Mickey was talking, but Shane barely heard a word. His mind was elsewhere, preoccupied with wondering if Kim and the kids were safe - and wondering how he had made such a mess of things.

Shane had tried to stop Kim from leaving that morning, but there was no stopping her. "I can't stay here," she had said. He had been about to argue with her when Andrew had come downstairs carrying his small suitcase. He had looked so confused and Shane had not wanted to fight in front of the boy. So he had told Andrew that they would see each other soon and had let Kim leave.

What the bloody hell was I thinking last night? he asked himself. It was like everything that had been boiling under the surface erupted and he had lost control of himself. It was just that the strain of everything had finally gotten to him. His inability to do anything about these charges, running into constant dead ends with the threats, and feeling so helpless seeing Andrew so scared . . . After all that, he had just cracked. And when Kim had taken him to bed, he had no strength to resist.

It was a mistake. As he had lain in bed afterward, holding Kim to his chest and listening to her slow breathing, his mind had started to race again, this time with images - Kim in bed with Cal Winters as Shane returned home; Kim undressing in front of the video camera before Lawrence Alamain covered the view; Kim handing him an envelope right before she left Salem. As he had stared at the ceiling, he had kept telling himself it was a mistake.

Last night was a mistake, he silently insisted.

"Shane, are you listening?"

Jerking his head up, Shane realized Mickey had stopped talking an was staring at him intently.

"Did you hear a word I just said?" Mickey asked.

Shane sighed. "I'm sorry. . . . I was just a little distracted. You were saying?"

Mickey leaned back in his chair. "How about I just get to the point and save you on your legal fees by not repeating everything?"

Feeling like an idiot, Shane nodded. "Go ahead. I'm listening."

"You need to talk to me," Mickey said. "You need to tell me what happened so I can at least see if there's some way to mount a defense."

Shane took a deep breathe. "You read the article; there isn't much more to say."

"We both know that's not true." Mickey stood up from his chair and rubbed his eyes. "Would you at least tell me why you won't tell me the whole story?"

"Because there's no point to doing so." Shane asked evenly. "There's nothing you could do with the information. I've already gone through everything."

Mickey's frustration boiled over. "I can't help you if I don't have the facts. Even if there's nothing I can do, at least I might be able to understand the situation and, maybe, it would help me plan out a strategy. Look . . . whatever you tell me is confidential, so it's not like I can tell anyone else."

Shane had to admit that Mickey had a point. There was no real danger if Mickey had to keep the facts confidential and it might stop his pestering.

"You really can't talk about this with anyone," Shane said. "Not even Maggie. Do I have your word?"

Mickey rolled his eyes. "Fine. Yes. I'm all ears."

Shane nodded slowly and began to tell the entire story, beginning with Tarrington showing up with the picture of Steve in the compound.

"From the start, the parameters were clear," Shane explained. "If word got out, the ISA would have to call it a rogue operation. I knew that."

"Still . . . it seems pretty crazy when the ISA organized the mission," Mickey said. "So what happened then?"

Shane proceeded to tell Mickey about the planning and execution of the mission. He mentioned the soldiers being Green Berets, but did not mention the unit or any of the soldiers' names. Then he described how the intelligence had been bad and how they barely managed to get Steve out. Shane also explained how Steve's blood had provided the antibodies to cure the virus that Bo had, but that was an "unanticipated benefit" that did not change the secrecy requirements.

"So all we have to do is call the soldiers and they testify that your mission was authorized," Mickey said. "With Steve and your testimony, that should be enough."

"You can't do that." Shane knew this would be the hard part of making Mickey understand, but he explained how the soldiers could not testify about a classified mission and would be placing their lives and careers in jeopardy if they did.

Mickey sighed. "The judge's already said he won't be granting immunity to witnesses. That was one of the first motions the AUSA filed. Now I know why. It was to preempt us from using that to allow the soldiers to testify."

"Hardly surprising," Shane said. "Tarrington assured me the judge is in the ISA's pocket."

Mickey scowled. "I've known Judge Lambert a long time. I can't believe-" Then he paused. "But that order was pretty unusual. Typically, you don't decide immunity issues until they arise and the judge looks at the facts on a case-by-case basis." Mickey's eyes narrowed. "You know, we could go public with that. I'm sure Jack Devereaux would run the story."

"Based on what?" Shane asked. "My word against the head of the ISA's? Even with Jack backing me, I'm still an accused murdered and traitor - and now I'm also a man who pimped out my wife, and then got involved with her sister. Somehow, I don't think the public is going to be very receptive to my claiming I'm being railroaded."

Shane shook his head and then ran his hands through his hair.

"I'm sorry, Mickey," he said. "I know you're trying to come up with something and, I assure you, I'm grateful. I just wish I had some ideas. But the only thing I can come up with either involves putting someone else at risk of jail-time or committing actual treason."

"You're not a traitor," Mickey replied.

"We both know that, but so does Tarrington." Shane shook his head. "If I threatened to leak information, he'd call my bluff. And then they'd probably add extortion charges or some similar lot."

"Avoiding prison is a pretty powerful motive, Shane." Mickey had sat back down in his chair. "Even Tarrington must know that."

"He may, but he knows me. We may disagree on methods, but he knows I wouldn't jeopardize the agency's mission." Shane sighed in frustration. "He knows how hard it is for me to even consider the plea offer because I'd have to plead guilty to treason. He knows there's no way I'd actually do it. Not to save my own skin."

They both fell silent. I wish there was a way, Shane thought. God, I wish there was.

Mickey finally broke the silence.

"Maybe you should reconsider a guilty plea."

Shane looked up in surprise.

"I mean it, Shane," Mickey said. "If you're not going to defend against the charges, why let them put you away for a long time. We both know the deal's generous."

"And plead guilty to treason?"

"It's no worse than being convicted of murder," Mickey pointed out. "Okay . . . maybe for a spy, it is. But come on, Shane, nobody who knows you could ever believe you're a traitor."

Shane chuckled ruefully. "You sound like Kim." In response to Mickey's raised eyebrow, Shane explained. "She said I should plead guilty earlier. She even said she'd move to England with the kids if they deport me."

"That's a pretty remarkable offer," Mickey said.

Yes, it is, Shane thought.

Mickey studied him. "She must really love you a lot to do that."

Yes, she does. Shane turned away and looked out the window. And I bloody-well screwed that up, didn't I?