Hi folks, thanks for the love! I hope you all had a fun weekend. Thanks to Shanshay for suggesting the adoption chats in this chapter! Only 1 more main (and pure fun) chapter to go after this one then just the Epilogue. I have written a humour based ~10 chapter story (TV universe...no Kasey) that I may post next week but that will probably be it for a while from me. Thanks for sticking with me through this one, I'll start to get teary soon!
Anyhow, hope you enjoy and let me know your thoughts! Thanks to thesameguest and TheTBone as always.
Stef's walk up to her bedroom seemed longer than it had ever been before. She felt almost as giddy as she did watching Lena walk over to her the day she declared her love for her. Like then, they had fought and like then she wasn't sure what would be greeting her as she once again divulged her feelings. All she knew was what she wanted and she hoped that lightening would strike twice.
She got to the door and saw her lover, deeply engrossed in her book. The flicker of her fingers indicated that as much as she didn't want her to know, she had noticed her presence. She slowly walked over and knelt by her side. She knew this game. She was making her work, but that was OK. She deserved that and Lena deserved to make her - she deserved everything, and Stef knew one of her proudest missions in life was to ensure that she spent her life making sure she got it.
She could see Lena's resistance wavering as her fingers tapped more on her book, her eyes becoming glassy. As Stef felt the tears prickle down her face she somehow found the strength to speak.
It was now or never and she wanted it now more than ever.
"Of course I want to marry you." She croaked through a whisper, her voice straining right from the pull of her heart. It was enough to obtain Lena's gaze and that in itself gave her the strength to talk a little louder. "I would be crazy not to."
The addition was met with only a momentary silence, but even though Stef's thumping heart seemed to dictate a new rhythm of time, she was finally released from it along with the book in Lena's hand that was tossed firmly across the room. Her arms dived over Stef's shoulders and although the passion came with the tears she jumped up and dived into a crushing hug, sending both of them back to the first time they had known that this was something that could be.
They may not need marriage to be stronger and it may not be something that would change the rhythm of their lives, but it was yet another step along their journey together - the one they had fought so hard for against so much.
The events of the night that followed, every touch, kiss and burst of euphoria they shared, not only held them fixed in the memory of those new, thirsty, passionate days, but simultaneously moved them on to a taste of the next. The confines of time melted. It was a rejuvenation, a reminder and a propeller, and as they lay in each others arms at the end of it they were ready to take the next step, even if it did no more than hold them in place. This was where they wanted to be.
As they lay in the morning sun, Lena broke the blissful silence.
"I was thinking about something yesterday."
Readjusting for eye contact, Stef turned over to face her before Lena continued.
"Thinking about Jude and Callie. About when they first came here and how much has changed since then."
Stef cleared her throat, the morning still winning over the volume of it.
"I don't think you were the only one." she murmured. She could see the look in Lena's eyes and had a pretty firm guess where it was heading.
"Seeing her in that court...you know I swear it looked like that was the first time she ever felt anything of herself."
Stef sighed deeply. "Well I don't think she has ever had much time to think of herself. She's been mothering Jude right from their first placement."
Lena's eyes looked straight into Stef's.
"I just cant help but feel that being here gives them that space to grow - and honestly, I think it's giving us space to grow too." her face looked to earnest and determined, Stef couldn't help but smile.
"I think grow might be the operative word here." she teased, showing she was fully onto Lena's meaning. It was clear from Lena's next expression that despite her passion, there was still more to be discussed.
"But should space be?" she asked, a look of sadness now creeping in. "I mean, can we?"
Stef looked at the dimple on her partner's forehead. The little dimple that couldn't help but make her smile even though it often meant her face was troubled. It allowed her to feel confident and calm in the most surreal of times.
"Maybe I'm still half asleep, or maybe, you know...not thinking straight after last night..." she flicked up a mischievous eyebrow, tempting out the tiniest of laughs.
"But the kids have settled in here pretty easily so far and space hasn't been an issue. OK, so maybe a teething problem or two, but I think if anything it's made us want to be closer as a unit." she reasoned. "And yes, there's money -"
"And if we're equipped to give them what they need long term..."
Stef could tell Lena had been thinking these thoughts through much longer than she had let on, causing her to internally chuckled at that notion as well. She knew she must have been casting every permutation round and round regardless of how long or little time she'd been thinking about it.
"I think that we have already got through those boundaries, sweetheart. I don't think they're going to become harder to handle long term, it's certainly not been that case so far. And money, well. Weren't we the ones who always said we'd never let money ever take what was important? You know we have enough, we just have to use it right."
Lena gave a silent nod, taking in the words of reassurance before looking up firmly again. She realised this wasn't just them discussing this possibility, this was them agreeing.
"So are we really sure about this?" her eyes grew wide, begging for the answer she could feel was coming but needed to hear to be sure."
Stef gently massaged circles around Lena's shoulder. She wasn't saying any words but her own eyes said it all.
"Wake up Kasey. We're having a family meeting." Stef switched the basement light on and walked over to shake the sleeping girl gently.
"I'll be in the family tomorrow." she grumbled, half asleep and rolling away.
"Well you've got no choice because it's in your room."
"What is this about?" Brandon slumped down the stairs, his hair squashed and face sleepy.
"Mommmm. Brandon's in my room." Kasey murmured.
"Get up, come on." she patted her again as Kasey batted her with her pillow - apparently a bad move as Stef whipped it away to another groan. "We have something important to discuss" she informed them as Brandon bobbed onto Kasey's bed and leaped under the covers.
"Boundaries?" she winced into the light as he began to flick her ear and the two of them poked each other in an endless stale mate until Stef threw the pillow at them both to end it.
Mariana and Jesus shortly followed, Lena close behind.
Lots of tired eyes were rubbed and slowly they gathered around, Lena pulling forward a chair for Mariana, Jesus taking the other side of Kasey.
"We wanted to check in with you guys about something..."
"Are we not gonna wait for Jude and Callie?" Brandon mumbled.
"I'm getting the feeling they're not invited." Kasey croaked, bumping her eyebrows up suggestively. They had both been in this situation before and even in the sleepiness were silently reading the signs it out.
The other twins weren't quite as fast and both squinted at their Moms who stood perched side by side on Kasey's desk.
"We just wanted to talk about the last few weeks. See how you all thought it was going."
Confused looks were exchanged between the younger twins and Brandon rubbed his face at the lack of subtlety.
"How what's going? Mariana's brow creased. "Do you mean about the shooting?" suddenly a flicker of fear clashed over her as she wondered where this was heading.
"No. About the new arrangement." Lena clarified to further blank looks.
"Jude and Callie being here." Stef further explained.
"Uhm...fine..." Jesus hazarded a response as Brandon and Kasey exchanged another knowing look.
"Why are you asking? Has something happened?" Mariana couldn't get her focus off the negative, especially before her brain had properly awoken.
"Come on guys, they're trying to figure out if we're happy for them to adopt them." Kasey explained sleepily, rolling her head back against the wall and closing her eyes. Brandon smiled a sly smile as Lena raised an eyebrow to a sighing Stef.
Mariana and Jesus' immediately seemed to waken.
"Are you serious? Really?" Mariana gawped, the excitement beginning to creep in.
"Yes, well, I guess you could say that." Stef clarified, tossing a silent glare at Kasey's interruption of their technique.
"Well sure, I'm in." Jesus shrugged.
"Me too!" Mariana chimed. "I'd love it!" she bounced lightly on her chair.
"And you two?" Lena looked over to the other bodies in the room.
"I'm in." Kasey mumbled without any need for deliberation. "But once they're in we can pass motion to ban future meetings at this time, right?" her voice barely breaking through her hoarse morning patter. She had known this was coming right from day 1.
"Keep complaining about it and we'll see." Stef threatened playfully as Kasey used enough energy to shake her head with a vague smile. She'd never been a great morning person.
Finally eyes moved to Brandon looking round to his smiling siblings.
He hesitated for a moment seeing his expectant family and knowing the joy it would bring. Although for a split second his mind wandered to alternatives, he knew there was only one answer he could really give.
"Count me in too." he finally replied as Mariana clapped her hands and Kasey patted his knee even from her blind pose, almost falling back asleep against the wall.
"Well then we just have to ask Callie and Jude I guess" Stef clapped her hands.
"We gonna do it now?" Mariana hopped up, now all trace of sleepiness gone. She couldn't describe the buzz she was having. Maybe it reminded her of the day she and Jesus found out they were being adopted or maybe it was because she and Callie had grown closer. Either way this felt like the best news she'd had in so long.
"Hey, didn't you take us all out for ice cream when you told us?" Jesus asked cheekily as Stef clapped a hand on his back.
"I concur. I remember that." Brandon added hopping up off the bed.
"Thirded." Kasey chipped in as Stef pulled her off the bed.
"Well sure, we'll take you all to Chuckie Cheese and ask the waitresses to be extra chipper." She teased squeezing Kasey's arm.
"You know I know its early but I still thought you'd be happier." Stef commented to her daughter as the others departed, slightly concerned at her lack of enthusiasm.
"Mom, I am thrilled, honestly." she replied genuinely. "But I knew you were adopting them the first time I saw you look at Jude. This ain't no announcement." she replied, smarmily as Stef shook her head. Kasey began to walk up the stairs before pausing and turning back.
"Plus..."
"Here we go, what?"
"Didn't you just say like the other day that two moms can't end up with more kids after some time alone?" She alluded back to their conversation earlier in the week. Stef immediately rolling her eyes.
"Zip it."
"What were your words? Two moms, invalid argu-"
"One day, just one day, you may actually not be smug about something." she squinted as Kasey gave the proudest grin her sleepiness could provide.
"But you have to admit it seems a little like - "
"Zip it."
"Hey, Kasey -" Lena interrupted as she picked up one of the orders of ceremonies. Both Stef and Kasey froze momentarily. They had completely forgotten about the fact Lena had yet to see them and their hearts paused in unison as they saw her face crease.
"What you do to the title?" she asked, excuses quickly jumping into action in their minds before she turned it towards them.
"Did you customise these individually? They look beautiful."
The two guilty faces relaxed into a mixture of relief and disbelief.
"You didn't have to do that sweetheart." She leaned forward to kiss her cheek.
"Oh you'd be surprised." Stef mumbled to a nudge back.
"Well that was a wonderful effort and we love it. See Stef, doesn't hurt to put a little bit of time and effort into things." Lena scolded lightly before heading back up the stairs, leaving Stef stuttering. She turned to beaming Kasey, she herself was unable to quite believe what just happened, but more than willing to try.
Stef's eyes settled into a darting glare.
"Unbelievable." she squinted.
"It looks like I have the right to be smug, huh?" she smirked proudly."
"If I wasn't tied to you with this you would so be going down right now." Stef threatened.
"You know, if you put a little effort..."
"Zip it." she grumbled striding past her up the stairs, leaving her daughter to laugh and follow behind.
Callie couldn't quite believe what she was hearing as they sat staring at the family around them. Part of her felt she knew what was coming, but believing it was another thing all together. She found herself gripping tightly to Jude, unsure of if it was her seeking reassurance from him or the other way round.
As they all hugged and gathered her head spun. Pure elation. Pure relief. When the family were around her, she almost dared to say it felt like home. It felt right.
When the family were around her.
She sat on her bed staring into the empty room. Right now she didn't have the family around her. There was just the sound of Mariana's shower running on the other side of the wall and the thoughts pounding in her head.
They were going to be adopted.
They were going to have a family.
This was what she had always wanted and never imagined.
So why the dread?
She hadn't even noticed the shower had stopped running until Mariana appeared back from it, her hair dripping wet.
"Isn't this crazy?" She beamed, still high from the news and the general wedding excitement. She was content with her present for her moms now, put aside her worries about Lexi and now today only had room for happiness.
"It really is!" Callie forced a smile, now her turn for her obsessions to take her hostage. She was happy. Well, she had been happy twenty minutes ago. Stupid thinking. Why did it always try and take things away from her? Ruin everything.
Mariana was about to jump into an excited spiel about the day's plans but seeing the disengagement on Callie's face made her pause.
"Are you OK?" she asked concerned, wringing the last of the water out of her hair. The question caused Callie to shake her head out of her daze.
"Yeah." she smiled, fidgeting a finger to her necklace.
Mariana studied her face and thought back to when the process first kicked off for them. In all of the joy of the adoption day, it had been easy to forget the time before. The endless months and months of paperwork, of challenges. All of the nights laying awake wondering if this was just a carrot on a stick that would be whipped away at the discretion of the system.
"I know how it feels, you know." she said softly, working her way over to perch on the end of Callie"s bed. Callie turned to her expectantly.
"I mean, I don't know how you feel, but I know what it's like to not be sure if you want to fall into the happiness. Sometimes things can seem too good to be true."
Callie took a moment to look at the honesty in Mariana's face. She often forgot that they had been in the system. It was so easy to forget, even with the recent reminder and memories they'd shared. When they were with the family they all felt like they'd been there forever.
"And what about the other stuff?" Callie asked nervously, unsure if she actually wanted to have this conversation but feeling it forming before she could decide. "The going from nothing to everything. I mean...I'm not sure I even know how to be in a family anymore." she admitted, now playing with her fingers and eyes firmly watching herself do so.
Mariana took another pause. "I'm not sure I can relate to that." she shrugged. "I mean, it was hard to adjust at first, but by the time we went through with the adoption we'd been here so long."
Callie nodded in surrender that Mariana may not be the quick fix solution she hoped for. Seeing her still in turmoil, Mariana was determined to try harder.
"But, I do know what it's like to be in a family with you." she smiled. "I think you fit the role pretty well." she looked hard at Callie's face, the words drawing her eyes up to return it. She was filled with genuine gratitude, but still a flicker of unease.
She did her best to push it aside and smiled. It wasn't a fake smile, just one with a curtain behind it. With a clear head, Mariana was right. They fit this family. It worked. It was perfect. Her fears were nothing more than that.
"There you are!" They saw Jude appear, forcing Callie to push her doubts even further aside.
"I'll leave you guys to it!" Mariana beamed hugging Jude before she sprung out of the room.
"Can you believe it?" He asked, the smile on his face growing ever more.
"Can you?" Callie chuckled.
"I just...I mean, I was so scared to even want it and now...this." He looked up to her. "Kind of just feels like it really is going to be OK."
Callie got lost in the look in his eyes, the genuine happiness and for the first time the loss of that underlying apprehension behind them. As she felt her own eyes welling she quickly pulled him into a tight hug, partly because she hated him see her cry but also for a split second because of the fear he would see that apprehension wasn't yet fully gone from hers. She blinked a tear as he gripped her tightly, feeling his heartbeat just a fraction out of sync with her own.
They were just fears. She reminded herself. Just fears.
Next Chapter Preview: Sharon takes Kasey away from her role to look after the catering - what could go wrong?
"I need you to help me choose. Come on, no more about it. Brandon, your in charge of the caterers."
"But -"
"Stuart, Kasey and I are just heading out, we'll be back in an hour." Sharon shouted through to the closest adult.