A/N : Muskaan haters, sorry for the disappointment. Yea, even I don't like her much, but I don't find any ridiculous and meaningless reasons to hate her or anyone else for that matter. Those who hate Muskaan can skip this, and Dareya shippers can DEFINITELY skip this. Rest, I hope you enjoy.
Dayuskaan shippers, this is not exactly a ship, for as the theme suggests, it is a one-sided attraction, focusing solely on Muskaan's feelings. Whether or not Daya reciprocates the feelings, I leave it up to the readers. :-)
On with it, then.
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An annoyed grunt escaped her lips, as she tried pulling the hairbrush out from her long, perfectly straight hair, her head tilting to a side as she did so. "Maybe I should just cut these and throw them out the window!" She shouted indignantly to herself in the mirror and gasped in shock as the hairbrush was finally parted from her hair after several unsuccessful attempts, taking few entangled strands along with it. 'Of all times for me to have a bad hair day!' She thought to herself, flailing her hands helplessly in the air as she slammed the hairbrush back to its place. "Screw you!" You scowled at the broken strands of hair lying on the hairbrush, and thumped on the bed growling in irritation.
It had been a particularly bad day for her, and a short walk on the beach with Dr. Niyati had hardly done anything to raise her spirits. There were things to be sorted – get her transfer letter approved, pack huge piles of stuff that lay unmanned all over the room, filing registrations to officially get her address changed. But, those things could wait.
One particular thing that couldn't wait was the mess in her head. That needed to be sorted on priority.
Staring at the still ceiling fan, she racked her brains to figure out what exactly was making her temper shoot up for the silliest of trifles. 'Was it the transfer? The headache it accompanied along?' She pondered over. No, getting transferred was her decision after all, and she was well aware of the hectic errands it involved.
There was something else. Something that was continuously nagging her at the back of her head. But, she, being her adamant self, vehemently refused to accept it. Who likes to accept being carried away by a mere idiocy of the heart, anyways? And Sub-inspector Muskaan was certainly not the one to let go so easily. 'Vulnerable' was probably the last word that existed for her.
However, somewhere in a secluded corner of her heart, she did hold some qualms, some insatiable emotion she tried her best to quell. Or rather, she refused the feeling to take control over her soul. Violently refused.
Was she really in-
No, she swiftly lifted herself of the bed, sitting upright and valiantly shook her head to stop it from entertaining the thoughts that were encroaching. A couple of the entangled strands fell on her forehead which already had numerous frowns stuck on it since that morning.
'All the time when something is near you, you hardly realize what it means to you. And when suddenly you feel you're drifting apart from it, realization dawns upon you like a flash of light and it becomes the most important thing in the freaking universe! Wow!' She gritted her teeth as the thought occurred to her and pounded her fists on the bed.
She had never regretted anything she did, or anything she let her mind think. Yes, for a split second, she had felt guilty for she did to Divyana. But, she couldn't help it. The mere presence of the girl had irked her. She was well aware that Divyana was an extremely talented girl – someone who knew everything except putting that talent to its proper use.
Though she didn't regret snatching Divyana's credit on the hope that the girl will speak up for herself sooner or later, she felt the method she employed for plagiarism was incorrect. When Muskaan had learned of a new officer joining them, she had hoped for someone she could gel with. The fact of someone who called herself a goddamned CID officer getting freaked out on seeing a dead corpse and speaking up to ACP Pradyuman had refused to go down well with Muskaan.
She never felt any repentance for the plagiarism for she had hoped Divyana to actually come and challenge her – not because she felt insecure. When she felt it was hopeless, she gave up.
Yet, she never did feel any remorse for it. Or for anything that had crossed her path. She knew of a way to handle anything and everything.
She hated herself for the moment when she was still sitting on the bed, sulking in confusion and perplexity.
Till date, she had never let anything control her, not even her decision of getting transferred. She had never ever imagined in the wildest of her dreams she could let the hovering thoughts in her head control her. His thoughts. She screwed her eyes shut momentarily in protest as his face floated in front of her.
When she had joined the team, she was very happy to have had a brilliant start. She had got everything she wanted – of course she had strived hard for it. She had never given any chance of complaint, she had seen to it.
She had managed to control everything she had come across – her work, her duty, her equation with her colleagues and her life. She was immensely proud of her rigid self, which she felt distinguished her from all the other girls. 'I'm a bad girl and I don't give a damn!' , was the slogan she often used for herself.
Yet, she never thought that one thing could actually succeed in taking control of her. She still animatedly refused to admit it, only in vain. Eventually, it had taken control and it was too late.
She had always maintained a pure, straight relationship of professionalism, respect and good rapport to an extent. She wanted it that way. She had looked up to him as a senior and had been willing to learn from him. 'Just a senior' She reminded herself yet again and gave a dry laugh.
She felt angry on her own self. Not for letting her emotions flow beyond what she had anticipated. But, for failing to make her aware that there should be a stop to the flow.
She was strong enough to the extent that she never did show how much she cared. She had always been tagged as the most stone-hearted of all, expressing no concern whatsoever for anyone. But, deep down, she knew how much she cared. No one knew she was the only one who had sympathized with Freddy after the case ended when he had been caught hitting the bottle at duty hours. Freddy knew, of course, but they had promised to keep it a secret.
No, she wasn't ashamed of admitting she could get emotional. She just didn't want people to know. It helped her have a better control over her emotions and not get carried away by trivial matters. She had always preferred thinking practically over emotionally. Some people didn't approve of that, but she never cared.
Maybe that was the reason she never knew when she started losing her heart out to him. She had never really experienced anything of the sort – to let herself getting carried away by emotions.
He had always been a perfect senior – his dedication, his resilience, his concern towards his juniors had always made him stand out from among the seniors. He was known to have a way to make his colleagues at ease. They preferred looking up to him rather than anyone else. He always ensured nothing was bothering anyone around.
He was completely different from her when it came to emotions. She never really knew how to express the concern which people around needed. She didn't blame herself for it, for she was being made that way. He, on the other hand, being the Senior Inspector Daya always had a way to reach out to his subordinates. Somewhere, it had fascinated her.
She was touched particularly by his ability to maintain a perfect balance with his mind and heart, something she couldn't really do – or she had never tried. She was always more on the practical side, showing a limited amount of display for emotions. And she was proud of it. He, on the other hand, was probably the most emotional in the team.
Honestly, she never found anything in him she could relate to. Except for the resilience and dedicated towards everything in their path. Yet, she felt something. Some sort of invisible wire which connected her to him.
Being Senior Inspector Daya, he was an inspiration for many in their line of career. Almost everyone junior to him in rank wanted to look up to him, to be like him. They preferred getting trained under him, instead of his veterans.
Except her. She never wanted to follow his path, or anyone's path for that matter. Not even ACP Pradyuman's. She believed in being herself and setting up her own path for success. 'If you follow someone else, how can you retain your individuality?', was what she thought.
She never really understood what exactly it was that she felt something more than mere professional alliance and a slightly friendly rapport, which she was sure he reciprocated for her.
Maybe the reason was she had never had any friends who were different from her. Rather, someone who could teach her to find a perfect balance between all emotions surrounding her.
There were reasons why she secretly admired him, everything he did, even though she didn't follow it. Just the admiration was enough for her, to teach her much more than she had expected.
She never knew how and when did she start seeing him as a good friend apart from being just a colleague. She had always been fond of his charm, his personality. He had the one of the best smiles she had ever seen in a person. A smile which could prove contagious at any given point of time or situation. It was no surprise to her that he had a huge number of female following.
She was glad she wasn't among them. Yes, she loved his personality. But, she adored him for his generosity, his modesty, which she believed deserved more to be loved than some external factors. Moreover, he was such that anyone would prefer loving him for what he was from within rather than his looks. She used to lose herself thinking about him, his nature for long hours, unbeknownst to her.
She found him an apt senior – someone who could reach out to his subordinates when they needed. A quality she had hardly discovered about any of the other experienced veterans. In spite of vowing to follow her own path throughout, she couldn't deny she had so much to learn from him.
He proved to be the first person capable of bringing a smile on her face, by his jokes, his innocent pranks on his teammates including her, or the simple light moments they shared. Of course, she enjoyed being with the others, but with him around, it was an altogether different feeling. A feeling of something special, which she had never experienced before.
She loved it. Just the mere presence of him around, whether or not he was aware of her feelings. She never really cared about that part, for it was never her motive to let him know.
She had only loved him silently, and it had made her happy.
Besides, she knew he never really was craving for love at that point of time. His duty towards his country was what he considered his first love. She loved that, too. It made her prouder of him.
They say, you don't miss a person when they are constantly in front of you. It was the truth, then. For she never gave her feelings that importance while working with him. Until she realized she would no longer be seeing him. Just… missing him. Everything about him.
It was better that way, she thought. Going away from him, letting him be him. His thoughts, his memories, his satisfied face upon fulfilling his duty were all that she needed. Always. Until the very end.
'Who cares whether it's love or something else? I'm just happy the way it is.' She thought to herself with a self-gained confidence much stronger than before.
Realizing she had gotten herself disoriented for no reason, she smiled sheepishly to herself, lightly shaking her head.
Looking up at the ceiling fan to let the emanated air wash over her face like a wave of relief, she silently threw a kiss in the air towards nothing in particular. She just wanted to thank life for making her what she was. And her mind for getting herself back to her original self. Taking a deep breath and a much satisfied self-conscious along, she rose herself from the bed and headed towards the door.
"Where are you up to at this hour?" Her sister asked, eyeing her skeptically. "To get a new haircut. I've desperately needed it all this while!" Muskaan smiled back confidently, 'And an altogether new chapter… in life!' She thought happily as she turned the knob, setting out in the soothing evening breeze.
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A/N : I hope I have kept Muskaan well in character. If not, apologies. No offence to Divyana's fans. Haters, if you are thinking of giving me a hard time about this, please don't bother! Thank you. _/\_