Deeks woke Kensi up early the next morning. Usually she was the one to wake him, but he had a full day planned. He grabbed Monty's leash and hooked him to it.
"Ready? He asked her.
She shrugged not really wanting to get out of bed.
"C'mon the beach is calling our name." He looked at her with his ocean blue eyes.
"I suppose," she shrugged again.
He crawled back into bed and kissed her gently, "I promise it'll be worth it."
She sighed and removed herself from the bed she was curled into. She had been in a state of depression and hadn't really felt better after confessing her secret to Deeks. He was so supportive and kicked herself for not telling him sooner. It made her feel worse that she hid it for so long, only for him to completely console her, when she should have been the one to comfort him. He pulled her reluctantly to the car.
"I really don't feel like the beach today," she whispered loud enough for him to hear.
"What? There's no bad day in the water. We need a good day." He winked at her.
"If you say so," she leaned her head against the window. Her eyes still puffy from all the tears she shed the night prior. Today, it seemed the places she'd been bruised in Afghanistan ached, even though she'd been home two years. Her heart and head still had trouble healing, even though she hid it well. Somehow he always made her feel whole again.
They arrived at the beach. Deeks grabbed his message bag, beach blanket, towels, and Monty. "Come on princess, I can't carry you too."
Kensi stepped out of the truck and followed behind. When she hit the sand it felt amazing on her feet. The smell of the ocean perked her up a bit. Deeks laid the blanket out and Kensi plopped down. Monty curled up beside her. Deeks sat behind her and wrapped both of his muscular arms around her. "I love you Kensi Marie Blye."
"I love you too." She replied still filled with sadness.
He let go of her and dug into his bag. He pulled out a small bottle and single rose.
"I had an idea," he said.
Kensi looked at her boyfriend oddly. He often had hair brained ideas.
"I thought maybe we could fill the bottle with sand and rose petals and send it out in the water. Help us heal from the loss we suffered. We both love the ocean, I know our child would have too."
Kensi began to tear up, "Deeks,"
"If you think it's stupid, I understand. I just want to help you Kens." He paused briefly and ran his hands across his hair. "Who am I kidding, Hell, I wanna help myself just as much."
"It's absolutely amazing. I love you so much."
They began entwining hands and filling the bottle together with sand and bits of seashells. When it was half full, together they broke off rose petals and added them to the bottle. Deeks pulled the last petal off. He cupped Kensi's face and kissed her gently. He kissed the rose petal and gave to Kensi to do the same. She repeated his gesture and together they placed the last petal in and sealed the bottle. They took Monty and walked to the edge of the pier.
"Even if I never knew about you until now, I will always love you with all of my heart," Deeks began to tear. Holding Kensi's had they leaned down and placed the bottle into the ocean.
Kensi began to form a small smile as she watched the bottle bob up and down before getting swept in a tide. "Thank you for doing this, Deeks."
"The ocean has always been my solace. The place I find peace, I thought it might help us be at peace."
"It did. And it helped to share it with you. It was so hard to keep hiding this secret. I'm sorry I did."
"I get it Kens, I really do. No more secrets." He reiterated her words from their prior conversation.
"No more secrets." She put her arms around him. He returned the gesture holding her tight.
Kensi had finally felt as a weight was lifted off her shoulder. She was ready to move forward with her future fiancé, as soon as he proposed in the proper way.
From that day forward, Deeks' perspective about having kids changed. As he said earlier, it would be the end of some pretty amazing things, but it would also be the beginning of some pretty amazing things. His heart began to long for a child, a ache he never knew he'd feel. He was ready to put the dangerous life behind them. The dangerous life that took their baby they never got to know. He was ready for a new beginning and a new future making Kensi his wife and mother of all his future little mutant ninja assassins that only they could create.
From that day forward, Kensi's fear about losing another child grew. She wanted to give him a baby, but worry always came into play. What if this happened again, what if I'm not meant to be a mother, what if I can't be a mother, how can I protect my baby, if I couldn't protect the one I was given. She knew she wanted his children, but was uncertain she deserved another chance. Her fears rooted deep and hidden, crept up every time he'd bring it up. She was certain this would create a crossroad for them, but only time would tell when. For now they enjoyed each other and would cross that bridge when they needed to.
A/N. Thank you for all the kind reviews. Hope you enjoyed! I really wanted to explore a possible explanation on all the flip flopping we've seen on their views!