Despite the absolute illin' of having new powers and outfit and stuff, it ain't all sunshine and fucking smiley clouds on LOSAP. Like, this costume is for boys, I think? The hip thing is an annoyance. If I want to squeeze through some rocks in the caverns, I turn sideways, yeah? So I can fit? But when I turn sideways it pushes the thing into my pelvis and I'm worried the scraping against the rocks will take off the top cloth or what the hell ever. Is is supposed to be a boy's part? Like, what the fuck! I named it Lady Boner. She is a gracious lady indeed.

And the hood is too tall and I'm banging it on stuff all the time. Apparently the Seer costume is just like a dress or something. Can't I be that instead of being a stupid makes-no-sense man destroyer?

But I have to make the best of what I've got, just like I've done for most of my life. Catsbysprite curls in a glamorous ball, and tries to talk me through it.

"Okay, darling? Center, now! Easy does it!" she cautions, glittered eyes settling on me.

I nod, figuring it's best to keep my mouth shut. Voices are pressing on the back of my skull, like gritty water. I picture each voice as this sort of gaseous balloon, tied to a weight, like an anchor. It helps, y'know, to have something to remind you what control is.

Cut some balloons. When they are cut, they burst. They explode. BANG!

Green energy cuts forwards, burrowing into the rock ahead of me. The rock separates with a rumble, splitting into gravel.

My stomach turns, and my mind feels compressed.

Do Not Puke. I repeat that endlessly, like a mantra. Do Not Puke. Do Not Puke.

Catsbysprite zips over and enfolds me in an ecstatic hug. "Dahling that was meow-vellous! The best yet!" she squeals. I nod shakily, focussing on the mantra. After I'm sure the mantra holds true, I try again on another boulder. The thing about caves is that you never run out of targets for target practice. This boulder explodes just like the first one. I mean, yeah, sure, I can blow stuff up with my mind, kamehameha, whatever. Even with the flying, this power sort of sucks.

Motioning Catsbysprite for a break, I check my messages. I haven't received any, so maybe everyone's having fun without me or maybe everyone's dead. We need a better way to communicate in here.

My messaging system suddenly erupts with little clamoring pings. Fanfiction Dot-Net, Pottermore, and Ficwad? Aren't I popular.

FFN's message goes on for five hundred years so I skip to Pottermore's. His is only one word.

[Pottermore (PM) messaged Youtube (YTB)!]

PM: Help.

"Catsbysprite! I'm stepping out," I call over my shoulder. Catsbysprite is all over that in a heartbeat.

"Where are you going? Who'll you be with? Do I know them? When are you coming back?" she rapid-fires the questions, hovering closer and closer with each question.

"You can come if you want," I tell her, because fuck all I lost most of that halfway through.

The Author sees the flash of white again. This time, it's followed by a figure.

"You!" she exclaims, mostly out of surprise. She then takes a deep breath. This breath is also due to surprise, mostly due to having a hand shoved violently through her ribcage and out her back.

While dying, The Author thinks about her story. She had so much to write! Her boss is going to be unhappy! Oh no!

As her eyes slide closed, she thinks, I didn't really control it. I just watched it all happen.

The Land of Fog and Magic seems to be relatively magic-free, but is covered with snow and fog, so there's that. Zipping above the dark forests, I manage to spot Pottermore's apartment (apotterment?), looking like some weird Planet-of-the-Apes monolith.

Well, he's probably there somewhere. I touch down in the snow and look up at one of the windows. I'm already ankle-deep in white but it's not as cold as Switzerland so it's not that bad. My hair's grown back enough to be considered some sort of hacked-up bob, but my ears are still not happy. My hood makes me look like a retard so I'm not putting it up.

Catsbysprite starts knocking on windows until one opens on the third floor. I hear vague statements about me and then Pottermore leans out the window.

He doesn't look as chubby as I thought he would. Grubby round glasses make his face look rounder. He could use new frames, probably.

He pulls his head back in, and Catsbysprite wafts in through the window. A few feet away from me, there's a KRAK! of green energy. Energy eventually materializes into a girl, reforming into a flat chest and ridiculous glasses.

"Hey?" I say to her, because I don't think Ficwad's that pale.

The girl nods, and Pottermore pushes through the revolving door of the apartment.

"Youtube! 'ello! Hi! Wow! You look pretty!" he blurts, and then follows it with, "Pretty green."

"You needed help?" is all I say.

Both their jaws drop. "You have an accent!" says the pale girl. Does she smell like steak?

"I do?" I say. Why won't anyone tell me why there's help needed? That girl does smell like steak.

"Yes! You do! 'Yous need helps!' Are you like, Swedish? Hashtag-trigger-warning accidental racism!" says the steak girl happily, although the last part is sort of a Tourette's blurt.

Pottermore's caught sight of Lady Boner. "What the 'ell is that?" he asks. His accent sounds totally fake and it stops in patches, but whatever floats his boat, I guess.

"Came with the outfit. Help?" I try again.

Steak girl's eyes flick to Pottermore, who nods solemnly. "Me mum died, Youtube."

Seriously? I get called out for that, are you kidding?

Oh, wait, he's still talking. "We found some of your dad's stuff on board, Youtube? Like some ties and things?" he ventures.

"He's here?" I say, and look around, like maybe my dad is looking at me passive-aggressively from behind a tree or something. But my dad is here, he is here on this planet. My dad, my dad, my dad.

"Have we been introduced?" asks steak girl.

"Fuck you. There's your introduction," I tell her. If my dad is on this planet, I will find him.

"Youtube!" gasps Pottermore.

I lift off, catching Catsbysprite's face looking through a window.

"We still have so much left to tell you!" shouts Pottermore's new girlfriend.

It takes moments of searching before I find the ship. Pottermore's mother is still in the snow. I don't know her. My father is here somewhere. I must find him.

A set of tracks stagger off through the snow. So he's alive, for now. That's a good start.

"Youtube!"

Pottermore's come up behind me, riding behind the head of a dragon. The dragon's got gold scales and wait, what the fuck, who cares about the appearance! It's a dragon!

"Where did you get that?" I ask, staggering.

"Youtube! You were terribly rude to Tumblr back there!" he says, parking the behemoth in front of me. Did you seriously come to talk to me about being polite, dude? Really? "No offense, Pomo, but I kind of have to find my dad, okay?" I tell him, following my dad's tracks into the woods. Pottermore doesn't let up, and keeps tromping after me. The dragon follows him, knocking trees out of alignment.

"When you find your father, then what? Then what happens, Youtube?" he says, clasping chubby arms together for warmth. Ugh, this guy. "I don't know what happens! I just have to find him!" I tell him, and attempt to lift off. I don't need this right now.

"Youtube, listen to me!" Pottermore shouts and grabs onto my arm.

"Let go of me!"

"You're making a mistake by going alone!" he says. "Let me go with you!"

Double ugh. "It'd be a bigger mistake to take you!"

The dragon grumbles low in it's throat at that comment.

Pottermore doesn't back down, for once. "I hate it when you guys do this! I hate it when you guys push me to the side, or push me away! I'm trying to do my best!" he's screaming at me. At me.

And I am God Damn Shocked. Thrown. Fucking Decked.

So yeah, I let him come with me. Pottermore introduces him to the dragon, Fig, and she eyes me like I eye a weasel but lets me on her back all the same.