Making no progress with her paperwork, Kayla leaned back in her chair and grimaced. She thought the work would take her mind off that horrible article in the Chronicle, but it was not working. She looked again at the stack of materials she needed to read, pushed back her chair, and stood up.
How could that witch write those things? Kayla asked herself. The article had made Steve look like a hood, someone not worth saving. Steve had tried to pretend that it had not bothered him, but she knew better. And, despite Kayla's lingering anger at Kim, the Brady protective instincts had kicked in. Kimmie did not deserve to have her past troubles aired for the entire world to see. None of them did. As much as Kayla tried to deny it, the truth was that the shots Rachel Knight had taken at Kayla's own past mistakes had hurt as well. They had all worked so hard to put the past behind them and, in one fell swoop, Rachel Knight had brought it all back.
Kayla was beginning to feel the heat rising in her. More than anything, she wanted to go find Rachel Knight and have a few choice words with her. But, as she had told Steve, that would just make everything worse. That woman was a vindictive witch. The article was clearly payback - for Steve refusing her advances, for Kayla refusing to provide fodder about Kim, and, Kayla was sure, for something Kim had done to made Rachel Knight mad.
"Focus on your work," Kayla said to herself, trying to suppress her fury. She sat back down and picked up the next file folder - the next quarter's grant application. Then she remembered that Neil was supposed to be putting together the staffing details, including the information on the new researcher the hospital was bringing in.
Climbing from her seat again, she told herself that a walk might do some good. She could get out of the lab for a few minutes and talk to Neil. Maybe she could swing by the clinic and talk with Kim, but she hesitated even at the thought. She remembered Kim accusing her of giving information to the reporter and decided that a confrontation with her sister would hardly help her mood.
Kayla left the lab and headed for the elevator. A few minutes later, she reached the door to Neil's office. She raised her hand to knock, but stopped when she hard a familiar voice inside.
". . . on Kimberly. This isn't her fault. That blasted reporter was out for blood because of me."
I guess Shane saw the Chronicle also. Kayle knew she should not be eavesdropping, but Shane sounded almost frantic. And why would he be talking about Kim being at fault?
"I understand your concern, Shane," Neil said. He sounded quite calm.
Shane's raised voice came through the door again. He seemed to be ranting. "Really? Do you think this is just going to blow over? This story is on the wires and is probably in just about every newspaper in the country. Did you see what it says? 'University Hospital was asked how it could employ a woman with Kimberly Brady's sordid history to counsel the hospital's most innocent patients - childhood abuse victims'. This hospital is about to get bombarded with calls demanding Kim be fired."
"Not about to," Neil said. "The phones are already ringing off the hook. But you're getting-"
Kayla did not wait to hear another word. She burst through the door. "Don't you dare think about firing Kim!"
Neil was seated at his desk and stared at her. Shane, who had his back to her, turned. Neither said anything.
"Are you going to tell me who wants Kim fired?" she asked.
Neil rolled his eyes. "Nobody at the hospital. Shane's being a little paranoid," he said, ignoring the angry look that flashed across Shane's face. "We were just talking about the article."
"In a private conversation," Shane added tersely.
Kayla flushed. "I'm sorry . . . I just came to get some documents from Neil. I didn't mean to overhear, but you were pretty loud." She looked at Shane. "So people are demanding Kim be fired?"
"Look. . . ." Neil said. "Kim is not going to be fired. Everyone in this hospital understands how incredible Kim is at her job. She's not going anywhere, not while I'm Chief of Staff."
His voice rising again, Shane replied, "Isn't that what you said about Kayla's work? That didn't stop her from being suspended."
"Don't be ridiculous." Neil sounded exasperated. "This isn't the same thing and, I promise you, Shane, I'll fight tooth and nail if anyone tries to do anything to Kim."
Kayla looked at Shane, seeing him closely for the first time. His eyes were bloodshot and the dark circles under his eyes stood out against his skin, which looked more pale than normal. She had not seen him since his arraignment but the strain of the past few weeks clearly was wearing on him.
She tried to sound reassuring. "Come on, Shane. You don't need to worry about Kim and the hospital. You heard Neil."
Shane glanced at her and something flashed in his eyes. He stepped back, then looked at Neil. "Very well. . . . I'm going to hold you to that." He turned and left the room before Neil or Kayla could say another word.
After watching the door close behind Shane, Kayla swung back toward Neil. She was about to ask Neil what was going on and if Shane had any legitimate concerns about the article, but she kept seeing that look in Shane's eyes just before he walked out.
"Neil, I'll be back."
Kayla turned quickly and left the room. She spotted Shane standing by the elevator.
"Shane, wait," she called out.
He must have heard her, because she saw him tense, but he did not turn. Kayla rushed to him before the elevator doors could open.
"Kayla," Shane said evenly.
"Are you trying to ignore me?" she asked.
Shane did not look at her. "I'm really not in a mood for an argument."
"Well, you're going to answer me," she said. Just then the elevator doors opened. Shane began to step inside, but Kayla grabbed his arm. "Come on, Shane. I'm your friend and I care about you."
The dark look in Shane's eye seemed to fade a little. She could see the exhaustion and strain once more. "Look," he said. "I just want to go home. I said my piece to Neil-"
"You yelled it would be a better way of putting it," Kayla pointed out. "That's not like you." She looked around and saw several people eyeing them curiously. "Let's go into the lounge and talk."
"I told you, I'm really not interested in an argument right now, Kayla." Shane shrugged her hand off his arm. "Just let me go and you can get back to your work."
"You're not leaving until we talk," Kayla insisted. "So we can either do that out here in front of everybody or we can go in the lounge and talk in private. It's your choice."
Shane sighed and then nodded his head in the direction of the lounge. Kayla walked to the lounge, making sure that Shane followed.
Once they were inside, Kayla turned to Shane. "I know you're upset about the article in the paper. I am too. But don't worry so much about Kim; she'll be fine. Neil will make sure of it. Besides, we both know she's weathered a lot of storms before."
"Is that how you really feel?" Shane asked. "From what I've heard, you haven't been on the best terms."
Kayla looked down at the floor. That's an understatement. "No, we haven't, but we've fought before. We get through things. Kim said some pretty awful things to me, and it hasn't been easy to put that aside yet."
"She's going to need you - and Steve. Andrew will too." Shane was staring at her when Kayla looked back up.
"I think the last thing Kim needs right now is me." When Shane began to protest, Kayla held up her hand and stopped him. "What she and Andrew need right now is you," Kayla said, looking Shane in the eyes. "I don't understand why you're just rolling over like this. You don't owe the ISA anything, not after what they've done to you."
Shane ran his hand through his hair. "I'm not going to try to explain this again," he said softly. "I did what I did, and I can't take it back. I won't take it back. Steve's home where he should be. So just accept that this is how things have to be, and be happy."
Those words echoed something Kim had said. Kayla looked at Shane and quietly asked, "Do you blame me for this? For what's happening to you?"
Shane's eyes widened in surprise. "What are you talking about?"
"Kim said that everything that has happened is my fault, that I didn't care about anyone else as long as I was happy." Kayla could not keep the hurt out of her voice. "So . . . I'm wondering if you feel the same way. After all, if we hadn't gotten together, you and Steve wouldn't have been fighting all the time and he probably wouldn't have gotten drunk-"
Shane cut her off, though his voice remained soft. "It's not your fault. Bloody hell . . . I don't even blame Steve that much. It is what it is." He seemed to hesitate and almost lose his train of thought, but finally, he said, "I told him - anyone could have revealed the mission. It was stupid of me to ever expect it to stay secret. Maybe what happened between us made that happen a little faster, but I'm not blaming anyone, especially not you. You have nothing to feel guilty about."
Kayla could hear the sincerity in Shane's voice. "Thank you." She hesitated a moment, then said, "But even if you don't blame me for what's happened recently, I think I still owe you an apology."
"For what?"
"For not letting you go when Kim came back from L.A. last winter." Kayla turned away from Shane as she tried to put her thoughts into words. "When I look back on that time now, it almost feels like a different person." She shrugged. "Maybe I was a different person then, I don't know. But I knew that Kim still loved you no matter how much she denied it. And I knew that, deep down, you still loved her too. No matter how much I was struggling with moving on without Steve, I shouldn't have leaned on you like I did. I should have let you go, just like you let me go when Steve came back."
Taking a deep breath, Kayla turned back to Shane. "If I had been stronger . . . If I hadn't been so scared of my own life, I wouldn't have needed you to help me move on and I wouldn't have stood in the way of you and Kim working things out."
Shane stood silently for a moment, then gently shook his head. "That's not your fault either, Kay. We both know that the problems that split Kim and me apart had nothing to do with you. Those problems wouldn't have just disappeared if you hadn't been there when Kim came back." He gave her a small smile. "The truth is that I might not have even been in Salem when Kim returned if it hadn't been for you and Stephanie. And even if I was, there was too much hurt there for me to let her in again." He paused. "There still is."
"I don't believe that," Kayla replied, shaking her head. "Maybe it took Steve coming back for me to realize it, but a love like you and Kim shared can survive anything - if you want it to." She looked into Shane's tired eyes. "You just have to want it bad enough."
"Sometimes wanting something isn't enough," Shane said in a voice tinged with regret. Then, seeming to shake himself out of whatever emotion he was feeling, Shane said, "It doesn't really matter now anyway. What's done is done." His tone changed as he said, "You need to know that Kim doesn't mean what she said. You have no idea how hard this has been on her. She's had to deal with a lot since we came back from England. And now, with that article. . . . She doesn't deserve that, I mean, to be dragged through the mud. None of you do."
At least we can agree on that, Kayla thought.
"How's Steve handling the whole thing?" Shane asked, clearly trying to change the subject by asking a question Kayla never expected.
Kayla contemplated pushing Shane further, but decided to let it go. Instead she chuckled softly at his question. "Let's say we won't be subscribing to the Chronicle any time soon." Growing more serious, she added, "I had to stop him from tracking down that reporter and giving her another article's worth of news."
"Sounds like Steve - going off half-cocked." There was nothing humorous in the way he said that. He paused again, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry you're going through all of this too."
Kayla reached out and grasped Shane's forearm. "Don't you dare apologize to me. I can deal with whatever happens. And don't worry so much about Kim or the kids. They really are going to be all right." From the look on his face, Kayla knew that was a futile request. Shane would worry; they all would if they were in his shoes.
"You know I can't do that," he said. "Worrying is pretty much all I can bloody do right now. I sure as hell don't seem to be able to do anything to help them."
The tone of his voice caused Kayla to grow even more concerned. The closest she had ever seen him like this was that morning at Donovan Manor when she and Stephanie had woken him in the sitting room. But this was worse. Shane sounded so despondent. He was not even trying to keep up his typical, reserved facade.
"You're upset and I can tell you're exhausted," Kayla said. "Why don't we go back my office and I'll write a prescription for something to help you sleep?"
He just shook his head and turned to leave.
"Shane-" She tugged on his arm, but he pulled it away.
He looked at her sadly. "There's nothing you can do for me, Kay. A prescription isn't going to do anything to help me protect Kim and the kids. It's not going to make these charges go away." He sighed and his tone softened. "If you want to help . . . just do what you can for Kim and the kids. They're the ones who need support."
Before she could answer, Shane turned and walked to the door.
"Shane-"
He turned back and cut her off with a curt shake of his head. "If you want to do something for me, then do that. Be there for Kim. She's going to need you."
Kayla said nothing as Shane left the lounge away. Mending fences with Kim would not be an easy task - not after their explosion the other day - but if that was something she could do to help set Shane's mind at ease, she would try.