The house was quiet when Shane finally arrived home. Mike met him at the door and reported that Kim and the children were upstairs. Once Mike finished his report, he left for the night.

He was a good man, Shane thought, thankfully. With everything going on, with the police seemingly unable to keep a reporter off the grounds, Shane needed someone he could trust to protect his family. He would sit down with Mike sometime soon and discuss his staying on, regardless of what might happen in the future.

Making his way upstairs, Shane heard Kim's voice coming from Andrew's room. He stopped next to the door just in time to hear Andrew.

"Will we keep living here when Daddy goes away?" he asked.

Kim responded in a soft voice. "Oh, sweetie, we don't know if Daddy's going anywhere. This may all blow over and nothing will happen."

Shane knew she was clinging to some hope that this would be like the treason charges that he faced before or the ones that Bo evaded because they managed to spirit Britta out of Stockholm. This isn't the same thing, he thought. And one of the last things he wanted was Andrew losing his faith in Kim.

"Don't you worry, Sport," Shane said, stepping into the doorway. Andrew immediately scowled, a look that cut so deeply that Shane had to take a deep breath before continuing. "The answer to your question is that this is your home, no matter what." That did not garner the reaction Shane had hoped for, because Andrew rolled to his side so he was facing the wall opposite where Shane was standing.

Kim leaned over the bed, whispered something in Andrew's ear, and kissed him on his head. She then stepped away from the bed and walked for the door, giving Shane an icy glare as she walked by.

There would probably be another confrontation, but it could wait. Since Andrew had run out of the garden the other day, Shane had barely seen the boy and wanted to try to mend some fences. Tentatively, Shane approached the bed, still not sure what to say. "Is it okay if I sit down?" he asked.

Andrew said nothing. At least that was better than if he had told Shane to go away. Perching on the edge of the bed, Shane reached out and brushed a little of Andrew's hair off the side of his face.

"I know you're mad at me," Shane said. "And I understand why. If I were you, I'd probably be pretty mad at me too." He glanced around the room, taking in the bright toys, the wall of children's books, the punching bag shaped like one of the ninja turtles, and the child-sized cricket bat sitting side-by-side with the little baseball glove. In a few years, all of those things would be gone.

"Andrew, I would give anything for things to be different. God, the last thing I ever want is to be away from you." Shane waited to see if Andrew would respond, but he remained curled on his side, looking away. "I never should have promised that I wouldn't go away. Sometimes there are things that happen that we can't control, and I know that's hard for you to understand. I just want you to remember that, no matter what, I love you more than anything in the whole world and, no matter where you are or where I am, I'll never stop loving you."

Andrew's shoulders shook, and Shane could tell the boy was trying not to cry. Still, Andrew remained silent and continued to face the wall.

With a resigned sigh, Shane leaned over his son and started to give him a soft kiss, but Andrew jerked away with a curt "No!"

What did you expect? he asked himself. A couple of nice words and everything would be better? Andrew had every right to be angry and probably the best Shane could hope for would be that they might come to some type of understanding before his trial. But that was not going to happen tonight. Sadly, Shane stepped away from Andrew's bed, turned off the lamp, and walked out of the room.

Kim was waiting in the hallway, but Shane walked past her to the stairs. He did not stop until he reached the library, where he poured himself a drink. He did not turn to the door even when he heard Kim step inside.

"He's scared," Kim said. "He doesn't know how to process that, so he's acting out."

She was not telling Shane anything he didn't know. Shane took a sip from his glass and turned toward his desk, so his back was to her. "I'm not going to lie to him again. I told him I wouldn't leave, and look how that's turned out."

"I don't get you," she said. "The man I loved would have fought tooth-and-nail to stay with his son; he never gave up." Her tone turned bitter. "But then I guess I haven't really understood you for a long time, have I?"

He knew she was referring to their argument that morning. "Kim. . . . can't we just - I don't know - have a bit of a truce? Neither of us can change the past."

"No, we can't change the past. You've made that perfectly clear to me."

He sighed. "Look . . . I'm sorry about what I said earlier. I shouldn't have made those cracks about Cal and Lawrence."

"No, you shouldn't have," Kim said, sharply. "But you did. That's what you always do. You say something hurtful, then you apologize, and then it gets dredged up again whenever you want to push me away. Well, I'm not going to let you hurt me like that anymore, Shane Donovan."

He drained the rest of the drink and set the glass on the desk. "You're right. And you should be happy to know that soon you won't have to worry about me dredging up the past anymore. You won't really have to worry about me doing much of anything anymore."

"What does that mean?" she asked. He could see worry mixing with her earlier anger.

"What it means is that I don't really have much hope of getting out of these charges." He looked away from her. "I've got two options - and neither of them is particularly pleasant."

"Tell me," she said, her voice growing quiet.

Shane let out a deep breath. "One, I go to trial and don't really have much of a defense. Steve testifies that there were soldiers involved and he was taken to a military hospital. I testify that it was authorized. Then the ISA destroys Steve's credibility, brings on witness after witness to claim it wasn't authorized, and offers a pile of documents that I 'forged' for the mission. Meanwhile, Tarrington's secured a judge and jury that he's assured me will convict, and the result is I spend the rest of my life in prison for murder." Shane stopped and looked at her. "That's option one."

Kim had gone completely white and she seemed to have to catch her breath before she asked, "And option two?"

"I plead guilty," Shane said, simply. "To treason and some minor charges. I'd be sentenced to five years, get out in three."

"But you'd have to admit to being a traitor."

"Maybe you still understand me pretty well." Shane took a deep breath. "And there's one more thing. After I serve my time, I'll be deported to England and won't be allowed to set foot on American soil ever again."

It took a moment for the implications to sink in, but he could see the realization dawn in Kim's eyes. "But. . . . What about Andrew?" she asked. "How can they do that?"

"How can they do it?" Shane took his glass and walked back over to the decanters and began pouring himself another drink. He needed it now. "They're the ISA. They can kidnap people . . . declare someone dead . . . They can do what they want. And. . . ." He took a sip from his glass. ". . . according to Tarrington, it's non-negotiable. So those are my options, Kim. Life in prison or life as an admitted traitor stuck an ocean away from my son."

Kim watched him silently as he walked over to the couch and sat down. He ran his index finger over the rim of the glass. "Meanwhile, I've got two months to put things right before I leave Salem for good, regardless of which option I choose. In light of that, what's happened in the past doesn't really matter much, does it?"

"Maybe not," Kim said, looking down.

Shane set the glass down and leaned forward, resting his hands on his knees. "I know I hurt you with what I said earlier. Maybe in some ways I wanted to hurt you, to push you away so this would all be easier on you."

Kim chuckled a little, as she walked over to a chair next to the couch and took a seat. "I'm not sure that would be possible. Whatever's happened between us, there's always that connection. If nothing more than that we have Andrew."

"I know," Shane said, nodding. "And because of that, I know I've got to let the past go. I can't say that it doesn't hurt to think of you with Cal, but it's in the past and I'm going to do my best to leave it there."

"It is the past . . . ." Kim fell silent for a moment, before she continued. "But I know enough, Shane, to know that we can't just bury things. Maybe it's time we sat down and got everything out in the open."

Shane was confused. "What do you mean?"

"What you said earlier," Kim replied, looking at him closely. "About Cal - and about me moving on. You were right. I did move on with Cal too fast. It was the worst mistake I ever made. And you had every right to be furious and to question how I could do that when I supposedly loved you. I would have felt the same way if the positions were reversed."

Uncomfortable under her gaze, Shane looked down at his hands.

"Look at me, Shane," she insisted.

He studied his hands for a little longer as silence descended over them. Finally, he looked back up at her.

"Maybe you can't understand why I got involved with Cal so soon, but don't you for one second think it was because I don't love you," Kim said. "I did then and I do now. When I saw that mountain after they told me you were dead, I wanted to die with you. But I had Andrew and Eve, so I couldn't. And every day, I would wake up hoping it was just some nightmare and that you'd be there - that you'd just been on a mission. And every day, that brief hope would be crushed and it would feel like I'd lost you all over again."

"Kim-"

"No," Kim said, shaking her head. "Everything was so crazy when you came back and then when you got your memory back that we never really talked about this. So we're going to talk about it now." She paused for a moment as if collecting her thoughts. "You don't know what it's like to have to go on knowing that the most important person in the world to you is gone and never coming back. The person you love more than anything - more than life itself - is gone forever. Every day, Shane - every day, I'd wake and feel that pain. And I know it was a mistake, but I had to find a way to bury some of that pain."

As she talked about the pain, Shane could feel his own pain rising. He tried to fight it as he said, tight-lipped, "So you turned to Cal Winters?"

"Yes, I turned to Cal. I was hurt and scared and stupid and I didn't see the truth. Maybe I didn't want to see it." Kim brushed her hand across her face. "I guess it doesn't really matter now. No matter what the reason, I disrespected your memory and our love when I moved on with Cal so quickly. I admit it."

Shane could see tears forming in her light eyes, but she blinked them back.

"There's no way I can ever take that back," Kim said. "And I understand that it hurt you and that I only made things worse by lying about the baby." She looked at Shane. "I can understand why you were so cold before I left. And I . . . I also understand why you turned to Kayla. She was 'safe' after everything that happened between us."

She understood that much. Shane stared at the darkened window. There were some bushes outside that were swaying in the breeze, casting dark shadows as they moved. "We both know I could never love Kayla as much as I loved you," he said. "When you left, Kim . . . . I tried to bury that pain. You have no idea how much it hurt. When I thought Emma had died because of me, I thought the pain was bad, but it was nothing compared to what it was like when you left. I wanted to curl up so far inside myself and never come out."

"And then Kayla. . . ."

"She helped," Shane admitted. "I was able to bury the pain better. It was - is - still there, but for a time, I could pretend that it was better. And Kayla was so sad and hurt. . . ." He paused, chuckling softly at the irony. Kim's hurt over his supposed death had sent her to Cal and had ultimately led to the demise of their marriage. Kayla's hurt over Steve's supposed death had pushed her to Shane.

Kim's curious look prompted him to continue. "She was so sad and hurt and I wanted to see her happy. I guess I thought that maybe we could find a little happiness together." He looked over at Kim. "Nothing that could compare to us, but, at least, I didn't have to be completely alone." He shook his head. "Stupid, wasn't it?"

"No, not at all," Kim said quietly. "Understandable . . . Hurtful, but understandable. Not all that different from me and Lawrence. Except for the part that was intended to get back at you - and the part where I didn't want to see him for what he truly is." She looked down at her hands. "I guess I let my own hurt blind me again."

Hearing her say that was a bit of a surprise, but it only confirmed what Shane had always known. But they were being open and honest with each other. The idea of that was almost amusing. "Look at us," he said, bitterly. "Here we are . . . 'True Confessions' - only a year-and-a-half too late."

Kim looked at him, but did not speak. The room fell silent once more. Shane thought about how absurd it was that it had come to this for them to finally talk and try to understand what had happened between them. Well, if the cards were coming out on the table, Shane might as well play his last one.

"You probably want to know about Rachel, don't you? he asked.

Kim heaved a sigh. "I think I probably know."

"No, you don't really," Shane said, shaking his head. "I mean, you know it was just a one-night thing, but there's more to it. See . . . when I left England, I took an assignment-"

"In Iraq." Kim studied him. "She said that. And you needed soldiers to get you out."

Shane thought about what he could tell her, then thought how ridiculous it was that he was still protecting the ISA's secrets - even with Kim. She deserved to know the truth, damn the ISA. "Everything went wrong," he said. "The intel was bad. No, that's an understatement. It was bloody awful. We wound up running for our lives through Baghdad and, after we got airborne, our helicopter got shot down and we crashed in the desert."

"I remember the bruises when you came back," Kim said.

"I wish those had been from the crash." The whole story was nuts, wasn't it? he thought. "No, the bruises came courtesy of a lieutenant in the Iraqi Republican Guard and the butt of his pistol. That note Rachel had . . . my partner, just some kid barely out of ISA training . . . the lieutenant shot him in the head, and then pistol-whipped me."

Kim's eyes were wide and she seemed to be fishing for words, but nothing came out of her mouth.

"He would've killed me. In fact, he was going to, but that's when the soldiers showed up." Shane stared down again at his hands. "They killed a dozen Iraqi soldiers and dragged me out of there and back to Saudi Arabia."

"Where you met Rachel," Kim said. "I get the picture. I remember what it was like when you came home after a mission had gone bad." She frowned for a moment. "Shane. . . ."

He knew she wanted to ask something. "What is it?"

"I hope you'll be honest with me, but did that happen before? I mean, while we were together?"

"No." Shane shook his head fervently. "I never - I could never cheat on you." He flushed a little. "That night . . . It was actually the first time I was with another woman since before we met. So there's your answer."

She smiled. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being honest," Kim said. "I won't say that it didn't hurt to hear that woman earlier, but I guess I understand somewhat. Though I won't say I understand why you'd settle for some meaningless fling when. . . ." She let the thought trail off.

When I still love you. Shane silently finished her sentence for her. But she did understand. She understood the pain and why he had walled her off from his heart. There really was nothing more to say.

"So what now?" Kim asked.

"Now?" Shane shrugged. "Now I've got two months. That's when the trial is, and that's when I'll be going to jail. So I've got two months to make sure you and the children are safe and do my best to help Andrew. . . . I don't know how I'm going to get through to him, but this may be my last chance to be his father-"

"Don't say that," Kim said sternly. "No matter what happens, Shane Donovan, you'll always be Andrew's father. I don't care where you are - whether it's in jail or in England or just down the hall. Andrew will always know that you're his father and, in time, he'll understand."

Shane tried to smile at her, but he suddenly felt like he did not even have the strength for that. The day had been one, long emotional roller coaster, and now he was completely drained.

Kim reached over, took his hand in hers, and gave it a comforting squeeze. "Why don't you get some rest? The world will still be here tomorrow, and then we'll see if we can come up with option three."

"Kim-"

"Shush," she admonished softly, as she rose to her feet. She continued to clutch his hand as she leaned close to him. "I have faith, Shane. I know you don't see any way to escape this, but I have faith in you, and I'm not going to give up until the bitter end." Then, before he realized it, she leaned even closer and gave him a light kiss on the forehead, before stepping away. "I don't care what the ISA or Tarrington says. I believe there is an option three and we're going to find it."