"If you don't help me, there's not much I can do," Mickey said.

Shane looked across the desk. "I thought your associate was researching the law."

"He has," Mickey said. "And he's found a few arguments we can make about some of the charges. But Judge Lambert isn't the brightest legal mind out there, and he's never been big on things like reading legal documents all the way through. Plus he's a former prosecutor, so he tends to side with the government."

"We'll guarantee the judge and jury." Tarrington was true to his word. Shane took a deep breath. "So add that to the odds stacked against us. What do we have?"

"What do we have?" Mickey mulled that over. "We have a credible argument that what you're accused of doing is not treason under the statute they're charging you under, because you weren't undermining the loyalty, morale or discipline of the U.S. military. And we can argue that you didn't commit the espionage they're charging you with because you weren't using classified information of the type the law prohibits, but the wording of that law is vague so it may be a harder sell." Mickey paused, before he added, "But, Shane, unless we can convince the jury that you had authorization from the ISA, they have you dead to rights on the expedition against a friendly nation and, once that's out there, I can't predict what a jury might do with the murder charges."

"And what if I wasn't anywhere near those scientists?" Shane asked. He still did not believe anyone killed in the fighting was unarmed. He could remember how many people were shooting at the soldiers when they entered the compound.

Mickey shook his head. "You were in charge of the mission. According to the indictment, you planned the mission and did everything necessary to get it off the ground. So even if you didn't fire the bullets that killed those people, you masterminded the conspiracy."

"And I'm sure the government has plenty of documents with my signature to prove that," Shane said bitterly. "And how long before the mission did I begin planning it?"

"Two months," Mickey replied.

Tarrington really covered his bases, Shane thought.

Mickey's voice rose a little. "Come on, Shane, tell me what happened. Give me something that I can use to prove the mission was authorized."

Unfortunately, the only thing Shane could think of was to call the soldiers to testify, and he still refused to put them in jeopardy. He shrugged. "There's nothing I can tell you."

"Fine," Mickey said in a voice that clearly indicated he did not think it was fine. He looked Shane straight in the eye. "In two months, unless you plead guilty, you're going to trial and, with no defense, you will go to prison. If you gave me something that creates some question in the jury's mind about authorization, it might be enough. Many of the jurors will know what you've done for Salem, and they could be casting about for some reason to find reasonable doubt. But you've got to give me something."

"I wish I had something I could give you," Shane said. He could tell Mickey did not believe that for one second. Standing, Shane apologized. "I'm sorry."

"It's your life." Mickey shook his head slowly. "I can't stop you from sabotaging yourself, but I don't understand it."

Shane was reminded of his exchange with Steve by the lake. "I know," Shane said. "I don't expect you to understand."

"If you'd tell me what happened, maybe I could," Mickey pointed out. When Shane did not respond, Mickey said, "At least just think about it?"

"I will," Shane said.

With nothing left to say, he left Mickey's office and headed outside. Stepping onto the street, he was surprised not to be met by a phalanx of reporters. Maybe they had given up after so little success in getting any response from him during the few days after the arraignment. Or they were still swarming the house, unaware that Shane had slipped through a neighbor's yard so he could come meet with Mickey. Whatever the reason, Shane appreciated not feeling like a prisoner for the first time in nearly a week.

As useless as the meeting had been. Shane had been grateful for a distraction. He had spent all morning reliving the argument with Kim in the stable and avoiding her at the house.

What did she really expect? he asked himself. She had divorced him, so why was she expecting him to feel guilty about a one-night stand. Like he had told himself in Riyadh, he did not owe anyone anything.

Then why do you feel so guilty? Shane tried to deny it. And why did you say such hurtful things to Kim earlier? That he could not deny. He had hurt her terribly, by saying the most vicious things that came to mind. He could still see the trail of tears running down her face and could hear the bitter anger in her voice as she accused him of being a coward. He had wanted to respond - had wanted to apologize - but then he had remembered that it did not really matter.

Shane wondered if he should return home and try to talk to Kim. Maybe they could at least reach some kind of truce, so he could spend the next few weeks focusing on what was most important - making sure Kim and the kids were safe and trying to prepare Andrew for a long time without a father.

How do you prepare a child for that? Shane wondered. How do I prepare myself for that?

"Shane."

Surprised by the voice, Shane realized he had walked down to the pier. Just as surprising, but far less pleasant, was his realization that the voice calling his name belonged to Jack Devereaux.

"If you want another exclusive, Jack, forget it." Shane tried to make that sound as casual as he could, but failed at keeping his anger completely in check.

Jack looked nervous, as he shifted uneasily from side to side and swallowed hard. "I . . . Look, I just wanted to tell you that I didn't want any of this to happen."

"So what do you want? Absolution?" Shane looked toward the water. "Try a priest."

"Shane, please, just hear me out," Jack said. "I can help."

Shane tried to suppress a laugh, but he couldn't. "You're going to help? How do you think you can do that?"

"I want to run a series of articles," Jack explained. "About everything you've done for Salem. I've got the first one ready to go - about Saul Taylor's revival camp - but on some of the others, there are some gaps. Like with the Dragon. I mean-"

Shane cut Jack off. "Save your breath. You're the second offer I've had for a PR campaign today. Like I said before, I'm not interested."

Jack did not give up. He walked close to Shane. "You're not seeing- Whoa!" His sentence turned to a shout as Shane grabbed him by the lapels and dragged him to the edge of the pier. Shane shoved Jack backwards, so his shoes teetered over the water. Only Shane's grip on the jacket kept Jack from falling into the Salem River.

"Wait!" Jack protested.

"Why should I?" Shane asked.

Jack glanced down at the water beneath him. "I'm telling you I can help!"

"Help? I wouldn't need any help if you'd kept your word to Steve," Shane growled. "I wouldn't be facing life in prison if not for you."

"I'm sorry," Jack pleaded. "I didn't know, please. . . . I want to make it up to you."

Shane shook his head even as he continued to glare at Jack. "It's too bloody late. There's no making up for this." He tightened his grip on Jack's jacket and pulled him close, so their faces were just inches apart. "I want you to remember something. When you have kids - maybe you'll even have a son. . . . When you look at your kids, I want you to think of my boy and how he doesn't have a father around because you thought a blasted newspaper article was worth more than keeping your word." He pulled Jack forward so he was on firmer footing. "Remember that."

Jack frowned slightly, appeared thoughtful for a moment, then asked, "So you really aren't interested?"

"No," Shane said, hitting the limits of his patience. He shoved Jack backward, let go of his jacket and walked away, taking no small pleasure in the splash as Jack hit the water and the sputtering sounds that followed. He heard Jack yelling behind him, but ignored the shouts and kept walking.

Shane had no idea how long he walked. Time seemed to lose meaning. Maybe he even walked the length of the docks a few times; he had no idea. Eventually, he found himself at a part of the pier he remembered well.

It was where, after Roman's wake, he had followed Kim and asked her about her Uncle Eric. For some reason, only Shane had been able to see Kim's discomfort with the man.

That was the first time he realized how much he seemed to connect with her. And, then, not long after, he had run into Kim here and she had invited him to Christmas Eve at her parents' house. That was the night they first kissed.

Maybe he should have run then. But Stefano DiMera was out there, and he was a threat to Marlena and Bo. After Roman had died on Shane's watch, he had sworn the same thing was not going to happen to Roman's wife and brother.

So Shane had stayed and, try as he could, he had been unable to stop himself from falling in love with Kim. And with that came a lot of joy and almost as much pain.

Funny, but one of the most painful times had come right here. This was where Kim had accused him of putting the ISA before her and their family after she had lost their daughter. He remembered her question - "What if you'd said 'no'?" What if he had just said "no" to the ISA and had stayed home with Kim and Andrew?

Ironic to think of it now, he thought. How different would his life be now if he had told the ISA "no" so many years ago? There would never have been the Jericho mission, Cal Winters, Jeannie . . . . He and Kim would have had their daughter. So many things would have been different.

From behind him, he heard a woman call his name. The painful memory dissolved and Shane could not stop himself from smiling a little as he turned to see Alice Horton approaching him.

"Good after-" Shane paused, suddenly noticing for the first time that the sun was nearly down. "Good evening, Alice. I'm surprised to see you out here this late."

"Well, I was just on my way to visit Bo," Alice said. She seemed to study him for a moment. "How are you, Shane?"

"I'm fine," Shane replied. At her dubious look, he shrugged. "Will 'hanging in there' suffice?"

Alice smiled softly. "I can imagine this must be very difficult for you. I hope you know that most of us believe these charges are nonsense. Tom's spitting mad about them."

"Yes," Shane said. "This is probably going to cut into my donations to the hospital."

"Oh, shush!" Alice's voice rose, but not too loudly. "That's the last thing on our mind."

There was something about the way she spoke that made Shane embarrassed for his comment. He felt like a child being scolded by a disappointed parent. "I know. . . . I'm sorry. That was uncalled for. And I do appreciate your support."

Alice gave him a knowing look. "Mickey told me that it's not the easiest case he's ever had." Her eyes narrowed. "And he's told me you're not the easiest client." Before Shane could respond, she added, "He hasn't told me anything confidential."

Shane looked out at the water again. The moon was just beginning to rise and it left a low trail of light over the rippling current. "I'm sure he didn't. Unfortunately, there's not much I can really tell him."

Somehow, Alice Horton's sympathetic look did not make Shane feel pitied. Perhaps that was because he knew she brooked no nonsense. "I've known you a long time, Shane," she said, in her pleasantly stern tone. "You've never been one to give up fighting, and I don't think you'll do it now. I suspect that you just need to decide what you're really fighting for. And, I mean, what's really worth fighting for."

Alice never was exactly the subtle type, but Shane appreciated the encouragement. He smiled. "Thanks, Alice." Then he realized something and chuckled. "You weren't really on your way to see Bo, were you?"

"You always were a smart one," she said. "Actually, Jack Devereaux wandered into my restaurant looking like a drowned rat."

"I guess I probably shouldn't have done that." Shane did not particularly feel apologetic though.

Alice laughed. "No, you probably shouldn't have, but from what Jennifer's told me, you weren't without your reasons. But she's also told me that Jack is sorry for what he did and they both want to help."

"Tell Jennifer I appreciate it. I just don't think there's much they can do." Shane shrugged. "Probably not much any of you can do."

Alice gave him that sympathetic look again. "Then it sounds to me like you have some difficult decisions to make. So remember what I said. You need to decide what's really worth fighting for."