The pile of papers was now about three inches thick. Shane flipped through them again, wondering what, if anything, he was forgetting. He had tried his best to reconstruct everything he could remember about the Jericho operation and the items that Kim had received. However, it was a daunting task to figure out who was behind the plot now that the ISA had removed his equipment and files.

"Commander Brady, Sir." Simmons led Roman into the study.

"You don't mind my stopping by?" Roman asked as he walked in.

Shane shook his head. "No . . . not at all. Come on in." Shane motioned to the papers on his desk. "I was just trying to go back through what we know about whoever might be behind the threats to Andrew."

Roman walked over to the chair opposite Shane, but did not sit down. He put his hands on the back of the chair and asked, "What the hell are you doing?"

Shane looked at Roman in surprise. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, look at you, partner." Roman glanced at the papers. "I know you're worried about Andrew and Kim, but what about the ISA? You have to find a way to fight them."

Shane sat back in his chair. "And how would you like me to do that?"

"I don't know." Roman stepped back and began to pace. "You told me you won't call the soldiers, and I can even understand why. But there has to be something else. You were high up in the ISA. You've got to know things - things the ISA doesn't want to get out. Doesn't that give you some . . . I don't know . . . leverage?"

Roman was right. Shane knew a lot of things the ISA would not want publicized - deals with some of the worst criminals in the world; operations that overturned governments; assassinations; it was a long list. But Roman was wrong about that giving him leverage.

"To have leverage, I'd have to convince Tarrington I'd go public," Shane said. "You know me, Roman. Do you really think I could go to the press and, basically, bring down the ISA by revealing classified information?" When Roman looked away, Shane added, "You can't bluff when the other side knows you'll fold."

"I don't believe that." Roman stopped and crossed his arms. "You went public after Stockholm."

"But that was about Vaughn," Shane explained. "We exposed his corruption and how he kidnapped Marlena. It was about the crimes he committed personally, not generally about the ISA. It's the same thing I would have done if Tarrington had seized Steve. That's not the ISA doing its job; that's one man abusing his power. What you're talking about are classified details about legitimate operations - things the public shouldn't know about and things that would cripple the ISA if they got out."

Roman continued to walk back and forth on the other side of the desk. "Then go after Tarrington personally," he suggested. "After what he's done, you don't owe him a thing."

Roman was right about that too, Shane thought. I don't owe Tarrington a thing. But there had to be dirt to find that did not implicate the ISA. Tarrington was not like Nickerson; he was not selling out the ISA for personal gain. And Tarrington was not like Vaughn. Tarrington did some shady things, but nothing outright illegal or immoral like kidnapping Marlena.

"I don't have anything on him," Shane said. "And even if there was something to find, at this point, I don't have what I need to find it. I don't have anyone inside the ISA willing to talk to me," Shane said. "Not even Peachy. They have her undercover so deep, I doubt she even knows what's happening here."

"You broke into ISA headquarters the last time they falsely accused you," Roman pointed out. "Why not do it again?"

"Last time, I knew where to go and what to look for," Shane said. "You're talking about taking a shot-in-the-dark when I don't even know what bloody direction to aim. And that's assuming there's something to find on Tarrington at ISA headquarters."

"Come on, Shane." Roman's voice rose sharply. "You can't just give up."

Shane stood up from his chair. "I'm not giving up, Roman," he snapped. He took a deep breath and continued, in a calmer voice. "I'm just . . . I'm just trying to face reality. You don't think I've gone through every scenario? That I haven't thought through every possible way of getting out of this mess? But everything I come up with involves destroying the ISA or asking someone to go to jail for me."

"The ISA doesn't deserve your loyalty," Roman said. "Don't be a damn martyr to protect the ISA."

He doesn't understand. "That's not what this is." Shane looked down at the stack of papers and thought for a minute. How do I explain this to Roman? "Remember those charges they accused me of right around the time you arrived in Salem?" When Roman said nothing, Shane continued. "The ISA offered me a deal back then."

"Kimmie mentioned that the other day," Roman said. "She said you wouldn't bite."

"I was supposed to admit turning over secrets to the Russians and point the finger at Nickerson; he was dead, so he couldn't defend himself. Everything would blow over and the ISA would avoid scandal." Shane paused. "I wouldn't do that because I wouldn't admit doing something I didn't do. If it embarrassed the ISA or caused a scandal, I didn't care."

Roman frowned. "So why do you care now?"

"Because this isn't about protecting the ISA," Shane said. "I did what they're accusing me of. They gave me a choice - as little of a choice as it was under the circumstances - and I chose to take the mission. They warned me of what might happen and I accepted the risks. Now you're suggesting that I destroy the agency to evade the consequences. And if I did that, maybe I'd go free. . . . But at what cost? The only people who'd be better off are the Lawrence Alamains of this world. How could I do that?"

Roman seemed to understand, because his head bobbed up and down as he began pacing again. When he reached the chair opposite the desk, he stopped, turned and leaned over it.

"Then run," Roman said. "Get the hell out of the country and go somewhere they can't find you. If anyone could just disappear, it's you. I don't care that the ISA took your equipment; you got Bo a fake passport when he needed one."

Shane could not believe what Roman was suggesting. Run? Shane started to stammer a response. "You . . . you can't be serious."

"Why not?" Roman asked. "You shouldn't go to prison over this."

Shane took a step away from the desk and thought for a minute. Then he turned back to Roman. "Would you do that? Would you run away and leave Marlena behind with Sami and Eric?"

"No, of course not, but I'd fight the charges," Roman said. "I'd do whatever it takes to be with my family.

"Even if means abandoning everything you believe in?" Shane looked at Roman carefully. "Tell me this. Would you have let Stefano escape instead of going after him on that island if you'd known what would happen? Would you have just let him go, knowing he'd remain a threat?"

Roman stood silently, but then admitted, "I'd have gone after him, no matter what."

"So maybe we're not so different," Shane said. He looked at a photograph of Andrew on his desk. "Dammit, Roman. You have no idea how hard this is. I just think about Andrew, and I want to rush right outside and spill my guts to the first reporter I see. Andrew has nightmares every night, and I don't know what to say to him. It's like there's no way to make it better. Do you have any idea how hard that is?"

Roman just shrugged and looked down.

"It's the worst feeling in the world," Shane said. "I want to tell him I won't leave. I want to promise him that everything will be okay, but how can I say that when the only way to do it is to cripple the ISA or sell out men who saved my life? How could I look my son in the eye if that's what I did to stay our of jail?"

"It's still not right," Roman said.

No, it's not. Shane silently agreed. But that's the way it is. As much as it ripped him to shreds to admit it, that was the reality. "I'd do just about anything for it to be different, Roman, but I can't abandon everything I've spent my life believing in. What kind of father could I be if I did that? How could I teach Andrew about honor and duty and doing the right thing if I toss those principles aside when it's inconvenient."

"Inconvenient?" Roman raised an eyebrow. "This is a hell of a lot more than inconvenient."

"You're right," Shane said. "That wasn't the right word, but I think you understand."

Roman nodded. "I do. That doesn't mean I don't hate it."

"You and me both," Shane said. The room fell silent for awhile, neither of them finding anything else to say. Finally, Shane motioned to the stack of papers on his desk. "Since taking down the ISA is no longer on the agenda, can you at least help me figure out a way to keep my family safe when I'm gone?"

Shane could see that Roman was still warring over whether to argue with some more, but he eventually stepped over to the desk. "Okay, partner, let's see what you've got."