Before I realize what is going on the sun is rising in the distance. I didn't get one wink of sleep during the night. I didn't even leave the kitchen. I let me hands work through bread, then cakes, then cookies. It gave me time to think of what my next move will be. Will I actually go through with the Capitol's plan to marry Katniss? After seeing her face in so much pain over Gale I really do not think I can do this and live with myself. I might as well get over to the Everdeen's and get an update on Gale. I really hope whatever was done last night will not leave anything too bad on him. He is, after all, the only man in his family that can work and that makes him very important in the Hawthorne household. From what I know about his character I know that he wouldn't take any help from Katniss finically if she offered, and I am sure she has offered. I wrap up two loaves of bread in one towel and one in another, I'll take it to Haymitch on the way.
The snow has really been coming down while I worked and tried to work out some sort of plan to save Katniss from a life of misery and confusion. I trudge through the snow to Haymitch's house. Of course, I do not knock. I push my way in, I'm sure Haymitch has not been asleep very long. I find him asleep at the kitchen table, his knife gripped firmly in one hand and a white liquor bottle in the other. I don't wake him, I just leave the bread on the table. His fire is getting pretty low, so I take some of the wood by the fireplace and get a nice blze going. That should last him until he wakes up. He'll need a bit more sleep. I slip out the back door and head over to Katniss's back door. I knock lightly, knowing that Gale will still be on the table in the kitchen and not wanting to disturb him. I wait a few moments and knock a bit harder. Still no answer. I open the door a crack and see Katniss asleep, her head inches from Gale's unconscious figure. I quickly go it and shut the door before it can get too cold in the kitchen. I lay the fresh loaves on the counter and stand over the pair of them. They have their hands intertwined and their faces are facing each other so it looks like they went to sleep talking to each other. I wonder what was said if he did wake up in the hours I have been gone. Did she convince him to run? Did she finally admit that she is in love with him?
I am not sure how long I stood there looking at the pair of them, thinking of this twisted mess we are all in. Finally I gently shake Katniss on the shoulder. She sits up and slowly looks up at me. As she takes in the look on my face, I didn't think to control it before she looked up at me, she gets a sad look in her eyes.
"Go on up to bed, Katniss." I know she didn't get into bed. "I'll look after him now."
"Peeta. About what I said yesterday, about running…." She starts to say. I shake my head. I knew she would not be running without Gale and his family.
"I know. There's nothing to explain," I say. She glances at the loaves of bread and back to me. I can tell she is about to start apologizing for whatever she thinks she has done wrong now. "Peeta," she begins.
"Just go to bed, okay?" She nods and finds her way out of the room. I listen to her slowly climb the stairs and into her room. I know she will be out as soon as she gets into bed. I pull a chair over close to the door and wait. Gale never moves more than just breathing and does not wake up. I look back between his unconscious figure and the sunrise, or rather the snowstorm that looks like it will be a full blown blizzard soon.
About an hour later I hear movement upstairs. I know by the footprints that it is Prim and her mother. Katniss's tread is a whole lot softer. I consider leaving before they come down, but I don't want them to think Katniss left Gale alone. Plus it looks like Gale might be waking up and I want to make sure someone is around him before he does. I listen to the sounds of the two getting ready for the day as I wait for Gale to open his eyes. Suddenly I really do not want to be alone with him. What do I say to the man who has the love I long for? He opens his eyes and looks around, his eyes alarmed. He must have woke up in the wee hours of the morning and gone back under knowing Katniss was there. He starts to move, like he is trying to get up.
"Wait," I say. "I'm not sure that is the best idea, Gale." I walk into his line of sight.
"Oh, hey, Peeta," he says, settling back in. I see new blood staining the bandages on his back. He grits his teeth against the pain. "Where's Katniss?" he manages to say.
"I sent her up to bed. She looked like she needs to stretch out. She didn't leave your side until I woke her and told her I would stay with you," I answer. I wonder if he thinks that I am acting for the cameras as much as Katniss is. I wonder if he knows the truth about my love for her or does he think I am just trying to save myself? I see him studying me now. I look away from his gaze.
"Do you need anything?" I ask. He looks like he wants to scream. Should I get Prim? Or Katniss's mom? He just shakes his head. I feel so weird, just standing here watching him lay there in pain. Just then Prim walks around the corner.
"Mom will be here in a few minutes," she tales Gale. He doesn't answer, but nods just a bit. She sniffs and turns around, I guess surprised I would be here. "Hey, Peeta. When did you get here?"
I shrug. "A while ago. I wanted to get the bread over before it got worse outside. I found Katniss asleep on the table and I thought I would let her get some sleep in the bed until you guys woke up." She nods.
"Thank you for the bread and watching over our patient," Katniss's mother says, walking into the room. I smile and nod.
"Do you need anything? I can walk into town if you need me to," I offer.
"No, no, we have everything we need," she says. "Thank you for the offer." Prim brings me a slice of bread that she has spread with a jam Mrs. Everdeen makes. I sit on the chair next to the door and watch as her and Prim look over Gale's wounds. Slowly and carefully they removed the soiled bandages, cleanse the wounds, smear each one with ointment and reapply clean bandages. Gale stays quiet through the process, but I can tell he is still in pain. Just like last night I am amazed at the work done by Prim and her mother. Watching her hands work so quickly, yet softly, over the wounds is hypnotic. I find myself following her every move. Once I realize I have been openly staring at her during her work, I quickly look away. But she doesn't seem to notice, it is almost like she is in a trance as she works. The concentration on her face is amazing and I wonder if that is what I look like when I am decorating cakes or those delicate cookies. Gale is somehow able to go back to sleep sometime during this process. Maybe the medication that he was given last night lasts in the system for a while?
It is early afternoon when we finally hear movement from above. I think through it quickly and decide that I really do not want to face her right now. She might want to talk about the Capitol or the rebellion or her love for Gale and I just cannot do that right now. I stand up. Prim and Mrs. Everdeen have started preparing something they call snow coat for Gale's back. They look up at me.
"I'm going to get home. Probably shouldn't leave my house unattended during this storm," I say, somewhat lamely. They know why I need to leave. They are probably wondering why I stayed so long in the first place. Prim is looking at me with sad eyes, at least she seems to know the feelings for Katniss are real. They both nod and say, "Goodbye, Peeta." I smile and duck out of the door.
Since it has been hours since I went in to check on Haymitch I stop by and put more wood on his fire. He is still asleep at the kitchen table, but not as soundless. He is muttering and jerking from his own nightmares. I leave him be, he doesn't really like an audience to his demons. I quickly make it to my house and close the door tightly behind me. The storm is pretty bad outside so I think I might be stuck her for a few days. Since I baked all night I decide that to paint. I go to the little studio, find a blank canvas and begin sitting up my paint. I hear the phone ringing from the other side of the room. I put everything down and go to answer it. I'm sure it is Katniss, since she is the only person in town with a phone to call me. I doubt it would be anyone from the Capitol.
"Hello?"
"Hey," Katniss, just like I thought. "I just wanted to make sure you got home."
"Katniss," I say, kind of exasperated, "I live three houses away from you." Maybe no one told her I just left?
"I know, but with the weather and all," she says.
"Well, I'm fine," I answer. Physically, I am just fine. My heart feels a little less than ok, but No need to make her suffer along with me. After a pause I feel that I should ask about Gale. "How's Gale?" Even though I just left, I'm sure not much has changed.
"All right. My mother and Prim are giving him snow coat now," she says.
I suddenly wonder how her eye is doing after sleeping. "And your face?"
"I've got some, too. Have you seen Haymitch today?"
"I checked in on him. Dead drunk. But I built up his fire and left him some bread," I answer. He will probably be waking up soon, but staying home will not be hard for him, he seems to love the solitude.
"I wanted to talk to…..to both of you," she says. I'm sure the lines are tapped so I am glad she is not saying anything right now. I knew she would want to talk to me about something, but since she wants to talk to Haymitch as well, maybe it will be about the uprisings and not about me and her an the future we do not have together.
"Probably have to wait until after the weather calms down. Nothing much will happen before that anyway," I tell her.
"No, nothing much," she agrees.
"Well, goodbye Katniss," I say.
"Goodbye."
I quickly hang up and turn from the phone. I take a deep breath. I will not let these bad feelings take over my mind. I will be strong for Katniss, her family, my family, Haymitch and whatever the future holds for us all. I can beat down all these unpleasant feelings and live. I take another breath and pick up my supplies. I begin painting the vast water we got to see in District 4.
It is two days later that the snow stops. I got check on Haymitch as soon as I am able to, but the road to town takes another day to be cleared. That same day I get a call from Katniss asking me if I want to walk to town. I agree, knowing I might as well get this over with and meet her next to Haymitch's house. It takes a few minutes to get him awake and a few more to convince him to walk with us, but he does, knowing, like I do, that we really need to have this talk.
We walk along between the two walls of snow. No one talks at first. Kantiss keeps looking up at the snow like she is waiting for it to fall in on us. I am waiting to see what she has to say and it seems that Haymitch is doing the same. Finally he breaks the silence, "So we're all heading off into the great unknown, are we?" he asks.
She shakes her head, looking at the ground. "No. Not anymore." I sigh. Of course. She has chosen Gale, so that means the uprising as well, since I know in my heart that is what he wants to do. I have to admit that I would love to see the Capitol fall as well.
"Worked through the flaws in that plan, did you, sweetheart?" Haymitch asks. "Any new ideas?"
"I want to start an uprising," she says. I smile. Haymitch laughs. I know he is not taking this conversation seriously.
"Well, I want a drink," he says. "You let me know how that works out for you, though." He gives a small chuckle. I shake my head at the pair of them, but stay silent.
"Then what's your plan?" she snaps at him.
"My plan is to make sure everything is just perfect for your wedding. I called and rescheduled the photo shoot without giving too many details," he answers. I am surprised at this information. I thought his phone was broken. He wants us to still go on with the wedding?
"You don't even have a phone," Katniss says.
"Effie had that fixed." You can tell he doesn't like that to well. "Do you know she asked me if I'd like to give you away? I told her the sooner the better," he tells her, very seriously.
"Haymitch," Katniss starts, a pleading tone entering her voice.
"Katniss," she says back in the same tone. "It won't work." Just then a crew of men with shovels pass us heading to the village. But once they are gone far enough to talk again we are too close to the square and we are probably being recorded there. We all stop once we get into the square. Even during the blizzard things have been going on here in town. The Justice Building has a brand new Panem banner hanging from it. New Peacekeepers march in their new white uniforms, so white that the snow looks almost grey against them. I notice some Peacekeepers are up on roofs, machine guns accompanying them. Wow. What a difference my old front yard looks.
There are a few new things that have been constructed in the square as well. There are new gallows, several sets of stockades and a new whipping post.
"Thread's a quick worker," Haymitch says quietly. I agree, this is beginning to look like a nightmare. Suddenly there is a fire a few streets away.
"Haymitch," Katniss says. "You don't think everyone was still in…." That's when I realized it must be the Hob blazing up.
"Nah, they're smarter than that. You'd be too, if you'd been around longer. Well, I better go see how much rubbing alcohol the apothecary can spare," he says, walking away from us. Yuck. I am very glad my habit is baking and painting. Katniss turns to me and asks, "What's he want that for?" She pauses as the answer hits her and then says, "We can't let him drink it. He'll kill himself or at the very least go blind. I've got some white liquor put away at home."
I agree, he cannot drink that stuff. Last thing we need it for our mentor to become blind or die. "Me, too. Maybe that will hold him until Ripper finds a way to be back in business," I say. I am very glad I finally worked up the courage to go into the Hob when we came back from the Games. I was forbidden to go there while I was living with my parents, but I have gone in there since I have been back to try and spread the money I won around to as many people as I can without just trying to give it away. People in this district are very proud and do not like to accept help if they can work for it. "I need to check on my family." I haven't seen them for almost a week.
"I have to go see Hazelle," Kantiss says. Gale's mother. I just could not remember her name the other night.
"I'll go, too. Drop by the bakery on my way home," I offer. Truthfully I don't want Katniss to be wondering around on her own. She just seems to get herself into all kinds of trouble lately.
"Thanks," she says. We walk through town, but there are not many people out. I know the mines and the school are closed. I guess all these new changes are keeping people indoors.
I am not sure what Katniss is thinking when she thinks we can start an uprising here. People are too scared, we are too few. We have nothing to fight these Peacekeepers with. It would be different if they were our old Peacekeepers, the ones who left their guns at home, the ones who might actually join us in an uprising or at least take it easy on us if something was to start here. We are the smallest district, the poorest. It would take nothing hardly from the Capitol to turn us into dust just like they did to District 13 seventy five years ago. People who are out or are chancing a look out the windows quickly turn away or shut their curtains as we pass. We are not people who are in high demand anymore.
We finally get to the Hawthorne's house and find that Hazelle has a sick little girl at home. Looks like the measles, I had them when I was little, those little spots are horrible to deal with. "I couldn't leave her. I knew Gale'd be in the best of hands," she says. Katniss nods.
"Of course. He's much better. My mother says he'll be back in the mines in a couple of weeks," Katniss says.
"May not be open until then, anyway," Hazelle says. "Word is they're closed until further notice." She glances at her washtub, which stand empty, even though I know she normally does laundry for some of the merchants in town. I know people will be needing her services after a few days indoors. I guess the Hawthorne's are on the black list as well. It's fine for Kantiss and myself, with our new found riches, but if she is right and the mines are going to be closed, how are they going to live?
"You closed down, too?" Katniss asks.
"Not officially. But everyone's afraid to use me now." That's what I thought. Including my family since she used to wash our clothes too. I will have to speak to my father about this, although I am sure it is my mother that made that choice.
"Maybe it's the snow," I offer.
"No," she says, sadly. "Rory made a quick round this morning. Nothing to wash, apparently." She doesn't look at me and I am furious with the people in this town, my mother is at the top of that list.
Rory comes over to her and wraps his arms around her. "We'll be all right."
Katniss takes a handful of money out of her pocket and lays it on the table. "My mother will send something for Posy," she says firmly. We leave and Katniss turns to me. "You go on back. I want to walk by the Hob." I was thinking of doing the same thing so I say, "I'll go with you."
"No, I've dragged you into enough trouble," Katniss says. She just doesn't get it. I am doing this to myself.
"And avoiding a stroll by the Hob…that's going to fix things for me?" I joke, smiling and taking her by the hand. We walk that way to the burning remains of the Hob. The snow around it is melting and leaking black streams down the hill.
"It's all that coal dust, from the old days," Katniss explains the black puddles to me. Of course, the Hob use to store coal. "I want to check on Greasy Sae," she says suddenly.
"Not today, Katniss. I don't think we'd be helping anyone by dropping in on them," espically not today of all days, the day they lose their way of making a living.
We walk back to the square, still holding hands. I think it is great for us to be seen this way in town that way people can see they see us showing some kind of affection towards one another while the cameras are gone. When we get to the bakery I stand at the counter and do some small talk about the weather with my father. I want to ask him about not letting Hazelle clean their clothes, but my mother is there in the back ground and I do not want to start her temper in front of Katniss. I will ask him as soon as I can. Maybe he can sneak some bread or cakes over to her and the children if I pay him. Katniss buys a few cakes and we leave.
Things in town are beginning to be horrible. The mines are shut for two weeks. This means for two weeks the people from the Seam are not able to make any money for food. People are starving. I make my rounds to the elderly like I normally do every few days, but even some of them are scared to take my little gift of cookies. I hear from Katniss that the number of children signing up for tesserae has tripled, but even they don't receive what they are promised. There are times that even the most well to do in town, myself included, have had to come away from stores with nothing just because there is nothing to buy.
The mines finally reopen, but the hours are extended from 12 to 16 and wages are cut almost in half. Even Parcel Day is ruined when the items come in with rats and spoiled. I look around my District and feel helpless. There is nothing I can do to help these people, people I feel for because they are the people I grew up with. It is horrible because I know that I am, in part, the cause for all these new horrors. I cannot help but think, several times a day, that things would be better for everyone if I had not said anything about loving Katniss, therefore beginning the spiral that has come to this. Sure, I might be dead, but at least children would not be starving, people would not be getting whipped for things we forgot were illegal. Even Gale seems to lose his strength under the weight of everything. I hear the Rory has signed up for tesserae, something I know that Gale has worked very hard to make sure didn't happen.
Haymitch finally does a good thing in all of this darkness, though. Even though I am sure it had a lot of begging and nagging from Katniss. He hires Hazelle to clean his house. This actually puts me a ease, by a very little, because I do not find myself worrying about if Haymitch is eating or if he had tripped over the ever growing piles of trash on the floors. His house is not clean and welcoming. Not that he is able to enjoy it much, because even though Katniss and I both had a good stock pile of white liquor, it goes fast. We are almost out and have been having to tell him to try to wait longer and longer for the new bottle.
People are always in and out of Katniss's house, even though we are very unpopular in town. So many sick people and Mrs. Everdeen is the only healer we have in town. She stops charging for her services, not that she ever charged very much anyway. I know that she is running low on supplies as well, soon she will only have snow use. Things are looking very, very grim in District 12.
Katniss and Gale do not even try to go hunting now. The woods are completely off limits and you can tell that people are wanting to just give up. I am one of them. And then, one day, a crate arrives at Katniss's house. I do not look in it, neither does she, but a note from Effie tells us it is full of wedding dresses that were selected by President Snow himself. What is he thinking? He'll throw us a wedding in the Capitol with us looking the way we do, thin and clearly unhealthy, and Panem will be ok? Or will he arrange an accident that kills us both after he delivers the wedding he promised to the spoiled people in the capitol? What would he do it I refused? Not Katniss, but me, the one he clearly thinks he can count on, changing my mind. Would he kill me, my family, Kantiss? Would the deaths of us be enough to stop the pain that we have inadvertently pushed onto our District?