"That's a big ol' turtle!"
Before Steven and the Crystal Gems was a heaping mound of spiny scales and scutes the size of a dome home. The scutes of the huffing landmass tapered to blunted spear tips, and the spine of the shell rose into six or seven shark fins that cascaded down the back. The shell was also luminescent to the effect of stained glass, though coated in dust. The creature inside was withdrawn, although it kept its eyes trained on the Crystal Gems opposing it. It did not blink.
Today's monster hunt was set in the desert, east of the San Atlanta fault, some distance from West Coast City, where many of the blockbuster films were produced, including the Dogcopter series, and the upcoming movie adaptation of The Unfamiliar Familiar, for which Steven was very excited.
To find the Gem Beast took them two hours. Steven expected it to be easy to spot a monster in the emptiness of a desert, but this desert's landscape was so rocky and uneven and filled with brush that, seeing the turtle-beast now, even something as big as a house blended in well with the geography. Steven's canteen was already more than half drained.
"This's gon' be easy!" beamed Amethyst. Steven agreed. A well-placed spear to the throat and-POOF!-home-free.
"Come on out, big guy. We're friendly."
"Steven, I doubt it understands what you're saying," said Pearl.
"Aw, let him lie to it," Amethyst said saucily. "We've been out here all day lookin', only to find this big dummy. If Steven wants to have some fun with it, let him!"
"It's not a dummy. It's a beautiful, big ol' turtle!" said Steven spritely.
"Yeah, yeah. If you wanna keep up the game, be my guest, but, in the meantime, I'm gonna-"
"AMETHYST! WATCH OUT!"
"Wha-" Without a moment's breath, the turtle-beast slammed its jaws around Amethyst and swallowed her whole! Fast as lightning, and just as quickly, the Gem Beast withdrew its head all the way back to its body like a rubber band.
Steven saw a third eye open up on its chin, which was a glowing green gemstone.
Garnet-who grabbed Steven-and Pearl broke formation and gained distance, flanking the beast on either side.
"I take it back! This isn't beautiful! It ate Amethyst! Its a cannibal! Its a big ol' angry turtle!"
"Steven," said Garnet, "get ready."
Steven's heart dropped as he watched the Gem Beast rear up on all fours, unfurl its long, stegosaurus tail, and snake its thick, armored, macaw-like head over 20 feet into the air! Steven lifted his shield up over his face.
The monster hissed, sizing up the Gems on either side of it. When it looked Garnet's way, Pearl hurled her spear into the turtle's neck, only to have it ricochet off and stick into the dirt. The beast roared at Pearl with the sound of a steam engine, and stampeded toward her with the power of a locomotive.
Garnet rushed forward-Steven scurrying behind her-and leapt high into the air. Reeling back, she came down onto the monster with the strength of a meteorite. The impact shoved the turtle knee-deep into the ground and rattled the earth. Steven tripped and fell on his shield.
The Gem Beast pushed itself out of the earth, unscathed. It whipped its noodle-neck over and struck at Garnet on its back. Garnet braced herself and grabbed the Beast's massive beak and held it there.
"PEARL!"
Rushing to the base of the turtle's neck, Pearl thrust down and up with all her might. Her spear sank into the monster's skin, but it did not penetrate. The turtle-beast swung its head back around, Garnet with it, and slammed into the ground. Pearl escaped, and Garnet let go before she hit the sand.
On his feet, Steven was still wobbly from the impact earlier. It must have taken more out of him than he thought because he felt he could barely stand. He fell down to his knees again. The shaking jolted him in intervals like heartbeats. The heartbeats did not match the impacts the Gems made against the turtle-monster. The sand around his fingers shifted, runnels of it covering his hands. Steven felt his chest. Thanking the heavens it wasn't him having a heart attack, Steven got up and bolted for his family.
Garnet matched the Gem Beast's skull-bashings with her fists. She delivered her slugs faster than the monster could thrash, but it was so massive that it forced a retreat out of her. Pearl was constantly airborne, hurling waves of energy at any place that didn't have a shell.
Pearl landed near Steven, who was trying to keep steady. "Stay back," she told him, "I'm going for its Gem!" Pearl dashed forward. Steven ran toward the battle anyway.
While the Gems fought with the monster's head, Steven ran to its rear, to its long crocodile tail. Even from behind, the Gem Beast loomed over Steven like a living mountain. He clenched his shirt; it was like he was staring headlong into a steamroller-that prehistoric and enormous ba-donk-a-donk; it could level Beach City.
With terror in his heart, Steven grabbed the Beast's tail by the tip and tugged. He couldn't lift the tail. The monster slung its head around to him. With cannibalism in its eyes, it pivoted around to gobble Steven up! But, still attached to its tail, as the Beast turned, it dragged Steven with it!
Turning-turning!-chasing its own tail! And Steven, being dragged along the sand and rocks and brush, held on for dear life!
Having made the beast do a 180, Garnet snatched Steven up by his shirt. Pearl got in front of them both to face the hissing Gem Beast, shooting beads of light into its eyes. The monster didn't slow down. It stormed at the Crystal Gems. As fast as it took to blink, it threw its head at them, mouth agape, to swallow Pearl, if not, all of them, like it did Amethyst. It roared with the heat of steam and snapped its jaws shut.
But, the Beast couldn't have swallowed any of the Gems, for Steven had created a bubble-shield around his family! All the Beast did was bounce them away from itself like a beach ball.
The Gem Beast came bulldozing for them again, to flatten them, if it must. But it halted midway and began thrashing. It stomped and whipped its fat head around and into the ground. It gasped and it screamed. At this rate, it was bound to trigger another earthquake.
Then, the Beast threw down its long neck and its big, bird-head in front of Steven and the Crystal Gems. Steven could see clearly down its giraffic throat and saw a light at the end of its tunnel!
At first, Steven thought it was charging a laser, but the turtle choked as a fat lump formed in its neck and shot up the length of it, the light intensifying to that of the sun! A ball of energy exploded out of its throat and slapped straight into Steven's bubble, rolling everyone over.
When Steven looked back up, it was Amethyst who was stuck to the outside of his shield! And, past her, the turtle-beast convulsed and breathed its last. The monster disappeared into a plume of dust, and the Gem that was on its chin fell into the dirt.
Steven released his bubble-shield and ran to embrace Amethyst, but she was covered in slime, and now dirt that stuck to that slime.
Amethyst guffawed, "Whoo! That was janky! But, uh... pfft!... I think I swallowed some turtle juice..."
Steven at least helped her up, filthying his hands with the jelly from the underworld. He wiped it on his pants. "Amethyst! That was amazing!" he said. "We couldn't do anything to it out here! Not even Garnet!"
"Yes," said Garnet, who bubbled and teleported the green Portuguese cut Gem back home. "We couldn't have done it without you."
"I must concur," said Pearl perfunctorily, "turning your misfortune into your advantage was... witty thinking."
Amethyst smiled like the devil. "Wow, Pearl! Your praise means the world to me!" She hugged Pearl close, making sure to rub in the turtle juice and dirt.
"No! Please! Desist!" Steven hugged Pearl, too, so they'd all be gross.
On the way back to the ruins where the warp pad was, Steven gushed to Amethyst everything that had happened while she was in the turtle's gut.
An hour later, with the ruins in sight, Steven asked, "Any chance we could catch that tour of the set for The Unfamiliar Familiar before we leave?"
"It would take us over a week to walk there," said Garnet.
"Oh. Yeah, I guess it is getting late. But, you have to promise to bring me one day soon! Maybe Connie, too! I know she'd love it!"
"Ok."
As Steven pumped his fist, light flashed down from the heavens. It splashed onto the warp pad, but neither Steven nor any of the Gems were on it.
The last person Steven would expect to see in the desert was Lapis Lazuli. But, when the light dissipated, it wasn't Lapis. It was a mattress, standing up all on its own.
Looking around, Steven saw the Gems had drawn out their weapons. But, thousands of years of battle experience hadn't prepared them for this.
"What on earth?" said Pearl.
"Garnet," asked Amethyst, "what's goin' on?"
And just then, a head poked out from behind the standing mattress, confusion, then shock filling the eyes.
Steven gasped.
"Topaz...?!"
...