As Kensi sat in silence Trying to find the words to begin, she flashed back to her time in Afghanistan...

Three men grabbed her from behind. She fought against them with all her might. One smacked her as hard as he could across the face. The other punched her in the gut. The third pulled a gun to her head. She lost the will to resist any longer, knowing if she continued to do so, they'd surely kill her. They shackled her and dragged her through the desert. She was thirsty, so thirsty, she felt as if she was going to vomit. She felt like she was going to lose consciousness as they forced her to keep going. When she could barely move any longer, they arrived at their destination.

The cave was dark and dingy. The dampness made it hard to breathe. Her whole body ached. She was bruised and blood stained, while shackled to the wall. A small fire barely kept her warm. She saw he ex fiancé, whom she thought was dead, and screamed for him. The taliban soldiers took her knowledge of him as a sign he was working against them and struck him to the ground. They dragged him away as she watched helplessly, the same way she felt when she couldn't help him with his PTSD. She sat in silence, wondering how he had gotten there. Wondering why he never contacted her after leaving so long ago. She was devastated.

The insurgents finally threw Jack into the area she was at. She quickly stretched herself as far as she could to get water and wake him. When he gained his barring, he and Kensi talked. She needed answers, even if they were ones she didn't want to hear. She needed to hear them.

"I was free"

"Free from me," she cried.

She still did understand why they couldn't get through things together. Why he felt the need to leave everything behind, to leave her. She was heartbroken. Kensi quickly turned to mission mode, realizing the Jack she knew was gone. She needed to free herself. She realized the stupid decision she made going after a ghost. He may have not been the white ghost, he was her ghost. A ghost she needed to free herself from, but first she needed to free herself from the damn shackles. As she was convincing Jack of a plan to free themselves, the men came and took him away putting out the fire to leave Kensi in the cold, dark cave.

This woman was stronger than almost any other woman on the planet, but she was nearing her breaking point. She didn't know how much more her body could take. She had been held captive for what felt like almost 3 days, she was uncertain as time had stood still, but judging by the amount of times they had brought her something resembling food and water, she was fairly certain in her guestimations. The beatings came two to three times a day, always before food was served. The threats of her murder were always included in at least one beating. They used guns, their boots, anything that would cause great pain. They were trying to find out who she was and why she was there. Kensi wouldn't give them any information. Her fear was beginning to overcome her. Her lip was cut, bloody and swollen, her eyes black and blue. Her insides felt like they were on fire from all the kicks to the gut. She felt blood trickling from many parts of her body. She watched as they beat Jack as well and then dragged him leaving her alone again.

She laid in pain thinking about how long she had been gone. She had been in Afghanistan not quite three months. She missed him deeply. She remembered their conversation at Christmas. Although a brief conversation, Hetty had made sure she got what she was missing most for Christmas, him. After that day, with the help of Nell, they were able to set up a private chat and keep in contact. She needed that. When she was lonely, she'd scroll though her photos looking at him. He comforted her. She realized as she laid in agony, she needed him. She wanted him. She looked over at her ex fiancé, he was her past, but Deeks was her future. She closed her eyes and began to dream about the night before she was pulled away on this horrid assignment.

"What's wrong?" He asked her lying above her.

"You know if we do this, it changes everything," she lamented.

"So, what do you want to do?"

"I don't want to have to choose."

"So don't, we don't choose," he tried to reassure her.

"You know that's not how this works. What do you think is gonna happen?"

"I don't know," he whispered. "I don't care." At that moment, he would have given up everything for her. He finally was ready to admit his growing feelings.

"What are you doing to me Deeks," she wanted to stop but instead reached up pulling him into a passionate kiss that led to more.

"Falling in love with you," he responded moving closer to her, making love to her like he had wanted to do for so long.

The taliban insurgent, grabbed her and threw her against the rock. "Wake up he demanded." Beating her more. Wanting to know if she was CIA. He threatened her life with a sword and then demanded she lay down and stay still. He kicked her again for good measure and took her picture. Then, they dragged her and Jack to a new location.

"Kensi, are you ok," Jack noticed she was very pale.

Kensi didn't answer. She just moaned. Her eyes filled with tears.

When they arrived at their destination, they threw her up against the stone wall. She crumpled and passed out from pain.

—-

Deeks watched Kensi as she was lost in her memories. He watched her wince in pain. He watched her eyes fill with more tears as she tried to fight them back. She never told him the terror she endured. He has the need to help and protect her from her pain. As much as he wanted her to tell him everything, he knew forcing her to talk to him was never a good idea. Not knowing their minds were basically one, He flashed back to how far he was willing to go to help her, to save her. He saw the picture of her over and over in his head. Lying there lifeless with her throat slit. That image haunted him more than his own experience of torture. He remembered watching her bruised and beaten body walk towards him. She looked so weak, he had never seen Kensi weak. His heart ached at the memories. He watched her bond with Jack over the days spent in hell. He remembered thinking he lost his chance, that the man Kensi truly loved was standing beside her, suffering with her. He relived the relief he felt that day, as he watched Jack walk away from her again. He swore in that moment to never walk away from her. He remembered seeing her standing their alone, sad and almost broken, His mind flashed back to walking towards her and holding her as she cried. All she could get out was it was really bad. His heart hurt for her, the way it hurt that day two years ago.

—-

Their eyes met instantly, as they both snapped out of the trance they were in. Both thinking about similar times. He pulled her into the tightest embrace he could. She sobbed harder.

"It was really bad,"

"I know baby, I know." He responded as if he knew where her thoughts had been.

He felt her breathing steady. He released his grip a bit to look at her.

"Can you tell me know?" He asked her gently.

"I'm scared."

"Why are you scared," he brushed her hair away from her face.

"I'm scared you'll leave me."

Deeks had no idea what Kensi could be hiding that would be so bad that she thought he would leave her. He murdered someone to protect a hooker and had been sending that hooker money behind Kensi's back. She forgave him immediately without hesitation. He intended to do the same.

"I could never leave you, baby."

She sighed. "It hurts to think about."

"Kens, if you can't tell me, I get it. I just can't watch You this way. Maybe you can call Nate."

"No! I don't want to talk to Nate. I could have talked to Nate years ago, but I didn't. I needed to talk to you. I need to talk to you."

"Ok then talk to me, talk to me tonight, talk to me tomorrow, talk to me whenever you are ready."

"I'm ready, I have to be. You were right when you said I have to make peace with it, to move forward. I can't make peace with it until I tell you. I hope you can make peace with it too."

Deeks eyes filled with worry. "I'm ready when you are. And whatever it is, we can make peace with it together."