"I swear to every god out there Arvo, if you don't return what's mine..."
"Pappyyyy! It's been avhile, no?"
"Don't Pappy me, you thieving scum! Return my computer at once!"
"I did not touch your computer Pappy! I svear on my dear Mama's soul-"
"You need to worry about your OWN soul!"
"pap!"
Papyrus jumped in surprise as Sans teleported into the kitchen and put his hand over the phone's speaker. "Yes Brother?"
"oh, sorry. never mind finish your conversation."
"Arvo Pacifico only carry the finest merchandise. Vhat vould I vant vith an old PC? You have the vrong voman darling!"
"I CAN TELL WHEN YOU'RE LYING."
"Arvo never lie! I love my customers!"
"If I don't get my computer back, I'm gonna pay you a visit and I guarantee, you won't love me as much as you do now..."
"arvo stole your computer? i was just on that thing..."
"You are being unreasonable Pappy! Ve are friends yes? Vhat is vith the hostility?"
"There are hundreds of empty houses in the Underground, HUNDREDS, and you choose to steal from ME?! Do you know WHY there are so many empty houses down here? It's because my child and I wiped everyone who once lived here OUT."
Chara looked up from their book.
Did he just call us his child?
"...Vhich house do you live exactly? Are you talking about big two story house? You live there?"
"Yes I live there!"
You KNOW I live here...
"Oh so sorry! Arvo know vhat you mean now. Yes, I have computer right here-"
"THEN RETURN IT."
"Of course! Anything for favorite customer! So sorry for inconvenience."
"*Sigh*" Papyrus hung up and turned to Sans. "Apologies Brother, what is it you needed?"
"baby-you fell into what i think was hell, we need to go get him!"
"..."
"bro?"
"I fell into Hell and you waited for me to finish my phone call? Is..is that what I'm hearing from you?"
"ye-yeah...that was dumb. sorry."
"It's..*sigh* it's not fine, but now's not the time to argue," said Papyrus rubbing his face with his hands. "FLOWEY! FLOWEY GET DOWN HERE IMMEDIATELY!"
Sans jumped at the sudden yelling.
"I'M PLAYING MARIO!" screamed Flowey from upstairs. The tiny plant had been up there playing video games since Papyrus had fashioned Sans room into a children's nursery for Baby Papyrus and Chara.
"I DON'T CARE, PAUSE THE GAME AND MOVE YOUR ROOTS BEFORE I CUT THEM OFF!"
Do do dodo do dodo do do do!
"ARGH! DAMN IT TRASHBAG YOU MADE ME LOSE A LIFE!"
"I WILL NOT TELL YOU AGAIN!"
Sans looked at his brother with concern. Papyrus seemed to be getting more and more odd with each passing day.
It really feels like he's everyone's Dad sometimes...including mine.
Oh wait he kinda IS my dad isn't he?
The comedian cringed at the idea of taking care of four children alone. There's no way he'd be able to do that, no way in hell.
I wish I could help more, but I'm so bad with kids...I can't believe I sat Papyrus down on a boulder at the end of a waterfall into...what did I think was going to happen?!
Did I think he would stay still like a GOOD baby?!
I'm so freaking stupid.
Sans wrapped his arms around Papyrus and gave him a hug. He wasn't too useful, but he wasn't a total burden either. He'd learned a few things over the years, such as a simple hug from a cute creature was more powerful than a good night's sleep. He smiled as Papyrus broke into a grin and scooped him up in his arms.
CLACK!
"Thanks Sans, I..I needed that. Nyeh heh heh, you're so adorable! I can't get enough of you these days it seems!"
"heh heh ha ha!"
Yeah that's right, I'm the cutest thing you've ever SEEN.
The smaller skeleton had worked hard to enhance his cuteness for Papyrus in order to make things less stressful for him. He had at one time ditched his blue hoodie and decided to simply walk around in his white shirt in order to show off his small frame, he'd even taken to wearing Papyrus's red hat backwards. He quickly found however, that he HATED losing his pockets, so he now only wore the outfit when Papyrus seemed to be having a worse day than usual.
Heh, even without my full font I'm still Comic Sans.
He noticed Chara glaring at him from the couch, but he ignored them. They and Flowey often made fun of San's childish uniform and behavior, unaware that it only gave him confirmation that he was cuter than them.
That kid and Flowey can suck it. I'm in my thirties and I'm STILL cuter than anyone in this household.
Except for Baby Papyrus.
Sans frowned a bit, but he quickly brushed his jealousy away. Baby Papyrus wasn't there at the moment which meant SANS held the title now. It was fun to picture himself as part of a secret contest with Flowey, the kid, and Baby Papyrus being his competition for adoration. Being the cutest made him feel important and special, like he had something no one else did. He never TOLD anyone this of course...
They'd call me pathetic.
They don't understand how it feels to be weak..to be a burden even though you're an adult. I'm sure if I worked hard I could beat someone in a fight like them, but with my one HP, trying would scare Pap...hurt his feelings.
They don't know what it's like to be a princess in an unlocked room.
Sans took out his FontSearch and hit Requirements.
"What do you want bonehead? This better be freaking important!"
"Would I and do I ever call upon you for anything unimportant? I call on you when I need someone I can trust and count on-"
"What do you want Papyrus?"
"Baby-me has fallen into Hades and I need someone who can climb back up while carrying him-"
"Did you say Hades...? Isn't that technically Hell?"
"W-well yes but-"
"Sure thing Pappy! You can count on Flowey the flower!"
Papyrus narrowed his eyes at the plant, immediately suspicious. "You've no quarrels huh? And why is that exactly?"
"Because you're my bestest friend silly!" said Flowey, sticking out his tongue and doing a small wigging dance.
And I've done a little research of my own Trashbag.
HA HA HA HA HA HA!
"something's off bro," whispered Sans.
"I know Brother, he probably knows about the place, dontcha' Flowey?"
"HEH HEH HA HA HA HA!"
"what's so special about it pap?"
Don't people usually try to AVOID Hell...?
What? Is Flowey trying to get used to the place or something beforehand?
"This is the Greek version of Hell, Brother. It's not all fire and brimstone-"
"There's souls down there Smiley!"
"you still have your soul buttercup, you're just a flower that's all."
"He's probably planning on absorbing them all in order to become God or some dumb crap like that," said Chara nonchalantly turning a page.
Isn't that bad though?
He's forgetting about Hades.
Oh yeah, that guy with blue hair in Hercules! I wanna meet him, he was the best.
He definitely made the movie, but I highly doubt it's the Disney version Partner...or that he'll just let him take all those souls.
"It's not stupid! At least I HAVE a goal in life BRAT!"
"Good luck big bro," said Chara giving Flowey a thumbs up, they didn't bother looking up from their book.
Flowey's so friggen' dumb...
Flowey stuck out his tongue and opened the front door to Snowdin.
FLOOSH!
"Flowey."
"What?!"
"Be careful."
"..."
"They're right my friend, that place is dangerous, even to someone with your skill. Do not underestimate anyone or anything you encounter down there."
"yeah buddy, a lot of these creatures breathe fire even though they're made of creatures that shouldn't."
"..."
CA-THINK!
"PAPYRUS! PAPYRUS WHERE ARE YOU?!" Undyne cupped her hands around her mouth and called out for the baby once more before giving her voice a rest.
What's the point? I know where the little punk is going anyway. He's gonna ruin that guy's boat.
ARRGH! HOW IS HE SO FAST?!
"HEY!" the captain yelled as she spotted the Riverman standing in his boat silently. "Hey dude, did you happen to see a psycho baby crawling around with a corkscrew in his mouth?"
"..."
"It's pretty freaking important seeing as he was planning on ruining your boat! Can you please stop being a dick and help?!"
Upon hearing that the baby bones had been planning, the Riverman turned to look at his boat in alarm. Scanning the sides, he immediately spied a corkscrew stuck in the side of his boat, luckily he could pull it out without any damage being done, but where was the baby?
"Hey that's the corkscrew!"
The Riverman ignored her, looking down at the tool in his hand, worried.
Had he accidently ferried someone to Hades against their will?
That was against the rules.
"HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"
"FLOWEY?!"
"..."
"You're not thinking of taking the ferry are ya' Fish Breath? It leads to Hell you know..."
"What? Shut up Flowey."
He could of sworn he'd seen the bigger skeleton teleport with the baby though...unless the little heathen jumped back into the water for its "toy"...
"..."
"It's true! I know you've seen the creatures..they're coming from down there!"
"Chimeras don't have wings, you're not fooling anybod-HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!"
The Riverman began to take off.
He needed to find that baby.
THUMP!
He grabbed the side of the boat as it rocked violently, looking behind him he saw that Undyne had leapt aboard.
"Way to almost tip the boat idiot," said Flowey grabbing a seat with a vine and hook-shooting into the boat gracefully.
"..."
"Why are YOU coming weed? Lookin' to find a new place?"
"Why would I do that? I live with my BESTEST FRIEND-"
"Papyrus is MY friend!"
"Whatever! I'M rescuing Pappy!"
"NO YOU'RE NOT! I AM!"
"..."
The Riverman rowed faster.
"Do you even know what you're in for mer-skank? This is serious business, not a chance to play hero!"
"I don't PLAY anything. I don't know where we're going, but wherever it is I'll get through it and rescue everyone!"
Everyone...?
Oh yeah, the Font brats disappeared didn't they?
Flowey remembered a long time ago when his parents came by in hysterics, yelling that all their children had gone missing and they had no clue as to where.
Worst. Parents. Ever.
Apparently Blood Blocks had decided to have a play date with Baby Papyrus and took Bad Seed with them...in the middle of the night. Bloodthirsty of course went out to look for them since he was the fastest, but when he went missing Lolita stormed out to search like an irate mother with No Fear following close behind as her "protector."
None of them had returned.
Toriel was in tears and Asgore...Asgore had gone quiet after awhile.
Probably thinking that maybe he and his wife shouldn't be RAISING kids. They're worse than Smiley! How do you lose FIVE kids in a row?!
Thankfully, Papyrus's font once again came in handy as he told the couple that their children were simply in "Font school" and would return to them safely after their abilities were mastered.
Because three-year schools totally exist.
"Hey Riverman, where exactly is this place? Why didn't you tell anyone about it?"
"That's not the Riverman you idiot, that's the Ferryman; he's just wearing a similar cloak. His name is Charon and he ferries people to Hades when you get in his boat."
You're supposed to pay him though, or you wind up not being able to get on for a hundred years. We don't have any Greek money, so this will be a one way trip with no way back...unless you have climbing vines of course.
I bet the brats made the same mistake as Fish Breath.
Are they even still alive...?
"Looks like I might be carrying a lot today..."
"Don't worry Flowey, I'll help you! As the captain of the Royal Guard-"
"That barely exists."
"It is my sworn duty to watch over and protect everyone in the Underground; no matter how worthless or pathetic they are!"
"..."
"I will watch over you like a-"
"That's my speech, bitch."
"That's no way to treat your teammate! You may not realize it, but I've looked after you all for years, watching you whine and learn and whine and-"
"KNOCK IT OFF FISH STICK!"
CRAAASSSHHHHHHH!
The sound of the approaching waterfall stole the two's attention and Undyne squealed in excitement as she saw that she really WAS heading to Hades.
Oh my god, this is AWESOME!
This is the kinda stuff LEGENDARY heroes accomplish!
Flowey however, wasn't so pleased. To him it was just a long climb up that he was gonna dread as soon as he got down there...he was ALREADY dreading it actually.
This is so gonna suck.
"This is so SICK! Picture it Flowey! You and me, Team Scale Thorn, coming back from the depths of Hell with horrific creatures screaming and fire bursting behind us, carrying all the children and walking out of there like BOSSES!"
"I'M carrying the brats, remember?"
"I can carry a couple of them AND scale this wimpy mountain! I climb slippery mountains all the time in Waterfall! This is gonna be cake."
"Oh yeah, you suplex boulders for no reason don't you? You probably CAN carry a few skeletons-"
"I don't suplex boulders for no reason! I DO IT BECAUSE I CAN!"
"Too much hype, Fish Breath...too much hype."
Papyrus was right, she is EXACTLY like me. Kill or be killed is the same as acting before thinking. How did I not see this earlier?!
Whatever.
Kill or be killed was the OLD Flowey, now it's be smart or be killed! I'll be the brains and she'll be the brawn! Together, NOTHING will stop us!
TEAM SCALE THORN FTW!
"YEEEAAAHHHHHHH!" Flowey and Undyne threw their arms up in the air cheering as they headed down into the depths.