She just stand there looking at all the paintings, probably remembering things from her perspective. Finally I can't stand it anymore and I ask, "What do you think?"
"I hate them," she says simply. "All I do is go around trying to forget the arena and you've brought it back to life. How do you remember these things so exactly?"
I look around at the paintings and can completely see her point. "I see them every night," I answer.
"Me too," she answers quietly. "Does it help? To paint them out?"
I am still looking at all the paintings when I answer, "I don't know. I think I'm a little less afraid of going to sleep at night, or I tell myself I am." Still the nightmares are there, every night. "But they haven't gone anywhere."
She keeps looking at the painting of Rue and sound almost wistful when she says, "Maybe they won't. Haymitch's haven't." That's true. Haymitch still sleeps with a knife in his hand and doesn't like to sleep at night.
"No. But for me, it's better to wake up with a paintbrush than a knife in my hand." When I can finally move that is. "So you really hate them?" I ask, a little sad.
"Yes," she answers honestly. "But they're extraordinary. Really." She turns her back to them. She just doesn't like to think about those days in the arena. She looks at me. "Want to see my talent? Cinna did a great job on it." I laugh in response. Clothes? Not really.
"Later," I say. I really mean it. Even though I am not jumping at the chance to see some clothes, I will see them if she wants me to. The train finally starts moving again and I get an idea. There's a car at the very end of the train that has walls that retract to show windows all the way up to the ceiling. There are comfortable seats and it is almost like flying across the ground.
"Come on, We're almost to District 11. Let's go take a look at it." We walk to the back of the train and sit in plush chairs next to each other. The landscape around us is so different than back home. There are rolling fields full of cattle, must be dairy cattle I think. We begin to slow and I am a bit surprised since we have barely gone for thirty minutes since the last stop. Suddenly there is a huge fence rising around us. Must have been thirty-five feet tall with barbed wire designed to do serious damage. There are also watch towers, each manned with its own Peacekeeper and they each have a gun.
"That's something different," I say, shocked. Very different than what we have back home. There are beautiful wildflowers growing at the base of the fence and I tuck them back in memory for something to paint one day. Crops come next. It seems like an endless amount of crops, along with endless amounts of people. Women, men children, everyone seems to be out working the land in some way or another. In the far distance I can see the tops of the trees that must be the orchards.
A few times we shoot past very small communities, but you see no one in these places. It must be harvest time and I guess harvest time means everyone works. We spend a long time looking out these windows, but this District does not seem to end. "How many people do you think live here?" Katniss just shakes her head. I wonder if she is thinking of what we learned in school. I remember being told that we are told District 11 is very large, but if they ever gave numbers I must not have paid much attention.
It is not too long after that Effie finds us and asks us to go get ready. We both raise out of our seats, lost in our own thoughts and head to our rooms. When I reach my room Portia and my prep team are waiting. Not much to prep me on, just a few buffs to cover the burns on my hands, make sure the curls on my forehead hang just right to not get into my eyes and a few strains of stray hairs plucked out around my eyebrows. Portia dresses me in simple black pants with a simple black shirt with soft autumn orange flecks here and there. I imagine in the sunlight the will catch light very well and become more pronounced.
After I am deemed presentable my Portia I meet Effie and Katniss in the dining car to go through the days activities once again. In District 11 the celebration is confined to the square. Effie hands us each a card with our Capitol approved speeches printed on them. The allow you to say a few things yourself, if you have an ally or something. I know Katniss tried to write something about Rue, maybe even about Tresh too, but she just was not able to find the words. I decided I could write something for them from both of us. I hand the paper to Effie, just to make sure it was ok. I see Katniss smile a real smile as I do this. I know she has trouble expressing her feelings, she is extremely private in that way.
The train really starts to slow and we all get up and are converged on by our teams to put finish touches on. I don't notice what is being done to me, because I have just noticed that Katniss is wearing a beautiful orange dress, set off great by the gold headband Cinna just put in her dark hair. She is so beautiful it actually hurts my ragged heart.
The train stops and I am expecting a welcoming committee to be waiting for us, but I am surprised when I step out and just see Peacekeepers and what looks like an armored truck. Maybe they just couldn't spare extra people from the harvest? After the door closes on us Effie stiffens and says, "Really! You'd think we were all criminals." She looks around for some kind of agreement, so when her eye touch at my face I smile what I hope is a reassuring smile. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Katniss stiffen after Effie's comment. I wonder, again, what is going through her mind.
When the truck stops there is no time to look around, we barely glimpse the back of the Justice Building before we are rushed inside. Wonderful smells is obviously being cooked some place deep in the building.
I do notice the smell of rotten wood. They must have just as much trouble keeping their buildings as we do back in 12. We can hear the music playing outside as we are ushered to the front entrance. I feel a microphone being clipped on my shirt and I take Katniss by the hand. I hear whom I assume is the Mayor introducing us and the doors begin to open.
Effie gives us a little push along with a quick "Big smiles!" We move forward to look at the crowd that has been assembled. The applause is loud, but we hear no shouts, nothing like you would get at something like this in the Capitol. Not that I blame them. At the bottom of each side of the stage there are two families standing on constructed platforms. I notice the large family that had to been Rue's. Five little children and her parents that faces still show the pain of losing their oldest daughter. There is a little girl who likes so much like Rue that I am taken back. To distract myself I look to the other side and see what must be Thresh's family. A large girl who looks so much like Thresh except with a few feminine features and an older woman who must be his Grandmother or something.
Slowly the applause dies out and we listen to the mayor give a speech. I really couldn't tell you what all the said about us because with each passing moment Katniss holds my hand a little tighter. Of course, she was an ally with Rue and this must be very hard on her. I know she thinks she should have been able to save her.
Two tiny little girls come onto the stage and hands Katniss and I huge bouquets of beautiful flowers. I step up a little bit and repeat the Capitol's reply and I hear Katniss speak to finish it. I let out a sigh of relief. I wasn't sure she would be able to speak at all. Now is the time for me to speak about the tributes of the district. I shoot a small smile at Katniss, but I am not sure she sees it before I take another step forward to talk to the people who have gathered. I think of the little speech I have written on the card in my pocket, but I don't pull it out.
"It is wonderful when you think of how the two tributes of this district made it into the final eight. Thresh was a fighter. Very strong and not willing to play along with the alliance of the Career's. He showed mercy to Katniss when he found out she tried to help Rue and let her live. Rue was quick and so smart. She helped Katniss after the tracker-jacker stings and kept her out of harm's way. I will never be able to thank them after what they have done for me. By keeping Katniss alive, they, in turn and unknowingly, helped keep me alive as well." I pause and look at both of the families. I debate on my next words. I have to give them something! Suddenly I have an idea and I find myself saying, "It can in no way replace your losses, but as a token of our thanks we'd like for each of the tributes' families from District 11 to receive one month of our winnings every year for the duration of our lives." I hear gasps and talking from the crowd. I am not even sure what I just did is legal, but I know it can change the lives of these two families.
I step back and look over at Katniss as she looks at me and I give her a small, sad smile. She rises up on her toes and gives me a light kiss. I know this is not one of her forced kisses, but a real kiss because of what I just did. I know the attachment she had and still has with Rue. This could help her family live the rest of their lives, never having to worry about being hungry.
The mayor steps up and gives us each a large plaque. They are so big Katniss has to sit her flowers down just to hold it. The ceremony is finally wrapping up and we are about to wave goodbye when I hear Katniss say, "Wait!" The crowd gets still and listens to the words that seem to be barely able to come out. "Wait, please." I can just hear Effie now, fussing about how the time for speeches are gone. "I want to give my thanks to the tributes of 11." She turns and looks at Thresh's family and quickly says, "I only ever spoke to Thresh one time. Just long enough for him to spare my life. I didn't know him, but I always respected him. For his power. For his refusal to play the Games on anyone's terms but his own. The Careers wanted him to team up with them from the beginning, but he wouldn't do it. I respected him for that." She pauses and slowly looks at the family of tiny people on the other side. The crowd is so quiet. Not a breath is heard as Katniss says, "But I feel as if I did know Rue, and she'll always be with me. Everything beautiful brings her to mind." She closes her eyes and I know she is imagining these beautiful things. "I see her in the yellow flowers that grow in the Meadow by my house. I see her in the mockingjays that sing in the trees." She opens her eyes and looks at the family again. I am in awe of her. "But most of all, I see her in my sister, Prim." Her voice cracks and I know she is about to lose what little control she has, but she continues, "Thank you for your children." She raises her head and looks out at the crowd. "And thank you all for the bread." I forgot that District 11 sent her some of their baked bread after the tribute she gave to Rue.
There is a long pause while everyone processes the turn of events and then I hear a whistle. It takes me a moment to realize that it is the tune that Rue and Kantiss used in the Games to signal to each other. Before I am able to find the source of the whistling I see everyone in the crowd press their three middle fingers for their left hands to their lips and then into the air. It the sign we use in District 12 when we want to say goodbye to someone we love and respect. I stand in shock at this beautiful display of friendship between Districts. Katniss steps back and we wave to acknowledge the last wave of applause. I lead Katniss back towards the doors and Katniss suddenly stops, she looks like she might faint.
"Are you alright?" I ask, ready to throw my things down to catch her if needed.
"Just dizzy. The sun was so bright, "she says. She looks at my flowers and says something about forgetting hers.
"I'll get them," I say, but she shakes her head and says, "I can." It's is then that I realize that something worse is wrong. We wouldn't have even know about it if we didn't stop when Katniss got dizzy. There are two peacekeepers with an old man from the crowd. I don't remember anyone doing anything wrong, but they force him on his knees and shoot him right in the head. The man slumps to the ground and then we see nothing but a bunch of Peacekeepers blocking our view. A few even have their guns pointed towards us as we are pushed toward the door. What is going on?
"We're going!" I say, pushing back the Peacekeeper that is pushing down and Katniss. "We get it, alright?" I put my arm around Katniss protectively. "Come on, Katniss." I make our way back into the Justice Building and hear the doors close behind us. Haymitch, Effie, Cinna and Portia are waiting under a screen that must have been playing the event from outside. It is showing nothing but static right now. I wonder when they cut off the feed. I look around and no one really looks shocked so I am sure they are not aware of the murder of the old man. Again my brain cannot help but question what is going on.
"What happened?" Effie asks, coming over to us. "We lost the feed just after Katniss's beautiful speech." She touches Katniss's arm and continues, "Then Haymitch said he thought he heard gun fire and I said it was ridiculous, but who knows? There are lunatics everywhere!" She is clearly confused as to the process of events, just like I am. But we generally leave Effie out of the bad news loop so I say, "Nothing happened, Effie. An old truck backfired." We hear two more shots and I cannot help but wonder who those shots are for or if Peacekeepers are trying to retain order.
Haymitch suddenly looks at Katniss and myself and says, "Both of you. With me." This just confuses me further. Did we do something to cause this? Am I to get in trouble for offering money to the families? We follow Haymitch up a great staircase and into a room that is clearly for our use. Our clothes for the night's feast are hanging against the wall. I think this is end of our walk and we are about to finally figure out what is going on, but instead we sit our gifts down and Haymitch quickly takes our microphones and stuffs them in a couch. Then he waves for us to follow him.
I have no idea where he is headed or what his is looking for, but he leads us up staircases and down halls until we come to a ladder that leads through a trapdoor. When we finally get all in I realize we must be in the dome of the building. A place no one would think to look for us or even spy on us. Haymitch kicks the door shut and says, "What happened?" I look at Katniss and realize she must not be able to speak yet.
"After Katniss had her say about Rue and Thresh someone in the crowd did Rue's whistle from the Games. Before I found the whistler everyone on the square gave us our salute from home, almost like they all planned it," I say quickly, realizing that must be why they were able to do it in unison the way they did. "As we were leaving Katniss got dizzy and we paused. That's when we saw two Peacekeepers bring an old man up on stage and shoot him." After saying this all together I realize the old man must have been the one to whistle. Why would that be punishable by death though? "What's going on, Haymitch?" I ask
He sighs and looks at Katniss, "It will be better coming from you." I look between them and realize what I knew last night on the train, they have a secret, again. Something they are keeping from me, again. I keep my eyes on Katniss and can tell that even though she does not agree with Haymitch about her telling me this, she is about to launch into what is going on, what she has been keeping from me.
"Yesterday I had a visit from President Snow. Ever since we won the Games there has been….unrest in some of the districts. He said that since I was able to get both of us out of the games alive, undermining them really, people are thinking that maybe they could do the same." She pauses and takes a breath. I just stand there, eyes on hers, anger raising up in me with each passing word. "See, in the Capitol everyone believes that we are lovers that I am madly in love with you. People in the districts are not so quick to believe this though. He mentioned uprisings, but didn't really say if there have been any. He's been watching us since we came back from the games. He knows we hardly speak, that we, I mean that I used the star crossed lover's angle to get us both back home. He even knew that about a kiss from Gale!" This sentence hurts me more than I thought it would, but there are more pressing matters at the moment. "The trick with the berries, my trick have put us all in danger. I was supposed to fix things on this tour. Make everyone who doubted believe I acted out of love. Calm things down. But obviously, all I've done today is get three people killed, and now everyone in the square will be punished." She sits down, eyes on the floor.
I am so angry with them I can hardly contain myself. "Then I made things worse, too," I say, surprising myself with a calm voice. "By giving the money." Before I know what I am doing to hit a lamp that is on a crate and knock it across the room, shattering on the floor. "This has to stop." I say, my voice raising a bit, "Right now. This-this-game you two play, where you tell each other secrets but keep them from me like I'm too inconsequential or stupid or weak to handle them." Haymitch has not said a word, just standing there listening to Katniss and myself.
"It's not like that, Peeta…,"Katniss begins. Anger flairs up inside me and next thing I know I am shouting at her.
"It's exactly like that! I have people I care about too, Katniss! Family and friends back in District 12 who will be just as dead as yours if we don't pull this thing off. So, after all we went through in the arena, don't I even rate the truth from you?" I think of my family and think of how I could be the reason they die tomorrow in some sort of accident, or some of my friends, a few who have just started working in the mines. I take a few deep breaths and feel a little better at the just slipped look on Katniss's face. I wait for her to say something, but instead Haymitch finally breaks his silence.
"You're always so reliably good, Peeta. So smart about how you present yourself before the cameras. I didn't want to disrupt that."
"Well, you overestimated me. Because I really screwed up today. What do you think is going to happen to Rue's and Thresh's families? Do you think they'll get their share of our winnings? Do you think I gave them a bright future? Because I think they'll be lucky if they survive the day!" I can feel myself breaking down, so I hit a statue and send it into the wall.
"He's right, Haymitch," Katniss says in a small voice. She looks so shocked at my action, my words. I am glad she is shocked. I need them to know they have to stop doing this to me. "We were wrong not to tell him. Even back in the Capitol." Something hits me then, something that has tugged on my mind since the Games.
"Even in the arena, you two had some sort of system worked out, didn't you?" I say quietly. "Something I wasn't part of."
"No," Katniss says, but she starts speaking again after looking at the disbelieving look on my face. "Not officially. I just could tell what Haymitch wanted me to do by what he sent, or didn't send." Of course.
"Well, I never had that opportunity. Because he never sent me anything until you showed up." Not that I really minded. I knew only one person could win and I really wanted it to be Katniss.
"Look, boy….,"Haymitch begins, but I cut him off.
"Don't bother, Haymitch. I know you had to choose one of us. And I'd have wanted it to be her. But this is something different. People are dead out there. More will follow unless we're very good. We all know I'm better than Katniss in front of the cameras. No one needs to coach me on what to say. But I have to know what I'm walking into." I look at Haymitch square in the eye until he answers,
"From now on, you'll be fully informed." Sounds like a promise to me and I know that is something Haymitch will not go back on.
"I better be," I say, not looking at Katniss and kicking the door open. I quickly climb down the ladder, still taking care to watch my artificial leg. I wander back towards the room where our clothes are, getting lost few times because I am not really paying attention to where I am going. My mind is still reeling at this new information. That must have been the car in front of Katniss's house early yesterday. I think of how much I really have to loose. It's not until I am ticking names off in my head that I realize that the one person it would hurt most to lose is Katniss. I could deal with my friends, my family, my father even. But Katniss has been, without her knowledge, the center of my life since we were five. I can still see her standing there in front of the class singing the Valley Song in such a sweet voice. Two braids, red plaid dress. So adorable.
So yes, I will play my part. Not much playing on my part because no matter how much she does to me, I just cannot let the love I have for her die.