Meanwhile, in a universe that is very similar to the one that was similar to ours, but very far away in terms of time and space (and Time and Space, respectively) there was a very angry boy.

"Hey! Guess what, guys! Guess what! I am totally awesome!" singsonged Homestuck General Forums as he swaggered across the landscape of his planet, the Land of Glass and Rubber. Violet shards of glass crunched under his flat-soled sneakers.

"So it's totally cool, y'know, to cut me out of stuff. To not talk to me. Don't worry about it, I'm totally trash, I'm FUCKING USELESS!" he screamed, voice echoing between the giant rubber dildos that sprouted from the ground of his planet.

Pushing the hair of his face, Homestuck General Forums kicked at a nearby wandering Egg. "Fart!" exclaimed the Egg, and skittered away.

None of this was fair. Stupid Tumblr, he was supposed to kill her, he was, and he did. And everything was fine until she came back.

Now everybody loved her. Everybody loved and cared and oohed and cooed over her sweet powers and totally non-ironic rad outfit.

And it wasn't fair to him. He should be there, with the sick threads and tear-apart powers. It should be him, the centre of attention, and everybody would love him.

He could fix that.

Equipping his Ragepack, HSG zigzagged in between dildos, over the pink-purple landscape, all the way to a base of a cliff. He couldn't fly up there; it would ruin the effect. Homestuck General Forums had to climb up, and carried on a conversation between himself and himself, alternating between ego inflation and degradation.

When he finally got to the top, he wrapped his fingers around a rock to haul himself up. A piece of glass bit into his fingers, jamming deeper into his flesh. "Fuck!" he hissed, sitting with his legs dangling off the edge. He groaned as he pulled the glass out, the red of his blood deepening his hoodie sleeve to dark brown.

"Fucking stupid planet. Fucking stupid everything!" he said, walking across the plateau to look down the other side.

Roughly straight down was a purple slab with the elaborate symbol for Rage inscribed in the middle. HSG's quest bed. Going through his sylladex, HSG found two things he'd been saving for a rainy day: a bottle of vodka and a bottle of OxyContin.

The Oxy went down smooth enough, and even smoother with the vodka.

"What a day to be alive," murmured HSG, staring up at the beautiful sky. Almost on a whim, he opened a forum.

[Homestuck General Forums (HSG) opened MY BIG FAT SUICIDE!]

[Forum is open!]

HSG: WHAT UP SUCKAS!

HSG: *farts*

[MS Paint Adventures Forum (MSPAF) commented!]

MSPF: Are you serious? If this is a joke again...

HSG: HAHAHA no joke bro! Acrobatic swan dive! Come rate me!

[Tumblr (TMB) commented!]

TMB: how fucking dare u asshole suicide is a serious issue and assholes like you making fun of it is seriously disrespectful #inconsiderate

HSG: Well color me ashamed!

HSG: I can color the pavement though, just watch me, heh heh.

[DeviantArt (DA) commented!]

DA: HSG-SAMA NOOOOOOOO! DO NOT WORRY I WILL KISS U BAK TO LIFFF!

HSG: Just thought I'd let you fuckers know.

MSPF: Christ. Can somebody stand by for this?

The OxyContin is thrumming in HSG's bloodstream, and he's feeling pretty good about himself. He sings and dances a little bit, running his hands over his hips.

"Acrobatic fucking swan dive," he sighs, taking aim for the edge of the cliff.

"Acrobatic pirouette off the fucking handle into the deep end!" he trills, and starts to run.

And he would have jumped, if he had not received a message.

[Fanfiction Dot-Net (FFN) messaged Homestuck General (HSG)!]

FFN: hey. You there?

HSG decides to be witty.

HSG: Implying I'd be somewhere else?

FFN: shhhhhhh i need to talk to you

Now? Now is glory time! What the hell! Why couldn't he have messaged sooner! The vodka/Oxy makes it hard for HSG to type, but autocorrect understands him.

HSG: Where've you been, you little fag?

FFN: shhh

And then the kid spills his fucking guts. And it's so gay. So, so gay. But whatever, HSG reasons, he'll die and rise from the ashes and have a totally sweet new space boyfriend, so that sounds pretty good to him.

Eventually FFN stops messaging him back, and HSG reverts back to Glory.

Nobody's come to stop him.

"And now, for my next trick, Homestuck General, ladies and gents!" announces HSG, posturing to an imaginary crowd. "The high dive!"

When he was a kid, he remembers going to the pool once with his dad. He remembers the really high diving boards that he didn't want to jump off but the boys behind him were really big and mad. He was already out, so what was he supposed to do?

Well, he probably wasn't supposed to piss in the pool from there, but past was past.

The rage pack is left sitting at the top of the cliff so he can't pussy out.

Homestuck General lets out his stride, drugs and alcohol making his feet feel lighter and lighter until it feels like he's running on air.

He tips forwards, and the air feels compressed from his lungs.

Falling in style! I am infinite!

For moments, it is beautiful. The landing is painful, and not nearly as brief as he imagined it. He figured, jump, splat, walk it off. He lands on his stomach, spread-eagled and staring at the cracks in the stone. . He expects pain, but there is nothing, not below his hips at any rate, and his arms are moving, and oh boy, there it is, there's the pain, that sneaky bastard. His ribs feel like they've been curled back with a red-hot iron.

HSG rolls onto his side as best as he can, and then the pain goes to work. He throws up the vodka and Oxy.

"No," he moans. "No, it's not supposed to be like this, I'm supposed to ascend!"

He's still murmuring statements of denial when he passes out in his own vomit.

Far, far away from this, there is a council of HorrorTerrors, watching the events unfold. They were hoping for an ambassador, and their Derse players are almost out of the game. The girl, the Thief would have fared far better, to share their message and do their work for them, but her dream self is dead, and there is nothing they can do to her.

The boy, the Prince, however. He is paralyzed, and helpless. Near death.

They look down upon him with many eyes.

Back on his planet, the Prince opens his eyes for the last time.

"What are you waiting for?" he asks. "Do it."

The HorrorTerrors hesitate. No one has ever been desperate enough to ask.

HSG is still mumbling prayers.

"Come on, come on, space octopussies, do it. Do it. Give me that glory. Do it. DO IT!"

And they do.

The ichor pours down from the heavens and into HSG's body. It fills him, coating his heart and his mind.

He offers no resistance. He welcomes it. It invades him, and he doesn't even scream.

Rolling away from his mess, HSG presses a hand to his head.

His hand it grey. Both hands are grey. He feels strange. Is grey equal to strange?

No. His head is quiet. That's the strange. No emotion, no hate or ego or anything. That is different, but nice different.

Homestuck General rises off his quest bed, tipping vertically. His hair is silver-white, settling around his head like a halo. It matches his eyes.

Those eyes settle on MSPAF and DeviantArt, who have actually just found him.

"Dude, you okay? Because you don't look okay. It looks like you did a pirouette into the fucking deep end and then fell through the bottom of the pool, bro," MSPAF says carefully.

"HSG-sama? Are you okay desu?" says DeviantArt, gripping tightly to her Sporkkind.

Clumsily, almost lazily, Homestuck General forces his shaky grey fingers into double pistols, and manages a wink.

"Ayo!" he says happily, and exhales black smoke.