The door to the hotel room swung open and Nate jumped back, pillow in hand to chuck at whatever was going to walk thru. He was determined to be ready for the conniving couple, so help him.
"Oh Naaaaa-than," Brooke sang out, the doorway suspiciously empty.
"Nuh uh Brooke. No way."
"Don't be such a pansy Nate. We have a gift for you." Lucas' voice sounded as if it was coming from the other side of the door, but still the space remained void.
"Bull shit. I don't trust you two."
"Whyever not Nathan? Why would we ever think of doing something to you?"
"Want to try a little harder Brooke to pull the wool over my eyes? You didn't succeed that time."
"You sound like you might have done something not so cool Nate. Like you're…oh….I don't know. Chicken shit maybe?"
The brown haired Scott brother scowled at the giggles and barely held laughter that floated around the open door. The sounds of people singing had gotten much quieter, maybe that hadn't been them?
"What was all the singing I heard?" He had to be sure.
"What singing Nate?"
"Don't play coy with me Brooke Davis. What did you do with all the singers?"
"Ohhhh you mean those singers. Right. I stuck 'em in my back pocket. What the hell do you think I did with them?!"
"You could have told them to stop singing!"
"Uh huh right. Sure. What in the world are you going on about?"
"I heard singing. You're going to do something with the singers, aren't you?"
"Nathan, seriously. You're delusional. You're almost making me feel sorry for you. Now shut up, and get your ass out here."
"Not happening Brookie dearest." Nathan shook his head emphatically, despite the fact that no one could see him.
"You still afraid to come out? What could you have possibly done that is so bad you wont come out into the hallway?" Lucas' voice dripped with sarcasm. He was egging his brother on, and he knew it. And damn if he didn't enjoy every minute of it.
"I didn't do a thing, I don't know what you're talking about," he tried to bluff his way out of it.
"Well if that's the truth, then why don't you come out here?"
"Why don't you come inside?"
"Oh you reeeeeally don't want us to do that. It would be much more advisable for you to come out into the hallway."
"Lucas, you wouldn't side against your own flesh and blood would you? Come on man, we're brothers! And you! Brooke! You're the godmother to my son. You wouldn't be so cruel."
"Says who?"
"Brooke…"
"Nathan…"
A blonde head popped briefly around the jam and Nate raised the pillow in defense. The laughter that ensued did not help matters any.
"A pillow? Seriously?"
"Oh he is not."
"Yep, a pillow. In fact, its one of those fluffy pillows that has the stupid girlie colors on it."
"Hey! They aren't stupid! You take that back."
"Whoa! Remember who we're here for. He's not coming out Brooke."
Nate stood poised, pillow at the ready, not entirely certain why he was doing what he was doing. But he knew doing something was better than doing nothing. Although the picture he presented was probably not the most masculine he could have accomplished.
"So what?"
"You want to stand out here all night til he does?"
"Come on guys! Why don't we just call a truce, you can come in, we can have dinner and get a nice night's rest before we leave in the morning."
"Ha. Nice try. No luck. You OWE us. Big time."
"I – I don't know what you're talking about," Nate said, the humor of the day's earlier events getting to him.
"Next time try feeding that line with a little more confidence," the blonde snorted.
"His arms are bald Nate! Bald! You're lucky I didn't wait til you were sleeping and then pin you down and shave your eyebrows off!"
"Brooke! Crap! I was going to do that! Did you have to give it away?"
"Oh sorry Broody. I told you to let me in on the planning. It always works out better for you when you keep me in the loop," she replied saucily. The smile was evident in her voice.
Nathan was smiling, big time. All told, the entire situation was hysterical.
"Whatever. Let's just do this. Ready?"
"Hey! Wait! No fair! You guys are gonna gang up on me two to one?!"
"Quit your bitchin old man. You could have come out here and made things easier on yourself. But no-o-o, you just had to play scaredy cat. Besides, who said it was just two to one?"
"I KNEW you were hiding the singers! And you take that back Luke! I'm not an old man!"
"Of course, of all the things I just said, he would pick that to get upset over."
"He did catch onto the more than two. But singers? I swear. He's gone insane. He's still being chicken shit though."
"Brooke Davis! You take that back."
"Make me old man!"
"Hey!"
"His vocabulary isn't very extensive tonight, is it?"
"Quit showing off your literary skills Luke. Alright. Let's do this."
"Ready when you are."
"Whoa."
"On three."
"Brooke, Luke, come on, can't we talk this thru?"
"Still have the sissy pillow in your hand?"
Nate looked down, his fingers white from the pressure he'd exerted on the aforementioned pillow.
"Maybe."
"You still gonna hide in the room?"
"Most definitely."
"Two."
"Aww come on guys! What happened to one??"
"Two point four."
"What? Two point four?"
"Shut up Luke, I'm having fun."
"That's fine. But point four? Seriously?"
"Look, you can make fun of my counting skills once we're done. For now though, babe, shut up."
"Right. Shutting up."
"Luke, you're so whipped."
"Oh that's intelligent bro. Add to the list of injuries to be requited."
"Damn. Look. Let's talk this through."
"Nope. Two point seven."
"Brooke!" Lucas nearly spilled into the doorway, he was laughing so hard.
Nathan lost it. The pillow cushioned his knees as he fell to the ground laughing. He was rolling. It was too much. His eyes were watering he was laughing so hard.
"He's down! He's down! Get him!"
"HEY!"
Lucas and Brooke rushed into the room, super soakers ready and pumped, with a couple hotel guests behind them armed with a smaller water pistol and a camera.
The brunette jumped onto his back and stuck the nose of her water gun down the back of Nathan's shorts and soaked his pants. Lucas and the other guest emptied their water guns on his head and shoulders, while the last stood back snapping away.
"Brooke! Not fair! That's fucking cold!"
"It's called ice water baby! Take that!" Brooke was laughing hysterically. She could barely stay on Nate's back. Of course it didn't help any that he was kicking and squirming beneath her.
"I have NO hair on my arms dude! Do you know how wrong that looks?!"
"Alright! Uncle! Uncle!"
"Yes! I told you we'd win Luke!" Brooke crowed happily and jumped off Nate, her gun resting against her cocked hip. She was triumphant.
Nathan, however, was soaked. And freezing.
Lucas took the camera from their cohort, and turned over the other super soaker. Nathan stood shivering in the middle of the room, Brooke ready to take aim if he moved.
"So, still think tricking me was a good idea?"
"He-he-hell yessss," Nathan stuttered, his teeth chattering slightly.
"Oh yeah? How come?" Lucas joined his girlfriend on the other side, camera swinging on its cord from his finger.
"D-d-d-o you see your arms? Their bald!" Nate chuckled, running into the bathroom and locking the door as Brooke chased him with the super soaker.
"I've got pictures of you being attacked in the ass by a super soaker! Laugh it up buddy!"
Brooke turned to her boyfriend, made eye contact, and dissolved into giggles. Lucas wasn't far behind her. And from behind the bathroom door could be heard the laughter of a freezing Nathan, chattering teeth and all.
-
Dinner was a calm affair, simple food and quiet talk. Brooke was tired, all the packing having taken it's toll on her. Lucas was still worried about the move back, concerned that at some point, Brooke would find herself miserable and missing the busy lifestyle that was New York. Nathan, well, he just wanted to go home. The dawn couldn't come fast enough as far as he was concerned.
"Nate, you ever think about what could have been?"
The question came out of left field, a soft raspy foray into alternate what-if's that always were dangerous to explore.
"As opposed to….what?"
"I don't know. Haley got pregnant so early. Do you ever wonder what could of happened if she'd not gotten knocked up?"
"Knocked up? Nice Brooke."
"Oh shut up Lucas. Seriously. Do you?"
Luke was intrigued. This was an aspect of the situation Brooke had yet to bring up, and it was somewhat similar to the lines of thought his brain had been processing on for the last few hours. Maybe this could be the final talk that settled his turbulent thoughts.
Nathan sat back, his plate pushed away, the beer resting within arm's reach. He watched Brooke for a moment, wondering briefly where this all was coming from.
"Not really. I know James wasn't in the plans, but I wouldn't trade my life with him for all the money, or opportunities, in the world. He's my little man, my mini-me, and I love it."
"You never worry though? That maybe you made the wrong choice? That you wont be able to take care of him?"
Something in the way Brooke's shoulders tensed, how serious and dark her eyes were made Lucas wonder what was behind all this. It certainly wasn't where he'd expected the conversation to go, and the way she was behaving, it wasn't innocent. There was something more to what was going on.
"Sure, all parents do. You bring this tiny life into the world, and you are immediately consumed with fear. The instant that warm wiggly body snuggles into your arms, you panic." Nathan paused, taking a drink from the bottle. "You know what's funny? They say your whole life flashes before your eyes right before you're going to die. Which I suppose just might be true. But you know when else it happens?"
Brooke and Luke shook their heads, sipping on their own beers as well.
"When that tiny baby looks up at you, all huge eyes and curious fingers, you see all the fucked up things you've done, all the mistakes you've made, all the screwball things you're going to do. And it hits you, that your child, your flesh and blood, could go through the same fucked up experiences too. You want to protect him, you want to shelter him from the harsher points in life."
Brooke was staring down at the table, rolling the brown glass gently between her hands. Luke thought maybe he saw her shoulders twitch, but it could have just been his eyes. It had been a long, long day.
"But at the same time, you realize that part of who you are is because of all those mistakes. All the messed up shit you did that brought you to the point you're at now. Maybe without all that stuff the little being trusting you wouldn't be here. Maybe he would. But you don't know. And that's the scariest part. That you don't know. Anything at all."
"I watch you and Hales sometimes with Jamie, and I wonder if I could do as well. I wonder, maybe, if I ever get lucky enough to have my own child, if I'll be as good a dad as you are," the brooding man added, his icy blue eyes clouded over in doubt and fear.
"You'll probably be a better dad than me, brother. Lord knows you're more in touch with the sensible side than I am, or was. When James first laughed, when he first recognized me as his dad, not just another human in the room, I knew I had to clean up. I had to straighten myself up enough to be worthy of his love. You, you're already there. All you need is the child. And Brooke. You've been there for so long. You have such a huge heart, it's just waiting for a child to come around."
Brooke almost laughed, it hurt so bad. If only he knew. If only they all knew.
"You have those flashes of all the fucked up shit, of all the lousy things your kid is going to have to go through, and you just want to wrap him up and hide him from the world. But you can't. And realizing you can't, that actually hurts. It physically aches inside to know that you can't protect your child from pain, hurt, anger, all the ugly emotions in the world. All you can hope to do is love him enough to give him the strength to get through it all."
Lucas sat thoughtfully in his chair, beer long since finished. He'd never thought of parenthood that way, hadn't ever considered how hard it would be to learn how to decide when to stand back and let a child experience life and when to step in and protect him. He found a new respect for his brother and best friend. The decisions they've already had to make, it must have been monumental. And James…he was such an amazing child.
Brooke, on the other hand, her emotions, her thoughts were much much darker. She knew all the emotions Nathan spoke of, on a deeper level than she'd saw coming. True, the memories had faded, she wasn't plagued by the feelings she'd once had on an almost daily basis. But still. That heartache was there, hiding, lurking in the background.
"I guess, in the long run, we all wonder what if, right?"
"Sure we do Brooke. It's human nature. But you find, at some point, that peace with the situation as it is, or you change it. But it's always one way or the other."
"I agree. You don't ever stay in a situation that you hate for long. I suppose 'long' is relative, but still. It happens. You either are happy with the life you have, even if it wasn't what you'd thought would happen, or you find a way to change it."
Lucas knew that aspect intimately. He'd been horribly unhappy with the way his life was going, and had been on his way to change things, in the only way he'd thought was open, when Brooke had stepped in and shown him another way out. She had helped him change. And now, sitting there, thinking of all the things Nathan had just said, he finally settled in his own head what was happening.
Yeah, the conversation hadn't gone the way he'd wanted. Yeah, Brooke didn't emphatically say, one more time, that she was happy. But she didn't need to. He knew, sitting across the table from the one woman he'd always loved no matter what, that he wanted a life with her. A child, a home, a lifetime of memories and mistakes and chances to make it all right again.
It occurred to him that maybe this was Brooke's way of changing things. Of making the necessary changes in a life that she hadn't liked. She knew what she was doing. Brooke was a grown woman, and if she said she was ready, that this is what she wanted, then so be it. He would do everything in his power to make the change happen.
"Why do you ask Brooke? Are you worried?"
The brunette head bowed low, her hair framing her face. Finally she looked up, her face serious.
"We all did so many things when we were younger that were wrong. We made so many mistakes, some more costly than others, and I can't help but wonder if we're still expected to pay for them. If there's some big windfall around the corner that's going to shatter our worlds."
"That's living in fear Cheery, and we can't do that. There is always the possibility of the other shoe dropping. You could live the life of a saint and still have that shadow looming behind you. But you have to shove that to the far reaches of your mind, and charge on. We are who we are because we stand up to the fear."
"Luke's right. Wow, I never do get used to saying that," Nate grinned, slapping his brother on the shoulder lightly. "That is always there. You have to look it in the face though, and say you're going to move on, despite that. You have to know that if it's worth it, truly worth it, the pain will subside, the fear will fade, and you'll be left with the most rewarding emotions possible."
"I suppose. When did you get so expansive Nate? Haley rubbing off on you?"
"Oh she rubs off on me, that's for sure," He replied, a lasvicious grin on his face.
"Eww! That's gross!" Brooke scrunched her nose up, grateful for the distraction. Her mind had turned entirely too morbid.
"Dude! Not cool! That's my best friend you're talking about!" Luke made gagging motions, shuddering exaggeratedly.
Nathan laughed. He did so enjoy making other people uncomfortable.
"Alright boys, I'm turning in." Brooke stood and stretched, her spine cracking as she reached toward the ceiling.
"We're going home tomorrow Cheery. How awesome is that?"
"I know babe, I'm most definitely ready. I know everyone else is too, even if some aren't ready to admit it yet."
"Who wouldn't be?" Nathan's curiosity was piqued. Everyone he'd talked to so far was stoked Brooke was coming back to Tree Hill.
"Some of my family, they say the town's too small to run a fashion company, and of course there's the ex girlfriend. I'm sure more will come out of the woodwork as word spills that I'm moving back. That Luke's moving in with me."
"Well, let em talk. They don't mean anything in the long run pretty girl." Luke stood up and wrapped a reassuring arm around the slender waist of his girlfriend.
Smiling, Brooke stood on tip toe, planted a kiss on those soft lips, waived good night to Nate, and walked off to bed. Lucas watched for a moment, considered going to bed too, and then settled on the couch for some movie watching, Nathan joining him.
Life was good right now, very very good, and Lucas couldn't be happier. Things were finally going well, and he was looking forward to the future. For once he could see a happy ending down the road, instead of the dark abyss that had greeted him for so long. And it all happened because his Cheery was back in his life. She lit up the road so he could see.
There was no way he was going to risk losing that again. Not a chance.
-
"Momma…"
"Momma?"
The slightest breeze blew past her face, the scent of baby powder and lavender brushing her nose.
"Mommy, wake up. I need you…"
"Mommy? Where are you?"
Why was the bed so deep? Why couldn't she get up?
"Mommy!"
The cry was getting louder, her baby girl was calling for her…
"Momma! Where are you!!" The sounds of the little one sobbing echoed into the room.
Brooke struggled to sit up, to move an arm, to wiggle a toe.
The crying was getting louder, the sobs harder. The room was so dark. Why was it so dark?
"Mooommmmy!"
Brooke was crying now, the tears streaking down her cheek as she fought to get to her daughter.
"Hang on baby girl, momma's coming," she whispered, her voice muffled.
Her body was shaking, her shoulders felt like someone was holding her down.
"Let go!"
The pressure increased, she could feel the fingers of a ghost squeezing into her shoulder blades.
"Let me up! My baby needs me!"
"Brooke! Stop!"
"NO! My baby! Melody, hang on! Mommy's coming!"
"Melody's not here Brooke! Please! Stop!"
No! she thought…the voice had to be wrong. Had to be wrong. Her baby girl would never leave her. Melody needed her, Brooke had to get up.
"Let me go!"
"Brooke! Brooke! You've got to wake up!"
The voice wasn't her daughter's any more. It was deeper, masculine, a voice she knew. Still she struggled, caught in the nightmare she hadn't had in over a year.
"Man, I can't get her to stop thrashing. I don't want to hurt her!" Lucas was panicked. Her shoulders were red and tense beneath his hands, and still she was fighting.
"Wrap yourself around her Luke, it's the only way to get her to stop kicking so hard."
"Help me Nate, hold this shoulder down," Luke struggled to move over his girlfriend's body, trying not to get caught by a bucking knee. Brooke was fighting something hard, and he was terrified.
"Hang on baby! Mommy's coming! Let GO!"
Brooke's voice was raw, the screaming that had woken Lucas up taking it's toll on her throat. Tears soaked the pillow beneath her, her fingers dug into the sheets with a deathgrip.
"Who's Melody? Has Brooke ever mentioned that name to you?" Nathan was torn between waking Brooke up and letting her work her way through the dream. Maybe this was what Brooke had been holding back.
"I don't know Nate. I've never heard her talk about a Melody, but there's this huge chunk of her life I missed out on." Lucas managed to swing a leg around the distraught woman's legs, and wrapped an arm across her chest.
The pressure was gone from Brooke's chest, but now she could feel it on her legs. She could still hear the little girl's sobs in the background, the soft mewling for her momma that tore at Brooke's heart.
"Baby, I'm coming, just hang on angel, momma's coming," Brooke murmured, her voice hoarse. She kicked her leg again, but she still couldn't sit up.
"She keeps saying momma, like it's her daughter or something. I never heard anything about Brooke having a daughter before though," Nathan said softly, running his hands through Brooke's hair in the hopes of soothing her.
Lucas just shook his head and tightened his hold.
"Brooke, baby, pretty girl, please. Come on, wake up for me. You're scaring me," the blonde whispered into her ear, his thumb rubbing small circles on her skin.
The voice was back in her head, that deep voice that triggered a memory of another time, a different place, a safer love. But it wasn't the voice she wanted to hear, it wasn't Melody laughing or the soft gurgling as she listened to her favorite songs.
"She's not waking up Nate. What do I do?" Lucas was lost. He'd never seen Brooke so caught up in something before, never seen her beautiful features twisted with such pain. His heart and soul was hurting, and there was nothing he could do to help her.
"Just keep soothing her, keep talking. Try to bring her out of it, ask who Melody is, anything to get her to come back to the real world." Nathan sat back on his haunches, looking around the empty hotel room for anything he could use to wipe the tear streaks from his best friend's soft cheeks. Brooke had been there for him through so many things, he was determined to help her through this.
"Pretty girl, please. You've got to wake up. It's okay baby, I'm here. Let it go, come back to me," Lucas whispered again, his warm breath brushing over the fine hairs on her ear.
The echo of the voice sent soothing warmth through Brooke's cold body, sparked a fire in her that consumed her wholly. Brooke knew that voice, it may not be the one she wanted, but it was the one she needed.
"Mommy…..mommy…..help…….me"
The cries were getting softer now. Brooke had to get up. She had to help her daughter.
"Whoever you are, help me. Give me enough strength to help her, please, I can't lose her," Brooke begged. Maybe, just maybe, this time she could save her.
"I'm here Cheery, I'll always be here for you. Whatever you need, whenever, I'll always be here," he replied. He briefly wondered if Brooke registered at all that it was him holding her, laying there, but let it go. Whatever she thought, she had turned to him, even if it was in a dream, for help, and he was going to help her. However he could.
The pressure seemed to ease just enough, Brooke fought hard, and finally, finally, she sat up. Her body responded like molasses, her legs sluggish, her head fuzzy.
Standing up, Brooke swayed but took a step. Then another, and again, until she reached the doorway. The room was still so dark, the only light coming from the doorway leading into the her bedroom.
Wait. Her bedroom?
Melody wasn't in her bedroom. She was in the nursery. Wasn't she?
"Hang on angel, I'm almost there," Brooke croaked, the doorway seemingly farther and farther away.
"She's fighting something else now. Notice she's quit kicking? Now its just her face that's showing anything," Nate spoke softly, wiping away the salty streaks with the warm wash cloth he'd found. Brooke had calmed down, but she was still in emotional upheaval.
"I just hope whatever it is that's got her trapped let's her go soon."
"Me too, man."
Finally, she thought, her hands wrapping around the door frame. She was almost there, her baby could relax, mommy was here.
"Mommy…..momma…..please……."
The room was so dark. Brooke fumbled along the wall for the light switch, her hand sliding up and down the smooth surface in search of the hard plastic.
She was so close. Just a little light so she could see and her angel would be okay. She had to be.
"She hasn't said anything for a minute or so. Do you think she's out of it?"
"Her body's still really tensed up. I can feel her muscles twitching in her thighs." Lucas shifted, his arm sliding tighter around Brooke's ribcage. "Come on pretty girl…wake up. Please," he begged.
The voice was back again, a low murmur in the back of her head, a dull echo in her ears.
"Help me," she hiccupped, taking a slow step through the doorway.
Her palm slid across the light switch, flipping it in the downstroke, and the room flooded with harsh yellow light.
In the middle, her big bed, the covers rumpled. A soft white teddy bear lay on its side, the face pushed down into the comforter. A children's pop up book lay open on the corner, the red and white hat of the black and white cat sticking up from the pages. The bed was eerily still, not even the echo of movement beneath the sheets.
"Melody? Baby?"
The room was deathly quiet now, the soft cries of her daughter silenced. Brooke finally registered the darkness, how late it was, how cold the room felt.
"No," she breathed. "No, please, no," she sobbed, stumbling forward to the bed.
"NO!"
Clawing her way up the bed, she stopped inches from the edge. There, her table, the clock blinking twelve, mocking her.
The corner, the edges lined in blood.
"….no," she whispered, her face pale white in the severe light.
Creeping forward, she saw first the dark liquid, the shallow pool slowly soaking into the carpet. Another inch forward, and a perfect tiny little hand sprawled awkwardly on the floor, blood little by little surrounding it. And then, that crop of curls, the angel face half laying face down, all the color drained from her pale skin.
"Oh god, no, no, no, NO!" Brooke screamed, her body frozen stiff.
"Jesus! Nate, grab the blanket, throw it around us. Her body just got incredibly cold!" Lucas went up on one elbow, freeing his hand to rub warmth into the frigid skin. Brooke's face was deathly white, the whimpering that had been going on for the last minute getting louder and louder.
He'd kept talking nonsense into her ear, trying to get her to wake up, to do something, anything, but it didn't work. Brooke was locked deep into the nightmare, and it was taking its toll on her body.
"Baby, baby, come on, wake up," he begged again, for what seemed like the hundredth time.
Brooke couldn't stop screaming. Even when her voice gave out, the muscles in her throat still struggled to make the sound. Tears fell in fast succession from her cheeks, mixing with the blood on the carpet as she rocked the lifeless body of her tiny angel in her arms.
The sound of a door slamming didn't even register with Brooke. All she could do was cradle Melody in her arms, her body wrapped protectively around the tiny frame.
Footsteps shook the floor and rattled the walls, and still Brooke sat unaware. The blood was bright red on her arms and hands, the cold wetness numbing her sensations. Her precious daughter lay still and frozen in her arms, forever trapped in the youth that would claim her body. Melody would go to kindergarten, she would never have her first kiss, waltz her first dance.
Her angel would never experience all the joys of life. She was robbed of the joy of living, and all Brooke could do was sit and rock.
"Brooke?"
She stayed still, head bowed, brunette locks tumbling around the tiny form, hiding her from the harshness of reality.
"Brooke? What's going on? Where's Melody?"
She budged minutely, her head coming up a fraction. She couldn't remember the name of the man in the doorway. Something was wrong with that.
"Brooke? Honey? Where's the baby?"
Honey? Wait. He never called her honey. He didn't even live with Brooke. This wasn't right.
"Melody? Where are you baby girl? Daddy's home!" The sound of his voice swiveled with the movement of his head, and he stepped to walk out of the room.
Brooke lifted her head all the way, exposing the dead body to his sight. The shock and horror that overtook his face rattled Brooke.
"Oh god. Oh god. OH god. OH GOD! No!" The nameless man fell to his knees, the carpet oozing blood around his pants from the pressure. Brooke almost threw up.
"What have you done Brooke?" The man whispered, his voice thick with the horror of what had happened.
"Wha'?"
"You killed her Brooke. Why? Why?"
"No! NO I didn't! She fell!!"
"What did you do Brooke……."
"NO!" Her voice shattered thru the air, tearing from her lips.
Brooke shot up in bed, her arms flailing in the air. Lucas flew back onto the bed, Nathan fell back.
"No," Brooke wept again, her body wracked with the sobs that tore from her chest.
"Brooke! It's okay! It's okay, it was just a dream!" Lucas scrambled forward to reach her side again, this time sliding in behind Brooke and wrapping his whole body around the trembling woman. Nathan jumped up onto the bed in front of her and took her hands in his own, rubbing the palms gently.
"No, no it wasn't. She's gone, and I couldn't stop it. It was my fault!" Still the sobs shook her frame, her pupils dilated from the fear. Her hands shook, her lips were blue.
"Whatever it was that happened, it wasn't your fault Brooke. You have to listen to us. It – wasn't – your – fault!"
"No Nathan, you don't get it. I let her down."
"Pretty girl, you could never let someone down. You've always been there for everyone."
"Not this time Lucas, not this time," she trailed off, her eyes closing, her body slowly recovering from the terror of the nightmare.
Brooke leaned back into the warmth and protection Lucas' arms offered, her hands holding tightly to Nathan's. She didn't deserve the love and sense of family she had right now, but she couldn't bring herself to move away from them. They were her family, as much as Melody was, and she needed them.
"Shh baby, just relax for a minute. When you're ready, if you want to talk about it, we're here," Lucas murmured, his voice rumbling deep in his chest and sending shivers up Brooke's spine.
She nodded, and just let her mind unwind.
It had been a long time since she'd had that dream. And even then, it never went that long, or ended in that way. Before, Brooke had never been able to get up off the bed. She'd be struggling, fighting, and then the crying would stop, and she'd get a flash of the room, Melody lying lifeless. Never before had there been words, Melody hadn't learned how to talk yet before she died. This one had been so very much worse than all the others Brooke had ever had.
Each time before, she would wake up right before she touched Melody's skin. Tonight though, tonight she actually held her. And why couldn't she remember Alcott's name in the dream. It was him, of that she was certain. But for some reason, tonight, he was a stranger to her.
Seeing that stain on the floor earlier, that had shaken her to the core. She never once forgot Melody, but she had blocked out how and where she'd died. Her little angel, gone.
"She is the single most supreme failure of my life," Brooke said softly, her voice barely registering. Nathan leaned forward to hear better, Lucas tightening his hold to reassure her she was safe now.
"She was the product of a fucked up one night stand with Alcott. It was the biggest mistake of my life, and it produced the greatest gift I could have ever been given. I knew when I found out I was pregnant that I was going to keep the baby. For as long as I could, I hid it from Alcott."
Lucas was stunned. He'd come to grips with the fact that she'd had a child, another man's child at that, but to think it was her boss was not something he'd expected.
"Eventually though I couldn't hide it any longer. I wasn't going to lie to him, I wasn't ashamed of the baby I was carrying, but I also didn't expect anything of him. At first, he was pissed. Argued for abortion, anything and everything but by then it was too late. I finally wore him down and he accepted that I was keeping the child."
Nathan reached up and wiped away the tear that fell from the soft chocolate eyes. Brooke's voice hadn't grown much in volume, but she was at least talking a little more firmly.
"When Melody was born, I was alone at the house. The ambulance came, and she was born as the sun rose over the horizon. She was the perfect little angel, all my features except for her eyes. She had Alcott's eyes, which I suppose wasn't the worst thing he could have bestowed upon her."
Brooke's own eyes remained closed, her breathing evening out to a more normal rhythm. She was finally opening up all that her own closet of skeletons held, and it wasn't as terrifying as she'd thought it would be.
"I remember one day looking at her and wishing her eyes had been a different color, but I loved her all the same. We were resting one night in my room when she threw her rattle off the bed and it landed beneath the comforter. I went in search of it, but she dropped something else on the other side, and fought to reach it.
"Somewhere in the middle of all this she lost her balance and fell off the bed, hitting her head. The doctors said she was already dead when she hit the floor, she'd had some kind of hole or something in her skull that weakened it. They never explained why they hadn't found the hole in all her other doctor check ups, but at the time I was so messed up I didn't care.
"I hated myself, Luke. I still hate myself. She needed me, she was my baby girl, I was her mother, I was supposed to protect her. Instead I turned my back, and she died. The only time being a grown up and responsible ever really mattered to me, and I fucked it up. She's gone because I screwed up, and now I have to live with it."
Nathan sat with his head bowed, his eyes pooling with tears. Lucas squeezed Brooke harder, his own tears soaking the neckline of the shirt she slept in. Everything else they'd talked about earlier, it all made sense now. And Nathan had been the one to say all she'd needed was a child. God how badly she must have been hurting.
"Oh pretty girl. It wasn't your fault. You loved her, you cherished her, and she knew it. It just…it happened baby. It wasn't your fault."
He wanted to take all her pain away, to wrap her up in a cocoon of love and shield her from ever hurting like that again. If only he could.
"I wish that were true, oh how I wish that were true."
Brooke finally pulled away, the shame of what happened finally overcoming her intense desire to be comforted.
"That wake up call you were talking about? I've been there. I had that moment. Except mine went even further. With Melody's death I just shut down. I didn't want to love again, not like I had with her. Not that way. Her life kept flashing before my eyes, all the things she'd never get to do. All the experiences that would never happen now because I let her down. Because I failed at being her mom."
Nathan shook his head. This was never what he'd thought Brooke was hiding. This was never something he'd thought she would have had to go through alone. It made sense now though why she'd fallen off the boards. She'd gone into hiding, and somehow, she'd managed to pull herself out of it. She was so very much stronger than anyone could possibly have known.
"Pretty girl, listen to me. Melody was lucky enough to have you as a mother, even if it was for a short time. You have to take the precious moments you did have with her, and make them stronger than the horrible loss. You have to remember all the reasons why you loved her, and forgive yourself for everything else. It'll get easier though, I promise."
"It has to, at some point, right?"
"Most definitely babe, most definitely. I'm here for you, you saved me, let me help you."
"I'm counting on it Broody."
AN: I'm still alive, despite all other rumors to the contrary. I actually got a review a couple days ago that sparked me again, fired up my muse, and this was the result. Thank you to my beta, Kelli, for not giving up on me, and I hope this chapter earns me some forgiveness for having been absent so long. Enjoy!