Kensi wasn't often one for dwelling on the past or the things she couldn't change. She moved on from the daily traumas and near death experiences quite easily. Deeks was quite the opposite. He blamed himself for things he had no control over. He let traumas eat away at him. Being tortured to protect Sam and Michelle was a perfect example of how he internalized every bad event. He eventually would move forward, but couldn't easily forget all the times they came close to dying. For Kensi, every now and then things would transpire that brought her back into a dark place. Today was no exception.

The day began, looking to be a wonderful day. "So that's it, we are moving in together," she beamed.

Deeks was nervously styling his hair. Although, he couldn't be happier deep down that their relationship was progressing, he worried she would see his dark side more often. The demons and nightmares that haunted him, although infrequent when she was beside him, still possessed his dreams. She was aware of his restless nights when they were apart, but had never first hand witnessed the terror he awoke in on occasions. He knew the story of Jack and his PTSD, and how she felt helpless, and abandoned when she woke up Christmas morning to find him gone. However, he always assured her she was his catalyst for peace and he would never abandon her like that. He never understood how Jack left her, but he did and truth be told Deeks was glad he did. She was his now and nothing was going to take that away. His main fear was that she would feel helpless again if the nightmares came while she was next to him. He never wanted her to feel anything but happy.

Kensi could tell something was distracting him by his giveaway tell. "Are you happy?"

"Huh, What?" He snapped out of his deep thought. "Yes, baby, of course. We practically spend every night together anyway."

"And now it's official. No more your place or my place, just our place."

He could tell how happy she was, which in turn made him happy. He relaxed a little, but fear still crept in his mind that he would eventually make her unhappy. They arrived at work. Kensi was so excited to share their news. Deeks still hesitant, went along with her telling the guys and Nell at work. Still unsure, he let her share the good news, which disappointed her a bit that Callen and Sam were unfazed by the news.

"Weren't you already living together?" Callen surmised.

Eric's excitement made her feel a little better, but excitement was quickly shadowed by another case. Deeks and Kensi were sent on assignment to protect a friend of Hetty's. That friend, they found upon their arrival at the safe house, was none other than Jack.

Kensi's heart fell in her chest. She hadn't seen or spoken to him since Afghanistan. She felt awful for not reaching out to him after what they endured together. She would pick up the phone many times to contact him, but the pain and remembrance of those days of being beaten by the taliban haunted her as much as she tried to put it behind her. She succeeded for the most part, but every time she thought to see how Jack was doing, reminded her of that dark time. She would forgo the idea and text Deeks instead.

Deeks could tell she was becoming withdrawn. Granger instructed them to secure the perimeter. "Listen Kens, if there's stuff you need to say to him, then you need to say it to him. Otherwise it eats at you."

Kensi did have things to say to Jack, but more importantly she had things to tell Deeks. A secret so dark, no one knew. Not even Nate, who gave her multiple evaluations over the years. It was something she buried deep inside her, but she knew she was going to have to relive the memory soon enough, pouring her heart out to the man she loved

They day progressed, finally giving Kensi and Jack so alone time to talk. She apologized for not contacting him after Afghanistan to check on him. She never told him why it was so painful for her to reach out to him. She was taken back at that fact that he was remarried again. She listened to his reasons and how he felt all those years ago, but it still shook her that she was seemingly never good enough for him. She needed to push those thoughts aside and realize that as much as she loved Jack back then, the feelings she shared with Deeks were so much more. Everything about their relationship was more intense, more loving, more of what she had always wanted. She was glad she could still call Jack a friend and more relieved that Deeks was so supportive of her past and not at all threatened by once she once shared with another man. Concern grew that he may not be so forgiving and supportive when he learned of the secret she hid from him.

Granger and Deeks sat in silence for part of the ride. Deeks hates the silence, so his humorous side emerged.

"So Granger Danger, big plans for the weekend?"

The assistant director gave him a stern look.

"Oye, how bout drinks tonight after the case. Callen told me you've been itching to treat us again since the night I got out of the slammer. We could use another day off to move all Kensi's hoardings to my house." He ran his fingers through his hair.

Again a stern look earned from Owen Granger, with a hint of a smile. "Listen Deeks,"

"I know I talk to much, I'll be quiet unless you want to hear me sing. I can belt some great tunes for you!"

"No, that won't be necessary."

"Ok then," he ran his hands through his blonde mop again.

"I want you to take care of Kensi. Hetty and I won't be here forever. She's lost a lot on her life."

"I know," Deeks was still feeling restless with the conversation.

"Hey," the assistant began with a smirk, "You're the one who wanted to talk about your feelings."

"Oh, that, I I didn't actually mean it, I guess those words did come out of my mouth."

"You two are good together. Always stay strong for her, Always," he gave him a look as a father would give a son would giving him advise.

"I will, assistant director."

"You better, I'm always watching."

Deeks nervously laughed, "I'll keep that in mind."

The day shook with turmoil as the people attempting to kill Jack found the safe house shouting everything in sight, but failing their mission. The team luckily came out on top as usual with minor scrapes and bruises. Back at the boat shed Deeks was enjoying learning some card tricks from Jack, hoping to learn a few tricks so he could finally take Kensi down. Granger ended up taking Jack to the airport, leaving the couple alone. Deciding to start moving one load of her things tonight, then grabbing takeout noodles they headed on their way.

"You good, Kens?" He wanted to make sure.

"I'm good, are you good?"

"Why wouldn't I be good?"

"I don't know, I think if you had an ex fiancé show up, I don't think I'd handle it as calmly as you have."

"His loss was my gain, baby. Truth be told, I'm thankful every day that he woke up and left you." Realizing he wasn't sure how she would take that, he quickly through in, "Because if he hadn't, we wouldn't be here where we are, moving in together." He removed his right hand from the steering wheel of his truck and placed his hand in hers. "I love you."

"I love you."

The day has been exhausting and she wasn't emotionally prepared to divulge her secret to him. Today started and ended a good day for them. She had to mentally prepare herself to tell him what had been eating at her over the last few days. She was angry at herself for not leaving it in the rear view mirror, she was angry with herself for making him promise no more secrets, when she wouldn't, couldn't share her own. She took a deep breathe and ate her noodles.

"Are you ready for bed?" He asked a short time later. "I attempted to get Granger Danger to give us tomorrow off, but he was immune to my Deekness. That sly fox, not many people are."

She laughed at his antics and shook her head. "Our first night, officially living together. I'd say that's a big deal."

"It is, maybe a call for a little celebration?" He raises his eye brow.

"How can I resist with an offer like that?"

"Oh, you want a better offer," he scooted closer to her and nibbles on her neck, "maybe a little something like this."

"That might be a little better," she smirked urging him to continue what he was doing.

"I love you so much, Kensi." He continued on celebrating their first official night living together.