Thanks for the reviews, guys! Here is the next chapter - another flashback one. How excited is everyone for tonight (or tomorrow for those of us who are cableless and/or location-ally challenged)?! It's been a long wait but we can finally yell "Callie! LET STEF AND LENA LOVE YOU, DAMMIT!"
Hope you enjoy this chapter and looking forward to hearing what you thought of the flashback - think it's the first time I've ever done Kasey/Mike bonding.
Stef sat on the sofa after her migration to the living room. She sat, mindlessly staring while tried to process what it was that Lena had said. Why didn't she want Brandon to make this choice? Was she trying to protect him or was she simply trying to protect herself? Kasey slipped through and poked her head round the side. It was eerily quiet. She could almost hear her Mom's heart thumping. Her face was vacant but she knew there were probably a million thoughts going through her head. She quietly edged over and snapped Stef out of her daze.
She took a seat next to her on the sofa and cuddled in under her arm. Stef looked down at her as she instinctively pulled her in.
They sat there for a few moments in silence before Kasey finally spoke.
"Lena told me." Was all she said. Stef nodded gently.
"So you here to tell me you wanna go too?" She tried to joke, but it was a transparent attempt.
Kasey looked up at her. "I just wanted to get kudos for never having stormed out the house." Kasey replied with an equally sorrowful attempt to lighten the mood. Both were too heavy to be convincing, but it served its purpose temporarily as Stef smiled as best as she could.
"How would you feel about it?" Stef asked, moving the subject back to seriousness.
Kasey shrugged. "If it's not Brandon's decision it's definitely not mine."
"And if I make it Brandon's decision? How would you feel about that?"
Kasey shrugged again, but refused to divulge an opinion.
"You've never been separated before." Stef added as if clarifying it. The observation made Kasey gulp down a feeling she hadn't even really contemplated. It was true - would she miss him if he wasn't there?
"He'd still be here occasionally. I guess I'd still be going over there. We don't exactly hang out...besides, he will probably be here for most dinners. Dad can't exactly cook and he won't be able to afford take out every night with the extra body to keep." her eyes darted down to her fingers as Stef squeezed her a little tighter. "I'd be more worried about you." She added honestly as Stef looked down again. A kiss on her daughter's head was her only response.
"What did you say to Dad when he brought it up?" She asked innocently as Stef slipped out a small laugh.
"He didn't." She responded quietly, anticipating the response. Kasey sat up straighter.
"He didn't ask you first?" she snapped, the anger seeping in again. Stef was too jaded to go back to outrage. She patted Kasey a couple of times on the arm.
"Don't be mad at your father. He's just off the mark again."
"How much are you going to keep defending him?" Kasey asked, frustrated, as Stef tried to pull her back down to her side to try and calm her.
"I know you're just as mad." Kasey accused as Stef bit her lip. It was true, she was furious, but she had never been one to badmouth Mike in front of the kids.
"There's no point distracting the issue. I guess he could have gone about it better, but here we are." She rubbed her face firmly with her free hand, it was a valiant effort but it failed to remove any of the sludge currently clogging up her mind.
"I like that he didn't even mention it to me." Kasey added sarcastically as Stef nipped her softly on the arm.
"You've barely said two words to him recently - he'd probably be scared of getting a crutch to the head."
"You wanna borrow one for work tomorrow?" Kasey replied, still quiet as Stef shook her head with a reluctant laugh. "He can use it to walk with after you finish with him." SHe looked back down at her fingers as her voice went low and cold. "Or maybe I should use it to knock some sense into Brandon."
Stef took a deep breath and looked into Kasey's eyes. There was a memory on her mind that Kasey had clearly forgotten.
"You know you may not remember but Brandon's not the first one to get overwhelmed with the living situation."
Kasey looked at her blankly as Stef took a deep breath to begin the story.
"You remember when you were younger - I can't remember how old you were exactly, but it was when you had a bit of a jealous thing going on with the twins having moved in..."
"I was not jealous. It was just getting...crowded."
"Right, OK - well anyway - you lied to me about being at a friend's house and tried to go to the mall with some of the older girls you knew. A minor rebellious phase. Remember?"
"Oh God." Kasey cringed at the memory. "I've never been more terrified of you. There was a reason that phase didn't last long."
"You got cut off from them and panicked and went to find the cops -"
"Which, by the way was what you always told me to do." Kasey tried to score points, even though it was long past the point it could have worked in her favour.
"Ha!" Stef scoffed. "Right, like that made up for it...but do you see where I'm going with this?"
"I told them to take me to Dad's because I was scared you'd go ape." she sighed with nostalgia. "That was when Dad was still the good cop instead of jumping down my throat all the time."
"Maybe so, but you asked him if you could stay there permanently and not come back home." Kasey peered up at her as Stef looked back knowingly.
"How did you even know that? I never told you that."
"Your dad did. Of course bringing it up just made me paranoid but as always it was just a misguided attempt to do the right thing. He wanted to reassure me that it was just a phase, in case you brought it up yourself when you got home."
"And it was just a phase, I was just a bit me against the world."
"Maybe, but that was because you felt restless. You were scared of how you'd fit into the changes going on here. And you wanted your Dad."
Kasey looked back guiltily. "I just didn't want to get into trouble...and with good reason. You kicked my ass when I got home..."
"I sure did. You'd have been better off coming back the night before when scared and alone would have worked in your favour." Stef twitched an eyebrow accusingly.
Kasey looked down to her hands, subdued.
"My point is that there are lots of things that can affect our desires. Sometimes it's fear, sometimes it's guilt...sometimes it's just curiosity. Don't be too hard on Brandon and your Dad."
Kasey looked back up at her. As much as Stef was trying to give Kasey a lesson in tolerance, her true feelings were plastered across her face. She was using the memory as an example for Kasey, but it had come to her as an another example of a time she feared taking on more responsibility would threaten her relationship with her children.
"You're not OK with this though Mom, as much as you're trying to pretend you are...we all heard your fight." Kasey observed, her voice cracking sympathetically. Stef bit down softly on her bottom lip.
"He was being disrespectful - and said things that were inexcusable...but that doesn't change that some of what he said...was...understandable." She choked the words out quietly, hard to say them aloud even though with a cooler head she knew she had no excuse to be irrational. Kasey managed to avoid the temptation to taunt Stef's careful choice of words. They sat in silence a little longer enjoying the mutual stability and support each was providing the other.
After so long Stef began to talk again. "You done your homework yet?" She asked rubbing Kasey's arm a little. Stef laughed through her nose at the look of horror she received in response to the apparent ridiculousness of implying life should continue as normal.
"I'll be fine, you need to do it. Come on. It'll take your mind off things." Kasey groaned slightly as Stef pushed her up and slapped her gently on the back. "I'll be fine." She repeated as she stroked her daughter's cheek. Kasey squeezed Stef's knee in return.
"He'll be back soon - he's always been a useless rebel." Kasey assured her with a departing, albeit disheartened, smile.
Stef sighed deeply before getting up to make herself a cup of tea. This night still had more to throw at her, she may as well prepare for the inevitable lack of sleep.
Hours passed and Kasey flicked her pen round. She realised she had seen this coming for weeks - why was it such a shock? She knew she had a gut feeling about her Dad creeping in closer. Maybe it wasn't the worst thing in the world...but it had worked for so long, why did he want to change things now? She had only made a half-hearted attempt at her homework but knew it would be enough to satisfy Timothy. With her homework done her mind cast back to the event her Mom had reminded her of.
"She's safe, Stef, don't worry. She's just a little flustered." Kasey listened around the corner as her Dad picked paint off the wall, holding the phone to his ear.
"Well...actually..." he turned around nervously to now lean against the freshly scabbed paint. "...she wondered if she could stay here tonight."
"I know, I'm not trying to reward her, Stef, but she's quite worked up. It may do her some good to have some space for a night - clear her head a little. There's been a lot going on at yours recently." Kasey darted her head back behind the wall as he caught her snooping gaze. He couldn't help but flicker a smile at her failed discretion when he knew she was no longer looking.
"OK - I'll bring her home after lunch tomorrow. Yes I'll let you know, but nothing will - don't worry. No problem. See you tomorrow." he hung up the phone and put it back on the base. He poked his head around the wall to see Kasey looking up at him nervously.
"Why don't I make some grilled cheese?"
She smiled up at him before running after as he went to the stove. She hopped up onto a chair as she watched him prepare. He always made grilled cheese. She was never sure if he knew how to make anything else so never really had the heart to ask. She leaped to his aid as he burned himself and suppressed a curse.
"Do you want me to kiss it better?" Kasey asked innocently as he shook it furiously, bubbling with all of the words he couldn't say out loud with a minor in the vicinity.
"Do you think that will help?" he asked, the sweetness of the offer distracting him through the pain as she grabbed his arm to inspect it.
She pulled his hand close and gave it a kiss. "It always helps me. Even though I'm a little big for it now." she explained proudly.
Mike gazed down at her, his eyes brimming with affection. He couldn't remember the last time he had alone time with Kasey.
The pair of them sat on the sofa, Kasey cuddled into her Dad's side as the TV quietly droned a baseball game.
"Do we have to watch this?" she grumbled before he tickled her side and she flinched away.
He looked down at her softly, choosing his time carefully to broach the subject.
"You know just because you're here it doesn't mean you're not still in trouble. That's why I'm making you watch sports instead of cartoons." Kasey looked up at him before dropping her head down with the reminder.
"What you did was very dangerous, Kasey. You shouldn't do things like that - it really upsets your Moms and me." he rubbed her side.
"I didn't mean to get lost." she sighed.
"No, but you lied to your Mom and that's not good. You're growing up now, you are old enough to know better than that."
"Will Mom forgive me?" she looked back up, her eyes swelling.
Mike patted her side. "Of course she will, she'll always forgive you. You just made a bad choice." Mike had been furious when Kasey had turned up on his doorstep but it had taken so long for her to calm down from being so scared he had had plenty of time to cool. He knew this was just a failed act of rebellion and was enjoying the rare opportunity to try and get through to her - plus he knew Stef would likely be reading her the riot act the next day.
"Now you're going to be in trouble, but part of growing up is knowing when you've made a mistake and accepting the consequences."
Mike left a pause for Kasey to mull over his words. She was quickly distracted by how quiet it was when neither of them were talking. There was the buzz of the TV but that was it. No other sounds. No background voices. Her house had been so noisy recently. The twins were finding their confidence and Brandon was exhibiting a persistent knack for memorising factoids and sharing them with the world.
"Can I not just stay here with you?" she asked biting her lip.
The request had caught Mike off guard. He had barely even thought of custody during the divorce - only in anger at the thought of it being taken away from him altogether - let alone since. It had always been the obvious option for Stef to have the kids and both she and Lena were so natural with them - he had always admired it in Stef, and when his pride was put aside he couldn't deny knowing it was also an inherent skill of Lena's. As he sat there lost in the selfish bliss of having Kasey there, even knowing he should be giving her a harder time than he was, he couldn't help but feel a pull to welcome her in with open arms. He gulped it down as sense took over. He wasn't in a position to give her what she needed, and what was more it would break Stef's heart. They may have had their differences but he still couldn't bear to do that to her. He knew in himself that he wasn't as well equipped, not in these formative and delicate years. What's more, he knew that Kasey was saying it for the wrong reasons as he couldn't take advantage of that, no matter how tempting it may be.
"You don't want to stay here, slugger." he pulled her in closer. "You need to be with your brother and your Moms..."
"No I don't - they have Jesus and Mariana now too, and I'd still see them - just like I still see you." she wrapped her arms around him tightly before pulling away slightly.
"Do you not want me here?"
The comment cut at his heart. He wanted them back more than anything but he knew it didn't work like that. It wasn't ideal but it was the best way to go.
"I would love for you to be here, but more than anything I want you to be where you can be happiest and that's with the others. You'd miss them too much if you were here. You'd get very lonely being stuck here with your old dad." Kasey pulled away further and looked up at him, a realisation of what it was in his voice that made her sad.
"Do you get lonely, Daddy?" Kasey asked, catching him off guard once again.
He stuttered momentarily before brushing his daughter's hair behind her ear. "Don't you ever worry about me - I have everything I need."
Kasey's attention veered back from the past. Suddenly guilt consumed her throat. She suddenly remembered it all vividly and knew deep down that she had accepted that answer back then, convincing herself that it was true. She may have been young but she still knew something had been wrong. Was the loneliness finally too much? Had they been neglecting him all this time? She decided she needed a break from the depths of the basement. She needed a change in scenery. She got up and made her way through to the kitchen. Maybe she could sneak some late night TV as a distraction.
She was surprised to find Brandon sat in the place her Mom had been. The sight stopped her in her tracks. She was less prepared for this than she had been to try and comfort her Mom.
They stared at each other momentarily before Kasey dared to speak.
"You're back." She commented coldly, colder than she intended.
He nodded.
"So - come on then. Let me have it." he responded reluctantly. "Is this Dad's conspiracy? Am I breaking Mom's heart? What should I do?" He asked scathingly, but Kasey saw through it.
"Don't try and deflect this on me." She added drowsily before taking a seat.
"You're the one who got yourself into this."
He opened his mouth to argue, but she was right. He wanted an easy solution to a complicated problem. He hadn't asked for it though - or did he?
"Why would you want to choose?" She finally broke, unable to hide her dismay. The one time she had ever vaguely thought about moving in with her dad she was young and scared, unaware of the implications it would actually have.
He looked across at her almost ashamed.
"Do you not ever feel bad for Dad? All alone while we have everything?"
Kasey looked down at her fingers guiltily. She hated the answer but she could deny it no longer. She had kid herself for years that their arrangement worked for all of them. To think otherwise would mean wanting days gone by and giving up all of the wonderful things since. She couldn't go there. Then her Dad - he was the one who suffered, but that was something she couldn't bear to think of either - all the more reason the choice was one she was glad had been made for her. Brandon had made the same assessment as her - the difference was he was trying to make the move to do something about it.
"Just do what you feel you have to do, Brandon." She finally responded, unable to say anything else. It was so easy to be mad at him for bringing this all up, but it was harder when she could see him - and even more so realising where it was coming from.
He laid his head back against the sofa as she moved off. She then paused,
"I'll support you either way." She added softly as he sat up, surprised. It was a small gesture, but an important one to combination of the memory and seeing Stef had highlighted the harsh truth of it all. She wouldn't want to be in his position for anything.
Next Chapter Preview: Stef and Kasey continue to process their emotions in the wake of Brandon's decision and Jude is in need of some brotherly advice.
"I don't know how you remember it all." He finally responded. Connor looked to him.
"Practice I guess...you'll get used to them."
"I don't have time to get used to them. I never do!" He snapped back, immediately regretful, as Connor recoiled. He'd never seen Jude lash out like that before, even if it was only slightly.
Neither was quite sure what to say.