"Everyone has a sad story in life that takes a lot of pages to cover." ~dreamer

Chapter 2: Journal Entry No. 2015-27

Journal Entry No. 2015-27

Well, good evening to you, Memo. It's near 12 midnight and this is currently my 2015 entry no. 27 for the month. I can say now that you are looking quite fat like my old man since I have been stocking you ever since I learned how to screw a bolt and pick up a wrench, but the upside to that is the fact that I prefer you more than him. And P.S., it is not just girls that are allowed to have things like this. I still prefer writing than actually speaking since… with this, I can tell what others tell to me, put all my thoughts in and no one will ever know… if they do not read you that is… This actually saves me from going nutty like Einstein. But heck! I am proud of that man. Sadly, I am not so for my father.

Speaking of my old man, Dad still hasn't changed a bit. He is still the eccentric and quite the detached man for me and my sister as he works on his… inventions (I call them that just because I know the feeling when someone calls your inventions junk but that does not stop my sister from calling dad's works as pieces of craps on her good days). I just don't know what he is thinking, how he thinks or why does he not see that we need him more out of his box as a father rather than the financial aiding inventor he is….

I am very thankful for my sister for taking care of me in our father's stead ever since I was a baby, and I am very grateful to Ms. Mary for actually taking care of us when we were half abandoned by our father (as per what I can gather from both her and Dad's arguments when the lease is due yet again. Ms. Mary just loves us to bits so I guess that is why she hasn't taken the land custody away from us yet… and it was too much for her to adopt us so we were still under our old man's custody, but don't get me started with Jerry. That man makes me and my sister shudder, to the point we actually don't even want to come near Ms. Mary's residence anymore).

Now, I am ranting out again about my asshole of a father… (Sorry, dad… but you don't get as much respect from me even if I love you as a single hard working parental unit) This is what you call delinquency of a teenage boy… I guess I am at that stage now that I have come to see you more and more in a new light as I understood things around me. I know that you've been working hard trying to meet our needs and seeing that Sis is about to graduate this year, on the verge of going to college; still, that doesn't excuse you to forget that you have children waiting for you at home, needing the only person that could provide us guidance as a father and love as parent.

Eww… I am writing something sappy. I think I am getting way too infected by my sister's emotional train.

Still, the old man would not lose an arm to show that he cares, right? I tried my best to understand you as I went and gone into loving working on technology like you but did you ever praise me once for my works? None… You are too busy with your own. You wouldn't even know what is happening to us if we don't tell you half a dozen times before the information could sink in. For all of my life, sadly, that had been true.

I am praising my sister for having that large patience she has in taking care of you. At least at some point, I help her with studying, cooking, washing clothes, cleaning the house… and ACTUALLY making some small amount for our simple necessities. I and Sis actually wanted to ask who was the one taking care of who as we care enough to let you know that you have been missing meals and needing some nutrients in your body despite the fact that you look way more buff than the jocks in our school. For one part, I do have a muscled lean body that I am proud of. My sister, on the other hand, doesn't lack in the girly ranks. But you don't know that.

Okay… I am ranting again. Sorry, sorry… But I wish things could be different. But I know that it won't be so I'll just have to suck it up and tell the tale for the next generation to not become like you… Ouch… Rereading that line, I know that if you were the one to read this on my journal, you would be hurt so bad that this is how your son thinks of you.

Well, I better get to bed. Dad is taking me to that run down theater center in town. Don't want to keep him waiting. Night, Memo…

-Signed: Reese Jackson Yeager-

The 14-year-old boy finished his new entry as he signed the last part of the page with his name. With a heavy sigh as his burdened heart beats, he stared at his writing for a few minutes to let the eerie air around him pass. The minutes ticked on by but Reese kept staring at his journal, marvelously thick with so many pages of 8x11 sheets in size that was laid next to him, looking quite innocent, disguised as one of his record books like the others that had all of his inventive designs.

Carefully placing the sheet on top of the others in the file, the current entry stood there, gleaming with the newness it still has at hand. If one would inspect it, the prior pages were slowly wearing down and becoming brown from time. Smoothing the page and closing it once again, Reese can't help stay in thought; wondering and musing how his sister was still clueless about its existence despite being so close to one another, having a family bond stronger than with their father.

On this journal are his thoughts that he couldn't let out. More so, when he is down; at times when his heart is heavy yet again with unknown weight; and when there was that stinging pain that no one seems to notice just because he was that good in acting like he ain't feeling like crap at all. May he not be taking that journal with him always, he still finds different ways to write something down for the day and store it again without losing the entry. It was more like his diary if anyone could get a hand and read it, but that is the thing… he will not let anyone dig into his deeper thoughts as he drowned from the way he thinks.

Reese finds it a little hard to offer stories of personal matters to his friends as he had his sister in the benefit of doubt when he talks to her about his own life, preferring more that her sister would be the one to spill all of her problems out.

Picking the large journal up, he went over to the side of his bed and pulled out a simple brown chest he had hidden underneath. It was as wide as half the length of his arm span and was as tall as a half the length of his legs, shaded in the color of a redwood three with two black leather straps parallel to one another at its sides.

He silently opened the lid and then placed the journal back to where he used to hide it. There wasn't much in that large chest; only some of his old baby clothes, some pictures when he was younger and all the other memorabilia he had been able to collect throughout his life.

A sad smile went over his lips as he noticed something poking out of the corner of the whole mass. Pulling it out, Reese knew what the object was even as it looked too worn out and ready to retire. It was a very, very important item to him…

That item was the first and last gift that his mom had left him before the woman left. It was the cream-colored blanket that always reminded him so much of the love and care she has for him. The blanket was not that much of a cream anymore but the initials embroidered there were the only things he needed to be reminded. The initials RJY were done in a fine and very clean, seemingly carefully sewn, lines… From what his sister had remembered, their mother did not really like to sew and had never been seen with a needle, but she made effort in making that little design for their second baby, him, Reese Jackson Yeager, who grew up without her.

What was it like to have a mother?

That question would always find a way to the front of his mind but he willed it to banish in hopes of repelling the depressing thoughts that would soon follow its wake. It was just that painful and quite discerning for him to think of the what-ifs as he struggled with his life. The what-ifs of his sister, Tessa, not being burdened by taking care of their family as the sole provider of maternal comfort… The what-if of Ms. Mary Jo McGatlin who had taken them under her care when their father in the earlier days of their mother's death had left both of his children in independence … The what-if of Ms. Mary not worrying and arguing always with their father as she would have been living happily if she did not worry about them 24/7… and then, there were the what-ifs he has for his father, Cade Yeager. The man wouldn't be a slave to his job and he wouldn't be that obsessed with his works and inventions, giving him the time to become the father he couldn't become.

All of those thoughts filled him and he couldn't help drown in self-loathing. The most heart-breaking of all would be the thoughts he has on the 'if' of being born. If he hadn't been born, then their mother would be still here. She would be living and taking care of their family happily with that smile that Reese sees from the pictures his sister had with their mother. The whole family would be happy!

Reese's stomach soon clenched as he bit his lip. Oh, he hates feeling like this... so lost, so down, so confused and conflicted as he stepped through a fine thread that he calls his sanity still bound. That little thread, unbroken by life as he treads on steadily with his sister's support and love. He was only drowning at times like this because he can say that it was anxiety talking, not being able to let out what his thoughts had slithered into.

As the minutes run, a memory came up and slapped him back out of his funk. It was the memory of his sister breaking down and asking whether she had done something wrong for him to start shutting her out more and more in the past. Reese did not want to see that look again on her face as the young girl's expression was filled with agony and grief.

It was two years back since he had started seeing the world for its unfairness and injustice, Reese had then isolated himself from everything as he submerged himself to working on improving more and more of his gadgets, wanting to mock their old man that he was better than him so he should stop all his nonsense of being an inventor first rather than the father these two children needed. That isolation, though, did not do anything other than degrade him physically, mentally, and emotional as he soon fell ill because what his sister had said came in sinking.

He had realized that he was becoming like their old man which was a dreadful thought. Reese didn't want to become like their father. He did not want to become a man so centered on his self and his inventions, leaving his family to suffer. The young teen admits he had spent all of his time in isolation, drawing blueprints and creating inventions like the old man but thankfully, he had been able to stop himself in the early stage of obsession.

Folding the blanket neatly and placing it back, he soon closed the lid of the chest before he pushed it into the dark caverns of his bed. Laying down to let sleep work its way into his sister, he knew that he would need a few more minutes to actually sleep. At this point, he just observed his room again and note how it was still the same slightly small room that was still enough for him to work in.

Letting his eyes roam, it fell on the small metal desk with all his works still laid on top while some of the blueprints that were needed to be finished were scattered all over his laptop at the side. Then, there was my tall filing cabinet that filled the entire wall on his left. He uses that in storing all his work in an organized manner and for easy access if anyone asks.

Then, there was that supply cabinet at the other side of the room where his window was. Underneath that window was a small place to chill out or sometimes… just make a great getaway exit from the harshness of reality which he hates so much.

Reese stared at the ceiling for the rest of the hours as he waited but it seems that it was going to be harder than what he had thought as hours passed on with him still fully awake, not even slightly pinched to keel over on the bed. Sliding to the side and inclining his head to the direction of his mini dresser, his eyes caught the small device placed on it which was a holographic digital alarm clock he had made earlier that year, telling of the length of time he had still been wide awake.

The glinting blue numbers of 1 did not do anything good as he groaned and got back to staring again.

"I really feel like scrap…" Reese soon muttered to no one as he sighed heavily. He then, turned face-down, willing his mind to shut down the thoughts that kept repeating like a broken record and willingly going on a mile in him.

The silence of the room was just making him feel worse by the second. And when he soon peeked through the blankets to see the time again, it was already 2 in the morning. An ungodly hour of the day whereas he still has a busy day ahead. Staring and waiting for sleep wasn't going to help him solve his insomnia so he decided that he needed another solution, that solution that had been both a blessing and a curse for him if even if his father did found out about it…

Getting off the bed and slowly creeping up to the window, he observed how everything outside was dark. Only the illumination of the stars was helping him see through the vast blackness but there was still delight in those eyes that glittered at the sight. For a long time now, the stars had given him the peace he had in mind as the dark night sky rolled on with its twinkling stars splayed out.

It was decided… He was going to get out of that suffocating room before he literally tips over later because of lack of sleep. He was going to sleep in the cold night under the beauty of the stars, reveling on life and finding amusement in the thought of the fact that he was a 14-year-old teen that acts no longer his age.

But back to his little haven… He cannot say how many times he had climbed out of that window but Reese was sure that it had been a long time now seeing that he could haul himself out of the ledge with ease and pull himself up the roof of his window pane. Perching yet again at the intersection of the main roof of the house and the roof of his window, he laid there without fear of falling as he watched the sky as the earth turned.

He was happy like this as he admitted that he had come to love the dark night as much as he loves his sister. It was just that the wonder of science is beyond exhilarating and awesome than the wonder of his life in their boring house. Reese had been exploring the field of mechanics for a long time now but his passion truly belongs to what is beyond the knowledge that humankind has in pertaining to the world beyond their planet Earth. Astronomy could only do so much to sate his hunger for what is out there but seen that there could be a chance to explore what is beyond through NASA, he wanted it to come true as he dreamed ever so often about it.

But the downside of that dream was the fact that his sister had declined the thought of him going out there. Tessa had seen what had the news brought about Chicago and the destruction laid upon it when these metal giant robots came in 2011 with their large space ships and minions of doom. If there was anything to say about it, well, the government encourages people to dial them… as per what the billboard at the side of the road had flashed about.

Many died in that city in response to a total takeover by these robotic aliens. If there was life outside the planet then his sister thinks it would be a very dangerous dream to run after. The brown-headed boy tried to reason out with her about judging others without knowing them first in person but Tessa wouldn't have it just because these guys were portrayed as ruthless and merciless by the official media.

Reese did not believe the media one but though… He just knew that there was something more about them than just those fighting metal deathtraps that people call chaos bringers. He was one of the followers of and The Real Effing Deal websites that tell of the real events captured by those present at those times so he knew that the media was sugar coating their words and mellowing out the whole thing like their father.

If people could just care to listen to reason rather than opinion, then what wonders would it bring for all of them in technological advancement… Reese groused as he kept pinned on the thought that there was a possibility that these aliens can help humanity reach the stars, enter new galaxies and help them all travel through space more efficiently. It was a big opportunity for space travel! And the kid knew that it would have been awesome if the government hadn't denounced the treaty they have with the aliens.

Smiling sadly to his self, Reese wondered what it was like for the robotic species as they stayed on their planet. On a miniature scale, he could compare their stay on Earth as similar to a foreigner's first years of residency in another country. And taking into mind on how large they were, he can't help sympathize them for being so different that they stick out like a sore thumb out of the population of humanity.

Also, since they were a matter of national security as they were flashed as wanted beings, media had no stop in aiding what could have been false information being fed to the public. Reese never liked the media… and he never will as long as there are those people that corrupt the world and take their power and money for granted. Reese pitied these aliens for actually landing here and being subjected to the government's whims… And then, after that… they got subjected to the lives of being fugitives that are to be hunted down and killed.

There was a theory fleeting in the young teen's mind for the past years of monitoring their activity, though, and that is there was a good and bad side, two groups of alien as he looked at their robotic eyes. He can say that the blue eyed beings were the good guys as the ugly looking and red-eyed creeps were the bad guys… Oh, color irony. The kid cannot help point out how universally red is seen as more barbaric than blue.

Humans… Reese can't help scowl as his insides twist in discomfort. His hand soon came to run over the large scar over his left shoulder blade. It was a scar from his earlier days of elementary as a mere child but was mercilessly stabbed in frustration of the man he had forgotten about.

Despite being a bad thing, something turned out good from that as their father had burst out of his self-centered shell… slightly… and decided to keep an eye on them while he took his inventing tendency near their house and into the large barn just a few meters away from their house. Cade started to pick them up and made an effort to cook, do the chores, and work at the same time… until he deemed them ready leave by their own again as he spent working in extended hours in the barn. Downside of having his working station nearer…

The man had just waited for the right time for Tessa to be able to take care of everything by herself again with a sad remorseful smile on her face when Reese had asked troublesomely about their father's inconvenient working schedule. The little boy did not ask anything after that and just let his sister wallow about it until she was ready to tell him. They may be young but their minds sure were already running on early maturity.

Reese had taken to care for his sister in a way of listening to her spill her heart out about all her hardships in school, about her boyfriend that their dad does not still know until now because he was just that ignorant, and everything else towards them. And Reese can practically claim that his sister has way too much burden on her shoulders than him so he tries to keep all of his problems to his self, hence the creation of that journal. If things could be different, he would want for his sister to live happily even if he went none existent just because that is what it takes. But he knew that deep inside, he was happy to have a sister like her… to live his life and take the chance in dreaming and finding greater purpose being a Yeager…

Admitting yet again that he wasn't supposed to think that way at the age of 14, Reese turned to other things like how amusing was her sister's demand on actually acting his own age despite the teasing he does to her all the time. He had two facades in one and Reese is happy to use both of them at opportune times because it makes everyone happy. He just wanted to make everything better and more comfortable seeing that he was the reason for the death of his mother. Bringing happiness could be a compensation he can give to atone for stealing their mother's life, right? He hopes so…

With all this thinking, he soon felt the dizzy spell hit him. In no time at all, as he stayed perched on that roof, he fell asleep under the shining stars of the morning night sky thinking if things could be...

I freaking didn't expect to have this in 4k words. Too much? Okay, author rant! I hate Lockdown... I hate Attinger and I hate Cemetarywind... After watching the whole movie again, I cried as they inhumanly melted Ratchet down after killing him and then doing the same to those other poor bots. I can feel Optimus and the remaining Autobots pain... (T_T) Awww... why does this story have to remind me that! Huhuhu. My heart aches...

Now, about the chapter... As you can see... Cade is portrayed as a... bad father... Reese thinks so.

What do you all think about this update? And oh yeah! Thank you, Velvet Thunder for the first review and follow. Here is a new chapter you've been waiting for... And thank you for ajna12 for the follow!

Enumerating all of my stories ongoing...

I have Amnesia centered on TF3

I have The Black Screen centered in the middle of TF1 and TF2

Now I have TF4!

Wew... where is my mind taking me?

Read, Fav, Follow and REVIEW! THank you!

~dreamaholicme