Hi friends, I probably won't be posting over the weekend and then just 2 chapters and the epilogue to go! Anyhow, hope you enjoy this one in the meantime. Would love to know your thoughts.

Thanks to thesameguest for reading this one and for helping me decide on who to involve in these conversations. Oh, and happy birthday to my friend, beta and sometimes co-writer TheTBone. If you haven't yet read the Stef/Callie fanfic I wrote for her to welcome her into adulthood, check out A Little Less Alone. If she was still a kid I'd say I was exploiting her for self-promotion - but she ain't so hey ho!

Enjoy!

"Don't even think about it Mariana. What is even the point of those things?"

"What? They're classy." Mariana and Kasey examined the display "chair cover" in the party planning store.

"It's a bed sheet with elastic. Why would you even need chair covers? We're using fold out chairs and not even that many."

"Well hello, that's why they're needed, so people don't notice how cheap we are."

"Well either way, math may not be my strong point but I'm pretty sure 40 is greater than 20." Kasey reasoned, pushing her away gently.

"Ugh. You're worse than Mom! It's not like she'll actually make us pay the difference. Mama wouldn't let her...if they ever make up. What do you think that was about anyway?" Mariana mulled through some further fabrics as Kasey sighed. She had a pretty good idea.

"I'd guess it's that Mom made one too many sarcastic digs about the wedding. They're probably just both getting stressed."

"Well we better get this wedding. I need some good news." Mariana sighed into the hanger.

Kasey looked to the unexpected response concerned as she saw her little sister's face drop. This was a sudden swap from her so far chipper attitude and she wondered if there really was a little bit of ignoring going on too.

"Have you had some bad?"

"Not really, well. I'm sure it's nothing to worry about...it's just Lexi is going to Honduras and well...I dunno, I guess I'm just nervous."

"Nervous she won't make it back?" Kasey replied gently, feeling genuinely sorry for her sister. She knew Lexi was by far her closest friend - she remembered her impact right from the first time they'd met.

"She's supposed to only be away a couple of weeks...I dunno. I guess I'm just paranoid. I just can't even begin to think of her going for good..." she stopped looking through the sheets and let her face drop pensively to the floor. "Those few weeks without her when we fell out, you know...they were horrible." her eyes widened with the memory but she quickly tried to shake it away going back to task. Kasey had almost forgotten the implication for Jesus, she was still getting used to the new setup.

"How did Jesus take the news?" Kasey added, joining in the sifting through the rail in an act of moral support.

"He's all chilled out, you know what he's like. Still, she'll be at the party tomorrow so at least we can send her off with a bang. We just have to make it awesome enough that it'll last us two weeks!" she pulled away from the hanger and spotted a pile of table accessories. Her eyes bulged in excitement as she dived happily into the distraction. "Which could be done even more if we had these scattered around!" Mariana's hands were suddenly clasping a fistful of small bottles of bubbles.

"Ha!" Kasey's face brightened. "Do you remember when we had that bubble machine and used like 6 bottles of dishwashing liquid? The room smelt of lemon for like two weeks.

"That was the last time Moms ever bulk bought cleaning products."

"And the last time we saw the bubble machine." They laughed, experimenting with the trial specimen.

"So that's a yes then? For nostalgia?" Mariana smiled with a glint in her eye.

"Purely for the look on Mom's face? It's a yes from me." they raked up some of the bottles into the basket.

"Oh my god! Balloons!" Mariana immediately sprang over to the biggest balloon section Kasey had ever seen, still unable to keep up with this endless energy. She was starting to sympathise with Stef's apathy even though she knew a lot of Mariana's behaviour was a coping mechanism.

"At my wedding I'm gonna have the hall decorated with hanging sheets ribboned through the rafters - oh! With colour coded bows that match your bridesmaid dresses..."

Kasey said a silent prayer for the colours.

"Probably pink..."

Prayer request denied.

"And all the boys can wear matching ties."

"Pink ties?"

"Of course! Pink looks amazing on boys."

Okay, at least the prayer she never knew she wanted to make had been answered.

"And I'm gonna have a string quartet and every guest is going to get a little packet of seeds in their gift bags. You know, to symbolise our love."

"Of course." Kasey replied emotionless before quickly forcing a grin as Mariana turned to her doe eye and slightly offended. It was quickly replaced with a smile rewarding Kasey's efforts as she turned back to exploring the balloons and tossing some in the basket.

"You know you should probably be taking notes, sis."

"I should?" Kasey asked nervously. "Why, is there someone you're not telling me about?" she teased.

"I wish!" Mariana scoffed. "But still, seeing as you'll probably be my Maid of Honour - it'll cut down the number of meetings we need to have then if you remember it all now."

Kasey now needed Lexi to be returning more than ever.

"Oh my God! Look at those lace drapes! Maybe I'd go with lace instead of velvet!" she sprang forward leaving Kasey lumbered with the expanding basket and the sudden fear of co-planning Mariana's wedding.

Kasey and Mariana returned 67 minutes after they left, pushing Stef's deadline by a hair, but they figured she may be too distracted to care. That, or they were going to be in for a disproportionately harsh scolding under the tense atmosphere.

Lena banged around the kitchen, clearly still buzzing from their fight and not making any attempts to hide it. Kasey was surprised that Stef hadn't apologised yet. She didn't know the details of the fight, but she had seen enough of the warning signs to have a fair guess, plus - she had long learned her parents' dynamics.

After some minor small talk she headed up the stairs to Stef's room where she lay, eyes open wide and staring at the ceiling. She wasn't sure if she'd moved at all since they'd gone.

Kasey tapped lightly on the door as Stef looked up, her mind moving too slowly for a response.

"18 dollars and 65 cents." She informed her moving over to the bed and jumping on, tossing the change into Stef's hand.

She moved it over and placed the coins onto her nightstand, getting into a more comfortable position.

"Thanks for doing that." she eventually replied, her voice lethargic, Kasey studying her face. As much as she liked to tease her, she hated seeing her Mom genuinely troubled.

She looped her arm around Stef's and gave her a broad, expectant smile until Stef squinted back and relented.

"Do you need something, or...?" She groaned as Kasey laughed.

"No. I thought you might." She said suggestively as Stef rubbed her face. She didn't have the patience for whatever game Kasey was playing right now.

"We heard you guys fight before. Don't tell me I just wasted 18 dollars and 65 cents..."

Stef looked at her for a moment before dipping her head against Kasey's

"I have no idea. I really have no idea what's going on" She whispered. "You think you know what you want and then - "

"What? You don't wanna get married?" Kasey jumped in confused. She had been expecting a playful grumble, not a showstopping admission..

"It's not that." Stef replied, frustrated, more with herself than anything. "I guess it's just - I've spent so long with it never even being in the picture and now here it is and it just makes me wonder what it going to change afterwards? So far, all it seems to have caused is arguing."

Kasey studied her face deeply, trying to read it. As a kid from a broken marriage she too had her own cynicism over the label - after all the most stable life she had had was between her non-married parents, not her married ones.

"And what, you're worried that marriage always ends in divorce?" Kasey grimaced, trying to guess closer to figuring it all out.

"No, of course not. I mean, marrying Lena isn't going to change the fact I want to spend my whole life with her."

Kasey mulled it over, now ever more confused.

"So...it's the arguing? You just don't want the stress of it?" She took another guess.

"Well...maybe. I dunno, there's so much going on. I mean is this what our married life will be? Arguing over flowers and dresses?"

Kasey felt the corner of her mouth turn up.

"Mom - " She rubbed her arm. "Do you remember what Lena said to you the night she booked the hall for Mariana's Quinceañera?"

Stef looked to her blankly. "Not specifically, no. Why?" She replied suspiciously.

"I'm not surprised." She shrugged, Stef squinting harder at where this was going.

"Because you barely spoke that week other than blankly spurring with each other. It only got civil once all the paperwork was down and you had to give in to it."

"I'm not seeing your point here, sweetheart."

"Mom, it's a party. You have 3 grandparents and 6 kids. If you aren't stressed to the point of meltdown we're not doing our job right." She chuckled as Stef rolled her eyes.

"Is this a pep talk? Because if it is -"

"My point is Mom, that's not your problem. If it was, you'd have apologised to Mom already. Try again."

Stef looked down at her feet, disheartened. "Well maybe I'm out of ideas." She replied, clapping Kasey's arm that hung onto her own, Kasey looking back unimpressed. She was out of ideas too, but so far had been the only on even trying to suggest them.

"God you're stubborn." She shook her head, her frustration growing.

"Excuse me?" Stef replied, shocked.

"Mom, you're not even trying here. I mean seriously, you get on at me about not divulging feelings?" Kasey was almost laughing at the epiphany she was having. She hadn't planned on it going this way, but now it was clicking she couldn't hold back the revelation. "Mom, Lena's downstairs practically tearing the kitchen down. She's pissed at you. I mean like, really pissed." She continued as Stef looked on, baffled.

"And you're making it sound like what? You're just not gonna bother trying to figure out why you're getting cold feet the night before your wedding? If I was in your position you'd have kicked my ass a half hour ago."

"But - " She stuttered in return but Kasey wasn't relenting, enjoying the role reversal too much. "So get a grip. Hurry up and admit whatever it is you're hiding from yourself and sort this crap out, because I didn't spend all night cutting and pasting bits of paper over our screw up for this all to be cancelled."

Stef's mouth hung open as Kasey finished her matter-of-fact rant.

She looked at her sternly, Stef still unsure of what had just happened or when she lost the control position in their relationship. She pushed her head back against the wall, still processing what she had just heard but without a word to explain. The last statement Kasey had made had delivered a blow to her mind she hadn't felt in a long time. It was a corner of her mind she thought she had long since abandoned and never thought about it again, but suddenly the cobwebs were starting to shift and she wondered deep down if Kasey was right. Was this something hiding that she had hid so long ago she barely even remembered?

She thought back to those days as a teenager. Those terrifying and confusing days when she was so lost and alone, not understanding any of the feelings she was having. Not understanding why she felt unable to fit into the crowd in the way she imagined she would. She remembered some small releases, some moments of clarity when things began to click, only to have the light suddenly blocked again by the shadow of a commanding presence. An authority that she had grown with, grown to trust and grown to respect. She remembered how it stood in that light, blocking it off, apparently not just then but blocking it off to parts more ingrained in her mind than even she realised.

Her mind lingered over the sight of her Dad's name in the RSVP list. The one she had stared at and read over and over. How she had kept pushing it aside and leaving it to later, hoping somehow it would just disappear. Maybe she had pushed some things aside to those places further back than she realised. Well, she wouldn't any more. She had beaten these demons so long ago and even the thought that they may still be nipping at her heels enraged her even more than that they had been there in the first place.

"You know what..." She squeaked out, apparently the confidence having more presence in her mind than in her voice.

"You're right." She squeezed Kasey's arm and kissed her cheek. "There's something I need to do." She patted her knee and jumped off the bed.

"But where are - "

"I'll be back after dinner." She called back, grabbing her car keys and leaving Kasey lying confused on the bed.

"Can I help you with anything?" Lena heard Jude's voice, simple and sweet, emerge from round the corner. She turned to look at him, noticing immediately how seeing his face pacified her tossing of pans and wooden spoons. She put her anger aside for a moment and channeled it into the most convincing smile she could give him.

"I think everything is under control sweetheart." She turned back to her pot and then quickly remembered the events of the day. She wondered if he was maybe here for more than to offer his services.

"Unless..." She tried to clear the fog of her head. "Is there something you wanted to talk about?" She asked, too tired to come up with a more subtle approach. Luckily Jude didn't seem to be too needy for anything more. He seemed content as he moved up onto a stool.

"Not really, I just thought you looked like you needed some company." He replied, unassuming. Lena's heart warmed a little as she took a double take. Jude had settled extremely fast and she was realising fast he'd not only settled to the point of being comfortable with them but comfortable to be there for them. She had first noticed it at the hospital and she was now reminded of it. Knowing that nurturing those instincts was crucial, she wiped her hands and moved away from the pot she knew she was mainly stirring for a distraction.

"You know, that would be nice." She took the seat next to him. "I can leave that simmering for a few moments longer."

He nodded with a smile.

"So, I take it you've spoken to Callie. How are you coping with all of that? I know it must be difficult for you?"

He looked down to the table, his positive outlook waning slightly, but overall he propped his head back up and swallowed down, showing he was trying to win it back.

"I'm glad it's over. For Callie and you know, just in general. That home is behind us now."

Lena didn't know the full details of what Jude knew, Callie had been vague and they had trusted her to tell him what she wanted. He knew about the pre-trial as they had agreed it was better coming from them than from one of the other kids, but aside from that they had left the discussion to Callie. For all they knew he knew the details, but they had made sure he knew he could come to them with questions he had if any, and so far there had been none to show one way or the other. This conversation wasn't making it any clearer.

"I just wanna look forward now." He sighed, Lena's head cocking. It was moments like this that their decision at the beginning hit her hardest. That this was temporary, and it was at these times it almost ached. She brushed it aside along with Jude's hair, focussing back on the here and now.

"Are you looking forward to the wedding tomorrow?" He asked, seamlessly changing the subject.

She wished it had been to anything other than that.

"I uhm, yeah." She smiled. Any tension Lena was having with Stef was not Jude's problem to worry about.

"It's just...Mariana said you and Stef were fighting a little so..."

Clearly it didn't matter how good her poker face was, the kids had already seen their cards - or probably heard them.

"It's normal to have hiccups the night before a wedding." She assured him, trying to keep things general. It was received by a gentle nod.

"And you're married in your hearts anyway, right? You said yourself it was sorta the same." He thought back to one of the first conversations they'd had in this kitchen, all those weeks before. It softened Lena's again as if he was determined to taunt her with those early decisions back when the choice seemed easy.

"If you've been married for years you should figure this out pretty fast." He assured her, clearly not going to let anything dampen his own excitement.

"Jude!" He heard Jesus' voice yell through as he turned his head. "Do you want a game before dinner? Grandpa doesn't believe that the kinect actually works."

He looked expectantly to Lena to see if he could withdraw his offer for company. She flicked her head with consent and watched him run out out to play. She buried her face in her hands and thought about what he said.

He was right, this shouldn't be changing anything - so why would it be? But then even more so that made her question why Stef was being resistant. She knew she wouldn't be re-thinking their position, but she wished she knew what it was that was causing this divide. She heard the front door clatter and her frustration momentarily returned. She pushed it back with her hair as she returned to the stove.

This was far from over but she couldn't help but feel encouraged by Jude's optimism. If that little boy could see the other side of that meant there was certainly a route, now they just had to see how easy it was to take.

"Travelling, travelling, travelling!" Kasey chanted as she refereed the post dinner match in the backyard. So far Jesus and Jude were schooling Brandon and Stuart which, as Kasey had frequently pointed out, was no surprise seeing as Brandon apparently had all of the co-ordination of a drummer with no arms.

"You're totally biased!" Brandon shot back annoyed.

"Uhm, why would I be biased against my own grandpa? I'm just pretty sure he'd just get on better if you weren't on his team."

Brandon chucked the ball to her roughly as she ducked, leaving it ricocheting off the window behind, bouncing back for Jesus to rescue. They all glared in fear as they heard a "Hey!" from inside.

"What are you guys doing out here?" Stef commented, poking her head out.

"Sorry Stef, we were just playing a little ball." Stuart apologised, squeezing Jude's shoulder.

"Well it's getting kinda late and you guys have a big day tomorrow. Stuart, I thought you would have head back by now?"

"Sharon said she was happy to run me round. Dana wanted to go and sort some work things out back at the hotel but I figured it'd be fun to spend time out here on such a nice night." He smiled.

"He wanted to get schooled at basketball." Jesus filled in as Stef held her hands out for him to throw the ball back to her.

"Well school's out, come on. Bedtime." She called them in to a couple of defeated sighs and a murmur of groans.

"I'll say goodnight then." Stuart moved over to her after some quick goodbyes and kissed her cheek. "I will see you tomorrow." There was a chorus of goodbyes and feet pattering towards the door.

"Can't we just have one more round, Mom? You can fill in for grandpa..." He reached for the ball as Stef swung it round out of his reach. "Not tonight. Come on, let's go, let's go." She gave him a pat on the butt as he moped in after Brandon, a few choice jeers exchanged.

"You do your soul searching?" Kasey asked, crossing her arms, now Jude their only companion and he was distracted looking up at the sky.

"Yes I did." She threw the ball up into the net, leaving it to bounce through and settle on the floor. "And thank you." She added as Kasey cocked her head in anticipation. "For giving me the kick in the pants I needed." She kissed her head.

"Hey I am more than happy to kick your ass at any given time." She replied with a beaming smile.

"Yeah well, I think I prefer it the other way round so let's just stick with that for now." She squinted as Kasey moved off back into the house.

"Come on there little man, what you looking at?"

"Just the stars." He gazed as she walked out to join him. She gathered her arms around him to clasp them against his chest and joined him in his wonder.

"They're beautiful tonight, aren't they?" She commented. It had been years since she'd watched the stars.

"You know, the first night I went on a date with Lena the sky was like this." She reminisced. "I remember because I think she was the first person who really made me look at the world around me. It felt like she'd expanded all my horizons."

Jude turned to look back to her. "It must be really nice to have a memory like that." He replied. "It sounds like a love story."

She delicately caressed his cheek and looked back up to the sky with a sigh. She wasn't one for cheese or fairytale wonder, but she couldn't help but put Lena in that role in her life. She had been the person she'd never imagined really existed, or certainly that she never would have imagined for herself.

"Well, we're an interesting book, I can tell you that." She squeezed his shoulder, working her hands up to grip them.

"Hey, it's like the wedding's a new chapter!" He giggled with a smile as she squinted.

"I guess you're right." She sighed, momentarily getting lost in the emotions she'd explored that evening. Catching a glance of the time and Jude's innocent face, still lost in the constellations she worked her hands off him and squeezed his shoulders.

"Now come on, no more distracting me from getting you to brush your teeth." She patted his back as they went back in. As she left Jude to his own devices she took a deep breath and looked to the stairs. She too had to go to bed and in doing so make the move to turn the page of this last chapter.

Next Chapter Preview: After their talk, Stef and Lena make an important decision. Mariana helps Callie process her feelings on the adoption.

They were going to be adopted.

They were going to have a family.

This was what she had always wanted and never imagined.

So why the dread?