wasn't it?" Kim said. "After my initial shock, I guess I wanted to prove I could stand on my own two feet and live my life without Shane. Plus I was working with the ISA and trying to get close to Lawrence, so I had to prove I did not want to be with Shane at all. So I encouraged Kayla. I can't tell you how many times I told her that Shane really loved her . . . and, in his limited way, I guess he did."
The room fell silent again, and Kim knew Marlena was waiting for her to say more.
Kim looked down at Jeannie, who's little fingers had curled around the necklace Kim was wearing. "Do you have any idea what it's like to look at the man you love and know that he loves you and wants you, but also know that you've hurt him so much that he's terrified to ever act on it?"
"I remember what Shane was like when he came to Salem," Marlena said. "It took you a long time to work through your issues."
Marlena was right. It had taken a long time for both of them to lower their walls. Kim just did not know if that could happen again.
"I don't know. . . . He doesn't think I trusted our love enough." Kim thought back to what Shane had said the night after the fight with Steve. "He thinks I didn't trust that our love was strong enough to withstand the obstacles we faced. Maybe there's some truth to that."
"I don't believe it," Marlena said. "Not after everything you overcame."
"But why didn't I trust him with the truth about Jeannie?" Kim asked. "Shouldn't I have had faith that he could accept the truth and we could work through it together? Wouldn't that have been better than lies?"
Marlena shrugged. "You can dwell on the past, Kim, or you can try to work through it. Maybe you need to talk with Shane. Be honest and tell him what you want." Standing, Marlena crossed the room to the door. "I have a patient in a minute, but think about what I said."
Kim started to protest. Marlena had no idea what Kim had already tried, but Marlena cut her off.
"Think about it, Kim. You can be honest and tell Shane what you want. Or you can be stubborn - and all alone."