As Rachel left the stable, Kim wheeled around and stared at Shane. Their eyes met momentarily, but he looked away and went back to unsaddling his horse. He pulled the saddle off and carried it over to the tack room.
"So you're not going to say anything?" Kim asked.
"What's there to say?" Shane picked up some brushes and returned his attention to the horse.
"What's there to say?" Kim repeated, incredulously. "How about you running away from England and. . . ." Kim could not even say it. He slept with that woman. Kim remembered the talk they had in the sitting room at Donovan Manor the day before he left. She had tried to get him to admit his feelings; she had tried to tell him that they could work through their problems. And what did he turn around and do? He had a fling with some sleazy reporter. Furious, she demanded, "How could you do that? You pushed me away and-"
Shane turned around and, finally, showed some emotion. "You pushed me away too, Kim," he said angrily. "Or do you think I was too drunk to remember that night? What did you say? It would be a 'lie.'"
"So you went and screwed the first other woman you saw?" Kim's voice rose loudly. "Was that it? You couldn't have Kayla and then I wouldn't be your second choice, so you slept with her?"
"Why not? Because I'm supposed to be so noble and pure?" Shane snapped back. "God, why are we even arguing about this?" He turned back to the horse and began to roughly brush its coat. "It hardly matters."
It hardly matters? Kim was dumbfounded. "Of course it matters," she yelled.
"Why does it matter what happened last month?" Shane said, sounding exasperated. He turned back to the horse, unhooked its bridle, and, without looking at her, led it to its stall. As he worked, he continued to speak. "Yes, I slept with her. I'd been through hell and a beautiful woman propositioned me, so I accepted. It was just one night. I certainly didn't expect her to show up on our doorstep like this."
"So that makes it all okay?" Kim asked. "It was just a one-night stand, so who cares? Is that what you're going to teach Andrew? All that talk about what it takes to be a man? Are you going to teach him that a real man screws around?"
"And you'd know nothing about that now, of course?" Shane said, bitterly.
Kim felt like she had been slapped again. Her vision blurred, not from tears, but because of the white-hot rage that consumed her. She could see that Shane looked sorry, but she did not care.
"You bastard!" she hissed.
"Kim . . . that's not what I meant," Shane said. That was always his go-to response, but she knew it was exactly what he meant. His voice lowered and he sighed. "But you couldn't expect me just to live like a monk. Remember, you divorced me."
"A monk? No, I didn't expect you to live like a monk. I just expected you to have some decency," Kim shouted. "Maybe you could have some standards, instead of jumping at the first sign of a low-cut top and fuck-me heels."
Shane's eyes darkened. "Don't lecture me about standards, Kim. You're not exactly in the best position to claim the moral high-ground here."
She felt her jaw drop and she stammered, trying to figure out how to respond, but he continued before she could find any words.
"You're angry about me leaving England and making love to another woman, but how long was that after you walked out on me?" Shane asked, his voice rising. "More than a year, Kim. How long did it take for you to take Cal Winters into our bed? Two months. Don't deny it. You've said it yourself. So don't expect me to apologize for moving on. You did that a lot faster than I ever dreamed possible."
And there it was.
"You won't let it go," she said bitterly. "You're going to hold that over my head forever. 'She slept with Cal, so I can try to screw her sister.' 'She slept with Cal, so it doesn't matter who I sleep with.' That's going to be your excuse for everything, isn't it?"
"No." Shane glared at her and said, icily, "You sleeping with Lawrence probably counts for something too."
"How dare you," she growled.
"What? How dare I point out the truth?" Shane asked. She could see that he was fighting to contain his anger. His jaw was tight and the muscle along its side was shaking. His fists were clenched tightly. "You have no business attacking me for who I take to my bed given your track record. Not with Lawrence Alamain and Cal Winters notched in your belt."
Kim did not even realize she was reacting before her hand struck his face. Shane's head jerked to the right, but he recovered quickly. He looked at her, stone-faced. Then he returned his attention to the horse.
She tried to hold back her tears as she watched him, but it was a futile effort. They flowed down her face as Kim wondered if this was some type of ploy. It had to be. Shane was deliberately trying to push her away, like he had done so often before. That would be so like him.
But she could not tell for sure. Shane pointedly ignored her, but every few seconds, she saw his eyes give her a sidelong glance. In them, she could see not just the anger, but so much pain.
I hurt him so much. If she could just take away some of that pain, maybe they could get through his anger. But how could she do that when he continually lashed out at her, leaving her so wounded?
She tried to think of all the things she might say, but they would just lead to more anger and recrimination. How could she make things different? How could she even get him to listen?
Why should I even try?
Kim could see the tremor in Shane's jaw and the flashes of anger amidst the pain in his eyes. Yes, he was angry but he was not the only one.
"Just act like it's nothing then," Kim said, seething, as she headed for the door. "Just act like you don't give a damn, Shane, and you're perfectly happy occasionally sleeping with a tramp like that reporter. We both know that's a lie. You're just too much of a coward to admit it."