"Nyeh hee hee hee!" Baby Papyrus laughed as the Riverman carried him across the water gently and smoothly. He had never been on a boat ride before, he had always stayed clear of the Riverman because he had heard that he knew Gaster and he didn't want to get sent back to the Lab.
Papyrus wasn't supposed to be out of the Lab.
Ever.
Not that he didn't still go out.
It wasn't right to keep a baby bones cooped up all day, they needed to see and learn new things so they'd get smart like the big people! Besides, Papyrus wasn't getting the nutrients he needed even though he had new cheese at home. Daddy was a jerkoff, but he DID make the baby a special type of baby formula that made sure Papyrus got his nutrients AND made him faster and stronger than other babies. His brother unfortunately didn't know how to make it, either that or he was just being lazy; regardless, the baby bones would just have to go find some health milk elsewhere.
"Dat's a nice dress," said the baby smiling past the Riverman.
"..."
"If da' baby had a dress like dat, it would be a dweam come too...I's gonna be the Gwim Weeper when I gets big!"
"..."
"I's gonna have a big sharp scythy-thing and I's gonna cut off alll da' heads..."
"..."
"Imma come to yo' house too."
The Riverman looked at Baby Papyrus briefly before turning back around.
"Imma come to yo' house and eats da' breakfast."
"..."
"Then I cuts off yo' head."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"I can has dat dress?"
"..."
Baby Papyrus reached out to grab hold of the Riverman's black cloak, only to pass through it.
"Ooooooh!" said Baby Papyrus in awe. "Dat's a magic dress if da' baby ever sawed one!"
"..."
"How you cween dat dress? Does it smell like doody?" Baby Papyrus sniffed the cloak and the Riverman pulled it to the side. "Dat's rude! Lemme sniff da' doody dress!"
"..."
"*Sniff* *Sniff*"
"..."
"Yep, dat's doody. You gots a stink dress...you should gives it to da' baby..."
"..."
As the boat continued on slowly, the baby bones soon grew bored. The Riverman wasn't much for conversation it seemed and there were no toys for him to play with...he didn't even have his cheese.
All was not lost however, as he soon had an idea.
"You's so kind to da' baby, Imma help row the boat too. I's gonna make it go weal fast!"
The Riverman turned again to look at Papyrus.
"You don't gots to thank da' baby. DA' GWEAT PAPYRUS IS ALWAYS HELPFUL! NYEH HEH HEE HEE!"
Baby Papyrus summoned his gaster blaster and put it in the water. It was good to be a Verbal Font; if he wasn't, he might not be as ingenious as he was.
The Riverman stopped rowing.
"Hold on to yo' duff, cause' da' wide is gonna get rough!"
Papyrus fired.
"NYEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHH!"
"!"
The boat zoomed forward at an incredible speed through the water as the blaster acted as a motor. Luckily the path forward was a straight line and there weren't any rocks in the way, otherwise they would have surely been smashed against them.
"NYEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHH!"Baby Papyrus screamed as they continued to rocket forward, holding on to the wooden seat with all the strength he could muster, his tiny baby legs flying out behind him like a flag.
The Riverman knelt down, clutching his hood and the boat with each hand, being careful not to drop his rowing stick. Trying to use it as a brake would only result in it snapping in two, but thankfully Baby Papyrus always saved at least a little bit of his magic in case of emergencies and he soon de-summoned his gaster blasters.
"Uh oh! I's out of magics. We gots to use da' stick again," lied Baby Papyrus.
"..." The Riverman stared at the baby silently.
He didn't move.
"You's not gonna woe no more? You's sweepy? I can do da' stick..."
"..."
Papyrus, stuck a finger up his nose, staring at nothing."Is you mad at da' baby?"
"..."
"..."
"..."
The Riverman began rowing again, but he didn't take his eyes off Papyrus.
The baby bones crawled up to him. "You know what dis remind the baby of? Dis boat right here?" Baby Papyrus smacked the boat several times.
"..."
"Woe woe, woe yo' boat, gently downs da' stweeeeam-NYEH-HAH!"
SPLASH!
The Riverman dropped Papyrus out of the boat and continued on, never looking back.
"NYEH *COUGH!* AAHHH!"
"OH MY GOD!"
SPLASH!
Suddenly Baby Papyrus felt someone from under the water scoop him up in their arms. They brought the poor little baby to shore, scowling in the direction the Riverman had taken off to.
"YOU STINKIN' PUNK! WHO THROWS A BABY INTO A RIVER?!"
"NYEEEEHHHHHH!"
"Oh! Shh..shh..shhh...it's okay little Pappy. Undyne's here now! You're gonna be okay..."
"NYEHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Seriously, stop crying."
"Kay'."
Undyne looked at Papyrus for a couple seconds; she wasn't expecting him to actually stop...
He's so cute! Who would DO something so cruel to such a sweet baby?! That river-prick has some serious explaining to do!
"I likes yo' boobs!"
"Thanks."
Why was the little dweeb on that boat alone anyway? Isn't his brother supposed to be looking after him?!
"They don't have any milk."
Sans is so freaking lazy, I bet he fell asleep and let him just crawl off in a town full of bone-hungry dogs. He's probably still sleeping now too!
The more she thought about it the more angry she became. She didn't know how long it took for Blood Blocks virus to wear off, but it didn't matter. Regardless of whether the baby she was holding was the once-adult Papyrus or the actual baby version, he still could get into trouble if someone didn't look after him, even if the virus only lasted a couple minutes it was still ample time for him to electrocute himself by chewing on wires or apparently DROWN.
I obviously can't trust Sans to look after the dweeb. I'll have to do it myself! I WILL do it myself! I'll be the best mom EVER!
"Your big brother didn't take care of you very well did he?"
"*Sniff* No...he left me all by myselves and putted me on a boat..."
"How would you like to come stay with me for awhile? I'll take good care of you, you don't need Sans."
"Yeah! I don't need no stink buther, I's gonna live with da' fish lady!" exclaimed Baby Papyrus, throwing his hands up excitedly. He flashed her a smile as big as Undyne's and hugged her around the neck. He didn't know why Undyne was suddenly a big person...or why there was a big version of himself, but as long as they were nice to the baby...
"Aww! You're so cute!"
"Yep, I's a cute bae, but now I's wet..."
"We'll get you some new clothes at Asgore's, he definitely has some spare baby clothes around! What would you like?"
"Baby would like some vengeance."
"Wh-wha-uhh..I mean, what would you like to wear?"
What the hell was that...?
Oh right, I'm raising a baby villain aren't I?
"Sometin' cute and orange, cause' it match my eyes. I gots to look nice or I's gonna be a dumpster baby..."
"Nobody's gonna throw you away if you don't look cute."
They'll throw you away for other reasons.
"Yes they will, they's gonna thow me away and I's gonna be a stink baby-"
"That's ridiculous, no one's throwing you away. Let's get you to Asgore's-"
"But my vengeance..."
"You don't need vengeance, you need JUSTICE!" said Undyne pumping her fist in the air. A good mother needed to teach their kids right from wrong as soon as possible, especially in Papyrus's case.
"Kay', I go get some justice." Baby Papyrus summoned his wingdings and took himself out of Undyne's arms, de-summoning them as his feety pajama feet touched the ground. He crawled towards the direction of the dump, where all the treasures were found, already devising a plan to get himself some justice.
"Where are you going?"
"I needs da' right tools if I's gonna get da' justice. I go to the Dump."
"You already have a plan?!"
"Yep! Riverman gonna paaay for mah jammies! Nyeh hee hee hee hee!"
Undyne didn't say anything; she only followed the baby bones silently, hatching plans of her own.
Papyrus apparently was BORN a villain I guess...I bet if I follow him and watch carefully I can learn more about how his brain works. Maybe I can even turn him away from the dark side!
When Papyrus got to the Dump he immediately began searching for the swirly thing.
"What're you looking fo-"
"NYEH HEE HEE HEE HEE!" Baby Papyrus laughed happily as he held up a corkscrew high in the air with one hand.
He found it!
"Ohhh no! You're not drilling any holes in that boat!" said Undyne heading towards Papyrus briskly.
"You can't stop da' baby!"
"THE HELL I CAN'T!"
"Nyeh heh heh heh heh!"
"GET BACK HERE!"
BLOOSH!
Baby Papyrus used a bit of magic he'd saved to fire a gaster blaster at the ground, the monster dust that had settled years ago flew up and provided an excellent smoke screen for the baby's getaway.
"*COUGH!* *COUGH!* GE-*COUGH!* GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE JERK!"
Undyne pushed through the cloud of dust and looked around, but the tiny skeletal baby was nowhere to be seen.
"*COUGH!* PAPYRUS! *COUGH!*"
The baby bones crawled as fast as he could away from the area and towards the place he knew he'd find the Riverman. Peeking around the corner he saw that he was in his regular spot, but if he saw Papyrus...
"H-HEY! *huff*" Sans ran up to the Riverman breathing heavily. "my-my baby bro...he got on this boat earlier *huff* do-do you know where he got off?"
"Excellent," whispered Baby Papyrus putting his fingers together like Mr. Burns. Big Brother was and would make a perfect distraction for the baby.
"i-i don't know where you stopped last and i'm really worried about him. he's kind of a troublemaker."
"..."
Baby Papyrus slipped into the water like a baby snake and used his blaster as a flotation device as he doggy paddled towards the boat, carrying the corkscrew in his mouth as if it were a knife and he was starring in the next Rambo movie.
"please, please say something! this is important!"
Reaching the boat, he jabbed the corkscrew into the underside, pushing hard with the help of his wingdings. The Riverman didn't seem to notice him, he simply stepped aside so Sans could enter the boat.
"i KNOW you understand me! i don't want a ride, i just wanna know where my baby brother is!"
"..."
Baby Papyrus tried turning the corkscrew, but he wasn't strong enough, it didn't budge.
"listen you-WOAH!"
THUMP!
The baby jumped as he heard Sans fall into the boat. Apparently he had tried to grab onto the Riverman's cloak and passed right through it. The tiny skeleton looked around worriedly as the boat started to head out, dragging him slowly along with it.
His big brother pulled himself up and the comedian's eyes grew wide as he spotted him. Before he could get a word out however, Papyrus put a finger to his teeth, signaling for him to be quiet.
"what are you doing here?!" whispered Sans reaching out for his baby brother.
Papyrus moved back a bit and pointed at the Riverman.
It didn't take long for Sans to figure out why his brother was in the water.
"DID YOU TOSS MY BABY BROTHER OUT OF THE BOAT?!"
"..."
"HEY, ANSWER ME! DID YOU THROW MY BROTHER INTO THE RIVER?!" Sans' eye burned bright blue in anger. Baby Papyrus was a pest, but to purposely leave him to drown?! That wasn't cool...especially since Sans had done all he could for three years to cheer the Riverman up.
What's his problem?! There's no excuse to throw a baby into a river! I don't care if he's grieving, that's messed up and that's MY brother!
...
I'm calling Papyrus.
"c'mere bro," said Sans lifting his baby brother out of the water. He scowled at the Riverman who had turned to look at them. "if you try anything, i'll end you. ya' hear me? i don't give a DAMN about the royal guard..."
"YEAH STINK HEAD! BIG BUTHER GONNA KICK YO' ASK!"
Sans dialed Papyrus's number; he wasn't gonna fight on a boat, but the Riverman wasn't going to get away with what he'd done either.
One ring...
"Sans? Did you find him?"
"yeah bro, the riverman threw him into the water-"
"WHAT?!"
"He thowed me in da' water and now I's all wet! I's drowning but da' fish lady saved me. We's on the boat now-"
"Get off the boat."
"huh? why bro?"
"The Riverman won't carry two people at once, that's not him! Get off the boat!"
"huh? no, pap, i found baby-you while i was already riding; he didn't just let us both o-*gasp!*"
Sans stopped mid-sentence as he saw that they were headed towards a waterfall he'd not only never seen before, but also hadn't heard. He quickly teleported onto a boulder and clutching his younger brother to his chest, watched the boat fall into what looked like a pit to Hell.
"whoa..."
"SANS?! SANS, WHAT'S GOING ON?!"
The comedian was too stunned to answer.
The waterfall led straight down like a waterfall usually did, but the boat seemed to ride it as if it were on a set path, being pulled with chains like a rollercoaster...only vertical. Looking down near the edge he could see shapes of what looked like monsters and skeletons floating like Ghost Fonts in the water, they too fell the same way, though they seemed reluctant to go. Hands, claws, fins, tentacles, and wings reached out of the water for something to latch onto, but to no avail, those that caught the boulder Sans was standing on were eventually pulled off and disappeared with the others.
"oh my god..."
"SANS?! SANS?!"
"He fall down da' Hell Well!" said Baby Papyrus in awe. "I wish to visit the demons big Buther."
Sans put Baby Papyrus down and put a hand to his chest in an attempt to calm his pounding soul. "i'm..okay pap. we're both okay..."
I know what that place was...I know who that GUY was...
"I can sees the dead peoples down there!" exclaimed the baby bones, looking into the chasm. It didn't seem to be closing at all and it made him wonder how long it had been there. It made sense that he wouldn't have seen it, as they were in the part of Waterfall that was only accessible to the Riverman.
"Thank goodness...come home please, we need to dis-"
"get away from the edge papyrus. sorry bro lemme call you back-"
"NYEHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"PAPYRUS!"
Sans cried out in horror as his baby brother fell into the abyss.