"So, we're engaged now right baby?"

"I told you, you might have a chance if you actually propose."

"That was a perfectly good proposal, if I do say so myself."

Kensi rolled her beautiful brown eyes. "If you say so."

"I'm kidding! You'll get the proposal you want, in due time sugar bear. The sunset, the beach, champagne,"

"And?"

"And the ring of course."

"Do you even know what I like?" She teased.

"Oh, I know what you like, trust me," he winked.

"I meant a ring,"

"I'm sure you'll leave me plenty of hints."

She nodded and smiled slightly, but he could tell something was consuming her thoughts.

"It was a tough case today, huh. Callen did good with that boy though."

"You and Sam did too, with the others," her eyes wondered off.

"Did you learn anything interesting from the magazine you bought?" His curiosity got the best of him, figuring that was what was distracting her.

"Deeks," she said softly.

"Baby Listen, it might be too crazy right now for us to have a baby, but that doesn't mean someday it won't be. I mean that's the reason we do this right, to make the world safer. Less crazy?"

"Yeah," her eyes were still distant as they began to welt up.

"Kens, baby what's going on?"

His words made her burst into tears.

"Baby?"

"Deeks, I can't right now ok." She headed straight up to their room when they arrived home. She locked the door behind her and laid face down on the bed. Deeks followed after her with Monty by his side. Both knowing Kensi was in pain, neither knowing what from. His hand reached for the door knob felling the tension, realizing she had locked it.

"I'm here if you want to talk," he quietly whispered, "I love you," he headed down stairs calling for Monty to follow. The pooch was having none of it and laid down outside the door as to guard her. "Ok boy, you watch over her."

Deeks plopped down on the couch, not sure what had just transpired. One minute they were happily joking about getting married, the next Kensi was a mess of tears. He hadn't realized how much she had been thinking about them having a baby. They never really had discussed having kids that much as they had only been official for a little over a year now. They had randomly brought it up when they were undercover as Justin and Melissa and occasionally mentioned the hazards of their jobs but today was very different. Today she had bought a baby magazine, proceeded to have a discussion about having children, at work, for that matter, during a case, in front of Granger of all people. He wasn't sure how they got there, but they were definitely there, as Granger so kindly pointed out. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing, it did allow him to semi propose and let him know she was on a similar page about marrying him. He just didn't expect her to break down and not let him in. Kensi had learned to lean on him more as time progressed. He considered himself her rock as much as he considered her his sunshine.

Kensi had been on edge since Jack returned. She was getting accustom to not having an escape as well, if she needed one like tonight. The only thing she could think of was to lock him out of their room. She felt childish, but she needed an escape to gather her thoughts. She didn't mean to, but she didn't know how else to be alone. Deeks always pressed her when she was upset and usually he could make it better. This, she was certain he couldn't make better. She grabbed her bag and pulled out the magazine. She carefully looked through every page until her eyes blurred with all the tears streaming down her face. She crumpled up the book and threw it against the door making a loud thump.

Thankfully, it was Friday and since they wrapped up the children in suicide vests case successfully, they had the weekend off. Deeks was far from ready to call it a night. As exhausted as he was, his mind was running worried about Kensi. Suddenly he heard Monty growl and whine while scratching at the door Kensi was behind. Their beloved fur ball was very protective of Deeks and even more so of Kensi. Deeks ran upstairs, he could hear her sobbing behind the door.

"Baby, please let me in. Please," he pleaded with desperation.

Kensi took a few moments to try to gather her thoughts and tears that were still falling.

"Kens, baby," he sounded more desperate.

Kensi finally got up and unlocked the door and opened it slightly. Monty ran in and jumped on the bed next to Kensi. Deeks didn't even try to get him down. He saw her tear stained face and beat red eyes.

"Baby, What has got you so upset. I don't know that I've ever seen you like this."

"I can't do this anymore, Deeks. She cried harder finally breaking down her hard exterior.

His heart fell to his stomach. "Baby, What do you mean? What are you talking about? What can't you do anymore?" He was worried she wanted to end their relationship. He didn't know why she would, but his heart broke at her words and seeing her so distraught. He fought back his own tears forming. "What is it Kens? What did I do or what didn't I do? Please let me help you."

"You can't help me Deeks, no one can."

"Look at me! Talk to me Kensi! You're right, I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong!" He voice was a mixture of frustration, anger and fear.

"Don't you understand I can't. It will hurt you too much. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you! And I can't fix it. I can't change it, it just is!"

"I wish you would tell me what you're talking about." He let out as the tears got harder for him to hold back. He could tell she was in agony from whatever was going on in her mind.

"I've been lying to you!" See blurted out.

Deeks look stunned. He was not sure what to say or do at that moment.

She regained her composure a little, "Maybe, I haven't been lying per se, but I've been hiding something from you for years."

Deeks still looked confused. "I thought no more secrets," he managed to voice out softly.

"I know and I've had one that I've been holding on to." She looked down knowing she disappointed him. She asked him to promise her no more secrets after the internal affairs fiasco, but she wasn't holding up her end of the deal.

As hurt as he felt, he was in a similar situation with her after she was questioned by The Washington crew about Afghanistan. He thought back to that day, "partners don't keep secrets." He told her, but he was keeping his own as well back then. He couldn't be angry at her now because he had done the same thing to her.

"Partners," she huffed, that day, eyes full of tears. Not as many as now, but full of sadness, fear and pain none the less. She buried her head in his chest then and told him she just wanted to forget what happened. He told her she needed to make peace with it. The harder she fought it, the harder it would fight back.

Her mind, almost as if reading his, flashed to the same day. She wished she would have told him then, but their relationship was in such a different place. She wasn't sure how he would have reacted, had she told him her dark secret.

"Look baby, I get it, I do, but if there is something you need to tell me, I hope you know you can."

She shook her head.

"I mean it, Kens. Baby please. Whatever it is, it's obviously eating you up inside."

Kensi took a deep breath but sat in silence. She didn't know how to even begin.