Hello friends! Thanks for awesome reviews and comments on last chapter! So many - I was thrilled. Only mild hatred for the emotions provoked :P I know these chapters can be quite heavy but I am trying to channel the episode and people seem to like it anyway! I've actually added in a flashback too in a later chapter based on the response to this last one, I'm sorry it means it keeps getting longer but I can't resist. I will stick to doing the flashbacks in bold - hope this is OK with everyone. OK so here is another one of the emotional ones but tomorrow's flashback is a happy one. Right - on with it! Thanks to thesameguest for reading through this chapter for me.
Callie glided down the hospital hallway, the officer who collected them with one arm around her back and the other around Jude's. They were met there by a woman with shoulder length brown hair, a forced smile on her face but pity penetrating through her eyes.
"Callie, Jude. My name is Annabel, I work for Child Protection Services and I'm a social worker..."
The lady continued to explain her role as Callie looked in behind her, ignoring every word. She didn't know what she was looking for, but still scavenged desperately for any sign, any signal that this would be OK.
She looked nervously to Jude, watching as his gaze was locked, terrified on the lips and words Annabel was saying. She instinctively put her arms around his shoulders as he took her hand, holding it tight to his chest.
"Your mother isn't very well at all. At the moment she is in something called a coma. It means she's in a deep sleep where -"
"Is she going to die?" Jude yelped out, silencing the lady. Callie gripped his hand a little tighter.
The lady paused and crouched down to meet his eyes.
"Sweetheart, the doctors are doing all that they can."
"And what about our Dad?" Callie asked, her eyed swelling.
"We are still waiting for confirmation about your father."
The social worker was distracted as a police officer signalled her over.
"Listen, loves, why don't you sit here and I will be back to talk to you in a few minutes." Callie eyed her suspiciously, her heart still thumping. Her mother was in a coma? She only knew them from TV. Stories of people waking up, their life having passed them by - and from the look Annabel was trying hard to not show them, that situation sounded like a best case scenario. They were waiting for confirmation on her father. What did that even mean? How could they not tell them more than that?
Her life up to now had been so predictable. So safe. There had been no doubt of waking up to her Mom's smile or the smell of her Dad's coffee before he rushed out to work. She trembled slightly as her mind ramped up the possibilities. She felt her breathing get quicker and her mind spiralling into darker realms to which she didn't want to go.
"Stop." She told herself. "You have to stop. You don't want to think that - so stop."
These 6 years later she had perfected the art of suppressing those thoughts. She shook them away and piled all of her terror in the place where all of those feelings were kept. Inside her wall, the wall built so high that not even she could always see them again.
She went back into the waiting room, the family inside and out still twitching and dispersed while Lena was still absent. She could see the family divides. Jesus and Mariana hid in the corner - alienating themselves with their guilt; Mike, pacing and alone - unable to find his place in the setup but still attached by his heart; Brandon and Kasey both isolating themselves, scared and angry - face to face with permanent loss for the first time in their life. As someone who had been alone for too much of her life she sighed at the irony of this all too common reaction when facing loss - to remove yourself further from the other people in your life, even when every part of you wants nothing more than comfort. She thought of her younger brother and how his being so small barely gave her that option. Her mind had wandered to lonely places. Lonely, terrifying places which she visited at her weakest points, but her protectiveness had allowed her to wear blinkers to blot those times out as well as she could. She could not only be there to help him deal with his own emotions, but hide herself from her own, convincing herself that he was her priority. Looking around the room, she saw Jude in each one of them.
Lena re-emerged from seeing Stef, thankfully with more optimistic news. She was being moved up to another floor which at least meant a change in scenery. A more positive change in scenery.
As Lena was called to fill in insurance details and Mike pulled aside by his captain, Callie turned to see an imminent danger in Brandon's eyes. She could tell what was coming and although the vitriol wasn't going to be directed at her, what she was about to hear resonated deeply with a built in weakness. One that she shared with every kid who had ever been in the foster system. She held her breath and poised ready to put her protective instincts into action.
Back outside the waiting room Kasey saw her Dad emerge with the captain, just as she had been walking in.
"Any more news?" She asked, picking up pace.
"Uhm...yeah." He replied as soon as he identified where the voice was coming from. "She's stable and Lena's been in to see her. Opened her eyes and is gonna be fine. We need to go up a couple floors though. They're moving her." He saw Kasey's audible relief, a steady stream of pent up air leaving her lungs. He put a hand on her shoulder, catching Roberts' urging eye. "Listen I have to speak to IA about what happened."
Kasey's eyebrows immediately dropped. "Why? What did happen?"
"Nothing you need to worry about." He assured her. "We did nothing wrong. Neither of us." His eyes flickered desperately. "Is this your fault?" Was really what she was asking. Her words may not have said it, but her eyes did and he used his to try and persuade her otherwise, as well as himself.
"It's just routine." Roberts added. "We'll be back soon." She gave Mike another nod as he patted Kasey's shoulder and followed his boss.
As they left, Kasey walked into the waiting room, catching her siblings mid confrontation.
"And you! You started all this!" he shouted, his voice cracking under the pressure as Callie broke him off. Both Jesus and Mariana looked shell shocked as Brandon stormed away. Kasey looked between the three of them left in the room.
"He didn't mean all that, OK, he's just scared." Callie reassured them.
Jesus turned as he spotted Kasey in the corner of his eye, Mariana taking one look at her and storming to a seat elsewhere in the room. She couldn't risk any more coming at her, even though that wasn't what Kasey intended to do.
"You may as well say it too." He whispered before casting off to sit with Mariana again.
Kasey may not have been as irrational as Brandon, but it didn't stop her from being scared of what may come out if she did open her mouth. She would never go so far as to disown them as her brother and sister, but she didn't think that screaming at them for their recklessness would help either.
Choosing silence as the best reaction, she ignored the comment and took a seat.
"We should all go upstairs soon." Callie informed her, partly testing if she was still annoyed with her and partly because she didn't know if the information had already been relayed.
"Dad said." She replied quietly, clasping her hands to her chin. Although the move was imminent, the family members in this room clearly still needed some time before even tackling so much as the stairs. Callie took the seat next to Kasey as quiet descended on the waiting room again.
"You were right to separate them. Brandon was out of line." Kasey offered up, desperate to talk about anything that wasn't Stef.
"He was scared and angry." Callie shrugged, not looking at Kasey as her mind wandered again. "It's hard to feel betrayed by the people closest to you at the time you need them the most."
Her eyes glazed as more memories made their break to climb the wall.
Callie watched as Annabel talked on the phone. She felt like this day would never end, and as she didn't know what would be waiting for her on the other side, she wasn't sure she wanted it to. The doctors emerged and the social worker ended the call. She nodded and came walking towards them.
"Children, we have good news on your Dad. He is fit to see you now. He is a little fragile but he is awake."
The two immediately sprang up. "Now listen, it's going to be a little scary. He won't look like you're used to seeing him." The social worker especially focussed on Jude as Callie twitched her arm around him, looking down. She saw the terror in his eyes. She wanted to go in first, see how scary it would look but Jude was already running ahead and breaking her grasp around him.
She walked quietly behind, feeling even more alone. He must be scared, she thought. This must be so hard for him. He must be running because he is keen to get it over with, she edged behind, her feet almost slowing to a stop. She didn't want him to have to see this. No, he wasn't ready for this. He, she convinced herself as she closed her eyes.
Jude was already by Donald's bedside. She saw the various wires and tubes and the bleeping and sterile smells dominated her senses.
Jude was grabbing onto his Dad's hand, the social worker just behind. Donald was lifeless, his eyes fixed on the ceiling, even though Jude played with his hand. Why wasn't he comforting him? Why wasn't he telling him it would be OK? He looked like a man possessed with fear. His eyes fixed on the ceiling, not even acknowledging them.
"Daddy?" She asked.
Donald heard the small voice and he closed his eyes, a tear running down. He couldn't look at them. He wanted nothing more than to hold them and console them but he couldn't. He couldn't because it was his fault. He caused their pain and it was that which was preventing him from easing it. As Jude's grip tightened he was pulling on him, pulling on his desperation. It made him twitch his head over finally and look at them both.
"I'm so sorry, kids." He whimpered. "This is my fault. It's all my fault." Annabel began to stir, realising the look on the children's face.
"I think your Daddy is tired..." She moved an arm to pull Jude away gently and guided him towards Callie. This was not something she had anticipated and her professional instincts quickly wanted to get them away.
Callie froze in her position, seeing her Dad so broken. How as it his fault? What was it he had done? Was this just because he was driving? She wanted to ask him, to jump onto the bed and wrap her arms around him but al she could feel was Annabel's arm slowly pushing her to the door. Her eyes were as fixed on her Dad as his were on the ceiling. So consumed with anguish and guilt.
As they were removed and she no longer had the view to look at she turned out to see two doctors striding towards them. The doctors who were caring for her Mom.
"Ms Croft..." they began with a nod to Annabel. She acknowledged it but Callie felt her grip on her shoulder instinctively tighten. Bad news was coming.
They were taken to their bench again. Their purgatory as the powers that be decided their fate.
She didn't take her eyes off the officers.
"Why was Daddy so sad?" Jude asked, his eyes wide and confused.
The small voice was enough to pull Callie back.
"He uhm..." her voice broke off. She had no answer. She had no answer she could give. It seemed however that she didn't need to - Annabel's conversation ended and she saw her turn. It was bad news. She had Jude on one side and Annabel coming with the inevitable to her other.
She couldn't answer Jude but she had to protect him. He couldn't hear this yet. How could he take this much at once?
She leaped up and moved towards Annabel who immediately sped. Jude hovered on the edge of the bench, not wanting to disobey his order to sit but not wanting to be apart from Callie.
"You can't tell him." Callie whispered to Annabel, her voice quiet but hysterical. "He can't hear it now, please. He can't hear it now. He can't take it!"
Annabel crouched down, her face pulled with crippling sympathy.
"Sweetheart..." She said softly as a tear cascaded down Callie's face. Annabel pulled her in close, watching Jude over her shoulder. His shoulders dipped down. He too now could tell what was coming.
"You soooo cheated!" Connor laughed nudging Jude as they clicked and weaved at the racing game they were controlling.
"I did not! It's your game, how would I know how to cheat?" Jude smiled back, upping his clicking motion.
"Woah! Man, that was smooth!" Connor leaned his body back as if he was actually the one on the bike.
"Noooo! That is so unfair!" Jude shook his head, squinting at Connor. "How can you come in at the end like that. It's because you put me off!" He shoved his arm playfully as Connor took a contented sip of his drink.
"Boys...I think you need to put the games away now. It's getting pretty late." Connor's dad poked his head round the door.
"Oh come on Dad, one more. Hey maybe you should play? Jude may have a chance of beating an old man like you!" Connor laughed as Jude screwed up his face before it fizzled into a smile.
"Hmm...that does sound like a challenge, my son." Connor's dad replied, intrigued. "Of course I would take both of you, but your Mom's going to bed an I'd hate to wake her with the sound of your crushing defeat." He teased, driving both boys' heads down into their chests as they laughed.
He turned as the phone ringing caught his attention.
"Kinda late for a call. I better get it. You two start packing things up, OK?" He left the room leaving the two boys to tidy up their controllers.
"Your Dad is so awesome." Jude smiled.
"He really likes you!" Connor smiled back. "I asked him about that fishing trip in a couple weeks and he is totally on board."
"Ha! On board." Jude laughed sweetly at the unintentional pun. It took Connor a few moments.
"That is a terrible joke." he shook his head as Jude giggled.
"Hey it was you who said it!" he protested with an even wider smile. Neither noticed Connor's dad coming back into the room, his face much more serious than before.
"Uhm, boys. You can stop tidying up for a moment..." He began gravely as both turned. Their smiles were still wide but Jude's dropped when he saw his face. He knew that face. Connor still beamed, oblivious to signs he'd never had to read before, but Jude's chest was already tightening. Not here, not now. Why did looks like that follow him wherever he was? Whenever he was happy.
"Jude, I don't want you to worry OK, but the hospital called." He began, the words now enough for Connor to understand. He turned to his friend and saw the look of dread in his eyes. One he had switched to far too fast.
"Your foster mom, Stef, she was involved in a situation. She's stable and the worst is over with but she is going to be having surgery tomorrow."
"Can I go?" He asked immediately, springing up. Connor following.
"Son, Lena thought it best if you stay here tonight. It's late and there'll be nothing changing before tomorrow anyway. The others will pick you up and take you when they go back. Is that OK?" He asked, kindly, putting a hand on his shoulder.
It wasn't OK. He didn't want to be here, he wanted to be with Stef. He wanted to be with Lena...more than anything he wanted to be with Callie. He looked up to the tall man's compassionate eyes however and he thought about the fact he was relaying Lena's words. Lena only ever wanted him to be safe and to be taken care of and the only reason she'd be saying otherwise would be because the family couldn't do that right now, Connor's family could and he didn't want to cause difficulty. He couldn't bring himself to say it but he nodded.
"Good lad." He felt a firm pat on his shoulder, shaking him down through his body with the strength behind it. As the hand pulled away and Connor's dad left them to it, he felt his weight collapsing as he moved to the sofa. He was stunned. He had to be OK, but he was stunned. Stef wasn't his mom, he shouldn't be feeling so attached or so upset - but he was.
"I'm really sorry Jude. But, it looks like she'll be OK, right?" Connor tried in the only way he could to try and console him. Jude barely noticed but he did eventually feel the pressure of Connor's eyes on him. He now looked just as compassionate as his Dad.
He gave a nervous shrug. "I hope so." he finally replied. He thought about Callie and about whether she would be coping. She knew he would be feeling the dread he was feeling, maybe even more so. He remembered her fear and her pain, as well as she tried to hide it from him. He remembered those trips to the hospital. Those defining moments.
Annabel was once again distracted on the phone, clearly making arrangements for what to do with these two suddenly abandoned children. It had been two hours since the news had been broken to them about their mother and if they had been conscious to anything else going on around them they probably would have realised that Annabel had wanted to take them home immediately. It wasn't that simple now though. Their lives couldn't be simple any more.
Callie held Jude's head in her lap. He was sprawled out along the bench, eyes now closed in a tear stained face. She couldn't sleep though. She wasn't sure she'd ever sleep again. The last time she went to sleep properly she was woken to be taken to the hospital.
Two officers passed them among the throng of activity. "Poor guy." One of them said. "I mean, don't get me wrong, there's no excuse for drink driving, but killing your wife. That's a hard dose of punishment."
Callie's head snapped to them as her heart plummeted again. Killed his wife? Were they talking about her Dad? Suddenly Donald's state of emotional paralysis came to her in a new light.
It had been his fault.
She may only be ten but she as old enough to understand what alcohol could do. Suddenly it all connected and fell to her feet, drumming past her head and heart as it clattered to the floor. She was overcome with another urge to see him. She didn't know why or what she wanted but she needed to see him. Her mom would still be here if it wasn't for him and she needed to know what that meant. Where did that now leave them? He couldn't look at them, could she ever now look at him?
She looked to Jude's sleeping head, screwed into discomfort even in his slumber. What would he think when he found this out? How would they tell him? Their last meeting with their Dad had mortified Jude. She was sure of it. How could he not be? She couldn't let that happen again. She had to work fast, before he woke. She had to know what was going to be said. She had to know if he could take it.
Donald lay in the bed, his hands firmly over his face. The two officers who had passed Callie stood by his side and a man with a neat suit and blue tie stood on the other.
"Mr Jacob, you understand why these charges are being brought forward?" There was a painful pause, only masked by the bleeping of the machines around.
"I do..." he whimpered. "It was all my fault...she told me to call a cab..."
"Donald, don't say any more -" the man in the suit advised.
"No!" He cried. "Why not? I did this - I did..." he broke down again, the bleeping on the machine increasing with his heart.
"Can we please do this at another time?" The man in the suit advised as the officers nodded and the beeping was now drowned out by sobs.
They turned to leave before clearing their throat to point out the small girl at the doorway to the lawyer.
"Callie." He croaked, lunging forward.
"Callie you shouldn't..." her eyes were welling up, oblivious to the other men in the room. All she could see was her Dad, his expression mirroring hers as they locked eyes. From not being able to look at her, she was now all he could see.
She ran forward to him as he perked up, the officers moving to grab her but her speed was too mighty as she leapt up to the side of the bed and began drumming on the mattress.
"No, no, no!" She yelled as Donald's tears flowed as well. "How could you...? How could...?" Her voice fell into incoherent sobs as he reached out to pulled her in close over him.
"I'm so sorry..." he cried back as the two of them held on tightly. Callie didn't know what her feelings were. She had thought she was angry. She felt she should feel angry, but then she'd see his face and feel his touch and she realised this was bigger than an emotion as cheap as anger.
Annabel ran in flustered, a sleepy Jude coming behind her.
"Callie..." She called pulling the girl away from her Dad. "Callie, you shouldn't be in here."
"No!" She shouted. "No I can't leave him!" She yelled as Annabel pulled her back.
She pulled her up into her arms as Jude's hand was taken by an officer and they were taken out of the room. Callie's sobs stopped as she watched her Dad's face. So full of guilt, so lost and so helpless and as the door closed she saw true anger in his eyes, not cheap anger. This anger was strong and piercing and it was looking inward.
"I really need a coffee or something." Kasey said, pulling Callie mentally back into this waiting room. Her eyes took a moment to focus but her finger and thumb fiddled with the coin hanging from her neck. As obedient to herself as always, she forced the thoughts back inside their prison and turned to the immediate events unfolding around her.
"I'll meet you guys upstairs." Kasey squeezed Callie's leg. "You want..."
"No." Callie replied with an affectionate smile as Kasey hobbled into a walk and out of the way.
Callie took a deep breath and turned back to the twins. They were both still locked in their own prisons and she couldn't help but see the parallel. They weren't crying and balling like her Dad had been, but then Stef wasn't dead. She sighed, her face in her hands one more time before taking initiative once again. That day in the hospital had been the worst in her life. She couldn't say Stef being in this situation wasn't trying to rip her apart too, but there was a more important role for her to have here, and selfishly, it was the same role that stopped her from going back to those places she never wanted to revisit.
She walked over to the twins.
"Guys, we should head up." The two of them nodded and looked to her.
"Listen..." She put hands on their shoulders biting back her lip. "I'm living proof that you won't be in this hospital forever. It's just a step at a time."
She squeezed them both with her hands as Jesus run his along her arm, making the move to go first. Mariana lingered, her now permanent tears prickling harder again. Seeing that she'd need more than easy words, she pulled her into a tight hug before taking her under her arm and guiding her up the stairs.
Next Chapter Preview: The twins process their role in the family, Callie makes Mike think and pressure builds between Kasey and Lena.
"It's hardly my biggest concern right now. I really don't care about it. It'll be fine." She groaned out sleepily, hoping it would be the end of the discussion. Lena bit her mouth closed with a growing irritation of her own.
"Right, of course you don't." She huffed back, the attitude that had got them to the waiting room pressing heavily on her mind. Kasey knitted her eyebrows, perturbed at what sounded to much like an accusation.
"Meaning what?" She replied, now her turn to probe. She could feel the control that had been trying to keep her emotions in check slipping but held on to it as best she could. She didn't want to lose it in front of Lena.