Well friends, here is one of the big Stef/Kasey heart-to-heart chapters. It was pretty much demanded by TheTBone so I put it in, even though there is still development to be done with this. I would really love to know what you think! The mystery will be solved next chapter...
"Knock knock." Stef whispered going into Kasey's room. She focussed hard on her book, still staunchly trying to ignore Callie's earlier advice.
"Another mother-daughter talk? Lucky me." Kasey mumbled, only briefly looking up from the page she was reading.
"Yeah well I figure I need to keep an eye on you." Kasey tried hard to ignore her while also trying to ignore her brain still trying to figure out whether Stef could have been responsible for the Scurro's snub.
"What you reading?" Finally came, confusing her even more.
"Really?" Kasey asked, even more nervous as to where this may lead. Small talk swung this back to likely being a mother-daughter bonding talk and the already mounting awkwardness indicated it wouldn't be a good one.
"Yes, really." Stef chuckled, failing to pick up on the butterflies fluttering around Kasey's stomach.
"Mom, you really have to work on your ice-breaker conversation. You uhm, coming to tell me something? Something about my punishment?" She asked, almost hopefully now considering the alternative.
"No actually. I think we covered that pretty well the other night." Well that probably made things clearer to rule out. She knew the obvious after Stef's talk with Brandon but there was still a vague fuzziness after the bizarre events of the day.
"So your Dad and I spoke to the captain today..." Yep. This was going to happen. She was now almost tempted to admit the sneaking out than have to see this through.
"Good for you." Kasey replied desperately, turning back to her book and swiftly thinking of a strategy that would be enough of a diversion bt may not get her in more trouble. "You should tell the others to spread the joy." Stef simply smiled to herself and edged forward, ignoring the repellant signals.
"Well I came here for a chat with you so if you don't like that topic maybe we could talk about what you've learned this week or about your school work? Would you prefer that?"
Yes, Kasey thought. Even that. Conversation though would still lead to the inevitable.
"Or I could keep reading and you could leave me to it. I've not got anything to talk about so you'll only be disappointed. Don't you need to go grovel to Lena or something?" she whined.
"You're doing almost as bad a job convincing me that you're reading as you are convincing me that you're not hiding something."
Kasey gulped down for another approach. Cheeky diversion. That would work. Stef would divert to banter or threats and realise she wasn't going to get anywhere.
"No, this is reading, Mom. I know it may confuse you without the symbols on the caves you may have been used to, but see these word things, they tell you everything."
"Fascinating." Stef replied, immediately seeing through it. "Only you haven't turned a page since I walked in so that staring at symbols is a lot more like what you're doing. Or maybe I'm just not smart enough to see the cleverness in your digs your trying to distract me with."
Stef took the book up, sitting down next to her and shook it about. "Back in the caves we had these things called conversations occasionally. Admittedly not too different from the grunts I've been getting from you but somewhat easier to extract."
Kasey sighed again realising resistance was becoming futile. She would have to resort to pleading.
"Mom, we've done the conversation thing today. I asked about your evening, you told me. Can I have my book back?" Kasey asked with an eye-roll as Stef played further.
"Two star-crossed lovers face the ultimate test of their devotion." Stef read. "Hmm...doesn't sound too bad."
"Mom, please."
"Please what? Stop reading? I'm in here to talk Kasey and I'm not leaving until I've got a proper conversation out of you. One that isn't based on poor attempts to wind me up."
Kasey stared her down before launching for the book but Stef's reflexes were too swift and it was held out of reach.
"God, fine! What?" Kasey finally gave in. "You spoke to the captain. Wonderful. I'm sure I'll read it in the family newsletter along with Jude eats pancake and Mariana hogs bathroom."
Stef paused to smile, partially to try and calm Kasey down but also to avoid chastising her for her attitude, regardless of how much she wanted to order she tone it down.
"Your Dad has been put on desk duty." She informed her calmly. "We nearly lost an arrest yesterday and the captain has concerns that something may be affecting his work performance."
Kasey's face became suddenly sullen. She looked down to the bed, her heart beating. She didn't want to know this. She didn't want to know anything about her Dad but she definitely didn't want any confirmation that her fears were right.
"I don't know why you're telling me this. It's got nothing to do with me." She shrugged it off.
"Well that's a downright lie, seeing as anything to do with your Dad has something to do with you."
"Not his actions. You've both made it pretty clear that you don't want me interfering so, there you go."
She made another attempt for the book hoping that Stef had forgotten but ever a step ahead she swung it away again leaving Kasey clambering across her instead. She took the opportunity to grab hold of her and pull her under her arm in a tight embrace. That was something Kasey wanted even less. She always found it harder to resist opening up to her Mom when she was in such close contact. She made it too easy.
"I need a glass of water." Kasey suggested in a last ditch attempt, trying to pull away. Stef immediately trapped her down tighter.
"Nope, not this time. I'm all for having time to process, Kase but not this way. You're going to talk to me about what's bothering you if you have to sit here water-less all night."
"Pretty sure that's illegal."
"I'm pretty sure I have friends in high places. Now, Brandon and I had a talk last night, as you know seeing as you were listening outside the door..."
"I wasn't list-"
"Alright, alright. You were just inspecting the doorframe or whatever. Naturally." She squeezed her tighter as she opened her mouth. "But. The important thing is that he seemed to think that we weren't the only ones concerned about what is going on with your Dad."
Kasey shrugged, suddenly extremely interested in her fingernails.
"Brandon always was crap at not tattling."
"So you admit he's right then?"
"No. He's wrong. Just like 99% of the other things he told you I did to try and get me into trouble."
"Right. Of course. Well, see here's the problem Kasey. Just like those other 99% of things, I know you're lying and I'm fed up of trying to get water out of this stone so tell me, now. What is it that happened? And don't try and fob me off because I can read you like that book. I've spent 16 years perfecting it."
"God I hate how stubborn you are." Kasey mumbled.
"Ditto." Stef squeezed her tightly as Kasey eventually looked over. "Kasey, it could be important."
She thought of what Callie had said. If Callie's Dad wasn't even a big drinker and ended up with such fatal consequences, what could that mean for her Dad if she didn't say anything? The cards were already on the table anyway. There was nothing left to try to conceal, not on his behalf. Admitting what she knew wouldn't necessarily mean she had to divulge everything, to face everything. If she just gave her Mom a little it would be enough to keep her at bay. More so, she couldn't help but feel the weight of the secrets she held.
"It doesn't mean anything, necessarily." She brushed her hair behind her ear. "I mean, maybe I got it wrong." She added with a mumble. Stef was ready to prompt her again but could tell it was already coming. She waited patiently, holding her breath that she may finally get some reward for her tiresome digging.
"The day you were searching for Lexi, Dad was asleep when I called him up to collect me. He didn't remember and I called him and he was late and stuff so..." Her voice trailed as her chin went further into her chest.
"Kasey, sweetheart, I'm not trying to encourage another age joke here, but you're going to have to speak a little clearer than that. So I'm guessing your dad was hungover and...?"
She paused. She almost backed out but felt another twinge of guilt thinking back to what Callie had said, if she didn't tell Stef about the bottle, would she regret it? But then if Stef knew already did it really have to come from her? Wrestling between trying to artfully recount and the desperation to just get this over with she took a deep breath and began again.
"He didn't pick me up so I went to his and he was gonna take me but then I sort of..." She finally dared to look up at Stef whose eyes were wrought with concern. She closed her eyes and looked away. Why was this so hard? She saw a bottle. It was open. It didn't matter, it could be anything. Not being able to say it made it a bigger deal. Now she was fighting back tears. She didn't even know why. Now Stef would definitely think it was worse than it was. Why didn't she just say it all to begin with? She panicked, and felt another knot in her stomach. Oh God, just say something.
"Mom, I don't want to -" she re-routed. "I don't want to do this!" she tried to hide her eyes by turning to look at the other end of the room. Anything but that. Now she'd just volunteered herself for a pep talk.
Stef's heart began to pull. Not even she had imagined it being this hard for Kasey. She took her palm and pressed it against Kasey's forehead, pushing her head softly against her shoulder. "Just take your time."
Kasey took a deep breath. She was already in too deep to cover. She just had to get these words out then blame it on hormones or something. Cover it in another way.
"I found an open bottle of whiskey in Dad's car. Look, it probably doesn't even mean anything." She immediately sprung forward out of Stef's clasp. "I'm just thinking the worst, I mean he wasn't drinking it, I've not seen him drink and drive, I've not - it probably was there for a completely other reason but now you've made me tell you and I've probably made it even worse." The words were just spilling out now and she had lost all control of approach. "Look, just forget I said it." She threw her head down on the bed away from Stef who gazed down at her wondering what to say next. He heart had dropped hearing her finally admit it. It had been worse than she anticipated.
A momentary pause followed until Stef finally managed to get her words together.
"Kasey, love." She commented softly, kissing her head. "Why didn't you tell me?" her voice shaking ever so slightly with regret on Kasey's behalf. No wonder she had been so closed off.
Kasey heard the words but chose to wait to answer, she wasn't sure she knew why and she wasn't sure she could explain if she did.
"I didn't need to." She finally said, only when confident enough she could say it without a quiver.
"This is a pretty big thing to not share with anyone, Kasey. Does your Dad know you found it?"
"What would I even say?" She asked, angrily, sitting back up. "Hi Dad, I know you're not really talking to me right now, but by the way, do you have that whiskey in your car because you can literally not wait to numb your existence at any given moment? Or is it just in case you pass a hobo who needs a hit?"
Her head pulsed as she swallowed the outburst back down. Stef raked her hand down Kasey's shirt sleeve, biting at her lip.
"You still didn't need to keep this to yourself, sweetheart."
"The last time Dad had a problem like this he nearly lost his job. I wasn't going to -" She broke off, still not quite able to explain, even though little bits were surfacing. Her feelings towards her Dad had been so morphed and twisted she couldn't tell if she was protecting him, protecting herself or even protecting her Mom. She just knew she didn't want this to be happening. This wasn't the plan. It wasn't the pact.
Stef could see the internal battle she was facing and although it pained her to do so, she knew how important it was to draw this out.
"It's not your responsibility to try and cover for him, love." She replied softly stroking Kasey's cheek.
"Mom, I'm not. I mean, I wasn't. I just. Look, please. I've told you now. Isn't that what you wanted?" Her eyes were begging. "Can't we just end it here? I've got nothing else to say."
Stef laughed to herself gently. "You had nothing to say ten minutes ago either." She quipped flicking at Kasey's chin with her thumb. She squinted to look at her for a few more moments as Kasey turned her head down again. Taking a deep breath Stef once again reached out and pulled her in tightly, despite the protests.
"OK, you've talked, and that's all I asked so I will leave you alone for now." She kissed her head as Kasey tried to move. "But...there are a few things I want to say first. Don't worry, I'll do the talking." She assured her gently as Kasey blinked another tear and hoped Stef wouldn't notice. She was disappointed in her hopes as Stef's thumb gently caressed it off her cheek.
"First of all, you aren't responsible for looking after me or your Dad. You never have been and you won't be until we are old and incapacitated. Of course, that's your Dad I'm talking about. I never will be." Kasey sniffed out a hint of a laugh as Stef worked her hands around to now be holding her head tight against her chest.
"Secondly, if your Dad has a problem we'll help him through it. Whether these things mean that he does or he doesn't, the important thing is that we know what's going on and if that's the case we can help him. And by 'we' I mean me and the captain and your grandparents if need be, plus any other groups that he may or may not need. You and Brandon only in so much as needing to be honest about how this is affecting you." As much as she knew Stef was trying to console her, there was the rub. Being cut out of the loop was exactly what Kasey hated, and Stef taking it out of her hands was exactly what she wanted to avoid.
"It isn't affecting me." Kasey replied stubbornly, still unable to risk losing the last bit of defiance to try and prove her ability to handle things. Stef rolled her eyes but otherwise let it go. That would be a battle for another day.
"Thirdly." She said strongly with a light shake of her body to indicate that last response hadn't been entirely welcome. "You have to remember that your Dad loves you more than anything, whatever he may be going through. Even if at times it seems he has demons that may distract him. Nothing will ever change you being the most important thing to him, understood?" She felt Kasey's head nod slightly, even though she couldn't yet commit to verbal confirmation.
"And finally, you should never feel you have to hide something from me. Never. I know that you will and I know that this won't be the last time I have to pry something out of you - but I will say it over and over again. You and Brandon should never have tried to hide your fears from me, and I'm sorry that I made you feel you had to. I know you didn't want to cause any more difficulty between your father and me - and I know you didn't want me to feel I'd let you down." Kasey closed her eyes feeling like their greatest secrets had been revealed. Of all of the waves of emotion during the divorce, one of the worst had been fear that at any moment something they had said or did would cause even more fighting or guilt. Kasey's instant reflex to try and hide the toll it had taken sprung into action.
"Mom..." she croaked. "We didn't feel we -"
"Kasey." Stef cut her off almost as instantly. "You don't have to protect me." She insisted again.
Silence followed as Stef bent over to plant three strong kisses on her baby's head.
"I love you." She said after, brushing her hair back once again. "And I'm here for you."
Kasey gently nodded, once again trying not to give anymore away with another tear.
"I love you too." She replied quietly with a deep breath. She felt relieved but still repressed. She still had so much on her mind and even in all of Stef's words they didn't help her wider issues. It didn't take away what she hated about this, if anything, it was still making her feel what she hated to feel. That this was something she couldn't control. The silence becoming too long, she scratched her eyebrow and decided to at least get her control of the conversation back.
"Mom?" She began. "One thing..."
"Anything, love." Stef replied looking down.
"How do you expect me to know when we can start looking after you if you're as vague as it be being "when you're old"? No wonder we're getting mixed messages." she flickered a smile, the quip working to induce the relief she had been craving as a distraction. Stef took the book she had confiscated earlier and lightly clapped her on the arm with it. She knew what Kasey was doing but it didn't stop her from wanting to indulge it, for the sake of both of their emotions.
"You can get back to your reading now, Little Miss Grounded."
A wave of guilt passed over Kasey as she thought back to her earlier sneaking out. She still had no clue what had happened at the café but this had made her even more sure that if Stef had been involved somehow she would have had some indication.
"Mom, you haven't been to Scurro's have you?" She asked for final confirmation, unable to think of a smoother approach.
"Scurro's? No...it's not really my kind of hang out. Why?" She asked still seeming completely ignorant. That was enough to convince her. There would have been a hint of interrogation or smugness had she known anything.
"No reason, just missing it a little."
Stef squinted. "Bizarre technique, but amazingly, that isn't going to get yourself un-grounded." she leaned forward to give her one more kiss before getting off the bed.
"Now I really do need to go grovel to your Mama. Oh and hey, I don't want to put ideas in your head, but it goes without saying that none of this is your fault too, yes? You do know that without me having to flick you on the forehead to get that stuck in there?"
"I know." She replied, whether she believed it or not.
"OK, good. I will leave you to your star-crossed lovers." She finally left her alone and Kasey immediately flopped down, the book bouncing with the force. There was still so much more inside and so much more to face. She just closed her eyes and tried to drift off into quiet.
Next Chapter Preview: There is tension at the station as their home-life spills into Stef and Mike's workplace and Kasey solves her mystery, provoking her to confront the cause head on.
She no longer cared about getting caught, she didn't care about anything, she just to scream at him.
"Kasey..." she was snapped out of her daze by Lena's familiar voice.
"What?" She fired back to a startled look.
"You forgetting something? Other than apparently who you're talking to."
Kasey bit down on her tongue trying not to explode. She still had to sit through detention.