My prep team is inconsolable. They are so upset that Katniss and I are being sent back into the arena that they can hardly handle prepping me. They hardly talk and have so many tears in their eyes that I am surprised they can even do their jobs properly. It does seem to take a bit longer than before for Portia is finally able to come in.
"Peeta," she says, kissing my cheek. I smile. I really like Portia. Even though she is from the Capitol, she really doesn't seem like she is. It's almost like she is a different breed, like Cinna. They are defiantly not like any of the other people here.
"How have you been?" I ask. She give me a sad smile and shakes her head.
"I have been fine," She answers. "The question is, how have you been?" I think on it for a minute. I am worried, determined, a little scared, but nothing I can't handle.
"I'm fine, really," I answer. I know she doesn't believe me, but she doesn't press it. We eat lunch in silence and I am thinking of what we might be wearing tonight. After last year's first, what could we do to top it?
After lunch Portia starts on my makeup, last year I was surprised that they even put makeup on the boys, but it wasn't very much and you really could not tell. This year Portia spends time highlighting features in my face that I didn't notice was there. Then she puts me in a skin tight, black suit that covers everything from my neck to my feet. Portia touches a little button and suddenly my suit lights up. It is amazing to watch because it is like I am a piece of wood that has been smoldering in a fire. I am speechless and Portia pushes the button again.
"We don't want you too loose power before the show."
"That is just amazing, Portia. How did you do it?" I ask, amazed.
She laughs carelessly, waves her hand and says, "Oh, Cinna and I spent a very long time looking at fires. Come on, it's nearly time for the ride. Don't want to miss your entrance." We walk to the elevator. "I need to do a few things. If I do not see you before you go on I want you to not look at the crowd at all, no waving, no smiling. Make sure they know you are angry." I nod. I can do that. I go down to the ground floor and make my way toward Katniss, who is standing next to our horses talking with Fennick Odair, Tribute from District 4.
I cannot help but notice that everyone is talking to everyone else. Last year the tributes did not socialize, but this year is so different because many of these people are friends with the each other. The exception is Katniss and I who only know Haymitch, who is nowhere to be found. I wonder what Fennick would want to say to Katniss. As I get closer I see that his stylists have him draped in a golden net with a knot perfectly place over his private parts. I smile because I know that must be driving Katniss insane. She does not like to deal with anything remotely sexual. He walks away before I get there and I come up beside Katniss and ask, "What did Finnick Odair want?"
She turns to me, puts her lips close to mine, looks up at me with an intense stare and says seductively, "He offered me sugar and wanted to know all my secrets."
I cannot help but laugh. "Ugh. Not really," I say.
"Really," she says. "I'll tell you more when my skin stops crawling." I keep the smile in place because I knew he would make her uncomfortable.
"Do you think we'd have ended up like this if only one of us had won?" I ask, looking around. "Just another part of the freak show?"
"Sure. Especially you," she says.
"Oh. And why especially me?" I say, smiling down at her.
"Because you have a weakness for beautiful things and I don't. They would lure you into their Capitol ways and you'd be lost entirely," she says, smirking. I hope she really doesn't think so low of me.
"Having an eye for beauty isn't the same thing as a weakness. Except possibly when it comes to you," I say. The doors open and music starts. I reach for her hand and say, "Shall we?" She takes my hand and climbs up, pulling me up after. "Hold still," she says, straightening my crown. "Have you seen your suit turned on? We're going to be fabulous again."
"Absolutely. But Portia says we're to be very above it all. No waving or anything. Where are they?" I ask looking around.
"I don't know," she says, also looking around. "Maybe we better go ahead and switch ourselves on?" I nod and we do. As soon as we do people around us start staring and pointing. We will defiantly be the talk of the ceremonies again this year. "Are we supposed to hold hands this year?" she asks.
"I guess they've left it up to us," I answer. I look down into her gray eyes and remember last time we were here. I held her hand like it was my lifeline, trilled that even though I was sure to die, I had these moments with her. Now we are going in, both of us trying to keep the other alive this time. We each reach out and take the other's hand without saying anything else.
We go forward and I fixate on a spot in the extreme distance and just try to ignore the people all around us. I cannot help to notice that most of the other tributes and it looks like even President Snow is watching us. I love not having to pretend I am happy to be here, that I love the people of the Capitol. Katniss and I do not relax our positions, we do not relax the looks in our faces, not until we are back in the Training Center. Portia and Cinna are there to tell us how well we did and we even see Haymitch talking with the victors of District 11.
Chaff, the male victor, I know because he a Haymitch are friends, well as much as Haymitch can stand to call someone a friend. He is tall, with dark skin. When he won is games thirty years ago he also lost part of one of his arms. Haymitch waves them over to meet us. The female, Seeder, must be at least in her sixties with straight black hair. She looks strong and healthy, it doesn't seem like she picked up any habits like some of the other victors have.
When they reach us Seeder reaches out and gives Katniss a hug. I hear them whisper to each other and I know Katniss must be asking about the families of Thresh and Rue. That is something she has worried about since the day we left District 11 on our Victory Tour. When they release I see a bit of relief on Katniss's face so I know they must still live, for now. Next thing I know I am kind of pushed to the side so Chaff can throw his good arm around Katniss and plant a big kiss right smack on her mouth. She jerks back and Haymitch and Chaff laugh.
Luckily, it is time for us to go back to our own floors. The victors seem to be enjoying themselves by socializing with each other, something that you can tell the Capitol Attendants are not use to. They have a bit of trouble getting everyone to shift towards the elevators. Katniss and I do not drop our hands, but we do walk towards the elevator. District 7 female victor, Johanna Mason, the only one from that District, comes up beside Katniss then. She pulls off a headdress that seems full of leaves and throws it behind her. This girl played everyone during her games. She acted like a weakling and once in the arena turned almost into a savage with a wonderful ability to kill.
"Isn't my costume awful?" she asks Katniss. "My stylist's the biggest idiot in the Capitol. Our tributes have been trees for 40 years under her. Wish I'd gotten Cinna. You look fantastic." Katniss smile politely, but I can tell she cares nothing of talking clothes with this woman.
"Yeah, he's been helping me design my own clothing line. You should see what he can do with velvet," Katniss says. I have to hide my smile.
"I have. On your tour. That strapless number you wore in District 2?" Johanna says. Katniss looks like she is trying to remember. I know she wishes she could just walk away from this conversation. She really cares nothing about clothes. "The deep blue one with the diamonds? So gorgeous I wanted to reach through the screen and tear it right off your back."
We are still waiting on the elevator and Johanna starts unzipping her dress. She lets it drop to the floor and pushes it out of the way with her foot. She is left standing there with us with nothing but her green slippers on. "That's better," she says brightly. I advert my eyes and catch a peek of the look on Katniss's face. It is all I can do not to laugh. She must not realize that they are acting this way because of her and how innocent she is. We end up on the elevator with Johanna, Seeder and Chaff. Johanna asks me about my paintings and I see her smirk grow bigger each time she gets a change to glance at Katniss's face. I know Katniss is embarrassed and probably getting pretty mad because her grip on my hand is so hard my hand is going numb and once we are alone in the elevator she throws my hand to the side. I cannot help but laugh out loud now that we are alone. She doesn't realize that they are just picking at her?
"What?" she says, turning to me as we finally step out of the elevator onto our floor.
"It's you, Katniss. Can't you see?" I ask. She must be oblivious.
"What's me?" she asks.
"Why they're all acting like this," I explain. "Finnick with his sugar cubes and Chaff kissing you and that whole thing with Johanna stripping down." I stop and try to make my voice more serious, but I really find the whole situation really funny. "They're playing with you because you're so…you know."
"No. I don't know," she says, trying to hide her frustration.
"It's like when you wouldn't look at me naked in the arena even though I was half dead. You're so…"I stop, what's a good word? "Pure."
"I am not!" she exclaims. "I've been practically ripping your clothes off every time there's been a camera for the last year!" I didn't think she would get this upset. I really think they are just trying to have fun with her.
"Yeah, but…..I mean, for the Capitol, you're pure. For me, you're perfect. They're just teasing you." I want to take her in my arms, but I know that will just make her even madder.
"No, they're laughing at me, and so are you!" she spits at me. Like I would ever treat her like that. I shake my head, trying to hide the smile that wants to creep onto my face. "No," I say. I begin to try to explain to her again that it is all in good fun and she is taking it too seriously, but Haymitch and Effie get off the elevator right then, looking pretty happy.
I see Haymitch's face get serious and angry and suddenly I think that Katniss and I must have done something wrong, but he is looking past us. I follow his gaze and gasp. Effie looks too and says brightly, "Looks like they've got you a matched set this year." Anger flairs up inside me. I see Katniss whip her head around and she takes in the scene.
Standing a bit away from us are the Avox pair that will tend to us during our stay. The red headed girl from last year is here, the one Katniss saw in the woods, but next to her is another red head, a boy. A boy Katniss knows very well. Darius, one of the old Peacekeepers from our District, the one who got knocked out during Gale's whipping.
Haymitch grabs Katniss by the wrist, I guess thinking she will act out in some way, getting Darius in even more trouble, but she just stands there, shocked. When she regains herself she twists her arm away from Haymitch and walks down the hall to her room. We hear the click of her lock and I know we better leave her alone.
Effie looks after Katniss with a confused look on her face. "Did something happen?" she asks uncertainly, looking from Haymitch and myself. I recover before Haymitch does and soothingly, "Not really. Some of the other victors were poking fun at her, nothing big, Effie."
"Well, they should leave her alone, after all she has been through," Effie says walking away. Haymitch is just shaking his head and not looking toward Darius. We all know that if we show any kind of kinship with him we will be causing him some sort of punishment.
"I'm going to get cleaned up," I tell Haymitch and walk to my room. I close the door behind me and find myself wondering how Katniss is dealing. I know she spent time with Darius at the Hob and since he stepped up to try to save Gale, I am sure it was almost a friendship. I cannot imagine how much it must be weighing on her mind that he is now here to serve us. Knowing her the way I do, she is probably thinking it is her fault because she was not with Gale the day of the whipping and Darius felt the need to step up to Thread. I know she is feeling guilty that he is now an Avox. How could I tell her that everything that has happened since the last games are not her fault? Everyone was already getting restless, they just looked at our berry stunt as a kicking off point. Would she even listen to what I had to say? No. She seemed very angry with me because she thinks I am laughing at her with the other victors.
I know that dinner will be soon, so I take off my costume and wash my face free of all the dramatic makeup. I find some soft pants and shirt and walk toward the dining room, where I take my normal seat. I am there before anyone else, but it is not long before Effie comes in and sits across from me at the table. I have an idea of the token I want to wear in the arena.
"Effie," I begin. "I was wondering if you already ordered my token to wear for our team?"
"Oh, no. I was wanting to talk to you about that. Would you like an ankle bracelet, a band for your wrist…" she starts.
"No. I was thinking of a locket. If you can do it, I want it to have pictures of Katniss's mother and Prim on one side and Gale on the other," I explain. She looks at me, clearly confused. "You see, and don't try to change my mind, Effie, I am 100% trying to get Katniss back home after these Games. This can be my token and it will be a way for me to convince her in the arena that letting me die is the right thing to do. I want to be able to remind her of the people she will be leaving behind if she goes through with her plan of saving me," I tell her. It takes her a moment, but she recovers and looks at me with sad eyes.
"Okay, Peeta. I will do my best. Now, to make it look similar I will put the mockingjay on the front, okay?" she regains her business like tone toward the end.
"That will be perfect, Effie. Thank you, really." I hear Cinna and Portia in the hall and I sit up and make my face blank. Effie goes to get Katniss and soon after Haymitch staggers in. We only wait a few more moments for Katniss and the dinner is served. We all sit around making small talk about the opening ceremonies, the other victors and the other costumes. Katniss never joins in the conversation and we do not try to make her either. We can all tell she is going through enough.
About halfway through dinner I watch her deliberately knock over a dish of peas. She dives under the table to clean it up and is joined by Darius. Know she is just trying to get some kind of contact with him since she is not able to talk to him, or acknowledge him at all without asking for something. Next to her, Effie is clicking her tongue impatiently. "That's not your job, Katniss!" Effie says quickly. Katniss rejoins us, but still does not offer anything. Oh, why must Snow do this to Katniss? Isn't enough that he first took her away from her family, then made her feel the need to be engaged to me, now he is possibly taking away her future by throwing her back in the Games? Why must he keep rubbing salt on the wounds he has inflicted? We know our lives and the lives of everyone we love is in his hands, now he has to throw this in too?
After dinner we all go watch the recap of the ceremonies. Katniss sits between Haymitch and Cinna. I know she is still angry with me, but I want to let her know that I am here to help her, however and whatever she needs. I will have to wait until tonight, if she even lets me talk to her.
We watch the procession of victors riding around City Circle. I cannot help but notice how everyone else looks. It is bad enough when they dress up us kids in these ridiculous costumes, but to do it to grow people, victors, none the less. You would think the stylists would try to give them a bit more dignity, make the costumes a bit less pointed and a bit more refined. No one says much, just a few off hand comments here and there, but basically everyone is just quiet and patiently waiting for it to be over. As soon as the recap is over Katniss gets up, gives Portia and Cinna thanks for the awesome costumes and heads to bed.
"Don't forget about the early breakfast before training begins," Effie calls after her, her voice sad. I know that this must be hard for Effie, she finally had a good year, not only did her tribute win, but two of us were allowed to live and she should have been upgraded to a better District this year, but instead she is not only stuck with District 12, but having to see friends go into the arena where only one will come back out. I wait a few minutes, trying to decide on whether or not I will try to talk to Katniss tonight, and finally decide that I might as well try. I get up and look at our team.
"Portia, Cinna, thank you so much for all the amazing work you do," I say. They both nod and I bid them all goodnight, Effie calling the same reminder behind me for an early breakfast.
I pause outside of Katniss's bedroom, listening for the running of the shower, and knock softly. I am not really sure she will want to talk to me or for me to sleep with her, even though the nightmares will probably be bad. I wait a few more moments, then walk slowly to my room, lightly closing the door behind me. She must really believe I was laughing at her earlier. How can I fix that one?
I put my pajamas on and sit on my bed. I have no desire to go to sleep. Katniss won't talk to me. I already talked to Effie about the locket. Haymitch is probably drunk. I find myself getting up and going to the roof. I walk to the extreme edge and perch myself there, thinking how I can possibly keep Katniss alive with all these other killers, how will I be able to convince her that is it my time to die? I keep going through different conversations in my head, but I always imagine her not believing what I say or walking away from the truth. I spend hours on the roof going over different ideas in my head. Finally I realize I am really ready to lay down and make my way back to my bed, where I just pass out.
The next morning I wake up to Effie's normal knock, followed by her reminder of another "big, big day". I roll out of bed and slash my face with cold water before I realized that I do not remember any of the dreams I had last night. I am fairly sure that I had some, but not nightmares, nothing crazy. I feel pretty well rested given my current circumstances. I pull on the outfit Portia sent for training and head to eat breakfast.
Haymitch and Effie are there and are already eating, so I help myself as well. For a while we just sit and eat our breakfast, no one really talking about anything important because Katniss has still not arrived. Effie goes twice to ask her to join her, but she never shows. She must be extremely upset over what happened yesterday and by seeing Darius here.
"Well, since she won't come out right now, what is the plan, Haymitch?" I ask.
"That girl. She is going to make me have a stroke, I swear it," Haymitch mutters instead of answering my question. "Obviously you two will still act like you are in love," he begins. I nod, knowing that would be a thing. "Next, I want you to get some allies."
"What?" I say, dropping my fork. Allies? Why? "I think it will be better just Katniss and I. How can we trust these people? They are all probably wanting to kill us first because we are the most recent victors."
"You're probably right, but you are going to need allies in there this time. Every one of these people are killers. You are going to need someone to watch your backs in there. Trust me, I know what I am talking about," Haymitch says seriously. I nod, conceding for the moment. I know there is no way Katniss will go for this though, so hopefully we will be able to make it just us. We continue to wait and I begin to get anxious. Is she going to show up at all? At nine thirty, Haymitch stomps to her door and beats on it, screaming for her to get in the dining room now. I don't know why she thinks is it good to make him so angry, it just makes things harder for both of us.
Finally she walks into the room, dressed in an identical training outfit and sits across from Haymitch and me. Haymitch is beyond angry and he sits twisting his new gold bangle that Effie gave him. His token for the team. "You're late," he says, not even trying to hide his anger from her.
"Sorry. I slept in after the mutilated-tongue nightmares kept me up half the night," she snaps at him, her voice catching at the end of the sentence. I wish she would have let me stay with her last night. I know it might not have stopped the dreams, but I normally can make them better. I resist the urge to get up and embrace her, as Haymitch gets down to business.
"All right, never mind. Today, in training, you've got two jobs. One, stay in love."
"Obviously," Katniss says, rolling her eyes.
"And two, make some friends."
"No," she says. I smirk. I knew she wouldn't go for it. "I don't trust any of them. I can't stand most of them, and I'd rather operate with just the two of us."
"That's what I said at first, but," I begin, but Haymitch cuts me off.
"But it won't be enough. You're going to need more allies this time around."
"Why?" she asks.
"Because you're at a distinct disadvantage. Your competitors have known each other for years. So who do you think they're going to target first?" he explains.
"Us. And nothing we're going to do is going to override any old friendship. So, why bother?" she asks.
"Because you can fight. You're popular with the crowd. That could still make you desirable allies. But only if you let the others know you're willing to team up with them."
"You mean you want us in the Career pack this year?" she asks, clearing upset by the idea. I agree with her. Most of the tributes and victors from those Districts are horrible.
"That's been our strategy, hasn't it? To train like Careers?" Haymitch asks, taking my idea and twisting it into something I did not even think about. "And who makes up the Career pack is generally agreed upon before the Games begin. Peeta barely got in with them last year." I feel ashamed as he says that, even though I did it to try to keep them away from Katniss, I still feel like I betrayed her by doing it. I can tell her is still upset from that a well.
"So we're to try to get in with Finnick and Brutus…..is that what you're saying?" Finnick? Brutus? Could we really trust them, even for a few days?
"Not necessarily," Haymitch says. "Everyone's a victor. Make your own pack if you'd rather. Choose who you like. I'd suggest Chaff and Seeder. Although Finnick's not to be ignored. Find someone to team up with who might be of some use to you. Remember, you're not in a ring full of trembling children anymore. These people are all experienced killers, no matter what shape they appear to be in."
I finally see what Haymitch is trying to say. It sounds like he is right. Katniss and I both promise that we will try to make friends and Effie shows up to bring us down to the training room.
"Let's go down a bit early. I didn't like how we were the last to show up last year," Effie says.
"Let them go alone," Haymitch says, waving his hand.
"Why?" Effie asks, clearly offended, this is her job after all.
"No one else will have a babysitter bringing them in, Effie. They need to look like they can take care of themselves." He walks out of the room and heads toward the roof. We follow Effie to the elevator and you can tell she doesn't like the idea of us going alone. I suppress and smile as Effie tucks Katniss's stray hair behind her ear, pushes mine out of my eyes and pushes the button for us.